ENCOURAGE Community over Competitiveness
Building relationships on generosity trumps previous negative patterns and practices. If your business has been based on the old win-lose competitive paradigm, you can shift it by creating a system that activates and incentivizes cooperation and supports workplace community.
Although competitiveness can breed contempt, it is one of the most difficult attitudes in the workplace to release. However, when an organization models and recognizes generosity of spirit from the top down, it can create a work environment that thrives on cooperation and team spirit.
Competitiveness Profile
While many consider competitiveness to be fun and friendly, it can often lead to anger and toxic interactions. With competition, there are winners and losers. Creating an environment of cooperation over competitiveness builds a much stronger, more cohesive community within your business. Take a few minutes to learn more about how competitive you are (or are not). For each of the questions below, choose the number that most closely aligns with your current situation (1 being “not at all” and 10 being “a great deal”).
1. Do you get angry when you lose at a competition?
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2. Do you find competition to be stressful instead of fun?
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3. Do you compete with others even when you are not in a competitive situation?
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4. Do you get angry or impatient when competing?
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5. When the contest is in question, do you struggle to acquiesce and allow your opponent to win?
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6. Do you prefer competitive activities over leisurely ones?
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7. Are you considered a poor loser?
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8. Do others see you as a leader rather than a team player?
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9. Are you a gracious winner?
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10. Do you view your business ventures as competitive rather than cooperative?
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If you scored between 76 and 100, you may be too competitive for your own good. Evaluate how much your competitive nature is interfering with your life. You may wish to shift your focus toward building cooperative relationships rather than winning competitions. Doing so may decrease stress and create the intimacy in your life that you may be lacking.
If you scored between 51 and 75, although you are not completely in competition mode, you are quite competitive in nature. Reflect on what your competitiveness is taking away from your life experiences. Play with the possibility of allowing others to win. When losing triggers a negative reaction, have a compassionate dialogue with the part of yourself that is struggling.
If you scored between 26 and 50, you are somewhat competitive, although competitiveness does not rule your life. Continue to cultivate cooperation and connection in your relationships. As you do, you will find competition less important than it may currently be in your life.
If you scored between 10 and 25, congratulations! You have found balance between the cooperative and competitive aspects of your personality. While you may enjoy competition, it is not a driving force in your life. Continue in the direction you are going, knowing that you are on the right track.
Now that you have a better sense of your attitude toward competition, you can develop greater balance between your competitive and cooperative natures. Competition is not bad in itself, but overcompetitiveness can wreak havoc on your relationships both at work and at home.
Generosity of Spirit
When generosity of spirit is cultivated in the workplace as opposed to competitiveness, the staff develops more pride and self-r espect. Egos are quelled, and altruism kicks in.
I was recently sharing my career path with two dear friends and fellow Toastmasters, Larry New and Stella Lorens. They are both highly successful leaders and very well-regarded in their businesses. When I mentioned that my next step in the evolution of my company, Edu-Tainment Productions, would be sharing the wisdom of my two most recent books through keynote speaking, Larry said he had a friend with whom he was planning on pitching a keynote concept. He said that he would hook the two of us up and that he was sure the gentleman would be interested in hiring me to do a keynote within the next couple of months.
I was shocked. “What about you, Larry?” I said. “Wouldn’t I be competition for you?”
His response overwhelmed me: “If you get the gig, I’m not yet ready for it.”
Stella went on to list a variety of her industry connections to help promote my books. Both of them were selfless, generous, and thoughtful in their initiatives to assist me.
Had Larry been responding from the level of the ego, he would have seen me as competition and done everything he could to keep me from succeeding. He would not have shared this connection with me. But he responded from the heart and from a place of abundance. He had surrendered to the fact that if he did not get the speaking engagement, he wasn’t ready for it.
This was a powerful lesson in generosity of spirit that I deeply appreciated. Both Stella and Larry modeled cooperation over competition in an exemplary way.
Marianne Williamson’s Compassionate Cooperation
One author I really enjoyed producing for at Nightingale-Conant Corporation was Marianne Williamson. Above and beyond being a top-notch inspirational speaker, she is authentic, transparent, and brutally honest about her own issues. I continue to have the utmost respect for her.
In 2019 Marianne became a Democratic presidential candidate. While the competition was fierce, she did something unheard of. She invited Andrew Yang, one of her rivals, to be interviewed by her. During the interview, she praised him for his policies and platform and was incredibly generous and gracious. In the social media comments that followed the interview, many said they would vote for Andrew.
Marianne was willing to put her own agenda aside to support the competition. With all of the unrest, greed, and self-serving attacks in politics, it was rare and refreshing to see someone put aside competition in favor of cooperation.
I also learned that Marianne will speak for a minimal fee compared to her contemporaries. In addition, she has a policy of allowing all to attend her presentations regardless of whether they can pay. She is clearly committed to being accessible and prioritizes getting her message heard over profit.
In fact, during one Empowering Women seminar I attended in Los Angeles several years ago, Marianne discovered that a woman who was to share hotel costs with me decided not to attend, leaving me high and dry (she wanted me to use my connection with Marianne to acquire a singing position at the event, and I would not comply). Marianne found out about the situation and actually gave me a free room at the hotel. She has my utmost respect, not only as a wise and inspiring metaphysical teacher, but as an individual with high ethics and integrity. Her generous and inspiring spirit is deeply appreciated. She embodies the grace that comes from choosing cooperation over competitiveness and love over fear. It’s no accident that she titled one of the two programs we recorded Everyday Grace!
Innovative Implementation Ideas
• This is an enjoyable team-building exercise that I used to do with staff during training sessions. Lay out small tarps around the room and have groups of staff stand on each tarp. Then explain that the tarp they are on is a raft. They are in a lagoon, surrounded by crocodiles. As a team, they have to find a way to turn the raft around without touching the floor (so that the side touching the floor is right side up). Anyone who falls into the lagoon will be eaten by the crocodiles. The team that flips their raft first wins. This is a wonderful exercise in building team spirit, and it is also very eye-opening. On one occasion, I remember one staff member bullying the rest. They followed her horrible directives and failed miserably at the task. No one was willing to cross her, and they all suffered for it. On the other hand, I’ve seen staff work together and strategize in a cohesive and effective way. You can learn a great deal about your staff simply by having them do this exercise.
• Practice the “How may I serve?” principle. There is a very distinct chain of command in the world of business. First and foremost is the customer, then the staff, who serves the customers, and then the management, who serves the staff. In whatever role you play in the business, ask your coworkers, customers, or others, “How may I better serve you?” Note their response, and find steps you can take to better serve them. Then note how you feel about yourself after doing so.
• Create a “How may I better serve you?” tracking initiative in your workplace that encourages top-notch service among your team.
• Hold a workshop in active listening skills for your staff. Teach them how to be present when others speak. You can do the telephone game as an opener. (They form a circle, and someone says a basic sentence. It is whispered from person to person in the circle until complete.) Most often the final sentence does not in any way resemble the original one.
• In the Story Chain Gang game, each person in a circle goes in order through the alphabet from A to Z. They listen to the previous word spoken and add another word from the next letter of the alphabet. In this end they come up with a story, often a nonsensical one.
• Have staff get into groups of two. Then provide them with a volatile work scenario. Ask them to role-play, first from an ego-based fear response, and then again from the heart-based response. Have them share any “aha” moments or insights they receive in exploring the two different ways to respond.