| |
I wake alone.
It takes me more than a moment to realize what’s happening. To remember the horrific events that unfolded, to remember why exactly I’m here. In the hospital, the incessant beeping surrounding me, a noise that reminds me of the kind of turmoil I’m about to face. I might only be sixteen, but I knew the moment my eyes opened, and my brain cleared, what was going to face me.
Horror.
Pure horror.
As I recall the girl stepping out in front of me, the monitors start getting louder and louder. My heart races. Fear, unlike anything I’ve ever felt, curls its ugly hands around my heart and squeezes. I hit her with my car. The way it felt to slam into her, the sounds . . . I start panicking, doubling over, even though my body screams in pain.
A nurse rushes in, her hands on my arms, shaking me, telling me to calm down, to breathe. I can’t calm down. I can’t breathe. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was just trying to have fun. That was all—just fun. I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I never meant for any of this to happen.
I’m just a kid.
Please.
“Calm down and look at me, Callie. You’re okay. You’re in the hospital. Your mother is outside. You’re going to be okay.”
Her words take an eternity to penetrate, but when they do, I slowly calm my breathing. Maybe everything isn’t so bad. Maybe the girl is okay, and I thought it was worse than it is? Maybe Joanne, Sophie, and Jessika are okay? Maybe they’re not even hurt. I’m okay, so they must be too, right? Maybe the nurse is right. Maybe everything will be okay.
“Callie!”
My mom’s shrill voice fills the room and my vision slowly clears in time to see her running towards me. She throws her arms around me, her fake-smelling, knockoff perfume burning my nose. I let her hug me, but I really wish she’d just let me go. I don’t want her to hug me. I don’t want her near me. I know she doesn’t care; I’m not stupid.
She pulls back and looks down at me with those puffy red eyes, her mascara gently staining her cheeks. “I thought we’d lost you.”
I stare blankly at her, and then look over at the door for my dad.
He doesn’t come in.
He isn’t here.
Of course he isn’t here. He’s probably off somewhere with his new girlfriend and her perfect kids, the kind who don’t steal cars, and don’t hurt people. He left two months ago. Part of me still assumes he’ll come back. He hasn’t. No matter how hard I pray, he doesn’t come back.
“Is she okay, nurse?” my mother asks, her voice a pathetic whine.
“She’s going to be fine. A few cuts and bruises, and a little internal damage that we operated on, but otherwise, she’s going to recover well.”
“Oh, thank God. And the other girls?”
My head whips around in the direction of the nurse, desperate to hear her answer. She looks uncomfortable. “I’ll have to wait for the doctor, and, ah, the police. They’re all wishing to talk with you.”
No.
No.
That’s bad. That’s so bad.
The police mean something went really wrong. I mean, I know it went really wrong because I hit someone and had a car accident, but a stupid, immature part of me was kind of hoping that we’d all get through it and I’d only get a slap around the wrist for taking my mother’s car.
But I know, deep down, that isn’t the case.
“Oh,” my mother says.
Oh.
Yes.
Oh.
The nurse goes to fetch the doctor, and they return not too long after. A young, male doctor and a police officer.
Oh, God.
I want to die. A million times over.
The doctor introduces himself, but my ears are buzzing, and I don’t hear his name. I can’t breathe. My chest feels like it’s going to collapse. My vision is blurring—tears maybe? I don’t know.
“Calm down, Callie. You’re going to be okay. Take a few deep breaths,” he says.
I do as he asks, and I calm myself down. Once he’s checked me over, he tells me that the police officer, whose name I hear loud and clear—Jack—is going to talk with me, but he warns him not to upset me too much.
Jack nods, and walks over to me, extending his hand. “Hi Callie. I’m going to ask you a few questions, if that’s okay?”
I nod, terrified.
Terrified of what he might be about to tell me.
Terrified of what is going to happen from this point forward.
“Can you tell me what happened, in your words?”
I swallow, glancing at my mother, who is sobbing again. It almost seems like she cares. Almost. But I know she doesn’t. I know she doesn’t because she is never there for anything. Maybe if she was, I wouldn’t have stolen her car. Maybe if she was, I would be at home right now, texting with my friends instead of sitting in a hospital room, having no idea what’s about to happen.
“It was just meant to be a bit of fun,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. “We just wanted to go for a drive, have a few drinks. I wasn’t drinking; I’m not so careless. We were just going to the lake. We didn’t mean any harm.”
“I’ve told you,” my mother throws in, “I’ve told you what a bad influence those girls are on you, but you don’t listen. You’d never steal my car on your own. You’d never be so stupid.”
I cringe at her words, because they only make me feel a million times worse.
“Ma’am?” Jack asks, politely, but I can hear the edge in his voice. “If you wouldn’t mind waiting outside?”
“She’s my daughter, and she’s underage, so no, I won’t wait outside,” my mother snaps at him, crossing her arms, sniffling and giving him a look that just dares him to try and move her.
“Then, if you don’t mind, let her talk without interruption or I will throw you out.”
She purses her lips but says nothing more.
Jack looks back to me. “Carry on when you’re ready.”
“We were driving along, just having fun. Someone dropped a can of alcohol onto the floor of the car, and they were all reaching around trying to find it so it didn’t stain the carpet.”
My mother looks like she’s about to blow a gasket. Her face is that red at this revelation. That’s all she cares about. Her damned car. What about me? What about my friends? What about that poor girl?
“Did you reach for the can?” Jack asks me, it’s only now that I notice he has a recorder in his hand, so small it’s hardly noticeable.
“Yes, but I was watching the road. At least, I mostly was. I only looked away for a second and . . .”
The image comes crashing back into my mind, the vision of the girl meeting my eyes, her face so calm as she just stepped in front of that car. I grab my stomach as pain grips me, and I look to Jack, who is giving me a gentle expression.
“When you’re ready.”
“She stepped out in front of the car,” I croak, tears rolling down my cheeks. “She looked right at me, and just stepped out.”
“You’re saying she wasn’t already on the road?” Jack asks.
“No, she wasn’t. I know what I saw, and she most certainly stepped in front of me.”
Jack nods, but I can already see the doubt in his eyes. “What happened next?”
“It was all so fast after that. I hit her and . . . oh God, I hit her. I hit her. I crushed her. I felt the car slam into her body. The sound . . .”
I put my head in my hands and sob hysterically.
I hurt that girl.
I hurt her because I wasn’t watching.
If I was watching, it never would have happened.
“It’s okay, Callie. Please, breathe. You’re going to be okay.”
“Is she . . . is the girl okay, Jack?”
Jack looks to my mother, and then back to me, “I’m sorry, but she passed away on the scene.”
I don’t hear anything he says after that.
My screams are so loud they fill the room.
I just went from being a sixteen-year-old girl . . . to a murderer.
~*~*~*~
I CAN’T HEAR WHAT SHE’S saying.
My mother is talking frantically to me, something about lawyers, and money, and how bad this is going to look. She’s going on about the family, and how angry they’re going to be when they find out what I did.
What I did.
I killed that girl.
I killed her because I wasn’t watching where I was going.
I killed her because I wanted fun more than I wanted to stay at home and just be a normal kid.
I killed her.
Her family are going to hate me. They have every right to.
They’re going to want my blood, and why shouldn’t they? That girl was no older than me, and now she’s gone.
She’s gone forever.
There is no coming back from that.
Nothing can ever bring her home.
She’ll never taste ice cream again, or feel the sand beneath her toes, or smell the incredible smells that come from a burger shop, or fall in love, get her first kiss, get married and have babies.
That’s all because of me. Because of me and some stupid mistake.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do right now except sit here and wait. Just wait for the police to come in and take me away. Just wait for her family to call me a monster, and a murderer, and fight until I’m no longer allowed to walk freely. And they should, shouldn’t they? Do they not have that right? That love for their child?
Of course they do.
Police come in and out over the course of the next hour, and I find out what happened to all of my friends. Jessika got crushed in the car and had to have surgery to remove her leg. She’s stable, but I’ve ruined the rest of her life, too. She now has to go through the best years of her life missing a leg and feeling miserable, all because of me. Because of one stupid mistake.
Sophie is okay, but she’s messed up. She had a few injuries, including a broken collar bone, arm, and leg. She’s going to recover well, but she’s really traumatized by the whole thing. I get that. I really do. It was terrifying.
Joanne is okay. Somehow, she suffered the least amount of damage. She’s got a few cuts and bruises, but someone was watching over her because she’s going to be just fine. She’s my best friend, and I’m desperate to see her, mostly so I have someone to talk to, but I don’t even know if she wants to talk with me.
Why would she?
I just created hell for her.
The worst part of it is none of them saw anything.
They were all scouring the floor for the can, so not one person saw the girl step out in front of me. Nobody saw it. Which means I’m alone when I share this part of the story. As far as they’re concerned, I’m the only one claiming it, and I know what they’re thinking . . . I’m just saying that to get out of the charges.
But I’m not.
I’m not.
I’m telling the truth.
Her eyes, they were broken.
She was broken.
Nobody is going to believe me, though.
I’m alone.
Completely alone.
About to face the worst thing I could ever face in this world.