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I’m glad to be home.
I’m glad to have escaped that nightmare.
I’m glad that we have Chase and we all somehow made it back alive.
I’m not glad that we have a gang after us.
Or that I have to face Patrick.
Or that I don’t know what the hell to do with my life from this point.
I’m lost and confused. I don’t know where to go from here.
I made the choice when I was locked away in that basement to leave Patrick and start again, but in doing that, I’m going to create yet another war to add to the one we’re already fighting. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but I do know I can’t live a single second more in a relationship I’m not happy with.
Plus, there’s Tatum.
The man who saved my life, who has been there when I didn’t think I could go on, who makes my heart flutter in ways I’ve never felt. He’s the man I shouldn’t want, but I do. He’s the man I can’t have. He’s the man that makes me see my world in a different light. A light that doesn’t seem so damned dull.
I’m not ready to face the music, let alone dance along to the tune.
But I have to.
I have to lace those dancing shoes up and get out there.
“You good?” Tatum asks, as I stare around my apartment which I haven’t seen for a few weeks now.
“Yeah,” I whisper softly, flicking on a light.
“Want us to stay with you?”
I shake my head, not looking at him. “Callie won’t be far behind us; she’ll be here soon. I’m okay. You should get Chase home to rest, he’s had quite a time.”
“It’s only goin’ to get that much worse for him soon.”
I turn and look at Tatum, who is standing in my doorway with my bag in his hand. His other hand is bound with a bandage because he fractured a few of his fingers. It could be worse, though. He could have broken them like we thought. He drops my bag, his eyes on mine, and so much passes between us my breath hitches and I try so hard to stuff the feelings back that threaten to rise up and spill out. My heart calls to him, and yet my brain knows damn well that’s a bad idea.
“He’s got a lot to face,” I whisper, staring into Tatum’s eyes.
“Yeah, and it ain’t goin’ to be easy.”
“No, it’s not.”
For a moment, the air between us gets thick, and I find myself unable to rip my eyes from Tatum’s perfect face. The way his cheeks fill out and narrow down to that gorgeous mouth, or the way his eyes are framed with those thick lashes. He’s perfect in every way someone can be perfect. Even bruised and battered like he is, he’s perfect. I swallow and, noticing it, Tatum steps forward, so much passing between us.
His hand comes out and tucks a strand of stray hair behind my ear, making my heart go absolutely crazy. I can’t think. Even when he steps a little closer, his body pressing against mine. I won’t lie, I’ve thought of this moment a thousand times, I’ve even tried to justify why it would be okay to just let him kiss me, to pretend I’m not married and I don’t have Patrick in my life.
But I’m not heartless.
I’m not Patrick.
I can’t do that.
So when he leans toward me, his mouth so close to mine I can taste his masculine breath, I whisper, “Please don’t kiss me. If you kiss me, I won’t be able to turn back. I won’t be able to say no. I won’t be able to fight it any longer. I’ll forever blame myself for being the woman that cheated while she was married. I can’t be that woman, Tatum, even if every ounce of me is screaming to just let you do whatever you want. So please, don’t kiss me. I don’t have the strength to stop you anymore.”
His eyes hold mine, scanning my face, and then with a lot of hesitation, he steps back, cupping my jaw in his big hand and murmuring, “Leave him, Jo.”
Then he drops his hand and turns, walking out.
I press my back against the wall and exhale a shaky breath.
Can things get any more complicated?
I’m scared to even think that out loud.
Because, of course it can.
And it will.
~*~*~*~
“WHERE WERE YOU?” PATRICK demands, storming past me and slamming the front door.
He hasn’t even looked at me yet. He just waltzed in with his filthy attitude and bad words. As always, Patrick doesn’t think of anyone else but himself. When he finally stops and turns, he takes me in. His eyes scan over my body, and my face, and it’s easy to see that I’ve had a hard time, that I’ve been hurt, that I’m not okay.
“What happened to you?” he asks, not acting at all concerned. “Who have you been with?”
He thinks I look like this because I’ve been with someone? My god, of course he thinks something like that.
“I was helping Callie find someone involved in Celia’s death, and we ran into some trouble. I’m fine, in case you were wondering.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of trouble? You’re going to explain yourself, Joanne!”
“I’m tired, Patrick. You know, I haven’t seen you for a few weeks and you can’t even greet me with kindness, instead you greet me with anger and demands. You wonder why our marriage isn’t working? This is why.”
He laughs, shaking his head, having the audacity to look like my words have absolutely horrified him. Like the very idea that he has anything to do with our marriage breaking down is just insane. Of course he thinks that, Patrick doesn’t have involvement in anything, it’s always someone else. In work and in play.
“Our marriage isn’t working because you’re obsessed with Callie and you’ve been a terrible wife. That’s why it hasn’t been working. If you were at home with me, doing the things you should be doing instead of out there doing god knows what, we might be in a different position right now.”
I shake my head. I’m tired, and I don’t feel like arguing. I’m so sick of arguing. “Look, I’m not in the mood to go over the same argument. We both know that it’s going to be the same words shared, the same fight, the same excuses. We’re both to blame, but right now, I need to rest. I’d appreciate if you’d let me do that.”
“I will,” he murmurs, crossing his arms, “when you tell me who the fuck it was walking out of your apartment earlier.”
My eyes widen. “You were watching me?”
“I drove past to see if you were home yet, and I saw a man walking out. Who the fuck was that? Are you having an affair? If you’re caught having an affair, you’ll lose everything, Jo.”
Wow.
Of course he wants to play that angle. He wants me to admit I’m seeing someone else so it makes it easier for him and he doesn’t have to give anything up if we divorce. In fact, it’s the perfect out for him.
“I’m not having an affair,” I say, shaking my head. “Though, believe me, I’ve thought about plenty of other men outside of you.”
My words are scalding, but I’m angry and I’m sick of his shit. To put it mildly.
Patrick’s eyes widen. “So you’re admitting you’ve had thoughts of being with someone else and you want me to believe that man wasn’t here doing god knows what with you?”
“I don’t care what you believe. I didn’t and haven’t cheated on you.”
“Then who was he?”
“A friend, Patrick.”
“I don’t believe you!” he snaps, shaking his head angrily. “I don’t fucking believe you. A friend that looks like that? I doubt it. If I find out you’re cheating on me, I’ll make sure you get nothing.”
“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? I’m sure it would be the perfect plan.”
He shakes his head, grabbing his keys and walking toward the door, “I’ll find out what you’re doing, and when I do, I’ll make sure you’re adequately punished for it. You don’t want to mess with me, Joanne. I’ve about had enough.”
“You’ve had enough?” I laugh bitterly as he reaches the door. “I’m so fucking done I’m about ready to forget your name. It’s over, Patrick. You and I both know it’s time.”
He stops with his hand on the doorknob. He turns slowly, and says, “You’re ending it?”
“Yes.”
“And you expect me to actually believe you haven’t been seeing someone else? The moment I mention it, it’s over?”
“You’re just looking for something, but it’s not there. I’m ending something that should have been ended years ago and you know it.”
He narrows his eyes. “I’ll find proof of what you’ve been doing, Joanne. I’ll make you pay for this.”
“I didn’t cheat on you!” I snap, crossing my arms, my heart racing, my mind spinning.
He’s a clever man. If he makes it look like I’ve cheated, I’ll have far less of a chance of taking what I’m entitled to, and he knows it. He’s smart enough to pull it off, too. He just needs to make it seem like I’ve been having an affair. But I haven’t, so there shouldn’t be anything he can find.
Right?
Dammit.
I’m doubting myself, now. Going over every time I’ve been with or around Tatum. No, I haven’t done anything that could be used against me. Right?
“I’ll be speaking with you soon,” he mutters, opening the door and stepping out, slamming it behind him.
Great.
Just great.
That didn’t go to plan.
It never does, though, does it?
Fucking fate.