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I can’t look away.
I’ve tried. I’ve tried not to stare at him. To stare at her. But I can’t stop my eyes lingering on the both of them as they sit on the sofa, her squished right up against him. I can’t move my eyes away when his hand glides over her knee. My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I can’t fucking breathe.
The pain is out of this world.
It hurts so bad.
I can’t think. Can’t process. Nothing makes sense right now. It’s all ... too much.
“Are you going to tell us why you’re all here?” Jo asks, her voice as edgy as mine. She stands in the kitchen, avoiding Tatum’s stare in every way she possibly can. I don’t blame her. I want to run the hell out of this room and never look back.
I’d rather be anywhere, anywhere in this world but here. With Tanner, and his new girlfriend, who is so damned beautiful it makes my chest ache and my stomach twist. Of course he moved on, did I expect he wouldn’t? He deserves happiness, especially after what I did. I couldn’t expect him to sit back and long for me forever.
That was never going to happen.
I know this, so why does it feel like a knife being plunged into my heart every single time I look at him.
“We’re here because they’re here,” Tatum says, his voice clipped. He crosses his big arms over his chest, and looks over to me, his eyes meeting mine and making me turn away with how intense they are.
“They’re here?” I ask.
“You thought you got sent a finger in the fuckin’ mail?” Tanner mutters.
Ouch.
God dammit.
I don’t acknowledge him, instead I keep my eyes in Tatum’s direction. “I know someone put that finger here, I thought it was just one of his men he put on the job. I didn’t know it was him.”
“Well, it fuckin’ was him. He tracked you down, and we’re certain he has Chase here, too.”
“Why would he come here?” I question, confused.
“To throw us off. He thinks we sent you here to protect you, has no fuckin’ idea it was your choice to up and leave without an explanation. So he is coming to get you both, he’s goin’ to make us wish we were never born, remember? He’s goin’ to use everything he thinks we love to do that.”
Thinks we love.
Ouch.
Jo looks down at her hands, and I know those words hurt her, of course they do.
“So you came here to do what exactly?” I growl, frustrated with how they’re treating us.
I know what we did.
Believe me, I know, but I don’t need to be forever fucking reminded every time they open their mouths.
“To find him, and to end this. He’s goin’ to come after one of you, but mostly likely both of you. He’s got Chase. He’s plannin’ somethin’ and we’re here to stop it before it happens,” Tatum goes on, his voice still that same monotone.
“Okay,” I say, not wanting to ask any more questions, because the questions I do ask are met with hostility.
“He’s watching the both of you, no doubt. He’s got you scared, and he wants you to freak out. He’s goin’ to make a move soon, and we’re goin’ to be here when he does. We’ll split up and stay between the two of you.”
“I beg your pardon?” I say, my voice horrified.
“You think we’re goin’ to leave you here unprotected when that motherfucker is planning something? Doubtful,” Tatum says, his eyes daring me to challenge him.
“You’re not staying in my house,” I say, my voice almost frantic.
The idea of Tanner and his girlfriend staying in my house makes me sick to my stomach. The idea of her holding him in my spare room, of them making love.
Nope.
No.
Not happening.
“Oh, but we are,” Ethan says, his voice a low mutter.
“No,” I throw out there again. “No, you’re not.”
“Tatum and I are stayin’ with Jo, Tanner and Madeline are staying with you.”
Madeline, is that her name?
No.
Nope.
No way.
“No,” I say again. “No thanks.”
“It’s not up for negotiation,” Tanner says, and I avoid his gaze, not wanting to speak to him, let alone have him and his little ... lady staying in my house.
“It’s my house!” I yell, throwing my hands up. “You can’t force yourselves into my fucking house.”
Tanner stands, abruptly, and starts storming toward me. I’m so shocked, my mouth drops open and I can’t move. Even when he walks right up close and leans down, “You fuckin’ left. You left without reason or cause. You left us with this fuckin’ mess. Now you’re goin’ to help us clean it up. If you want a fight, I’m ready for a fight, but we’re not doin’ it here.”
I exhale, my breath shaky, my eyes locked on his, every single part of my body on high alert. Him being this close has it remembering just how good it felt to be with him, to have him inside me, to have him around.
I’m not over it.
I’m not over him.
“Now,” he goes on, just loud enough so that I can hear. “We’re goin’ to get our things out of the truck. You can show Madeline where the spare room is. Make sure we’ve got clean sheets. Yeah?”
“I hate you,” I whisper, tears burning underneath my eyelids. “I fucking hate you, Tanner Yates.”
“Feeling’s mutual.”
He straightens and turns, looking to Madeline. “Goin’ to get our shit out of the car babe, Callie here is goin’ to show you where we’re sleepin’.”
With that, he disappears out of the front door.
My knees wobble as I look over to Jo, who looks as helpless as I do right now.
We’re fucked.
Royally fucked.
~*~*~*~
“THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING,” I whisper to Jo, as we make up the spare room for Tanner and Madeline. The very thought of him lying in this bed with her making my stomach tight with jealousy. “Why are they doing this to us?”
“You know why, honey,” she says, her voice pained too. “They’re getting back at us. They could have stayed in my apartment and we could have stayed over here together, but they’re not going to allow that. They want to torment us, to come into our space and make our lives hell.”
“That seems to be what they do best,” I mutter.
“They’re hurting, you know.”
“Hurting?” I hiss. “They’re rubbing our faces in their new lives.”
“Because they’re hurt. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t even be here. They’re here because they care, even if they’re all furious with us right now.”
“Maybe so,” I say, tucking the sheet in, “ but there is no need to treat us like crap.”
“No, you’re right, there isn’t. Don’t take it, Callie. I’m not going to. We’ll clean this mess up and then we’ll be able to go on with our lives.”
I stop making the bed and look to my best friend, knowing that I can tell her anything, knowing that she’ll understand anything. “It hurts, Jo. Seeing him with her. I don’t know if I’ll just be able to get over all of this again. It took so long the first time, and now he’s here and ... god it hurts.”
She steps forward, curling her fingers around my shoulders and saying, “I know, believe me I know. But we’re tough. God, you and I, we’ve been through so much worse. We’ll get through this, too. Do you hear me? We’ll make sure that we walk out the other side without any bruises.”
I nod, swallowing the painful lump rising in my throat. The one that belongs to Tanner Yates and his new girlfriend.
“What if ...”
“Don’t, honey,” Jo says. “Don’t imagine them doing anything in here. Stay away from them. Get extra shifts at work. Do whatever you have to, but stay out of their way. He’s tormenting you, don’t let him. Hell, you get Jake over if you need.”
“Jake and I haven’t even had sex yet,” I mutter.
Jo squeezes my shoulders. “You’ll get through this.”
I hope so.
I lean back down and finish up making the bed, and then Jo and I walk back out just as the guys walk back in with their things. Tatum drops his bags hard onto the ground, and looks at Jo, “You goin’ to let us into your place?”
Jo gives him a look that could melt ice. “You come into my home, into my life, with that attitude and think I’m good with it, then you’ll be sadly mistaken. You want to stay with me, you pull your fucking head in, Tatum, or I’ll lock you the fuck outside.”
She walks past him, keys in her hands, and I want to cheer her all the way out the door. My grin can’t be contained as Tatum watches her go, his face registering shock and a little lust. He picks up his bags, Ethan doing the same, and they follow her out.
Now I’m alone. With them.
I take a deep breath, deciding to adopt Jo’s attitude and say, “Your room is made up. Stay out of my way, I’ll stay out of yours.”
I walk past Tanner and Madeline and into the kitchen where I begin washing up this morning’s dishes, avoiding the stare I can feel burning into my head. A moment later, Tanner picks up his bags and walks into the room, Madeline following him. She murmurs a thanks, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve heard her talk.
Poor girl. She is probably just as uncomfortable as I am.
Does she know about me? What exactly did he tell her about me? About us? About anything? I have no idea. All I know is that right now, they’re in my house and everything has been flipped upside down.
I woke up this morning not expecting my day to end like this, yet here we are.
I don’t know where to go from here.
I finish up with the cleaning and go into my room, having a shower. Should I offer them something to eat? Should I be nice? I don’t know. I decide I’ll order some pizza, and if they are hungry they can eat some. I head out to the kitchen to get the pamphlet and see Tanner standing at the sink, filling a glass of water. The front door is just closing.
“Madeline is going to get some food, we’re not goin’ to stay in your house and not provide some food.”
“Oh,” I say, nodding. “I was going to order pizza. I’ll not worry about it.”
I turn and start walking back to my room when he calls out my name, making me stop in my tracks.
“Gotta know something, and I want the truth. Why did you do it? Why did you leave everything without warning? Why didn’t you at least fuckin’ tell me you were goin’? Is it because of what I said that night? Because of what my mom said? I gotta know, because I’ve not been able to figure out a good reason for it all this time I’ve been thinkin’ about it.”
I turn to face him and meet his eyes. “I couldn’t breathe anymore, Tanner. I had forgotten what it felt like to be free. Your mom was right, in what she said, and honestly, at that point, I thought there simply wasn’t a future for us. I didn’t think we’d ever be able to get past the ugly.”
“So you took it upon yourself to leave, and didn’t at least give me the respect to say goodbye?”
“You would have tried to stop me, probably convinced me to stay, and we would have ended up hating each other.”
“You mean like we do now?”
I make a wheezing sound, because it feels like he’s punched me in the belly. My eyes burn and I nod, because it’s all I can do. He’s right, the hatred we feel right now is equal to what we would have possibly felt then, only then, it wasn’t certain. Now, it is. I know I made a mistake not telling him, but I made a choice and I had to stick to it.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice tight. “I honestly am.”
He shrugs, and walks down the hall saying, “I’m not. Thanks to you, I found a fuckin’ better woman.”
Those words ring over and over again in my ears and my heart feels like it splits in two. A small sob rips out of my throat and I turn, walking off to my room and closing the door, before pressing my back to it and sliding down, dropping my head in my hands and crying.
What have I done?
Oh, what have I done?