JUNE 10, EARLY AFTERNOON
It’s not every day you find out you’re being haunted by your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. I guess today was my lucky day. The girl in the darkness was Talla, a girl Rives might have loved. A girl Rives had buried. And not only was I seeing Talla, in my freaking head, I was hearing her. She knew my name.
She knew me.
No wonder Rives looked so shaken. He was as pale as the clouds outside my window, his body unnaturally still. His eyes had an emptiness I didn’t like at all.
“Maybe it’s memories,” I said stubbornly. “Maybe I’m pulling them from your head.”
“You don’t really think that, do you?” he said. Same emotionless tone, like he’d passed some critical line and was shutting down. But he gripped my hand so tight it hurt, as if he were afraid I’d vanish in midair.
“No,” I admitted. “But how can I hear her, Rives? I never met her. It makes no sense.”
“Nothing about Nil does,” Rives said, his face like stone. “Not then, not now. We need to talk to your dad.” He leaned his head back against the headrest, but he didn’t let go of my hand. “I love you, Skye. More than I ever knew it was possible to love someone. If I lost you—” He broke off, his jaw working as he swallowed, fighting to stay in control.
“You won’t.” I leaned over and kissed his temple.
He said nothing.
A weird, wired silence fell between us. Around us, business went on as usual. The flight attendants moved smoothly down the aisle, passing out cool beverages with warm smiles; a woman with her hair twisted up and speared by a pencil worked furiously on a laptop, totally intense; a balding man leisurely browsed the front page of a newspaper in a language I couldn’t read; a boy sat beside us, headphones on, rocking out to tunes I couldn’t hear. Nothing out of the ordinary, except the fact that Rives’s dead girlfriend was in my head.
It was as extraordinary—and as extraordinarily creepy—as Nil.
I tried not to picture Talla, but with Rives beside me, I had no choice. His mind was in overdrive, so naturally, mine was too. We usually only heard each other when the thoughts were specifically directed toward the other, or when the thoughts were rich with emotion. And now that I’d consciously let Rives back in, our mental connection had resurfaced full force. Now Rives’s thoughts flew through my head without break, flashes of another Nil. Another time, one painfully real and just, well, painful.
Talla, the girl trapped in my head, fully alive with Rives.
I’d never seen her so clearly.
Talla sprinting down the beach, her face in hard profile, her long blond hair swinging behind her; Talla strapping on a glider harness, her chin lifted and abs tight; Talla talking to Rives with sparkling eyes, an angry bruise on her face; Talla holding a spear in her hand, a dead rabbit in the other, her expression cool; Talla paddling out on a surfboard, her eyes bright, looking like there was no place she’d rather be; Talla closing her eyes in Rives’s arms in the darkness, her smile relaxed; Talla lifeless in Rives’s arms in the daylight, her eyes closed forever.
I couldn’t block her out, couldn’t stop the flow of memories; they rode cascading waves of Rives’s lingering pain and growing fury. Soon it was too much. Some things I didn’t want to know, memories that weren’t mine but hurt as if they were. And if it was too much for me, it was killing Rives.
“Rives.” I turned to him. “You’re torturing yourself.”
His jaw spasmed. “And Nil’s torturing you.”
“Not really.”
He laughed harshly. “How can you say that, Skye? Nil won’t let you sleep, and now you’re hearing the voice of someone I buried.”
“How?” I asked, my eyes searching his. “How is this even possible?”
He shook his head. With his free hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing shallowly; his other hand still held mine tight. “I hate it. I absolutely hate it, Skye. We made it. We left. So why is the island still messing with you? With us?”
“I don’t know.” My voice was soft. “But until we talk to my dad, talk to me. Tell me about Talla. Maybe if I know more about her, I’ll know what to do. What was she like?” Besides apparently a very fit blond badass.
He half smiled. “She was a very fit blond badass. She was the most competitive person I’ve ever met.” He paused. I knew he was turning his feelings into thoughts, shaping his thoughts into words. “She was a swimmer,” he said quietly. “She’d placed second in the US Nationals in the four-hundred-meter free not long before she landed on Nil. It killed her to be second. She wanted to win. To be the best, at everything she did. She dreamed of the Olympics.” He sighed. “But Nil stole that from her.” He looked out the window, visibly struggling to keep himself together. “Talla the girl? She wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy. But she was incredibly honest and loyal to a fault, like someone else I know.” He rubbed his thumb across my palm. “I don’t know if Jillian ever said anything, but there are certain things about you that remind me of Talla. At first it kind of scared me, to tell you the truth. But then I got to know you, and fell for everything that makes you Skye. Including the parts that reminded me of Talla.” He said this all matter-of-factly, but I felt the rawness of it.
“She was Jillian’s best friend on Nil.” A statement, not a question.
“She was. But Jillian also was close to Charley, and Macy. And later, you. But we buried Talla, Skye. And we said good-bye.” He turned to me in disbelief. “I can’t wrap my head around this. Or maybe I just don’t want to.” His last words were quiet.
“Me either. But we’re going to have to.”
Rives nodded, but said nothing.
There was nothing else to say.
* * *
An hour after we landed, my dad couldn’t wrap his head around the situation either. And the expression on his face told me he liked Talla’s voice in my head even less than Rives did. Rives had gone for a run, giving us some space, probably trying to find some space in his own head. I wouldn’t mind going for a run myself. I wouldn’t mind running until I was too tired to dream, think, or be haunted.
It was wishful thinking.
Dad still looked shell-shocked. He hadn’t moved from his makeshift desk in his temporary office in Mom’s guest room. I maneuvered around a towering stack of books on the floor to stand directly in front of my dad.
I waved my hand in front of his face. I needed him thinking clearly, and back on track.
“For the love of Nil, focus, Dad. Did Uncle Scott have dreams about darkness when he got back? Or dreams about any person in particular?”
My dad didn’t answer immediately, but at least he looked coherent. “He did have dreams when he got back from Nil,” he said finally. “Nightmares, too. I remember him waking up. Sweating, sometimes talking. We shared a room, so I witnessed that myself. From what I recall, he mostly dreamed of Jenny. He called for her in his sleep, doodled her name on paper. You know that from the journal. He thought of her constantly; he told me that point-blank. And I know he went to find her.” Regret flashed across my dad’s face. “He had other dreams too, Nil-related I’m sure, but he never mentioned dreams of darkness. However,” he added quickly, smiling supportively, “that doesn’t mean he didn’t have them.”
“What about dead people?” I asked bluntly. “Did he dream of them? Of people buried on Nil? Or one person specifically?” My voice rose with each word, bordering on hysterical. I teetered on the edge; I could go either way because I never slept. “Because I’m not dreaming of just anyone, Dad. I’m dreaming of one person. The person Rives cared for most on the island, the person whose death affected him most. I hear her, Dad. Every night. She talks to me. Begs me. Pleads with me. I don’t know what she wants, but she won’t leave me alone.” Tears pricked my eyes.
“Oh, honey, come here.” My dad wrapped me in a hug, the sort that made me feel like everything would be okay even though every brain cell in my head screamed otherwise. He held me long enough for me to get myself under control. Then he dropped his arms, and gently rested them on my shoulders.
“Skye, you’re the toughest person I know. My girl who has stars in her eyes, but feet firmly on the ground. You’re going to get through this, get past it. I know you will. And you have Rives. He’s part of it too.”
“But what do we do? What do I do?” I searched his face for a clue.
“I think,” he spoke slowly, “you’re going to have to listen to her. The girl. But I don’t believe it’s really who you think it is. It’s not Talla you’re hearing. I fear that Talla is merely a voice. A face. A conduit. I’m afraid you’re actually hearing Nil.”
The truth of his words hit me like a cold slap. Nil. I was hearing Nil. Nil was in my head, Nil was talking to me.
Of course it was Nil.
I’d just refused to see it.
“How?” I whispered, frightened on a whole new level. “How can I hear Nil? How can this be happening?”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t know. But I don’t think the how is as important as the why. There is one thing I do know.” He smiled. “You’re strong enough now, just as you were then. Trust yourself. Trust in your strength, in your own sense of self and right and wrong. It’s what helped you survive Nil last time. You can do it again.”
I gasped, stumbling backward, falling into a totally surreal what-is-happening moment. “What are you saying, Dad? What do you mean, I can do it again? Are you saying I have to go back to Nil?”
“Over my dead body.” Rives stepped through the doorway, eyes flashing, looking every inch the furious and ruthless Leader I’d first run into on a Nil beach. “There is no way in hell I’m letting Skye go back to Nil.”