93 DAYS UNTIL THE AUTUMNAL EQUINOX, BEFORE DAWN
The ocean rumbled in the distance—the real thing, not my store-bought sleep machine. I’d woken more rested than I’d felt in weeks. For the first night in months, I’d gone eight hours without waking, my sleep dreamless and deep.
Nothing about Nil made sense.
Search.
The events of yesterday replayed in swift succession. Not unlike my first day here last December, yesterday was a strange déjà vu, only yesterday was a replay of my own experiences, not my uncle’s. At times I’d felt like I’d never left.
Until we got to the City. Full of new faces, suddenly it seemed as though I’d been gone for longer than three months. Clustered around the firepit, Molly, Davey, Hafthor, Calvin, Kenji, and Amara had listened as we introduced ourselves and shared our history. Calvin had fidgeted while Hafthor sat with unnerving stillness; Davey’s eyes had been calculating, Molly’s more introspective. Kenji seemed remarkably calm. Amara sat alone.
Rives in his strong, quiet way had been the moderator, fielding questions, offering honest answers and reassuring everyone in the process. Zane had turned in early after nearly falling asleep sitting up. One by one, people had peeled away from the fire and the conversation, to sleep or to murmur among themselves. Out of all the newcomers, I’d spent the most time with Molly, perhaps because she had the most questions. One careful query at a time, Molly had asked about my uncle’s journal and my time here. She’d been fascinated by the Search system, the sheer volume of people who had come and gone, and the mysterious nature of the island itself.
“Boggling,” she’d said, twisting the blue streak in her hair. “It seems like this place is all about searching, isn’t it? For other people, for food. For the ugly beasties to watch out for. For a safe place to step or sleep or leave your bathers to dry, or for something you can’t see. Something inside yourself to ensure your survival, for something you never needed before, maybe something you didn’t even know you possessed. And now we’re to search for a way to end the mayhem, too?” Her eyes had been keen. “I’m all for a challenge,” she’d said slowly. “But I do wish we knew what to look for.”
Me too, I’d thought. Me too.
I ached for something concrete, for something to guide me. Last time, the equinox gate had been my clue, my starting point, and I’d had my uncle’s journal as a handbook. This time, I had nothing, just a burning desire to end this place once and for all.
Search.
The word echoed in the breeze; it thrummed in my blood. I gently moved Rives’s hand from my hip to the bed, careful not to wake him, but I didn’t dawdle.
If there was one thing I’d learned over the past few months, it was that Nil didn’t like to be ignored.
I walked outside, breathing deeply. Cool air filled my lungs, crisp and clean. The firepit was cold, no torches in sight, lit or otherwise. I remembered that we’d used all the torches we had on our last day here, the last time we were here.
The ripples continue, I thought. We were living the Nil we thought we left behind, a Nil not built for the future.
To the north and east, greenish predawn light filtered through the leaves, casting shadows for the rising sun to burn away. One shadow moved.
Then it moved again.
Cloaked in the night’s lingering gloom, a girl crept from the Shack and slipped into the dark sliver between two trees. She turned north, her thick hair swinging around her shoulders, then glanced back furtively and our eyes caught.
Lana.
She spun back around and strode away, her quick steps just shy of a run.
Does she really think she can lose me? I thought incredulously as I matched her pace. I’d spent three months on this island; so far she’d spent one day. She may be an islander but when it came to Nil, so was I.
Search, I thought.
Now I searched for one girl, one who might know something about this place I didn’t. Something she knew based on her past.
Lana lengthened the space between us and I let her, because a few minutes into our stroll, I knew precisely where she was headed. Sure enough, the trees thinned, then stopped altogether. A gorgeous, clear pool of water filled the space, set into an alcove of rock as dark as slate. A black rock cliff speckled with emerald green rose into the sky, a perfect backdrop for the water falling down its side with a familiar roar.
At the Cove’s edge, Lana spun around and shot me a haughty glare.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked.
“Going for a morning walk,” I said innocently. “What about you?”
“You’re following me.” Her eyes narrowed.
I sighed, already tired of the drama. “So what if I am. Does it matter?”
“Of course it does!” she snapped. “I. Just. Want. Privacy.” Lana bit off the words.
“Funny that you slept in the City, then,” I said sweetly.
“My cave was taken.”
“Your cave?” I raised my eyebrows.
She waved her hand dismissively, like she’d already given away more than she wanted. “Why are you following me?” She held up her hands, showing open palms. “I didn’t take anything from you, I swear on my life.”
“I didn’t think you did.”
Lana crossed her arms, cocking her head at me. A long moment passed as Lana and I regarded each other without moving. The roar of the Cove’s waterfall seemed louder in the lull.
“So.” She drawled out the word, infusing that one syllable with as much disdain as she possibly could. I’m busy, it said. I have more important things to do than stand here wasting time with you. “What do you want?”
Lana’s tone mimicked Maaka’s detached annoyance perfectly, and it dispatched my last shard of patience. If anyone was wasting time, it was Lana. I wasn’t here to replay the Maaka-Rives dynamic; it wasn’t a cycle to be repeated. This entire Nil cycle wasn’t to be repeated; that was why I was here. The equinox clock was ticking and I had a mission, one that went far beyond the two of us.
It took all my will not to snap.
“Lana, you know what I want.” I forced myself to speak calmly. “I want this to stop, for your outdated island tradition to end. I want all the people here right now to get back home safely to the ones they love, and I want teens in both worlds to live without fear of Nil. I want to end this madness. The island must be stopped, Lana. Forever. That is what I want.”
She stared at me, dark eyes calculating. “Bold,” she finally said. “And rather egotistical, don’t you think? Who gives you the right to decide that this place must end?”
“The island,” I said unequivocally. “I told you once; I’ll tell you again. I feel its exhaustion, its desperation. And it called me back. I don’t understand what this place is, but I know it’s more than just rocks and dirt. So much more. It’s alive, Lana. Sentient. Knowing. It’s something—otherworldly, possibly beyond my limited human grasp. But I do know this: the island is tired, Lana. And it wants our help.”
She stared at me, lips pursed.
No response.
“You asked me what I wanted, and I told you.” My tone stayed level. “Now I’ll tell you what I want from you. I want you to choose to help us. I want you to think of anything you know that the island fears or wants, or that your history tells you is an island weakness or strength. I want you to think of any special rituals or places or times of day that have meaning or any other super secret island scoop that we don’t know about. That we wouldn’t know about. I want you to comb your mind and your past, and then I want you to share anything that might be important with me. I know your tradition tells you not to speak with us, with haoles, but I promise that’s not so much a tradition as a prejudice.” My eyes never left hers, but my tone softened. “I’m sorry that Americans dropped the bombs and altered your tradition; believe me, I wish that never happened. Desperately, I do. But it did, and now the wild gates are here to stay, along with the predators and unprepared teens they bring. You don’t have to join the City, but know that you can. You also don’t have to make friends, but know that you don’t have to be alone, either. And of course you don’t have to help us, but I really, really want you to. Because when that equinox gate opens in three months’ time, we need all the help we can get, to make sure it never opens again.”
There.
All my cards were on the table, and my hand was pretty darn good. Still, Lana wore her poker face well.
“You know what I want from you?” Lana quirked one brow.
“What?”
“Your name.”
I was taken aback. Had I never introduced myself? Not on the platform? Not today?
“Skye,” I said slowly. “My name is Skye.”
Lana nodded. “Well, Skye, I’d say it’s been nice to meet you, but…” She shrugged, her eyes turning cold. “It hasn’t. I don’t know you, or your friends, but all of you—and you especially—seem incredibly determined to tell me what to do, in the one place where, ironically, I’m supposed to choose for myself. You’ve spent time here already, more than me, obviously, and it seems you’ve figured out your path. Well, great for you. But your path doesn’t have to be mine. Your quest doesn’t have to be mine. I just got here, and you’re already telling me when to leave, and what to do.” She paused. “What I want is for you to leave. Me. Alone.”
“If that’s what you want, I will.” I spoke quietly. “But I can’t guarantee that the island will do the same.”
“I’ll find out, then, won’t I?” she asked.
“I worry that you will.” I feared that Lana might not like the island’s attention. I glanced at the Cove, desperately wishing Lana would give up something before it was too late. “Maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for in the Looking Glass Cavern,” I said, trying to be amicable. “Brace yourself, Lana, the water’s icy.” I pointed at the Cove.
She stared at me. “Point taken.” Then she laughed, more dry than amused. “You act as if you know everything. About this place, about what is right. No wonder you can’t find what you’re looking for.”
I stepped forward, a rush of anger heating my face. “I never claimed to know everything, Lana. Don’t you see? I just told you I don’t know enough, it’s why I’m asking you for help!”
She shook her head. “You keep letting yourself think that, Skye. I hope the island gifts me with the Sight.” Her look was scathing. “For I truly would love to know what the island has in store for you.”
Without another word, Lana turned and walked into the pool. If the icy water stung, she didn’t show it; she walked until the water touched her waist, and then without a backward glance, she dove.
This time I didn’t follow.
I turned around and ran smack into Rives’s chest. “Stalker,” I said, looking up in surprise.
“Coincidence,” he replied, his eyes twinkling.
Despite myself, I smiled.
“So things went well with Lana?” He crooked a knowing smile.
“Oh, I got tons of information. She’s as forthcoming as Maaka.”
“I figured.” His gaze drifted to the Cove behind me. “Not planning to follow her to the cavern?”
“What’s the point? She still believes the old island dogma, that this place is one of enlightenment rather than danger. It was like talking to a wall.”
“Sounds like you rammed up against it.”
He raised one eyebrow, his message clear: You pushed, maybe too hard. And he was right. I’d been as confrontational with her as I’d been with Paulo once, with the same terrible results. But this time, I had no regrets. Paulo hadn’t been prepared for Nil; Lana had. She had secrets, I knew it. My worry was that maybe Lana didn’t know the answers we needed, maybe even that she didn’t know she had the answers.
Maybe she doesn’t, whispered the falls.
Doesn’t what? I wondered. Know that she knows or know at all?
“I don’t know if you’re talking to yourself right now or someone else,” Rives said, his eyebrow arching higher. “If it’s the latter, I’m not sure I want to know.”
I opened my mouth to retort when, from far away, far inside, a scream split the air, human and terrified, muffled behind the falls.
Lana.
I grabbed Rives’s hand. Together we dashed into the Cove, water splashing around our feet as we headed toward the waterfall. We jogged until we couldn’t, then we swam hard and fast, the cold water feeding my own personal adrenaline rush as Lana’s terrified scream echoed in my ears.
Together we burst into the vast air pocket behind the falls, side by side, our lungs burning, coming face-to-face with a lanky boy crouched on the damp rock ledge. The moment we surfaced he stumbled back in surprise. He held a sharpened four-prong spear in his right hand that he bobbled as he fell.
“You scared me, mon.” The boy grabbed his heart, his eyes flicking to Rives and then me. Breaking into an easy grin, the boy laughed to himself. “About like I scared that girl, back in the cave.” He jerked his head toward the passageway entrance. “Mon, I tell you, it is dark in that cave. Like night in the day.” The boy’s accent dripped off each word. Bahamian, if I wasn’t mistaken.
Still smiling, the boy popped back to his feet, a lithe move worthy of a gymnast. “I’m Dominic. And you?”
“I’m Skye.” I smiled.
“Rives.” Beside me, Rives offered his hand.
Dominic pumped Rives’s outstretched hand, then pointed to the cave with his spear. “You going in?” he asked, moving aside on the ledge.
“The girl you saw,” I said, my tone urgent. “Is she okay?”
“Other than having a small heart attack?” Dominic’s grin widened, then he waved his hand. “She’ll be fine. We scared each other all the way to our roots, I tell you. And now? I see you, coming from the water like a living ghost. I see no one for days, and then? I see three people in three minutes.” He shook his head incredulously.
Rives grinned. “Where are you from, Dominic?”
“Abaco, born and raised.” He smiled again. “And you?”
“France. And Hawaii.”
My teeth chattered, drawing Rives’s attention. The water beneath the falls was so cold.
“Your lips are literally turning blue.” He frowned. “We either need to check on Lana ASAP or go back. Your choice.”
“I want to check on her,” I said, climbing out of the water. Standing, I bounced on my toes, trying to get my blood pumping again. “Not to bother her, but just make sure she’s okay.”
Rives followed me out of the water.
“You can stay with Dominic and clue him in on Nil.” I was already at the passageway entrance. “I’ll only be a minute.”
“You sure you don’t want company?” Rives glanced at the cave opening.
I knew he wanted me to say yes, but I felt the need to do this alone. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do exactly, but I felt drawn to Lana.
I wondered if this was how Rives had felt with Maaka.
“I’m good, Rives.” I smiled to take the sting out of my words. “I’ll be quick. I’ll shout if I need you, but I really just need to make sure she’s okay.”
“Follow the arrows,” he called to my back.
Darkness swallowed me in one giant gulp. I shivered, telling myself it was just because I was cold. I hugged the left side, where arrows pointed my way. I’d been here before, many times, but the chill of the passageway seemed to have worsened—like the darkness itself.
I passed the junction where the skeleton rested without a glance.
At the end of the passageway, I paused. Now I let the shadows cloak me, hoping to remain invisible. Sinking back into the darkness as much as I could, I leaned my head forward, looking for Lana.
She stood in the Looking Glass Cavern, her profile to me. She faced the pool, hands clenched into mad fists, shoulders shaking as tears full of anger and misery and lost expectations rolled down her cheeks; I knew this to be true because I could feel them. Not the tears, but the emotions: they coursed through the cavern like a roiling cloud—and then she turned toward me.
Anger and pain and hurt hit me like a physical wave, as fiery as the invisible heat of a gate, only with this wave, I didn’t burn; I felt. I felt how much Lana hurt. I ducked back quickly, praying that she didn’t see me. I knew she wouldn’t want me to see her, not like that.
I already knew she didn’t want anything from me at all—except to leave her be.
I should go back, I thought. To Rives and Dominic. But it felt wrong to leave Lana alone when she was so obviously upset. She was stuck here as much as I was, but unlike me, she had no support system at all.
She doesn’t want you, I thought with a pang of regret. Your pity or your help.
I felt the truth of that in my bones.
I would honor Lana’s wishes and let her be. Somehow I knew I’d see her again.
Turning back, I left her alone.
The darkness was only too happy to have me. The fatigue that constantly swirled around me pressed in, reveling in the dark, but the exhaustion was different now. Richer, filled with emotion. The same emotion that was in the cavern, I thought with a start.
Had I felt Lana’s emotion, or the island’s? Is there a connection?
Understanding brushed my mind, a thread to follow. As I reached further, I felt the line in my head, the stark barrier between Nil and me, the one I’d so carefully reinforced during my battles with the darkness before I’d ever set foot on Nil.
But I wondered. If I looked beyond the darkness now, when I was conscious and in a place so clearly connected to Nil, would I see Talla? Or would I see someone else? Something else?
Would I actually see Nil?
I’d barely had the thought when the darkness surged; it took all my will to stop it from pouring over the line. My back pressed against the rock as I held the line.
No.
My thought was fierce as I flew into mental motion, erecting more barriers, thickening the line dividing me from Nil. Walls rose higher in my head, built out of my sanity, as clear as glass but as hard as diamonds. I would not relinquish anything to Nil.
Nor would Nil give in to me. The blackness stayed black.
Darkness swirled outside my crystal walls, snarling and hungry; it pressed against the barrier like billowing black smoke, searching for a way in even as pinpricks of light punctuated the dark.
My barrier held. I could hold Nil at bay forever; I knew that now. I felt my own strength. A mental force, a show of will, on both sides of the glass.
The problem was, keeping Nil at bay took everything I had, and there was no energy left for walking. So I did the only thing I could.
I called for Rives.