After last week’s rain, water dances over the rocks in the creek. Prima skitters when an echidna burrows into the softened earth at the base of a sandstone boulder. Further upstream, the creek leads to the river, which flows to the wetlands. The kangaroos and birds. The reeds, red gums and coolabah trees. The frogs and fish. Weeks ago, Jacqueline said she hoped I’d find peace at the farmhouse.
‘I should be happy.’
When Prima’s ears twitch, I lean forward and run my fingers through her mane. She trots as we climb the incline to the paddock, but slows to a walk as we reach level ground and the farmhouse comes into view.
Morning sun bounces off the corrugated roof. The rain has washed the dust away; the leaves of the lemon and orange trees sparkle in the light. There’s more water in the dams than there was. Soon enough, the grasses will shoot and the stock will have feed in the paddocks. Jet and Finn will be home for Christmas and we’ll spend the day with the Hargreaves.
I miss him.
New water tanks sit proudly near the vegetable patch. The sinks are plumbed and soon there’ll be an inside toilet and shower. First thing on Monday morning, the electrician will finish the basic rewiring. I glance at the roof. The rooster still lies on his back. Short term, I need to have the roof patched and the gutters and floorboards repaired. There are gaps beneath the skirting boards and the windows don’t seal. Long term …
I want more.
By the time I arrive at the pub the following Friday evening, Gus is already there, sitting at the table by the window and peering at his notebook. Leon lifts a hand.
‘Hello, Sapphie. Your drink is on Gus. I’ll bring it over.’
I sit heavily in the chair opposite Gus. ‘Sorry I’m late. I can’t believe how many kids turned up to climbing tonight. And we’re fully booked for the equine activities tomorrow morning, so I had a pile of paperwork to finish. But now all I have to do is get Sonnet and Strider to the youth centre by eight. Peter Honey will pick up Freckle and Lollopy in his float.’
Gus harrumphs. ‘You’re meant to be winding down for the holidays, not picking up the pace.’
‘I like to be busy.’
‘My Maggie would say you’re too busy. And the committee’s giving you more work than ever. Raising funds for this and lobbying for that.’
‘It’s the others who do most of the work.’
‘You’re the one who brings it all together.’ He sips his beer and wipes foam from his mouth. ‘Haven’t seen Matts in quite a while. Is he back from the continent yet? What’s he been up to?’
‘I think he’s in Canberra again.’
‘It’s about time he came back to Horseshoe, to see what it’s like in the summer.’
‘I’d like to see him too.’
‘Well, then?’
I seem to have a permanent lump in my throat. ‘What do you think of him, Gus?’
He scratches his head. ‘Reckon he knows more about rivers than the rest of us put together. He’s a bit stiff, but he’s always courteous and respectful. I like him. Maggie would’ve liked him too. Reckon he’s an honest bloke. A good steady bloke.’
A group of grey nomads gather on the footpath in hats and sturdy shoes. There’s a couple holding hands. When the man tips back the brim of the woman’s hat and kisses her soundly on the mouth, she laughs.
‘Does he fit in here, do you think?’
‘Reckon he could fit in anywhere, a man like that. Why do you ask?’
You never lost me, Sapphie. You never could.
Peter Honey walks into the bar with Molly, his pretty eldest daughter, and gazes right and left as if on the look out for trouble. Leon catches my eye and lifts a glass, asking if I’d like another drink. I shake my head and turn back to Gus.
‘I thought, once I had the farmhouse, I’d be happy. But something’s missing.’
Gus nods wisely. ‘It’ll be like having a baby, I reckon.’
‘What?’
‘For the nine months she carried him, Maggie hankered to see our first child. But once he arrived’—he winks—‘there were things she hadn’t taken into account.’ He links his hands on the table. ‘You’ve put a lot of time into that place already, Sapphie, but there’s plenty more work to do yet.’
‘What I meant was … someone is missing.’
Gus nods slowly. ‘Ah. Now I see.’
‘What do you see?’
He sits back in his chair. ‘No bloody idea.’
There’s an ice cube in the bottom of my glass and I poke it with the straw. ‘Matts says I take too many risks.’ I push the glass away, put my hands on the table and stand. ‘But I don’t see a way out of this one.’
From: Sapphie
To: Chambers, Cassie, Luke, Gus, Matts
Clause 6.8 of the committee’s code of conduct states: ‘To guard against potential conflicts of interest, relationships (both professional and personal) between members of this committee must be disclosed to other committee members.’
When I was seven years old and Matts had just turned ten, our mothers became best friends. For eight years, first in Buenos Aires and later in Canberra, Matts and I saw each other almost every day.
I loved him.
We had a terrible argument when I was fifteen. By the time I’d turned nineteen, Matts had accepted that I’d turned my back on our friendship. Earlier this year, he found me at the farmhouse and over the past five months …
I’ve fallen in love with him.
Good corporate governance dictates that I put this disclosure on the record. So that it may be minuted appropriately, please acknowledge receipt.
Gus: Maggie would approve.
Cassie: You deserve the best.
Chambers: Receipt acknowledged.
Luke: Ha!
Matts: Noted