Flawbulous

“Our marriage has been held together with prayer,
Band-Aids, and borrowed time for a while now.”

–Sullivan Webb

Sullivan made the drive to her mother’s house against her better judgment. Vera could rarely be counted on for sound advice even if Sullivan managed to catch her while sober. Nevertheless, desperate times called for desperate measures. If Sullivan showed up on Vera’s doorstep, it had to mean she was desperate.

“How many times do I have to ask you not to smoke around my child?” asked Sullivan when Vera answered the door with a lit cigarette in her hand.

“You can ask as many times as you want, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen. Your rules apply to your house, not mine.” She let Sullivan and Charity inside.

“I know that you love your granddaughter. Can you not smoke for her sake please?”

Vera grunted and crushed the cigarette in an ashtray.

Sullivan joined her on the sofa. “I take it Cliff’s not home.”

“You just missed him.”

“When? Three years ago? The only proof that I have that he even still lives here with you is that I can still smell the stench of his cigars.”

“How about the stench of the new car he just bought me, the one sitting out on the driveway? Is that proof enough for you?”

Sullivan shook her head in pity. “Anyway, Cliff and his mysterious whereabouts are the least of my concerns right now.”

“Oh, my grandbaby is getting so big!” Vera gathered Charity up into her arms. “How’s that husband of yours?”

“It’s funny you brought him up. Charles is exactly who I wanted to talk to you about.” Sullivan paused, giving another moment of thought to her question. “Do you think I could make it on my own? You know, be a single mother and raise Charity myself?”

“Why? Is Charles sick or something?”

“Sick of me, maybe.”

“Girl, what are you talking about?” She momentarily stopped smothering Charity with kisses. “You messin’ around on him again?”

“Vera, give me some credit.”

“I don’t believe in credit. I believe in showing me who you are and taking you at your word! You’ve already shown me who you are. Heck, with that Internet video, you showed the whole world.”

“Well, I’m not having an affair, if that’s what you’re worried about. This is far worse.”

“I think Charles has given up on me,” Sullivan confessed aloud for the first time. “I think we’ve both given up. Losing Christian did something—broke something—in our relationship. Our marriage has been held together with prayer, Band-Aids, and borrowed time for a while now. It may be time to face the truth about our situation.”

Vera shook her head. “You thinkin’ about leaving Charles? You’re a bigger fool than I thought you were!”

“I know you’re saying that because he’s rich, but contrary to your warped beliefs, money ain’t everything.”

“If that was the case, I’d tell you to divorce him, take half, and rack up more in child support and alimony.” Vera put Charity down. “Sullivan, it ain’t too many men I have more than an ounce of faith in, especially not so-called preachers. Just look at your triflin’ daddy. But Charles is different. Charles is the real thing. He’s a good man.”

“Charles is a good man, but no man’s irreplaceable. You taught me well, remember? I could have a new and improved Charles in no time.”

“Humph! That’s what you think!” Vera laughed a little. “You’re always asking me why I keep Cliff around. Yes, he’s a lyin’, good-for-nothing piece of . . . I won’t say it, because the baby’s right here. But out of all the no-good pieces, he’s about the best one I could find, so I’m holding on to him.”

“You could do so much better than Cliff! Anybody is better than Cliff. In fact, having nobody would be better than living with Cliff!”

“It ain’t that simple. I’m old now. I can’t pull ’em like I used to. Times are hard for an old ho like myself! And you gettin’ old too! You’re going on thirty-five, and thirty-five is a world away from twenty-five. If you know like I know, you better keep your behind at home!”

“But I’m not happy. Neither is Charles.”

“Happy? You act like being happy is like being black! You can’t choose the color of your skin, but you can choose whether or not to be happy. Shoot, if I was waiting on Cliff to make me happy, I’d be waiting forever! Girl, you better make yourself happy! Give me that big ole house you’re living in and that BMW you’re driving and a man like Charles, and I bet you I can be happy!”

“See? There you go, making it about materialistic things again. What good is the house and the car if the man I’m married to doesn’t understand me?”

“You worry about the wrong things, Sullivan. You always have. One thing I know about Charles is that he could’ve slammed the door on me a long time ago, and I wouldn’t have blamed him if he had. I’m sure you done bad-mouthed me so bad that he’s looking to see if I leave hoof prints behind when I walk by. But he’s never shown me anything except kindness, even after I showed out at your Christmas party and announced to the world that good ol’ Pastor Sammy Sullivan was your daddy. You don’t find that kind of man every day, and that ain’t got nothing to do with money. It’s just the goodness in him.”

“I’m not denying that he’s a good man. I just don’t know if he’s the right man for me. What if being married to me is keeping him from the woman God really wants him to be with? What if he’s keeping me from the man I’m destined to be with?”

“If you have a man who knows everything you’ve done—all your crimes, all your shortcomings, all your whorish ways—and he still wants to be with you, then that’s the right man for you. It’s hard to find somebody who accepts you the way you are.” Vera thought for a moment. “I’d like to think that’s how this Jesus is y’all keep yappin’ about, and Charles is the closest thing you’re going to find to Him on this side of heaven. You best hold on to him. Believe me—there are plenty of women who are a whole lot less trouble than you are who’ll have no problem sweeping up your leftovers.”

Sullivan yanked her hair in frustration. “I just don’t think I can get over what he did to our son. I wanted that baby more than anything, and Charles took him from me, literally had him ripped from my body. When he did that, a part of me died too. There’s an empty space inside of me that will never be filled again. How do I get over something like that?”

“Sullivan, let me tell you something. Christian is dead! He ain’t thinking about you, and he ain’t coming back. That’s all there is to it. Now, you can sit over here and be mad with Charles, lose your husband, have some other woman walking around in that big old house of yours. And you know what? That baby will still be dead! You’ve got to suck it up and move on.”

“Do you have to be so cruel, Vera?”

“Silly rabbit, I’m doing you a favor. I know what you’re going through. I lost a baby too, same way you did, in a car accident. And I blamed her daddy the same way you’re doing with Charles. The difference is Samuel Sullivan was trying to kill my baby. It nearly killed Charles to risk your child’s life. The only reason he did it—the only reason he did it—was to save your pathetic, selfish, ungrateful self. Now you have the nerve to sit up here and crucify this man for loving you more than he loved his own flesh and blood. You ought to thank God Charles hasn’t left you!”