‘You don’t know why I’m angry? That’s the typical selfish little child Natalie, isn’t it? I don’t know why I expect more. You prove me wrong time and again.’
I sighed into the phone. ‘I’m sorry, I really don’t understand what I did.’
‘You don’t understand what you did?’
‘No.’
‘You don’t understand what you did?!’
‘No, I’m sorry.’
‘YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID?’ he roared. ‘I set you up with women and listen to your pathetic little stories about why you can’t even hold hands with them. I bend over backwards to accommodate your needs and to do everything for you in bed. And when you finally get a girlfriend, you ring me up telling me how wonderful it is to lap the cunts of the dirty little slut and probably her disease-ridden friends – “Oh darling, I love you and I’m having such fun” – “Oh darling, I miss you so much and I wish you were here, but while you’re away I’m frotting with this Egyptian bitch and sending her fiancé photographs, Oh darling, isn’t it great?”’
‘I’m sorry, I thought you were okay with it.’
‘Okay with it? Okay with it? I’ve been waiting for it for three fucking years. But it’s fucking insulting. You sent Hugh photographs and you hardly found a spare moment to even phone me. I was here, waiting by the phone, ready to leap in my car and book a hotel for the three of us as soon as you said “jump”, but it didn’t even occur to you that it might be polite to share. YOU DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF MY NEEDS, DID YOU?!’
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’
‘And it’s not even just me. You’ve upset Rose too and she really doesn’t need it right now. She thought you were an Uncle – she’s so disappointed.’
‘Is that why she’s not coming any more? She emailed me last week saying “Glastonbury’s off”.’
‘No, you selfish little bitch, it’s not always all about you. Rose didn’t want to worry you or spoil your happy little cunt-sucking mood. She wanted to protect you, but I don’t think you deserve it any more. So here goes. Rose’s got cancer. That’s why she’s cancelled every meeting, because she’s woken up vomiting blood and she doesn’t want you to see her in a wig and with bags under her eyes. She was feeling better, which is why she was going to pull everything out to see you at Glastonbury. I told her she shouldn’t exhaust herself, but she said she wanted to, for you. But with all the stress of your behaviour, she’s relapsed. She’s flying to LA for more treatment – that was why she went in the first place. The Hollywood job was secondary. So now she’s on a plane not knowing whether she’ll live or die and worrying about you and me because she’s that kind of person.’ He fell silent.
‘I’m sorry,’ I eventually whispered. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘No, I’m sorry,’ he replied more softly. ‘I shouldn’t have told you like that. I’m just hurt, supremely hurt. I’m worried about my friend and sick of Annabelle nagging at me and the one person I thought I could turn to has been off frolicking with her girlfriend and forgetting about me. It’s too much. I can’t cope with it right now.’ I heard his voice break and wanted to say something to heal the man I loved, but he cut me short: ‘I can’t talk any more. Goodbye. Enjoy your festival.’
I stared at my mobile. Call ended: 13.41. I was standing between a pair of tyre tracks behind a caravan in the quietest place I’d been able to find when Matthew called. The Thrills would be playing on the Other Stage in twenty minutes and I would need to make my way to the Pyramid Stage at least an hour before Radiohead’s eight o’clock set to ensure a place by the barrier. I was hungry and slightly stoned. I hadn’t pooed in thirty-six hours and the mud was squelching beneath my boots. I kept seeing things I wanted to point out to Nadiyya. There was a Henna tent that had caught my eye this morning that I thought I might go back to. I was surprisingly taken by Idlewild. R.E.M. had been incredible. And Rose had cancer. And Matthew was disappointed in me. And I didn’t know it yet, but I had a bacterial infection that would need antibiotics. And Rose had cancer. Rose had cancer and she hadn’t told me. Rose wasn’t coming to Glastonbury because she had cancer and might die. Rose was angry with me and she had cancer. Rose was flying to LA because she had cancer. Rose, my Rose, my friend and everything-but-lover, she had cancer.