India woke up the following morning naked and hot, her duvet kicked off, her body unsettled. It took a moment to figure out why, but then it came to her.
Last night. Kissing Gina. She hadn’t dreamt it. It had happened. Then it had stopped. She covered her face as disappointment slid down her all over again. They’d been sensible. Controlled. She hated it. But she knew it had been the right decision. Plus, they’d both said they’d like to continue at a later date. India hoped with all her heart that was true.
For today though, she had to put it on the back burner and concentrate on Eunice and making a good first impression.
India got up and stretched, before putting on some knickers and a T-shirt. As she moved, her muscles sprang to life, remembering where Gina’s fingers had touched her. Her back. Her neck. Her lips. They’d lit a fire on her skin and inside her soul, and her body was still smouldering.
India padded over to the Nespresso machine and flicked it on. She stared at the wall. Gina was on the other side. Was she awake yet? Was she lying in bed touching her lips, thinking about where India had kissed her, too? India hoped so. If this was entirely one-sided, she was buggered.
But last night had definitely not been one-sided. The way Gina had kissed her had been very real. Which only made India smile that little bit more.
She made her coffee, then took the small white porcelain mug out onto the balcony and glanced across the city. It was one she didn’t know, and yet also one that held so many memories for Gina. A formative lifetime, for both Gina and Eunice. Today was a deciding day for both of them. It was also Gina’s birthday. Whatever happened with her family today, India was going to make sure she had a good memory of it.
She swigged her coffee. The hotel had a shop near the lobby. Perhaps she could get a gift for Gina before they were due to drive to Eunice? She walked back inside and grabbed her phone. 7.30am. She had time. She gulped the last of her coffee, then stripped off, striding into the bathroom. It was time to get this day moving.
They got into India’s Audi, Gina noticeably agitated. India didn’t blame her. Today was a big morning.
“You okay?” India asked, then kicked herself. Stupid question.
Gina nodded, not looking her way. “Sure,” she replied.
India ground her teeth together, then held out a white paper bag to Gina. “I got you this. It’s not much, but happy birthday.”
That got Gina’s attention. When she turned, her eyes were misty. “You didn’t have to.”
India pulled back. “Please don’t get emotional until you’ve seen it. I had very limited options.”
Gina gave her a tepid grin, but when she saw what was inside, it got gradually wider. She reached in and pulled out some rainbow head boppers, along with a packet of rainbow chews. She put the head boppers into her hair and wiggled her head. The rainbow balls on springs duly swayed. “What do you think?”
India burst out laughing. The present was having the desired effect. “You’ve never looked better.”
Gina jiggled the balls again. “This is truly the worst and gayest present I’ve ever been given. And I love it.”
India grinned right back. “Not that I think your parents are going to be anything but thrilled to see you on your birthday. But just in case they’re not, I thought you might need an injection of gayness afterwards. What better than this?”
Gina held her gaze and took a deep breath. “Nothing better.” She reached over and put a hand on top of India’s, then squeezed. “Thank you. I mean it.”
India nodded. “You might want to take them off before you see your parents, though.”
Gina let out a hoot of laughter, then did just that. “I don’t know if you remember, but I asked you if you were romantic when I first took you to see your flat.” She held up the bag, before putting it in the glove box. “I think this proves you are.”
India sucked on her top lip. “Don’t spread it around. I’m a tough business exec, remember?” She gave Gina a wink. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”
Eunice lived in a 1930s red-brick semi, situated on a wide suburban street. The front garden had flower beds, a rockery and a black metal arch adorned with greenery, along with a wooden table with two chairs near the front porch to soak up the morning sun. Deep-green ivy trailed up the front wall above a leaded light bay window.
As India cut the engine and took it all in, Gina let out a low whistle. “Here was me half-expecting you’d walk into an old lady with 12 cats stinking of wee. But if the front garden is anything to go by, I don’t think Eunice is that.”
India glanced at Gina. “I don’t either.”
Gina went to open her passenger door, but India put a hand on her thigh.
Gina’s head whipped around.
“Before you go, I hope today goes okay. Just remember, I can drive around, go for a coffee, whatever. If you need more time with your family, there’s no rush.”
Gina nodded. “I’ll let you know. But more time is probably the last thing I’ll need.”
“You never know.” India hesitated, then leaned forward and kissed Gina’s lips with gentle precision. Even though what she really wanted to do was take Gina’s mouth and claim it as her own. But now wasn’t the time.
India pulled back and gave Gina a slow smile. “You look gorgeous, by the way. Very birthday-like. Certainly more 31 than 41.”
When Gina smiled, the sides of her eyes crinkled deliciously. “Now I know you want to sleep with me, feeding me lines like that.”
India kissed her again. “Guilty, but what I said still stands.” India’s heartbeat was loud in her ears as she stared into Gina’s eyes.
Gina gave her a smile. “Thank you.” She pulled back, snapping them back into the here and now. “I hope your morning goes well, too.”
They got out of the car and locked up, then India watched Gina disappear around the corner. It was a sunny Sunday, and Gina had insisted she’d walk from here, her parents’ house being only 20 minutes away. “It’ll do me good, allow me to clear my head.”
But now, standing at the bottom of Eunice’s path, India missed Gina more than she’d thought. Her heart thumped as she pushed the gate, walked up the wide-slabbed path and knocked at the pristine black front door. Above and beside it, brightly coloured stained glass welcomed her.
India’s stomach rolled. This was no normal business meeting. Plus, for some reason, she was painting her future love life on top of this, seeing what she could learn. Mistakes she could avoid. She’d read the letters from Eunice. They were cryptic, but the emotion jumped off them. India wanted that in her life. She wanted to feel a similar sort of passion.
She flashed back to last night, holding Gina in her arms. There had been fiery passion. Plus, they had time to see where it might go. Which is the one thing Eunice and H didn’t have on their side.
When the door opened, a woman who could only be Eunice greeted India with a warm smile. If India had pictured a typical homely granny, Eunice wasn’t it. Her hair was a riot of grey and black, cut stylishly short and swept up off her face. She was the same height as India, and her floaty trousers and block-coloured top were immaculate. She wore big clacky beads, just like India. In fact, if India looked like this when she was Eunice’s age, she’d be jumping for joy.
Eunice’s emerald-green eyes slid up and down India with interest from behind royal-blue frames. Her glasses matched her earrings, which dangled either side of her face.
Perhaps Eunice had more time than India had imagined. All the more reason for her to step outside her comfort zone and find out if there was a chance with her first love.
“You must be India. I’ve watched you on YouTube, my granddaughter helped me to find you.” Eunice’s handshake was steady, and India walked into the parquet-floored hallway, lavender scenting the air. Behind Eunice, a young woman stepped into the hallway, her smile broad, her eyes the same arresting green as her grandmother’s.
She extended a hand to India as Eunice shut the front door. “I’m Cordy, Eunice’s granddaughter. Really lovely to meet you.”
“I haven’t met another Cordy since I was at school.” India had two in her class, then. “Short for Cordelia, I assume?”
Cordy nodded. “Well done. A lot of people don’t know that.”
India was ushered through to a modern kitchen-diner at the back of the house, with a skylight and bifold doors opening to the back garden. “This is fantastic. Did you have this done recently?”
Eunice nodded, sitting at the large white dining table, which was already laid out with cups and saucers, along with a plate of biscuits. All from Stable Foods. Was that intentional? If it was, India was impressed.
“Cordy’s influence. I moved back in with my daughter while the work was being done. Now Cordy lives with me while she’s at university.”
Cordy came over to the table with a pot of tea. “Is tea okay? I know Gran prefers it, but I can make coffee if you like?”
India shook her head. “Tea is great, thank you.”
Cordy nodded, sweeping a hand through her dyed-red hair. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Shout if you need anything.”
Eunice poured the tea with a steady hand, then smiled at India.
India’s nerves vanished. “So, tell me. Is this how you imagined this year might unfold when you looked at it in January?”
Eunice laughed. “Very much no.” She stirred some sugar into her tea, then put the spoon on the saucer. “But you never can tell where life will take you next. Even when you’re nearly 80.” She paused. “Cordy tells me I shouldn’t age myself. I’m not there yet. How old are you?”
“I’m nearly 40 if we’re going by your maths.”
Eunice smiled. “Half my age. Use your time wisely, won’t you?”
India thought back to last night. “I intend to.” She sipped her tea.
“You’ve read the letters, I take it?”
India nodded. “I did, for my research.” That suddenly felt intrusive. She wasn’t sure how she’d react if someone read her love letters from another lifetime.
Eunice smiled, her wrinkles bunching on her cheeks. “I gave permission for them to be copied, so it’s fine. I know they’re going to be pored over once the project goes online. Especially if I agree to try to trace H. Which I imagine is why you’ve driven all the way from London. To try and convince me to do so.”
India sat back with a wry shake of her head. Rumbled. “I’m not going to lie, that’s exactly the reason. But not just for you — for everyone. We all need an ending to the story, don’t we?”
Eunice stared into the distance, before turning back to India. “But what if the ending isn’t a happy one? What if I don’t want to risk upsetting her and bringing it all up again?”
“Only you can answer that. And if the answer’s no, then we’ll respect your wishes.” India glanced around the room at the photos in frames, the bookcase on the far wall, the ornaments brought back from treasured holidays. Everywhere she turned, she could see evidence of a life well lived. A rich, full life. “I know it’s a risk doing this. Of course it is.” She pointed to the photos. “You’ve got family. Children. Grandchildren. They all see you one way.”
“That’s not the reason. I’ve told them and they’ve all been terrific. Particularly Cordy, who’s gay herself. Or queer, as she says.”
India put down her tea. Cordy was on their side. That was a good start. “Then tell me what the reason is, and I’ll tell you if it’s something you should be afraid of.”
Eunice bit the inside of her cheek, then shook her head. The chair scraped on the floor as she pushed it back.
Had India overstepped the mark?
Eunice walked over to the large doors and stared out into the morning sunshine. “I don’t care what the world thinks of me.” Eunice turned, tapping her chest. “I know who I am. Who I’ve always been. I’m a lesbian. No ifs or buts. But it wasn’t the done thing at the time. So I got married. My husband was a kind man, and I had 30 good years with him. But they were nothing compared to the 18 months I had with her.” She turned back to the window. “Nothing.”
India kept quiet, sensing Eunice wasn’t finished.
She was right.
Eunice turned, her eyes brimming with tears. She clutched her beads. They clacked together. India did the same when she was stressed.
“The thing is, we could have been something. She wanted me to be with her. She had plans. She was the driving force. But I said no because I didn’t see how we could make it work, how we could survive. It wasn’t like today.” She closed her eyes, then shook her head. “I said no.” Eunice blew out a long breath. “So now, if I want to dredge up the past and ask her to reconsider, is it really my place? That’s the question I keep asking myself. And the answer that keeps coming back to me is, not when I told her no.”
India grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on the table, then walked over to stand beside Eunice. She offered her the tissues, and Eunice took them without a word. India waited a few more moments before she spoke.
“The thing is, I’d say it doesn’t rely on what happened in the past. The past is just that. The past. If you still have feelings, surely it’s worth a shot.” India put a hand to her chest, and her own beads clacked together.
Eunice looked her way, a glimmer of recognition in her green eyes.
“If nothing else, you could tell her what you’ve just told me. That part of you has always wondered what if? To see where you could have gone.”
Eunice let out a sigh. “Probably nowhere fast is the answer. She had grand plans, but I…”
India put a hand on Eunice’s arm. “I’m not going to push. As I said, this is for you to decide. But you have to see if you can forgive yourself for what happened. Because you need to in order to move forward.” India paused. “What would you say to a friend who’d done this?”
Eunice moved her mouth one way, then the other, before looking at India. “I’d say, you were young, and we all make mistakes. But also, that it wasn’t wholly a mistake, otherwise I’d never have my wonderful family.”
India exhaled. “Exactly. You’ve lived your life and lived a good one. I hope H has, too. But if you can forgive yourself, then maybe H can forgive you, too. Or maybe she already has. If you both get there, then who knows what might happen next?”
Eunice stared into India’s eyes. “If it turns out she’s no longer with us or with someone else, I wouldn’t want to drag her into it.”
India shook her head. “We won’t. This only goes big if you’re both on the same page. You have my word on that.”
“In that case, give me some time to think. I’ll let you know this week.”
“That’s all I can ask.”