Al entered the sickroom without knocking. “Myles, you won’t believe what happened!” Spotting Mrs. Van Huysen, he pulled off his hat. “Hello, ma’am.”
“Good morning, Albert,” Virginia responded cordially.
“I sure enjoyed visiting with you last night. Myles, do you know this grandmother of yours whupped me at checkers? It was an outright slaughter.”
“Myles never cared for the game,” Virginia said when Myles remained silent. “He is good at chess, however.” A moment later, she rose and gathered her embroidery. “I’ll let you boys chat awhile.” The door clicked shut behind her.
Al settled into the empty chair, long legs splayed. “It stinks in here. Like medicine.”
Myles tried to scratch his leg beneath the bandage. The skin showing around the white cloth was mottled green and purple. “What’s the news from town? Doc tells me it looks like Boz will pull through.”
“If good nursing has anything to do with it, Boz will be back on his feet within the week. From all I hear, Miss Amelia treats him like a king.” Al’s eyes twinkled. “She had him moved to her boardinghouse, and her front parlor is now a hospital room. Nothing more interesting to a woman than a wounded man, but I guess you know all about that.”
Myles grunted. “So what’s your big news?”
Al slipped a letter from his chest pocket. “Today I got this letter from my folks asking me not to come west until spring. Can you believe it? Today! Think about it: If you hadn’t let that bear rip your leg off, I would have been on my way by now and missed their letter. No wonder I didn’t have peace about leaving! They don’t even want me yet. I have no idea what I’ll do with my farm next year, but it doesn’t matter—God will provide, and I’ve got all winter to think and prepare. So if you need to go to New York, don’t hesitate on my account.”
Myles tried to smile. “That’s good news, Al. I felt guilty about delaying your trip.”
“Now that you’re rich and all, you won’t be needing a farm job, I reckon,” Al said, looking regretful. “I feel funny about things I must have said to you in the last year or two, me thinking you had less education and fewer advantages than I had!” His grin was crooked. “That will teach me to judge people by appearance.”
“You always treated me well, Al. You have nothing for which to apologize.”
“Why are you so gloomy? Is your leg hurting?”
The innocent question sparked Myles’s wrath. He bit back a sharp reply and folded his arms on his chest, staring out the window.
“Hmm. Beulah is moody, too. My powers of deduction tell me that all is not well in paradise.”
“Shove off, Al. I’m not in the mood for your jokes.” Myles scowled.
Al pursed his lips in thought. “Want to talk with Buck?”
“I want to get out of this house, pack up, and head for Montana.”
“What happened, Myles? I thought your life was going great. Beulah loves you, you’ve cleared things up with your grandmother, you’ve got a music career and money to burn.”
“I’m not rich, Al. The money’s gone.”
“Oh. All the money?”
“Every cent.”
Al looked confused. “But Beulah wouldn’t care whether you’re rich or not. She loved you as a hired hand.”
“Whatever I do, wherever I go, she says she’s not going with me. Guess she only loved me if I stayed here in town.” Bitterness left a foul taste in his mouth.
“That doesn’t sound like Beulah. She could make a home anywhere if she set her mind to it, and she’s crazy about you, Myles.”
Myles gave a mirthless sniff.
“Sure you don’t want to talk to Buck?”
“I know what he’ll say. He will tell me I need to forgive those who have wronged me and give control of my life over to God. I’ve heard it all before.”
Al lifted a brow. “Sooo, tell me what’s wrong with that answer? Sounds to me as if the truth pricks your pride, pal.”
Myles rolled his eyes.
“C’mon, Myles. Think this through. Are you content and filled with joy right now?”
Myles slashed a glare at Al, but his friend never blinked. “Fine. Don’t answer that. Think about this: How could your life be worse if God were in control of it?”
Myles opened his mouth, then closed it. His head fell back against the headboard. “I’ve never had control anyway.”
“Exactly. You’re at the mercy of circumstances with no one to turn to. The only things you can truly control in your life are your behavior and your reactions.”
“Sometimes I can’t even control myself.”
“Without God, we’re all losers. Look at Buck. The stuff that happened to him was like your worst nightmare. He could be the most bitter, angry person you ever met, but he chose to trust God with his life, and look at him now!”
Myles nodded. “And you, too. You didn’t get angry about Beulah.”
Al shrugged. “It wouldn’t have done any good to get mad. Anyone can see she isn’t in love with me, and to be honest, my heart isn’t broken. The point is, once you decide to trust God with things, He turns your messed-up life into something great. I’m not saying you’d have it easy from then on, or that all your dreams would come true; but no matter what happens, your life would be a success. The Bible says in First Peter, ‘Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.’ You can never lift yourself up no matter how hard you try.”
After a moment’s thought, Myles lowered his chin and shook his head. “I don’t see it, Al. I understand that God is far above me, holy and just, almighty and righteous, but loving? I don’t know God that way. Sure, He saved me from the bear, but look what has happened to me since.”
“When was the last time you read about Jesus?”
“The last time I read the Bible? I was reading in Genesis the other night.”
“I think you need to read the Gospels now. The Old Testament is important, too, but you need to understand about Jesus first. Where is your Bible?”
“At our house next to my bed. Don’t bring it here, Al. I want to go home. Can you talk Buck into taking me home? It’s driving me crazy, being here in the same house with Beulah. She hasn’t spoken to me since we fought yesterday. Gram is good to me, but I’m getting cabin fever.”
Al looked into his eyes and gave a short nod. “I’ll talk to Buck.”
Beulah watched the wagon disappear up the drive. Her eyes were dry. Her heart felt as leaden as the sky. Returning to her seat, she picked up her piecework and took a disinterested stitch.
Violet observed her from across the parlor. “The house already seems quiet, doesn’t it? I will miss having Virginia around to chat with. She is the most interesting lady. She refused my offer to stay here. I hope she will be comfortable at the men’s house. They don’t have an indoor pump, you know, and the furnishings are rather crude.”
“Is Daniel sleeping?” Beulah asked in her most casual tone.
“Yes. Samuel is at Scott’s house, and Eunice is reading. Did you hear Al’s news?” Violet snipped a thread with her teeth.
“Several times over. I told Eunice first; then she told me about three times so far. I’m glad he’s not leaving for a while. We would all miss him. I think Eunice has romantic feelings for Al.”
Violet chuckled. “I’ve noticed. She has good taste. Maybe I’ll have Albert for a son-in-law someday after all. I hope so. He’s a dear boy.”
Beulah concentrated on tying a knot. “She’s only thirteen, Mama. Maybe I should have married him.”
Violet’s hands dropped to her lap. “Pardon?”
Beulah winced, wishing she had kept the stray thought to herself. “Al wouldn’t marry me now if I proposed to him myself, and I’m not in love with him anyway, but I can’t help wondering if I couldn’t have been happily married to him. After all, lots of people make marriages of convenience and end up happy together. Al is annoying, but he’s steady and safe.”
Violet lowered her chin and stared at her daughter. “What about Myles?”
Beulah pressed her lips together and jerked at a tangle in her thread. “Myles is not the man I thought he was. He is selfish and bitter.” She swallowed hard.
Setting aside her mending, Violet joined her daughter on the couch. “Tell me.”
Beulah leaned against Violet. Her shoulders began to shake. Wiping her eyes, she grumbled, “I hate crying, Mama, but it seems as if every time I try to talk about something important, I start bawling.”
“It’s a woman’s lot in life, darling.” Violet pushed a lock of loose hair behind her daughter’s ear and smiled. “I understand, believe me.”
Between sobs and sniffles, Beulah poured out her heartache and disappointment. “…so I told him he could go without me. I thought he was kind and wise, Mama, but yesterday he acted like a brute. And all because of some money he doesn’t have. I’m so thankful I found out what he is really like before I married him!”
Violet stared at the fireplace, pondering her reply. “So now Myles is a brute. All the good things you loved about him mean nothing.”
Beulah wiped her eyes and nose with a handkerchief. “I could never be happily married to a man with such a terrible temper, Mama. He swore in my presence and never apologized!”
“If Myles has truly turned his back on the Lord, then I agree that you should not marry him. But if, as your papa believes, he is on the verge of surrender, it would be a shame for you to give up on him. He adores you, Beulah, and I think he would make you an excellent husband.”
Beulah’s head popped up. “Mama! How can you say that after what I just told you? He told me never to mention God’s name in his presence again!”
“He was distraught. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. I understand he had a long talk with Al about God this afternoon, and he plans to start reading the New Testament when he gets home today. Darling, every man has faults. I hope you realize that. Even Al would lose his temper, given the right provocation.”
“Papa never shouts at you.”
A dimple appeared near Violet’s mouth. “No, but that’s because he talks softly when he gets angry. The angrier he is, the softer his voice.”
“You don’t mean it, Mama,” Beulah said, eyes wide.
Violet rubbed a little circle on the girl’s back. “I mean every word. Darling, you had better learn quickly that only God can offer you complete security and contentment. No man can fulfill your every need, and most of them wouldn’t want to try. The average man enters marriage thinking that a wife’s purpose is to fulfill his needs. Unless you recognize the fact that all people are basically selfish, you will be in for a rude awakening when you marry. Myles has plenty of faults, but so have you, my dear.”
“If people are so terribly selfish, how can a marriage ever be happy?”
“That’s where the Lord makes a difference. In His strength, you and I can learn to love our men with all their human flaws and failings. That is one of the greatest joys of marriage: to give and give of yourself to please your beloved. Usually a good man will respond in kind, but you must understand that there is never a guarantee of this. Your part is to love at all times, without reservation.”
Beulah wilted. “How can I do that, Mama? You know how selfish I am!”
“In the Lord’s strength, dear. If you truly love Myles, you will accept him just as he is and be grateful for the opportunity to shower him with the love and attention he craves from you. There are few things in life more fulfilling than pleasing your husband, Beulah.” Violet spoke with the authority of experience.
Beulah sat straighter. “I want to be exactly like you, Mama. You make Papa so happy that he glows when you’re near. I want to make Myles that happy.”
Violet squeezed her shoulders. “That’s my girl! Now you keep on praying for Myles, and when he is ready to receive your love, I think you will know it.”
Beulah hugged her mother. “You’re wonderful. I feel so much better! Now, I have this idea for my wedding dress that I’ve been wanting to discuss with you. Do you have a moment?”
Eyes twinkling, Violet nodded.
Pushy kneaded a dent for herself in the middle of Myles’s back. He groaned when she settled down. “You must weigh a ton, cat. When are you going to fire off those kittens?”
Pushy purred, vibrating against him. “You really missed me, didn’t you?” Her affectionate greeting had warmed his heart.
He returned to his reading. The book was fascinating. For the first time in his life, Myles could visualize Jesus among the people, teaching, healing, loving.
The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew, chapter eighteen, struck a nerve. He recognized himself in the cruel, vindictive man who punished a debtor after he himself had been forgiven a much larger debt. The simple story was an eloquent reprimand and admonition.
“I understand, Jesus,” Myles said, bowing his head. “This story is about me. Please forgive me for my anger at Monte. I want to forgive him as You forgave me. If he’s there with You now, please tell him for me. Tell him I love him. I forgive Mama for dying and leaving me behind. She must have been terribly lonely after Father was killed in the war. And I forgive Mr. Roarke for swindling us, too. I don’t imagine he’s deriving much true pleasure from his ill-gotten gains. I feel almost sorry for him. You know that the real reason I refused to forgive people all those years was pride. I thought I was better than others. I was wrong.”
Humility was an easy burden in comparison to the bitter load he had carried for so many years. Myles felt free and relaxed, yet still rather empty.
“Where is the joy, God? Are You really here with me? What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m spiritually blind.”
Pushy purred on.
Sighing, Myles returned to the Book. The story enthralled him, and when he reached the end of Matthew, he continued on into Mark, absorbed in the story of Jesus from a slightly different perspective. His eyes were growing heavy when he reached chapter ten, the story of blind Bartimaeus begging at the roadside.
Then, for some reason, he was wide awake. His mind pictured the pitiful man in rags who cried out, “Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me.”
Jesus stopped and asked the fellow what he wanted. Jesus didn’t overlook the poor and helpless among His people. He cared about the blind man.
Myles read the next part aloud. “ ‘The blind man said unto him, Lord, that I might receive my sight.
“ ‘And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way.’ ”
Myles stopped and read it again. Slowly his eyes closed and his hands formed into fists. The cry echoed from his own heart. “Lord, I want to see! Please, help me to see You as You truly are.”
He contemplated Jesus. “The kindest man who has ever lived. He came to reveal You to mankind. He was Emmanuel—’God with us.’ God in the flesh. So You are a God of mercy, patience, and infinite understanding. Lord, I believe!”
Myles wept for joy.