Custard cooled on the windowsill. Untying her apron, Beulah peeked through the kitchen window. Outside, a baseball smacked into a leather glove. She heard her brother Samuel’s shrill voice and good-natured joking between Al and Myles. He’s still here! She hung her apron on a hook, smoothed her skirts, and straightened her shoulders. Once again, her heart began to pound.
Eunice slammed open the kitchen door. Damp curls plastered her forehead; scarlet cheeks intensified the blue of her eyes. “We had a great ride, Beulah! You should have come.”
Beulah wrinkled her nose.
Eunice splashed her face at the pump. “It hurts Al’s feelings that you never want to ride with us.”
“I’m sure I don’t know why.”
Lifting her face from the towel, Eunice protested, “But you’re supposed to want to spend time with him. People in love want to be together all the time, don’t they?”
“How would I know?” Beulah said. “And I can’t see how being in love would make me want to ride a horse. Hmph. You need a bath. I can smell horse from here.”
“You’re mean, Beulah.” Eunice rushed from the room.
Beulah rolled her eyes. Pinching her cheeks, she checked her reflection in the tiny mirror over the washbasin. “Guess I didn’t need to pinch my cheeks. They’re already hot as fire.”
Beyond Beulah’s kitchen garden, the two men and Samuel formed a triangle around the yard. The ball smacked into Al’s glove. He tossed it to Samuel, easing his throw for the boy’s sake. Samuel hurled it at Myles, who fielded it at his ankles, then fired another bullet toward Al. Around and around they went, never tiring of the game.
“Hi, Beulah!” Al greeted her with a wave. “Want to play? We’ve got an extra mitt.”
“No, thank you.” He must be crazy. “Don’t want to spoil your fun.”
“We would throw easy to you,” Samuel assured her.
“I’ll watch.” Beulah moved to the swing her stepfather, Obie, had hung from a tall elm. After tucking up her skirt lest it drag in the dust, she began to swing. The men seemed unaware of her scrutiny. They bantered with Samuel and harassed each other. Her gaze shifted from Myles to Al and back again.
Al’s long, lean frame had not yet filled out with muscle. A thatch of black hair, smooth brown skin, beautiful dark eyes, and a flashing smile made him an object of female fascination. How many times had Beulah been told of her incredible good luck in snaring his affection? She had lost count.
Leaning back in the swing, she pumped harder, hearing her skirts flap in the wind. Overhead, blue sky framed oak, maple, and elm leaves. A woodpecker tapped out his message on a dead birch.
Sitting straight, she wrapped her arms around the ropes and fixed her gaze upon Myles. He was grinning. Beulah felt her heart skip a beat. Myles had the cutest, funniest laugh—a rare treat to hear. What would he look like without that bushy beard? He had a trim build—not as short and slim as her stepfather, Obie, but nowhere near as tall as Al.
The ongoing conversation penetrated her thoughts. “So are you planning to go, Al? Will you take me with you? I’ve always wanted to see a circus. I bet my folks would let me go with you,” Samuel cajoled.
Al glanced toward Beulah. “I was thinking I might go. It’s playing in Bolger all weekend. The parade arrives tomorrow.”
Samuel let out a whoop. “Let’s all go together! Eunice wants to go, and you do, don’t you, Beulah? Will you come, too, Myles? Maybe they’ll ask you to be a clown. Myles can do lots of tricks, you know. Show ’em how you walk on your hands. Please?”
Beulah’s eyes widened.
Myles wiped a hand down his face, appearing to consider the request. “Why?”
“I want you to teach me. C’mon, Myles! Beulah’s never seen you do it.”
She saw his gaze flick toward her, then toward Al. He fired the baseball at Al, who snagged it with a flick of his wrist. “You can walk on your hands? Where’d you learn that trick?”
“I worked for a circus once. The acrobats taught me a thing or two.”
Beulah fought to keep her jaw from dropping.
“No kidding? I’d like to see some tricks. Wouldn’t you, Beulah?” Al enlisted her support.
Beulah nodded, trying not to appear overly interested.
Myles studied the green sweep of grass. “All right.” He removed his hat. “Can’t do splits or I’ll rip my overalls,” he said with a sheepish grin.
“If I tried splits, I’d rip more than that,” Al admitted.
Myles upended and walked across the yard on his hands, booted feet dangling above his head. He paused to balance on first one hand, then the other. With a quick jerk, he landed back on his feet, then whirled into a series of front handsprings, ending with a deep bow. His audience cheered and clapped.
“Amazing!” Al said. “I never knew you could do that.”
“Your face is red like a tomato,” Samuel said.
Beulah met Myles’s gaze. Did she imagine it, or did his eyes reveal a desire to please? Heart pounding again, she managed an admiring smile. “Who needs to see a circus when we have Myles?”
He seemed to grow taller; his shoulders squared. “You would enjoy a real circus.”
“So let’s go!” Samuel persisted. “Beulah, you’ve gotta help me ask Mama. With Myles and Al taking us, I’m sure she’ll say we can go.”
“Do you want to take us?” Beulah asked, carefully looking at neither man.
“It might be fun,” Al wavered.
“I do.” Myles’s direct answer took everyone by surprise. “I’m going for the parade and the show.”
Beulah and Eunice hurried into the kitchen. Beulah tied her bonnet beneath her chin, setting the bow at the perfect angle. “Does this bonnet match this dress, Mama?”
Violet cast her a quick glance. “It’s sweet, dear.”
“Now you stay close; no wandering off by yourself,” she warned Samuel while combing back his persistent cowlick. “Being ten does not mean you’re grown up.” The boy squirmed and contorted his face.
Obie watched them from his seat at the kitchen table, his chest supporting a sleeping baby Daniel. Amusement twitched his thick mustache.
“I’ll behave, Mama,” Samuel said. “Do you think there will be elephants in the parade, Pa? Maybe bears and lions! Myles used to be in the circus. He says it was lots of work. I think I’d rather be a preacher when I grow up.”
His stepfather lifted a brow. “Preachers don’t have to work, you figure?”
“Reverend Schoengard doesn’t work much. He just drives around visiting people and writes sermons.”
Obie chuckled. “Our pastor more than earns his keep. You don’t get muscles like his by sitting around all the time.”
Eunice was still braiding one long pigtail. “I’m so glad it stopped raining! Now it’s all sunny and pretty—the perfect day for a circus. Are they here yet?” She hurried to the window and peered toward the barn.
Obie tipped back his chair and balanced on his toes. “They’re hitching the horses to the surrey. Should be ready soon.”
“Can I go help, Pa?” Samuel begged.
“Ask your mother.”
“You may. Try not to get too dirty.” Violet released her restless son. “I’m trusting you to keep your brother in line, girls. Don’t get so involved with your friends that you forget to watch Samuel.”
“We won’t, Mama,” Beulah assured her mother. A crease appeared between her brows. “Our friends? I thought just the five of us were going.”
Obie grinned. “I imagine half our town will head over to Bolger this afternoon. Circuses don’t come around every day.”
“Here come Al and Myles!” Eunice announced, bouncing on her toes.
Beulah bent to kiss Daniel’s soft cheek. “Bye, Papa and Mama. Take care and enjoy your free day.”
Al was less than pleased when Samuel squeezed between him and Beulah on the surrey’s front seat. “Can’t you sit in the back? It’s crowded up here, and I need elbow room.”
The boy’s face fell. “Can’t I drive a little? Papa lets me drive sometimes. The horses know me.”
“I’ll climb in back,” Beulah offered quickly, rising. When she hopped down, one foot tangled in her skirt and she sat down hard in the dirt, legs splayed. Her skirt ballooned, displaying a fluffy white petticoat and pantaloon. Horrified, she clapped her arms down over the billowing fabric and glanced toward Myles. He was loading the picnic basket behind the surrey’s rear seat. Had he seen?
“But, Beulah,” Al protested. “I wanted to—Are you all right?”
Beulah scrambled to her feet and brushed off her dress, cheeks afire. “I’m fine.”
“I’ll drive, if you like,” Myles said. “I don’t mind sitting with Samuel.”
Al looked abashed. “I don’t either. It doesn’t matter, really.” He settled beside the boy and released the brake. “Climb in.”
In the surrey’s backseat, Eunice had one hand clamped over her mouth. Her shoulders were shaking. She looked up, met Beulah’s eyes, and started giggling again. Beulah felt a smile tug at her mouth. Frowning to conceal it, she climbed up beside her sister and smoothed her skirts. “Stop it!” she hissed.
“You looked so funny!” Eunice nearly choked.
Myles hauled himself up to sit on the other side of Eunice. He must have visited the barber that morning. His beard and hair were neatly trimmed. He watched Eunice mop her eyes with a crumpled handkerchief, but made no comment.
Beulah leaned forward. “Are you excited to see a circus again, Myles?”
He looked at her with raised brows. “Guess I am. It’s been a long time.”
Conversation flagged. While Samuel chattered with Al, the three in the backseat studied passing scenery with unaccustomed interest. Beulah longed to talk with Myles, but about what? Her mind was blank.
After a while, Myles cleared his throat. “Lots of traffic today.”
“Must be for the circus,” Al said. “I think I see the Schoengards up ahead.”
Samuel’s ears pricked. “Scott is here?”
“You’re sitting with us, Sam.” Beulah leaned forward to remind him.
“I know. I know,” he grouched, pushing her hand from his shoulder.
The streets of Bolger were already crowded. People lined the road into town, standing in and around buggies and wagons. Al parked the surrey beside a farm wagon, easing the team into place. “We can see better from up here,” he explained, “and we’ve got shade.” He indicated the surrey’s canvas top. “Did you bring water, Beulah?”
Samuel stood and waved his arms, shouting, “Here it comes! I see it!”
A roar went up from the crowds, and Beulah clutched her seat. The horses objected to the commotion. Al had his hands full quieting the rearing animals.
“May want to drop back,” Myles advised. “Especially if this circus has elephants.”
“You all climb out,” Al growled. “Don’t want Sam to miss the parade.”
Beulah climbed down, but Eunice chose to remain in the surrey. “Al needs company,” she said. “You three can find us after the parade.”
Grabbing Samuel’s hand, Beulah tried to find a place with a clear view. “This way,” Myles said, waving to her. He found a front row spot for Samuel, and Beulah clutched her brother’s shoulders from behind.
Two elephants wearing spangled harnesses led the parade. Pretty women rode on the beasts’ thick necks, waving to the audience. A marching band followed, blaring music that nearly drowned out the crowd’s cheers. Beulah watched clowns, caged beasts, a strong man, fat lady, a midget, and several bouncing acrobats. Costumed men shouted invitations. “Come and see the circus! Come to the show!”
Beulah clapped and waved, smiling until her cheeks ached. The crowd pressed about her and waves of heat rose from the dusty road, but she was too enthralled to care. Samuel hopped up and down, waving both arms. “It’s a real lion, Beulah! Do you see it? And that huge bear! Was it real?”
When the music died away and the last cage disappeared into the dust, Beulah stepped back—right on someone’s foot. Hands cupped her elbows; her shoulder bumped into a solid chest. “Oh! I’m so sorry,” she gasped.
“We’d better find Al and Eunice,” Myles said. His eyes were a dusty olive hue that matched his plaid shirt.
Beulah shivered in the heat. “Yes. Yes, of course.” He turned her around and started walking, guiding her with one hand at her elbow. Beulah walked stiffly; she was afraid to wiggle her arm lest he remove his hand.
Samuel capered beside them, turning cartwheels in the trampled grass. “Have you ever seen a bear that big, Myles? And they’ve got two elephants, not just one. This is the greatest circus! Did you see those men wearing long underwear do back flips? Why don’t they wear clothes, Myles?”
Myles chuckled. “Not underwear, Sam. They wear those snug, stretchy clothes to make it easy to move. It’s a costume, you could say. There’s the surrey.” He waved an arm at Al.
Samuel took off running toward the surrey. “Did you see it? Weren’t the elephants great, Eunice?” His sister agreed.
Al’s smile looked forced. “We could see pretty well from here. Too well for the horses’ peace of mind. They don’t care for elephants and lions. I’m hungry. Ready to dig into that supper basket?”
Myles followed the Fairfields and Al into the big tent and took a seat at one end of a bench. Ever since the parade, Al had hovered over Beulah like a dog over a bone. Now he made certain she sat at the far end of the bench. Beulah looked up at Al just before he sat beside her. Myles lifted a brow. That pout of hers was something to see.
Although Myles knew he was a far from impartial observer, he was certain something had changed between Al and Beulah. True, they had never been a particularly affectionate pair, but they appeared to enjoy an easy camaraderie.
No more. Beulah seemed almost eager to escape Al’s company. Her attention wandered when he spoke, and her gaze never followed his tall form. Al’s dark eyes brooded, and his laughter sounded strained.
Perhaps they had quarreled. It was too much to hope that their romance had died away completely. Everyone in town knew that Al and Beulah would marry someday. Everyone.
Myles studied the sawdust center ring, arms folded across his chest. There was a tightness in his belly. He tried to rub it away. Not even the familiar sounds and smells of the circus could alleviate his distress.
“Are you hungry again, Myles?” Eunice asked over Samuel’s head. “We could buy some popcorn.”
He tried to stuff the offending hand in his pocket, then crossed his arms again. “I’m not hungry, but I’ll buy you a snack.” Rising, he approached a vendor and returned with a sack of buttered popcorn. “Don’t know how you can eat again so soon, but here you go.” Eunice and Samuel piled into the treat, knocking much of it to the floor in their haste.
“Hey, look. Isn’t that Marva Obermeier?” Al pointed across the tent. “If you hurry, you could find a seat with her, Myles. We’ll join up with you later.”
The well-meaning suggestion was more than Myles could endure. Without a glance at Al or Beulah he turned and left the tent. Stalking around the perimeter of the big top, ducking under guy wires, he made his way toward the living quarters.
Evening shadows stretched long on the trampled grass between tents and wheeled cages. From the shadows of one caravan, a large animal gave a disgruntled rumble.
“You there! Mister, the public is not going back here,” an accented voice called from behind him.
Myles froze. It couldn’t be! He turned slowly, studying the approaching clown. No mistaking that green wig and the wide orange smile. “Antonio? Antonio Spinelli!”
The clown halted. Myles saw dark eyes searching his face. “Who are you?”
“Myles Trent. I’m the boy you taught how to tumble years ago. You used to call me Red, remember?”
Antonio stepped closer, his giant shoes flopping. “Red? The bambino who feared the heights and the bears?” He held out a hand at waist level then lifted it as high as he could reach, and gave a hearty chuckle. “My, how you grow!”
Myles gripped the clown’s hand and clapped his shoulder. “I never expected to see you again, Antonio. You’re a sight for sore eyes! How’s your wife?”
“Ah, my Gina, she had a baby or two or three, and now she stay in the wagon while the show it goes on. We do well, we five—two boys and a dolly.” The proud father beamed. “I teach them all to clown as I did you, Red.” He scanned Myles once more. “You looka different with that beard on you face. And your hair not so red anymore. You marry? Have a family?”
Myles shook his head. “No. I’ve got a girl in mind, but she doesn’t know it yet.”
Antonio laughed again. “You wait until my act, she is over; then you come and see Gina. Tell us all about your ladylove. Yes?”
Myles nodded. “For a quick visit. I’m here with friends.”
“This girl in your mind?” Antonio guessed.
“Yes. Problem is, another fellow has her in mind, too.”
Antonio pulled a sober face, ludicrous behind his huge painted grin. “That a problem, yes. Now you must put yourself into the lady’s mind, that’s what! I must run. You stay.” He pointed at Myles’s feet.
“I’ll wait.” Myles nodded.
The little clown hurried toward his entrance. Soon Myles heard laughter and applause from the big top, then screams of delighted horror. The aerialists must be performing. He imagined Beulah watching the spectacle, and his smile faded. If only I could sit beside her, enjoying the show through her eyes.
The Spinelli family lived in a tiny red coach parked behind the row of animal cages. Myles had to duck to keep from bashing his head on the ceiling, and his feet felt several sizes too large. The redolence of a recent spicy meal made his eyes water.
Antonio’s wife, Gina, was thrilled to see him, kissing him on both cheeks. She shoved a pile of clothing from a chair and told him to sit, then plied him with biscotti, garlic rolls, and a cup of rather viscous coffee. Myles took one sip and knew he wouldn’t sleep all night. It was a pleasure to hear the Spinellis’ circus stories, yet he could not completely relax and enjoy their company.
A tiny girl with serious dark eyes claimed his lap and played with his string tie while he talked. “This is our Sophia,” Gina explained. “The boys, they are helping with the horses. Such a crowd tonight! Never did I expect it in the middle of nohow.”
“Nowhere,” Myles mumbled.
“We had a problem with the bear today. Did you hear?”
“Gina.” Antonio shook his head. “We are not to speak of this.”
She touched her lips with red tinted nails. “Oh, and I was forgotting. You will not think of it.” She shook her dark head and changed the subject. “So you work at a farm? You are happy at this farm, Red?” Gina had put on weight over the years, yet she was still an attractive woman.
Myles shifted little Sophia to his other knee. “I am. I hope to acquire land of my own before long and raise a family along with cattle and crops.”
Gina nodded. Her mind was elsewhere. “And you were such the performer in those days! Our Mario is much like him, don’t you think, Antonio? Such a fine boy you were, and how we missed you when you disappeared. It was that brother who chased you off, no? Never did I care for him, though he was your flesh and blood. What become of that one?”
A tide of bitterness rose in his soul. “Monte is dead.” Antonio’s intense scrutiny produced an explanation. “He was shot by bandits in Texas. Gambling debts and cattle rustling.”
The little clown nodded. He had not yet removed his wig and greasepaint. “And you cannot forgive this brother.”
Myles sniffed. “Why should I forgive him? He’s dead.”
“For your own peace of mind. You have the look of a man carrying a heavy load, Red. It will break you, make you bitter and old while you are young.”
Myles made a dismissive movement with one hand and watched his own leg jiggle up and down. “I’m starting over here in Wisconsin. The past is gone, forgotten.”
“You have not forgotten; oh no. Grudges are heavy to carry. The past will haunt you until this burden you give to God. Remember how the good Lord tells us that we are forgiven as we forgive others? Why should God forgive you when you will not forgive your fellowman?”
Myles placed the dark-haired “dolly” on her feet and rose. “I’d better return to my companions. It was a pleasure to see you again, Gina.” Gloom settled over his soul.
After Myles made his farewells, Antonio accompanied him back to the midway. Darkness had fallen, making support wires and ground stakes difficult to see. Myles felt the need to make casual conversation. It would not be right to leave his old friend in this dismal way.
“This seems like a successful circus,” Myles said, ducking beneath a sagging cable. “Are you satisfied with it?”
Antonio shook his head. “Ever since Mr. Bonacelli, he sell out, things not go so well. Lots of us come from Bonacelli’s Circus—some of the animals, even. The new owner, he cut the pay and the feed to make a profit. The animals not so happy anymore.”
“Is the bear the one that came at me while I was cleaning his cage?” Myles grimaced at the memory of falling through the cage doorway with hot breath and foam on his heels.
“The very same.” Antonio frowned. “He’s a bad one, sure. You were right to fear the beast. He only get meaner as he get old. He ripped up our animal trainer we had who liked his corn liquor too well.”
“I can believe it. Was it the same bear that made trouble today?”
Antonio glanced around. “Not to speak of this!” he whispered.
“Those cages don’t look sturdy. I wouldn’t want my little ones playing near them if I were you.”
Antonio nodded and pushed Myles toward the main entrance. “Gina keeps the bambinos to home. You not to worry, my friend. Ah, it looks like the show, she is over. You had best find your friends quick. Is this lady with the yellow hair the one who lives in your head?”
Myles glanced up to see Marva Obermeier approaching. “No. She’s just a friend.” But a moment later Marva was attached to his arm. Myles introduced her to Antonio, attempting to be polite. The clown’s eyes twinkled.
“I didn’t know you knew any clowns, Myles,” Marva chattered in her amiable, mindless way. “Wasn’t that a tremendous show? It was so exciting when…” Myles tuned her out, scanning the passing crowds.
He spotted Al’s broad gray hat. “Al!” Waving his free arm, he gave a sharp whistle and saw his friend’s head turn. “Over here!”
Marva was excusing herself. “My papa is beckoning—I must go. It was nice to meet you…”
Myles tuned her out again, focusing on Al until he spotted Beulah behind him. “Here she comes—the tall girl in the blue dress. Beulah Fairfield.”
Antonio regarded Myles with evident amusement. “Your other lady friend is gone. Did you notice?”
Myles glanced around. Marva had disappeared. “Did I tell her good-bye?”
“You did.” Still grinning, Antonio turned to study Beulah.
Myles made his introductions all around. Samuel was thrilled to meet a real clown and plied the man with questions. Antonio answered the boy patiently.
“How long ago did you two know each other?” Beulah asked.
“This fine fellow was but a lad with hair like fire,” Antonio said, eyes twinkling.
“It has been about eight years,” Myles said. “Antonio and his wife were newly married. Now they have three children.”
“Myles tells me he has thoughts of family for himself.” Antonio wagged one finger beside his ear. “Time, she is passing him by.”
Myles felt his face grow hot.
Al gruffly reminded them that home was still a good drive away. Antonio bade the Fairfields and Al farewell. Beulah held the clown’s hand for a moment. “It was so nice to meet an old friend of Myles. His past has been a mystery to us, but now we know you, Mr. Spinelli.”
Beulah’s smile had its usual effect: Antonio beamed, shaking her hand in both of his. “But mine is the pleasure, Miss Fairfield, to meet such a lovely lady. Red is a mystery to Gina and me always—so secretive and shy! But in him beats a man’s heart, I am knowing. He is needing a great love to banish these burdens he carries and fill his life with laughter and music.”
Myles knew a sudden urge to hurry the little clown away before his heart’s secret was broadcast to the world. Al relieved his distress by hustling Beulah away. “Give them time alone, Beulah. They haven’t seen each other in years. We’ll meet you at the surrey, Myles.”
As soon as they were out of earshot, Antonio shook his head mournfully. “And this Al, your fine friend, is the other whose heart beats for Beulah. For him it is a sad thing, Red. She must be yours.”
Myles lowered one brow. “What makes you say that?”
Antonio waved at the starry sky. “I read it in the stars? But maybe the stars, they are in a young lady’s eyes.” He laughed and patted Myles’s arm. “You will have joy, Red. Gina and I, we will remember you and your Beulah in our prayers each night. Remember what I say about forgiveness—I know this from living it, you see. Don’t imagine you are alone. Everyone has choices in life. Think of Beulah—you cannot offer her an unforgiving heart. The poison in you would harm her.”
The man was like a flea for persistence. Nodding, Myles pretended to ignore the stinging words. “You will write to me? I live in Longtree, the next town over.”
“I not write so good, but Gina will do it. Maybe when the season ends, we come to see you and your little wife.”
Myles smiled and hugged the smaller man’s shoulders. “Thank you, Antonio. You have given me much-needed encouragement.”
Buck met the tired travelers in front of the barn and helped unhitch the horses. “Why are you up so late, Papa? Is Mama still awake?” Eunice asked sleepily.
“Mama and Daniel are asleep. Get ready for bed quietly, children. Go on with you now.” Buck shooed his flock toward the house. “We’ve got church in the morning.”
“Thank you, Al. Thank you, Myles. It was a wonderful circus,” Beulah paused to say. Her eyes reflected the surrey’s sidelamps.
“You’re welcome,” they each replied.
“See you at church,” Al called after her. “May I come pick you up?”
Myles jumped. That would be a sign of serious courtship. Hidden in the shadows behind the surrey, he gritted his teeth and braced himself for her reply.
“Thank you for the offer, but no, I’ll see you there,” Beulah’s voice floated back. “Good night.”
Al smacked a harness strap over its peg and tugged his hat down over his eyes. Without a word, he led his horse from its stall and saddled up. Myles felt a pang of sympathy for his friend.
Buck finished caring for the team while Myles saddled his mare. “Got a job for you Monday,” Buck said.
“What’s that?” Myles asked.
“We got two pasture fence posts snapped off; musta been rotted below ground level. I found Mo among our cows. He may be only a yearling, but he’s all bull. I propped up the fence well enough to hold him temporarily; but we’ve got to replace those posts soon.”
“I’ll run the materials out there,” Al promised.
“And I’ll fix the fence,” Myles said.