How Nice It Is to Smash Things

Cedar City, UT

 

Lee was struggling to dismantle and fold up the Pack ‘n’ Play in the parking lot of the hospital. Becca held Analise in a baby wrap and tried not to stare. Earlier they’d brought the Pack ‘n’ Play up to the hospital room so Analise could take a nap and now they were trying to repack the car so they could leave as soon as her mom was discharged. Becca could see the black bags that hung under Lee’s eyes, the way his muscles, normally strong and stoic, strained and shook with exasperation and anxiety, possibly in dehydration from the alcohol. She knew the feeling well. He was tired. She could tell his patient, I’m-in-control-of-things dad composure was now wearing thin. She longed for him to explode, as she had. It was a selfish request, she knew. But it would make her feel better all the same.

“Fuck!” he finally screamed and lifted the whole thing off the ground throwing the Pack ‘n’ Play into a sturdy oak tree in front of their car that lined that parking lot. Becca quietly smiled. But he didn’t stop there. Lee picked up the collapsing rectangle and threw it at the tree again. And again. The plastic cracked like bones. She smiled again. And he now swung the whole collapsed and tangled mess of net and plastic like a baseball bat against the tree one more time before tossing it down the hill into a small ravine next to the freeway. Becca walked over to Lee and placed a hand on his chest, his heart beating rapidly, his breath ragged and short. She cupped his chin in her hand and kissed him.