“Have you checked Funko Dunko? No? That’s the one I told you about last week.” Rian types as she’s on the phone, not missing a beat. “I’m sending you an email with the link now. Don’t disregard it this time! You could’ve been searching interesting baby patterns for days instead of stressing about it.”
Yes, I’m eavesdropping. No, I don’t understand half of the conversation Rian’s having. But that doesn’t stop me from listening in as she talks to Quinn. Somehow, she ended up answering his random call last week about some ridiculous issue. I’m pretty sure he was following up on some new hire information, but considering the conversation in front of me, I never really know anymore.
Anyway, when Rian accidentally intercepted his call, she was able to talk him off the ledge about making yarn fire retardant or something. Then they started talking wool. Then, they started talking patterns. And now he calls her line directly when he needs help figuring out what Janie’s looking for and how he can make his wife and her knitting friends happy.
She is truly the greatest hire I’ve ever made. Even Nancy keeps saying what a godsend Rian is for answering his calls. Not that any of us mind.
Okay, fine. We all mind. Mostly because none of us ever know what the hell he’s talking about if it’s not related to the business, nor do we know how to help him. It makes me feel a little guilty for not trying harder as he spirals more and more into insanity, but Rian’s got it completely under control. Well, mostly.
“Do I need to email Janie instead?” Rian threatens playfully, then throws her head back and laughs at his response. “Well, you didn’t tell me it was a surprise! Listen, I know you’ll probably miss the email and pretend it went to spam or something…” She pauses and smiles. “Yeah, you will. Don’t lie to yourself. Anyway, when I have some down time, I’ll do a quick search and see if I can find what you’re looking for. I’m positive there are knitting patterns for baby beards. I might even find one that doubles as a binky holder.”
What the…? You know what? I don’t even care that much about what she’s talking about as much as the fact that it’s keeping Psycho Quinn off my back so Bossman Quinn and I can get some work done.
We’ve got “Gabriel the god” hired. Teresa’s nickname, not mine. A few others are in the works. The insurance nightmare is fixed, thanks to Karen putting two and two together. Quarterly taxes are being processed. And Rian will be up and running by the time Janie pops. The only thing we haven’t figured out yet is the architectural part of Rian’s job.
Janie is an anomaly because she’s always done double duty. She managed the accounts and made recommendations, yes. But with her architecture background and aptitude toward visualizing spatial design, she was also able to recommend very specialized packages for our clients. That’s just not a strength Rian possesses, and to be honest, Janie isn’t your average, everyday person. Basically, she’s a genius in an awkward, clumsy package, which is why Quinn is so head-over-heels for her.
I wonder, briefly, what that must feel like—to be in love with someone like that. Does she take his breath away, in a very literally sense? Does she make him want to be a better person? Does he stare at her like a creeper from across the room like I’m looking at Rian?
No. Nope. Nu-uh. That’s not what I’m doing here. I’m merely paying attention as my employee talks to the president of the organization.
“Okay. Okay.” I can tell she’s starting to wind down the conversation. It’s a good thing, too. I really do need to find out when she plans to get with Janie to go over the current accounts. “I promise it’s no big deal. I’ll find some great stuff that they’ll love. Okay. Call me if you need me. Okay, bye.”
She hangs up the phone, the smile still on her face. Either she’s really good at faking her interest in this topic, or she genuinely enjoys talking to Quinn. I have the overwhelming need to find out which it is.
“Hey.”
She looks up and smiles brightly at me. “Hey!”
Gesturing at the phone, I say, “Quinn?”
“Yeah. I don’t know why you guys are so weird around him. He’s so much fun to talk to.”
That’s the first time anyone has used those words in a sentence about Quinn in the last couple of months, so I assume she’s either trying too hard to fit in or has a bat-shit crazy streak of her own.
“Oh, come on.” She nudges me with her foot. “I’m serious.”
I hold my hands up in a defense pose. “I don’t doubt that at all.”
She laughs lightly. “Give him a break. He’s not mean or demanding. He’s scared shitless.”
I sigh because she’s right. “You’re right. When he doesn’t have a screw loose, he’s an amazing boss who really trusts his employees to get the job done.”
Rian nods vigorously. “And?”
I look back and forth quickly, trying to figure out what she means. “And what?”
She waves her hand at me. “Give me more. What else do you like about Quinn?”
“Really?” I deadpan. “We’re gonna play the I Love Quinn game?”
She smiles and it hits me straight in my gut. There’s genuine happiness on her face, and I put that look there. It’s an oddly satisfying feeling.
“Of course, we are. He’s a big ole teddy bear, and you’d be good to remember that.”
I roll my eyes and then drop my chin to my chest. “Fine. He’s kind and generous, and his butt looks great in a suit. Are you happy?”
She barks out a laugh and that’s another sound I like hearing a little too much. I need to get control of this and quick.
“Yes. Thank you.” She reaches over and pulls up the calendar linked to her email. “By the way, since I know you’re about to ask, again,” she takes on with a playful smirk, “I emailed Janie and I’m going to meet with her on, um… Tuesday next week to make sure everything is squared away with the current accounts. Will that work for you?”
I furrow my brow. “Yeah, but you’re going to their home? I thought Quinn didn’t want anyone over there.”
An amused sound comes from Rian. “Janie vetoed that real quick. She wants to go over everything in person to make sure I really know the accounts backward and forward. Plus, it helps that I’m the only one around here who will humor his baby craziness, so he has a fondness for me,” she adds with a shrug.
“A fondness, huh?” I smile at her and realize…this feels an awful lot like I’m flirting with her. But I’m not, right?
Flirting is sultry smiles and licking my lips and small touches, isn’t it? Laughing and smiling… not the same thing. Maybe? Either way, I’m liking Rian more and more. Almost too much. No, definitely too much. I don’t need this kind of complication. And I don’t need to lead her on.
She turns back to her computer, which is good timing because I know my face just fell with the realization that I’m playing with fire. I need to get out of here. Quick.
“It’s hard not to have a soft spot for the person who knows how to get specialty yarns. If I show up with that binky pattern, he may just adopt me—” Rian begins but gets interrupted when Nancy opens her door. It seems like she’s always interviewing someone these days.
Out she comes behind her interviewee—Rebecca from the gym.
When we went over her resume, I had no idea this was the same Rebecca that likes to use the suspension bands at the gym. The same Rebecca that gives subtle glances and chest stretches to gain the attention of her fellow workout partners. The same Rebecca who is also subtle and timid in bed, as I found out not too long ago.
It was just one night. It wasn’t earth-shattering. It was just mindless sex. A way to scratch the itch. A good lay. Scratch that. It wasn’t even that good. She’s a bit like a dead fish in the sack, but honestly, sex is never really bad for men. Not like it can be for women. As long as we finish, there’s nothing really awful about it. In this case, it just wasn’t something I had a desire to do again with her.
Needless to say, though, when Rebecca walked in for her interview, I was shocked to see her because I never, ever hire someone I’ve hooked up with. Maybe that’s one of the reasons shallow relationships are best. I don’t accidentally dip my, um, toe into my applicant pool.
Rebecca struts out of Nancy’s office looking like she knows she nailed the interview and the job is hers. Nancy, on the other hand, is wild-eyed and making a slashing motion across her neck. Nancy always has a game face so the fact that she doesn’t can only mean one thing—Nancy wants Rebecca out of this building immediately and banned from the premises. This is not good news for our receptionist search, nor for my vetting skills. I need to pay better attention. It feels like I’m losing my touch.
Unaware of the gestures being made behind her, Rebecca makes eye contact with me and approaches at a rapid pace. “Carlos,” she says breathily once she’s standing inside my personal space, completely ignoring the fact that we’re at a place of business and her very obvious advances are inappropriate. But I’m so thrown off by my thoughts about Rian, I’m practically frozen in place. “I’m so happy to have run into you now that I’m done. Nancy was just lovely.” She looks over her shoulder to give Nancy a saccharine sweet smile. Nancy’s smile looks a lot more forced. Turning back, she puts her hands on my chest. “I’d love to—” A quick lick of her lips so her intentions aren’t mistaken. “—catch up. How about some coffee?”
The vibe in the room completely changes. Or at least, in this area of desks. I can practically feel Rian’s eyes watching my every move wondering how I’m going to respond. I shouldn’t be considering how she feels about this situation, because it shouldn’t matter at all, but I am and that pisses me off. Somehow, I’ve developed a crush on Rian and it’s clouding my ability to do my job right. I was too busy staring at her across the room like a prepubescent teenage boy with no game than complete a thorough enough check on Rebecca to make sure she wasn’t the loose woman from the gym, who may or may not have a screw loose. And I’m too keyed up to remove Rebecca’s hands from my body, even knowing all eyes are on me.
So now, I’m in a predicament. I need to get Rebecca out of the office, and I need to get away from the woman I suddenly realize I may have feelings for. I can only see one way out of all these messes.
“Sure,” I respond, hearing a small gasp come from Rian. Not exactly what I was hoping would happen, but what choice do I have at this point? “I’ve got a little bit of time before my next meeting. Care to join me now?”
Rebecca bites her bottom lip seductively, and I’m no longer sure how I ever found that attractive. Her lips look slick and wet and sticky. I can only imagine getting whatever that crap is all over my face if she tried to kiss me.
“Lead the way.” Her voice takes on a sensual quality that also sounds fake, but there’s no turning back now. Not that I want necessarily to. I’ll play it off later and tell Nancy it was the fastest way to get Rebecca out of the office. I just won’t mention it was also the fastest way to get away from Rian as well.
Reaching my hand out, I gesture for Rebecca to pass me. As she does, she stops and looks at Rian quizzically. “I’m sorry, but do I know you?”
Rian’s face is devoid of any emotion as she says, “No.”
“Hmm.” Rebecca’s head bobs once to the side. “I guess you just have one of those faces.” Then turning back to me, she winks and heads toward the elevator.
I follow behind her, mechanically putting one foot in front of the other as I lead her to the elevators, out the front door, down the street…
I’m only half-listening to her yammering on about some random celebrity gossip and the latest plot line to her favorite firefighter show. I should be putting more effort in, just to be polite, but my thoughts are too busy swirling with confusion of my feelings for Rian.
I don’t like her, do I? I mean, I like her. She’s amazing. She’s smart and witty and kind. Her smile lights up a room. She’s the only person I know who could see past how annoying Quinn is these days to help find ways to make him less crazy. She’s just… phenomenal. But…
But what?
The entire walk to the coffee shop, the only thing I can think is how I don’t do relationships. I’m forty years old and have never had a girlfriend for a reason. I have no desire to spend time with someone until they decide they’d rather hang out with someone else. Quick, simple, in and out, is better for me.
Women like Rebecca are better for me.
Pulling open the door of the closest coffeehouse, Rebecca walks in first, her air of confidence bordering on arrogance. Not the gentle self-possession Rian has. She walks with purpose, but also kindness. Like she sees others around her and…
No! Stop it, Carlos! Stop thinking about Rian. You are here with Rebecca.
Clearing my throat, I try to focus on my, um…. date? Is that what she thinks this is? I hope not, or I’ve got even more problems to figure out.
“What would you like to drink?” I speak quietly, feeling like I’m walking through a bad dream. Here with a woman I don’t like so I can avoid the one I do like, all while trying to save face at the office. I’m seriously losing my touch.
Rebecca twirls a hair around her finger. “I’ll let you decide since it’s your treat, but make sure it has mocha in it. I like a little mocha swirl in my coffee. And my men.”
I’d be offended by her inappropriate comparison of skin color to food if it’s wasn’t for the fact that I’m half Puerto Rican and half Norwegian, so the description doesn’t fit me anyway. Which makes me even more disappointed in myself for not vetting her properly. Especially if making assumptions about people without gathering information first is her norm.
“I’ll go find us a place to sit.” Rebecca walks off, and I’m left wondering how suddenly this became my treat.
I shake my head and place my order, pushing aside any discomfort I feel. No, I probably won’t see Rebecca again, except at Weight Expectations, but she’s a decent woman. Interesting, if a little dense. Easy on the eyes. Well, except for that lip gunk. But really, I could do worse than spending half an hour chatting over a cup of hot java.
“Carlos!” a barista calls and places two drinks on the counter for me to grab. Rebecca has made herself comfortable in an oversized chair, her purse on the one next to her. As I approach, she looks up from her phone, smiles at me, and moves the bag.
“I got you a white chocolate frappuccino,” I say as I relax into my own chair. It’s a little lumpy but not bad for as old as it probably is. “I hope that okay.”
“Sounds perfect,” she purrs and purses her lips, exaggerating the blowing motion. When she finally sips, her moan can practically be heard across the room. I watch, fascinated. The more she does these things that are clearly supposed to be seductive, the more I wonder how I ever found it attractive.
Is this what a midlife crisis feels like? It must be. There is no other explanation for it feeling like my perception of the world has turned completely upside down.
Rebecca lowers her cup and looks up at me, practically batting her eyelashes. “I was so excited when you called about the interview, especially since it had been a few weeks since we, well, you know.” She smiles shyly at me, because yes, I know exactly what she’s implying. “It was as if fate brought us back together, don’t ya think?”
No, not really, is what I think.
“Uh huh,” is what I say.
“We were just so good together. It’s like we had this connection. Not just physically but like a spiritual connection. Whenever our eyes would meet across the room or in the mirror, it’s like the stars would align —”
I try hard to keep engaged in the conversation, but the more she talks about how connected we are on a spiritual level, the more I zone out. And the more my thoughts return to the woman I’m trying hard to run from.
How is it possible for me to like Rian so much? She’s not my type in any way. She’s… not shallow. She has depth and wit and thinks outside the box instead of following the crowd. From what I can tell, she’s not interested in being better than anyone else. She just wants to be the best at what she does, or at least, not the worst.
Maybe that’s not what’s bothering me. I like Rian. Fine. She’s likeable. But why the sudden change in me? Why do I suddenly have feelings I’ve never had before? Feelings strong enough that I’m not as focused on my job as I should be, which is something I’ve always prided myself on. Man, it’s almost like Quinn having a hard time paying attention because he’s so in love with his baby.
Wait.
Waitwaitwaitwait. I’m not in love with Rian. Even if I’m attracted to her, it’s way too early to be in love. Am I in like?
Holy shit. I’m in like with Rian.
And I’m back to acting like a prepubescent boy with no game. This isn’t going to work for me. I’m better than this. So is she. So, the question is… what do I do with this now that I’ve figured it out?
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I shift on my chair as I grab it, tuning back into Rebecca who doesn’t seem to have noticed I was lost in my thoughts.
“- mercury was probably in retrograde last time we were together. That’s why it didn’t work out until now, don’t you think?”
“Uh huh,” I respond absentmindedly as I open my text. It’s from Tabitha.
Tabitha: I need to let off some steam. Meet me at Luma after work?
Perfect. She’ll know exactly what to do about my newfound feelings and since she doesn’t do many of her own, won’t judge me for it.
Me: Do I have time to workout first?
Tabitha: Yep. We’re leaving from here.
Clicking my phone closed, I make a note of the time and realize if I’m going to go out to drinks, I need to get some stuff done at the office. Now to figure out how to end the coffee date politely.
“It’s just amazing how the universe works.”
I pause momentarily, and I think Rebecca is finally done talking, I jump in, not wanting to miss the opportunity.
“Well, it was really good seeing you.” I quickly stand, ignoring the look of shock on her face.
“Wait,” she says, confused. “You’re leaving?”
I slap a smile on my face, trying to diffuse the blow she is no doubt feeling. “Well, with all the expanding we’re doing, I still have a lot of work to do.” Buttoning my suit jacket, I stand up taller, hoping to look the part I’m presenting to her. Not that it’s a lie. I do have a lot of work to do. “Nancy has a few more candidates to interview, but she’ll let you know the results in a couple of weeks.”
Rebecca closes her eyes and shakes her head just slightly. “Hold on. So, I don’t have the job?”
“Today was just the interview. It’s our process to meet with several people for each position. Just to make sure we have the right candidate.”
“But…” she starts, and I find myself feeling a tiny bit sorry that she’s going to be disappointed. But the look on Nancy’s face after the interview is imprinted on my brain, so there’s no way she’s being hired. I hope this isn’t the only job she applied for. “But you’ll put a good word in for me, right?”
I smile kindly, hoping to soften the blow. “I’ll be sure to give Nancy my thoughts.”
Rebecca relaxes a little and smiles seductively again. “Wonderful. I’ll see you soon.”
Hopefully not, I think as I race out the door and back to the office. For the first time ever my lack-of-dating life is coming back to haunt me and a new emotion I haven’t felt before comes flooding in…
It feels an awful lot like regret.