Cairo, November 1915
The rooms were filled with contrasting shadows and brilliant light, the glare of bandages and bed linen burning in apricot hue as the last of the sunset sank below the edge of the windowsills. Jack picked his way through, offering greetings and shaking hands with those whose faces were familiar, nodding to other poor blighters whose gruesome injuries were reflected in their haunted eyes. He was glad to be leaving this nightmare, although discharge from rehabilitation unfortunately meant rejoining the war and his battalion, or what was left of it, at the Mena camp. Jack definitely wasn’t complaining though. At least he would still be in Egypt for a little longer and he would gladly take any more days that he could to be near Veronica.
His recent promotion to lieutenant had enabled him to swing a few advantages his way for his date with her tonight and he had the evening planned like a general before battle: dinner at a private little restaurant on the river, champagne courtesy of the resourceful Simmo followed by a walk in the gardens. There he would show her the contents of the tin that saved his life, ending with the little velvet pouch.
Jack paused at the gate and lit a cigarette, surprised at how nervous he was. Surely she would say yes. She was still in love with him, wasn’t she? These past weeks it had been difficult to tell, busy as she was with nursing the steady stream of wounded, and army hospitals were hardly romantic places. But there was something else amiss as well. Something in the way she avoided his eyes and the sadness around her mouth when she smiled. Perhaps she had been in love with Dan after all. This thought plagued him until she finally arrived half an hour later, draping a scarf over her hair and out of breath.
‘Sorry, I had a patient who wanted to get a letter home to his mother and I’d promised him all week to help him write it, then Matron had me change dressings at the last minute and anyway…I’m sorry I didn’t have time to dress up a bit more. I know you want to celebrate tonight before you go.’
She sounded nervous but Jack was too struck by her appearance to care. The aqua green of her dress made her seem otherworldly, fresh and clean in a dirty, sweaty dustbowl. He wanted to undress her on silk sheets and revel in the life exuding from every perfect pore of her skin. It was intoxicating after so much death and destruction to be around something so beautiful. So whole. She was staring at him expectantly and he shook himself back to the plan.
‘Shall we?’ he asked, offering his arm. She tucked her hand in and, as they walked to dinner, he congratulated himself that he was the luckiest man in Cairo.
About an hour later he was wishing he were back at that point and starting over. ‘Don’t you like the lamb?’
Veronica had been toying with her food for a while and Jack was running out of conversation starters. For God’s sake, it never used to be this hard to talk to her.
‘Oh yes, it’s fine.’
‘You said that before when I asked you if you like the view.’
‘Did I?’ she said surprised, staring out across the Nile. ‘It’s lovely. Really.’
Jack watched the boats glide along with their yellow lights and sighed. ‘All right, Vera, spill it.’
‘Spill what?’
‘What’s going on in that little blonde head of yours?’
‘Nothing,’ she said again, staring down.
‘Blast it!’ Jack tossed his napkin on the table and pointed across at her. ‘You’re not going to do this. Not this time.’
‘Do what?’
‘Sabotage us!’
‘Me sabotage?’ Veronica glared at him. ‘You’re the one who…who–’
‘Who what? Made a fool of himself over the wrong girl? Rejected you? Left you waiting?’
Veronica stared back, unable to disagree.
‘But I grew up, Vera, and came to my senses…’
‘You were too late,’ she blurted out.
‘You didn’t wait for me.’
‘You gave me no indication I should!’
‘And you said yes to Dan–’
Veronica stood up, pushing back her chair. ‘Don’t mention his name.’
‘Why? Because you can’t bear to hear it or you can’t bear to hear it from me?’
She walked towards the door, pushing chairs out of the way in her hurry, and he followed her out onto the street, tossing money to the waiter as they left.
They walked in silence as Jack searched for the right words, noting the strain in Veronica’s face and the tears she brushed aside.
‘We can’t just pretend he never existed.’
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ she said, walking swiftly.
‘Well we’re going to, damn it,’ Jack replied, stopping. ‘Because right now it’s like he is standing right here, between us.’
‘I can’t,’ Veronica said, her steps slowing and she bent forward, hugging herself.
‘Because you were so in love with him?’ The words cut him.
‘No. It’s just…it’s wrong…it’s all wrong.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Us!’ she cried, the tears falling as she turned towards him. ‘We are wrong. How can we be together now after…after Dan died and I was…’
Jack held his breath. ‘Heartbroken?’
‘Relieved. I was relieved because…because it wasn’t you.’
Jack felt his heart constrict and reached out his arms, pulling her close against it. ‘I know, darling, I know.’ He rocked her close, loving her with a fierce intensity. ‘But don’t you see? You weren’t glad he died: you were happy that I lived. Don’t you think I felt guilty too? Asking myself if part of me was glad he was out of the way? But I’m not. How could I be? He was a good man and a good mate.’ His voice broke, memories of Dan flooding him – his laugh, his trusting nature, his lifeless body. ‘A good mate.’
They stood together, letting the pain flow, until a group of soldiers wandered near, singing loudly.
Jack took her hand and steered her away to the nearby gardens, sitting her down next to him on a bench beneath a massive fig tree.
‘I want to show you something,’ he said, reaching into his pocket and taking out the tin. ‘Every night in the trenches Dan took out his photo and I took out mine.’ She held the photo and stared. ‘We both loved you, Vera. Do you really think he would have wanted you to be unhappy for the rest of your life?’
Veronica shook her head slowly.
‘I kept this too. A jacaranda flower to remind me of home, the letters you all sent which I re-read a hundred times…and this.’ Jack upended the little pouch and the ring landed in his palm. ‘Even though I never thought I could give it to you, it was still yours in my heart. Vera, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be a bride and a mother and a grandmother and a great-grandmother.’ Jack slipped the ring on her finger and it glittered in the moonlight. ‘Veronica O’Shay, will you marry me?’
Veronica stared at the beautiful stone then back at Jack’s face, the face of the man who she had always loved, and suddenly she knew it wasn’t wrong to do so at all. In fact it was so very, very right.
‘Yes,’ she breathed onto his lips as he kissed her at last, because for all that had been lost, they both knew now that whatever was left had to be taken in this moment. Such was love in war.