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Chloe didn’t mind her new job at the local cafe. She had been working there for over month now, and it was easy for her. Her life had become a simple routine: wake up, work, sleep, repeat. Her parents were happy that she was doing something with her life, although she felt like she was pitied by her friends. And she was jealous of the fraternity and sorority parties and the overall social life that all her friends who were at university seemed to enjoy. Even though she was invited to the social events and occasionally went, she always felt out of place. It was like she was visiting a foreign country and no one there spoke English. Everyone else had their own lingo of university talk, and she just wasn’t a part of it, no matter how much she tried to be.
And her self-confidence was starting to decline. She could see that when she told people her new plan of saving and traveling, there was a look of judgement on their faces, and she felt it herself. It was as if she was wasting her life away with no purpose or direction. “No,” she thought, “I’m not wasting my life! I have a plan, and I know that my life will be enriched from my travels.”
But she forgot about her dreams for awhile as her work at the cafe grew in days and hours. The paintbox that used to sit proudly in the corner of her room was now hidden in the closet. Although Chloe still felt as though she could hear it calling out to her sometimes, she was too scared to get it out, scared that if she opened it an emotion greater than she could handle would take over her. And now she had learned how to fill the gap she had within herself from not painting, she was filling it up with her new love for Ricardo.
From the moment she met Ricardo, a young Italian chef at the cafe where she worked at, she was distracted from the worries of her old life. Ricardo was very interesting. He was different from anyone she had ever met. He spoke with a thick Italian accent, and wore a denim biker jacket with a red flannelette collar. Even though that fashion had expired many years before, he somehow pulled it off. And his body was covered in tattoos - too many to count. She loved how they expressed his own individualism.
Over the last five weeks, they had made eye contact 20 times, and they had had a total of eight conversations (although, two of the conversations were related to work, so Chloe wasn’t really sure if they counted). But it didn’t matter, because she could feel the chemistry blaze between them like electric lightning in the sky.
On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays their shifts coincided, and Chloe couldn’t wait until those days came around. She always spent the day before trying on her outfit and playing with beauty masks as though ‘ready’ for the moment that he was to ask her out. And finally, that day came, on a Saturday afternoon at 4pm when she arrived for her evening shift.
“What time do you finish today?” Ricardo asked, as he wiped his strong hands with a wash cloth in the back room next to her.
His hands were always covered in something. Chloe always noticed, and she adored it. To her it meant that he was passionate about his cooking and it showed a side of determination in him. She often secretly watched him from the backroom as he was working in the kitchen. Even the way he chopped and prepared the cuisine was interesting to her; he certainly had an international flare to his cooking and it fascinated Chloe.
“Nine o’clock.” Chloe replied, smiling sweetly as her heart began to beat fast while she looked into his eyes.
He easily returned her gaze, then looked to the ceiling as though thinking about his words carefully. It was just long enough to tantalize Chloe and confuse her about what to do next. She sometimes caught herself waiting for his next words, and had to tell herself to go back to work, or something along the same lines.
“Let’s have a drink after?” he asked as he raised his thick eyebrows, and stroked his beard on the side of his jawline.
Chloe nodded in response and quickly looked away. It wasn’t that she was trying to play it cool, it was simply that he made her lose all control. Her thoughts became muddled, and she felt as though her breathing made a loud hissing noise. This was the moment she had finally waited for. A date with the man she had been lusting over for weeks. And as she jumped up and down inside her mind, her first thought was - I can’t wait to tell Ashley!
But as nine o’clock came around, he had not followed through with a place to meet. Chloe stood in the back of the cafe, tormented as to whether to wait, or turn around and go home. She hurriedly called Ashley from the bathroom, hoping that her crush couldn’t hear her.
“What do I do?” Chloe asked, looking at herself in the mirror. She had already applied fresh make-up, under the assumption that the date was happening. But as soon the opportunity presented itself for Chloe to feel insecure, there she was again, her confidence diminishing as quickly as she could blink.
“Be confident Chloe!” her sister argued back in the phone. “Just go and find out what’s happening, that’s better than waiting around, right?” Chloe nodded on the other end of the phone. “And you’re a busy girl, you have things to do. If he has other plans, you do too. It’s easy. Don’t complicate it.”
“But what if my meddling changes our arrangements? Shouldn’t I just act cool and let him come to me?”
“To an extent yes, but this isn’t really chasing when he initiated it. If it does amount to something, your meddling or not meddling isn’t going to change the outcome.”
Chloe could imagine Ashley’s face as she provided her sisterly advice over the phone. And she could almost see the way she would stare at Chloe, it was her way of pushing the truth into her sister. And of course she was right, she was always right. Chloe giggled in response, agreeing that she was being over-analytical. Then she hopped off the phone and walked right up to the kitchen.
“Hey! I was just about to find you.” Ricardo said smoothly as he took his chef’s hat off. “Are you ready to go?” He raised his eyebrows in a mischievous manner, and the scent of his cologne breezed over toward her.
Chloe nodded in reply, she couldn’t speak. She wanted to, but the words felt like they were stuck in her throat and she felt as though her entire face was burning red as it lit up with excitement. And then her heart began to beat so loudly, she wondered if he could hear it.
“Let’s go to a bar nearby. There’s some live music playing tonight.” Ricardo suggested as he picked up his trademark denim jacket and opened up the door for Chloe to walk through.
Chloe tried hard not to imagine wearing the jacket, but she couldn’t help doing so. The thought overrode her swirling emotions and she smiled as she walked with him down the street. The moon in the sky hung low, and as she looked up she made a small wish on the first star she saw. Let everything happen for my greater good. She whispered. As they walked in silence along the dark street, she played with questions in her mind as to what to say next. She never usually got nervous when it came to boys, but for some reason, Ricardo shook her up completely.
“What kind of music do you like?” she finally asked in an attempt to start a conversation, since not much was said since they left the cafe, and the silence had begun to make Chloe feel uncomfortable.
“I’m showing you tonight, this is my favorite kind of music.” He smiled with charismatic charm. Chloe felt as though he was inviting her into a part of his life, and she felt happy, knowing that she was learning something special about him.
“What time do they start?” she asked, although she didn’t really care. She just wanted to keep the conversation going, that, and to hear the Italian accent glide over his words. It didn’t matter what he said, she was mesmerized with his presence. And the sound of his voice created a soft humming sound in her ear.
“They should’ve started by the time we arrive.” Ricardo replied, as he wrapped his jacket around his shoulders, styling his clothes confidently.
As they walked together, Chloe would casually look in his direction and although she didn’t say anything to him, she would often find him watching her. To Chloe, it was reassurance that the attraction between them was mutual.
They arrived at the bar with a two-member band already on the stage, and a small crowd of twenty-something-year-old people sitting on various tables.
“What do you want to drink?” he asked, ordering himself a beer from the waiter. But he didn’t wait for her answer, and instead, he paid for his own drink, and started to walk toward the closest table.
“I’ll just have a glass of orange juice.” Chloe said to the waiter. She didn’t really enjoy drinking, rather felt as though it blocked her thoughts and that she acted foolishly when she drank alcohol. Plus, she hadn’t felt like it since Ashley’s accident due to a drunk driver.
Chloe joined Ricardo at the table while they listened to the music. It was two young men playing drums and a guitar. They played an acoustic song with softly spoken words over the top. She felt as though the cords of music they played moved through her body like poetry and it lingered in the air above her, waiting to be absorbed. She liked it, and it made her like Ricardo even more, because if he too liked this intense music, he might, like her, be a deep thinker.
“Do you miss Italy?” she asked, brushing her hair behind her shoulders as she moved closer to be able to hear him over the music.
“Yeah, but I chose this life. All I care about is traveling.” he replied as he took a sip of his beer.
“And cooking? Is it your passion?” Chloe asked, resting her elbows on the table as she listened to him.
“Not really, I just work enough to survive and move on to the next place.” He shrugged his shoulders as though that was what life was all about.
Even though a part of Chloe wished he cared more about his cooking, so that her assumption about his passion would have been correct, she was more intrigued with his carefree attitude and his worldly experience. The thought of the unknown excited her, and she hoped that perhaps traveling might serve the purpose that she was looking for - that maybe, she would find her true calling in foreign lands.
“That’s what I want to do too.” Chloe gushed, already thinking that perhaps they could travel together.
But to her dismay, he didn’t comment. Instead, he responded with “cool” as he raised his bushy eyebrows and turned his face back to the music.
She looked around the room. Couples were kissing and friends were hanging out and laughing, engaged in conversation. And here she was, sitting next to her ultimate crush, but she felt as though the space between her and Ricardo was lacking any interaction. So she casually tried to start conversation again.
“Where are you heading to next?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ears and showing off the new earrings she had bought, especially for this occasion.
“I’m going to Bali after here,” he replied, taking another swig of his beer and continuing to look at the guitarist.
“Me too!” Chloe said excitedly. “Well it’s either Bali or Thailand, I’m not sure where yet. I just know that I want to take off soon.”
And it was true. Asia was the closest to Australia, and definitely the cheapest for her to travel to. She was almost three weeks away from having enough money to buy her plane ticket. Although she knew she wouldn’t leave until Ashely was out of the hospital, it felt nice to plan ahead for once.
But as Chloe told him her travel ideas, Ricardo just nodded and smiled in reply and turned back to the music as his form of entertainment. When the song had finished, he casually grazed his hand over hers, looked deeply into her eyes and asked her, “Do you want to come back to my place and hang out?”
Even though the thought of kissing Ricardo was exactly what Chloe had dreamed about for the last 5 weeks of work, she didn’t want to do it like this. Not from a boring night in a dingy bar with a guy who showed barely any interest in her as a person. And as Chloe later recalled the evening that they had, she realized that he didn’t once ask her a question about herself. Not once. Even when she shared something about herself, without being asked, he didn’t share the same enthusiasm as she did with his own inner thoughts. It was obvious from his playful charm that Ricardo knew he was good looking, and perhaps his aloofness was appealing to other girls . . . But not to her. In that moment of her telling him that she was planning to go traveling as well, right after he had said that his next stop was Asia, there was no talk about her coming with him, not even for a visit. She realized the truth of his intentions toward her, which were nothing more than a casual fling. She couldn’t help but be disappointed by his lack of interest. Not that she had a right to be upset, but still, disappointment felt appropriate. What was the point of their night out? What was he doing with her? Was he dangling the idea of a fling while he continued to pursue his own dreams and fulfill his own goals?
Chloe realized that even though she felt hurt by his not wanting to include her in his travel plans, perhaps he was showing her something in herself that was being neglected. Perhaps he was showing her how he was determined to follow his dreams of traveling despite money being an issue, despite his need to constantly move around without any true ties anywhere.
And even though she felt rejected yet again, perhaps it was the push that she needed. She finished her orange juice and said she needed to go home. She told him a fake family emergency had occurred, and that she would see him at work tomorrow. He didn’t seem too phased by her abrupt departure and ordered another beer. She smiled and waved goodbye, but she secretly wished she didn’t have to face him at work ever again.