She continues to explain the third stage of prayer, and completes her account of its effects. She tells of the hindrances caused in this state by the imagination and the memory
SUFFICENT has been said about this kind of prayer, and of what the soul has to do, or rather of what God does within it. He now takes on the gardener’s work, and desires it to rest. The will has only to consent to these graces that it enjoys, and to submit to all that true Wisdom wishes to do to it. For this, some courage is certainly necessary, since the joy is so great that at times the soul seems on the very point of completely leaving the body. What a blessed death that would be!
Now I think it is good – as your Reverence has already been told – for the soul to abandon itself entirely to the arms of God. If He will talk it to heaven, let it go; if to hell, no matter since it is going there with its own highest Good. If its life is to end altogether, so let it be; if it is to live a thousand years, it wills that also. Let His Majesty treat it as His own; it no longer belongs to itself; it is entirely given to the Lord, and must cast aside all care. I mean that in a state of prayer as sublime as this, the soul realizes that the Lord is doing His work without any labouring of the intellect, which is merely amazed, as it seems to me, at seeing God play the part of the good gardener. For when God brings a soul to this state He can do all this and much more, and this is the effect of His action. He will not let it do any work itself, except to delight in the fragrance that the flowers are beginning to give off.
In one of these visits, however brief it may be, the Gardener, being as he is the Creator of the water, pours it out without stint; and what the poor soul has not been able to collect in perhaps twenty years of exhausting intellectual effort, the heavenly Gardener gives it in a moment. Then the fruit grows and ripens, so that the soul may, by God’s will draw sustenance from its garden. But he does not allow it to share the fruit with others, until it has grown so strong by eating it as not to consume it all by merely nibbling at it. For in this way it gets no nourishment, and pays nothing back to the Giver, and it would then be maintaining others at its own cost, whilst itself, maybe, dying of hunger. The meaning of this will be perfectly clear to those who have the understanding, and they will know how to apply it more effectively than I can describe it, for I am getting tired.
The virtues, then, are now stronger than they were during the preceding prayer of quiet. The soul sees that it has changed, and is unconsciously beginning to do great things with the fragrance given off by the flowers. It is now the Lord’s will that they shall open, so that the soul may see that it possesses virtues, even though it also knows very well that it cannot and never could acquire them in many years, whereas the celestial Gardener has given them to it in a flash. The soul’s humility is now greater and more profound than it was before. It clearly sees that it has done absolutely nothing except consent to the Lord’s granting it graces, and embraces them with its will.
This state of prayer seems to me a most definite union of the whole soul with God, complete but for the fact that His Majesty appears to allow the faculties to be conscious of and to enjoy the great work that He is doing. Sometimes – indeed very often – the will being in union, the soul is aware of it and sees that it is rejoicing in its captivity. There is the will, alone and abiding in great peace, while the understanding and the memory, on the other hand, are so free that they can attend to business or do works of charity. I tell you this, my Father, so that you may see that it can happen, and may recognize the experience when it comes to you: I myself was driven quite frantic by it, and that is why I speak of it here.
Although it may appear to be the same, this differs from the prayer of quiet, of which I have spoken. In that first state the soul does not wish to move or stir but delights in the blessed repose of a Mary, whereas in this second state it can be like Martha also. Thus it is, as it were, leading the active and the contemplative life at once, and can apply itself to works of charity, to its professional business and to reading as well. Yet in this state we are not wholly masters of ourselves, but are well aware that the better part of the soul is elsewhere. It is as if we were speaking to one person, while someone else were speaking to us, so that we cannot attend properly to either.
This state can be plainly apprehended, and gives great joy and satisfaction when experienced. It is a splendid preparation for the attainment of very great quiet, once a moment of solitude or freedom from business arrives. It is like the life of a man who has satisfied his appetite and has no need of food. He feels so comfortable in his stomach that he could not sit down to ordinary fare. Yet he is not so replete that he would not eat with relish if he were offered something really tempting to his palate. So the soul is dissatisfied with the world’s pleasures and does not desire them, because it has within it something that satisfies it better. Greater joy in God, a longing to satisfy its desires and more deeply to enjoy its times with Him: these are what the soul seeks.
There is another kind of union which, though still not complete, is more nearly so than the one I have just described. It is less perfect, however, than what has been called that of the third water. Should the Lord bestow all these upon your Reverence – supposing that He has not done so already – you will be very glad to find them described in writing, and so understand their nature. For the gift of our Lord’s favour is one favour; but to understand what the gift and the favour are is another; and to have the power to describe and explain them to others is yet a third. Though it may seem that only the first of these is necessary to save the soul from fear and bewilderment and to enable it to travel with greater courage along the Lord’s path, treading all the things of this world underfoot, an understanding of this state is a great advantage. This great power of understanding, indeed, is one for which everyone who receives it has great reason to praise the Lord. But those who do not have it have cause to praise Him too, for having bestowed it on some few who are living and can help us profit by it.
Now the kind of union of which I shall now speak comes about like this – and this is especially true of me, to whom God has granted this favour very often. God catches up the will, and the intellect too, as it seems to me, since it does not reason but is occupied in the enjoyment of God, like a spectator who sees so many things that he does not know where to look. As he catches sight of one thing he loses another, and could not give a description of anything.
The memory necessarily remains free, together with the imagination; and when they are left alone, it is marvellous to see what havoc they make, and how they try to throw everything into disorder. Personally, I am wearied by these disorderly faculties and I loathe them; and often I pray God to rid me of them on these occasions if they must trouble me so. Sometimes I say to Him: O my God, when can my soul be entirely united in Your praise, instead of being distracted and unable to control itself? Now I understand the harm done to us by sin, which has so bound us that we cannot do as we desire, and. occupy ourselves always with God.
I say that this experience happens to me at times. It has done so today, and that is why I have it so well in mind. Then I see my soul torn asunder in the effort to be wholly where the greater part of it is: which it finds to be an impossibility. The memory and the imagination make such war on it that it cannot prevail against them, and though the other faculties, being in abeyance, are powerless to do anything, even harm, they do the soul a good deal of damage merely by disturbing it. When I say ‘powerless to do harm’, therefore, I mean that they have no strength and cannot concentrate. As the intellect gives the soul no help whatever in dealing with the imagination, it stays nowhere but flits from one thing to another like nothing so much as one of those restless and tiresome little moths that fly by night. In just this way it flies from one extreme to another. This seems to me a very apt comparison. For though the intellect has not the power to do any harm, it is troublesome to those who notice it. I know of no remedy for this, for hitherto God has never shown me one. If He had, I would gladly make use of it, since I am, as I have said, frequently tormented in this way. This shows us our wretched state, and clearly illustrates the great power of God. For all this fatigue and harm is caused us by the faculty that remains free, while the others, which are with His Majesty, give us rest.
The last remedy that I have tried is the one that I described when discussing the prayer of quiet; that is to take no more notice of it than one would of a madman, but to let it continue with its theme, which only God can take from it. Then it is reduced to slavery, and we must bear patiently with it, as Jacob bore with Leah. For the Lord grants us sufficient grace if he allows us to enjoy Rachel.
I say that it is reduced to slavery, because ultimately it cannot drag the other faculties after it, however hard it tries. They, on the contrary, without any great effort, make it follow them. Sometimes God is pleased to take pity on it when He sees it so confused and disturbed because of its desire to be joined to the other faculties. Then His Majesty allows it to burn in the flame of that divine candle, in which the others have already been reduced to ashes, their whole nature lost in what appears to be the supernatural enjoyment of this great bliss.
In all these states of prayer that I have described whilst speaking of this last water, which comes from a spring, the soul’s bliss and repose is so great that even the body shares in its joy and delight to a clearly perceptible extent, and the virtues are highly developed also, as I have said. It seems that the Lord has been pleased thus to reveal these states in which the soul may find itself, and to do so as clearly, I believe, as is possible here upon this earth.
Discuss this, my Father, with any spiritual person who has reached this stage and has some learning. If he says that it is right, take it that God has said so, and be grateful to His Majesty for it. For, as I have said, in course of time you will be very glad to have understood its nature. Meanwhile, if His Majesty allows you to enjoy it but not to understand it, still, granted that first favour, you, with all your intellect and learning, will come to know what it is with the help of tills writing. Praise be to God for all things for ever and ever. Amen.