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WHEN I LEFT THE BATHROOM and stepped into Pepper and Lexi’s bedroom, I found it empty, but everything seemed to be in order. A glance around the room confirmed that while I’d spent time helping Lexi with her bug issues, the bedroom’s carpets had been vacuumed clean and the beds had been changed with fresh linens.
Curious as to where everyone was, I moved into the hallway that led to the stairs, then I called out to Hunter. Despite how miserable I looked, I was so upset by everything that had happened, I frankly didn’t care.
Let him see me at my worst, I thought. Particularly with Fox sending him that script tomorrow. Best that he sees me looking like this now rather than later in this friendship/relationship/whateverthehellship we’re in at this point . . .
“Hey,” Hunter said as he shot up the stairs and crossed over to me. I waited for him to do a double take when he saw me looking so wrecked, but instead, all I saw was concern on his face. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“Let’s just say that today can go to hell.”
He reached for my hand.
“We need privacy,” he said. “Let’s go downstairs to the Confessional.”
“Where’s Pepper?” I asked as I followed him down the stairs.
“I put the other girls to bed,” he said over his shoulder. “Pepper asked if she could have something to drink, so she’s in the kitchen now.”
“I need to talk with her,” I said. “Especially before she goes back into that bedroom, where Lexi might be lying in wait for her.”
As we approached the Confessional, Hunter called out to Pepper. “Pepper, stay in the kitchen until Julia and I can have a moment to catch up, OK? We’ll be in the Confessional, but only for a few minutes.”
“Talk away,” she called back. “Because I’m going nowhere.”
“Let’s step inside,” he said as he held the door open for me.
When I moved into the Confessional, he followed me, quickly shut the door, and swept me into his arms, holding me tightly as he murmured again and again in my ear about how sorry he was that this had happened. Despite how pathetic I looked, I could feel in his touch that none of that mattered to him, because when Hunter’s lips pressed against my own, I felt what I continued to feel when it came to him—a kindness and tenderness that contradicted how some viewed him in his past. Time and again, Hunter had proved his naysayers wrong. And once again, I found myself safe in his arms—and happy to be there.
When our lips parted, he looked at me with those startling blue eyes of his as he brushed my damp hair off my forehead.
“I’m a mess,” I said to him.
“Really?” he asked me. “Because here I’m thinking I’ve never seen you looking so beautiful.”
“That’s kind of you to say,” I said to him. “But, come on, Hunter, I—”
“I’m not being kind, Julia. I’m telling you the truth. You’re beautiful,” he said as he kissed me gently on the lips. “Inside and out. Because what you did for Lexi back there? That was nothing but kindness. Over the past month, yes, I’ve seen you look stunning in a whole host of gorgeous gowns and sexy dresses—all of which has made me crazy about you, by the way, in case you hadn’t figured that out. But tonight, by helping Lexi, you took things to another level.”
“What do you mean?”
“After what Lexi did to Pepper’s mother—and how angry you are with her for having done that—you still reached out to help her when you took her into that shower. You know my story. Because of the man and woman who adopted me, I know what kindness is, Julia, because they have showed it to me. And tonight, I saw it in you when you graciously reached out to help the other side. You’re a rare woman, Julia. I want you to know that I’m happy to have you in my life as my—”
Before he went any further, he stopped short with an odd, questioning look on his face.
“Julia, what are we at this point?” he asked me.
“Hunter—” I said.
“Please don’t throw that question aside, because I’ve come to the point where I need to know. What are we now? Because whatever it is has nothing to do with a mere friendship, or even just being hot for one another. We’ve gone beyond that, haven’t we? What we have is a far deeper connection than that, isn’t it? Something more profound? Or have I gotten us completely wrong?”
Don’t sway him. Don’t get in the way of his career . . .
“Hunter, can’t we discuss this after you decide on the script Fox is sending you tomorrow?”
His face softened when I said that.
“So, that’s it,” he said. “That’s why you won’t come clean with me when it comes to us. You’re worried about my career. You don’t want to sway me one way or the other.”
“Of course I don’t.”
“And there it is again,” he said.
“There’s what again?”
“Your selflessness, which I can’t ignore.”
“What you also can’t ignore is your career,” I said. “And I can’t ignore mine, either. Because I’ve already told you this, Hunter—I’m not leaving this city for Hollywood. New York is in my bones. And my future and my career will remain here. I’ve been honest with you about that from the very start because the last thing I want is to lead you on when it comes to us. I want to be as fair and as open with you as I can. I hope you agree that I’ve tried my best to do that.”
“Julia, I’ve never met another woman in this city who’s been as honest as you’ve been with me . . .”
“Well, you met her a few weeks ago,” I said with a smile that was meant to alleviate the tension between us.
But it didn’t.
When Hunter suggested that we should discuss Pepper and Lexi’s situation, we sat next to one another on one of the Confessional’s sofas, and all I could feel was an undeniable sense of tension rising between us as I shared what Lexi and I had discussed in the bathroom, and while he told me what had happened between him and the other girls when I was alone with Lexi.
Just moments ago, he’d asked me who we were at this point. As much as I wanted him to stay here so we could figure it out, that was for the universe to decide. Tomorrow, a script would arrive from Fox, it would be read, decisions would be made—and then the riddle of our future together would finally be solved. Either he’d stay in New York and follow through with the third season of his show, or he’d leave here knowing that it was best for him to choose another path that might change his life for the better.
Whatever the case—and how difficult it would be to not have him in my life—what this man deserved from me was the best. He deserved a woman who would let him go so he could achieve his dreams. Regardless of how much not knowing how this would turn out unnerved me, I refused to stand in his way. I was firm on that. And since we hadn’t been sexually intimate with each other, I hoped that my heart would heal a little bit faster should he decide to go . . .
* * *
“I NEED TO TALK WITH Pepper,” I said to Hunter after we’d finished catching up on the evening. “I need to see how she is, I need to hear what’s going through her head, and after I’ve listened to her, I’ll have a better idea of how she plans to deal with Lexi going forward—which we both need to know.”
“Julia, I want you in my life,” he said as he reached for my hand.
And I want the same . . .
Girl, get ahead of this . . .
“Hunter, can I ask a favor of you?”
“Of course you can,” he said as he stood in front of me.
“Promise me that when you read the script tomorrow, that you’ll think long and hard about its merits before you decide whether to direct it,” I said. “There can be no me involved in your decision. If the script is shit, toss it aside. But if it’s solid or if you think you can improve upon it, you need to seriously consider whether to direct it, because doing so might take your life to the next level. That’s all I’m asking of you right now. Hell, that’s all I want for you right now.”
“Don’t you want us?” he asked me.
You already know I do . . .
But despite how I felt about him, I tried my best to keep a straight face.
“I’m not going to answer that.”
“I think you just did . . .”
“Hunter, come on—give me a break here. I’m trying to be my best for you.”
“You’re as stubborn as you are unwavering,” he said as he kissed me sweetly on the lips. “But just so you know, I already know that you feel exactly what I feel for you. It’s on your face, it’s in your eyes, and it sure as hell is in the way you kiss me. But I get it—you want the best for me. You don’t want to get in the way of my career, which I hear and I appreciate. But since you’ve gone into shutdown mode in an effort to protect me from myself, can you please just do me this one thing before we leave here tonight?”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Can I kiss you again? But this time in a way that will let you know exactly how I feel in my heart about you?”
“Hunter, I don’t think that would be a good idea—”
“Well, I do,” he said as he cupped the back of my head with his right hand and drew me in close to him. When we kissed, this time there was something different about it, which I could feel in my heart and in my gut. Because this time? When our lips collided against one another? It felt weirdly like a parting kiss to me, probably because neither of us knew what was barreling our way tomorrow. Because of that alone, we went all in when it came to that kiss. And as we moved in deeper, I could feel his excitement for me pulsing against my thigh, which made me want to say to hell with all of this now so he could finally make love to me. When his fingers slipped through my damp hair, he held me even tighter, and when he did, our tongues crashed in a dance that was so ridiculously off the charts, I almost wanted to cry.
And then I did—not much, but a little. My breath caught in my throat, and I could feel it tighten and constrict as thoughts of losing Hunter to Hollywood made me nestle my head in his chest.
“Julia,” Hunter said as tears spilled down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him. “Try to ignore them. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“How can I ignore them?” he asked.
“Just think of them this way,” I said as I tried to get hold of myself. “Think of them as happy tears meant for a friend who has the potential to go on to better things.”
“There’s more to them than that,” he said.
I took a deep, calming breath when he said that, then I kissed him a final time on the lips before I asked him to go.
“Before I see Pepper, I need to pull myself together. When you see her, could you do me a solid and give me five minutes before you ask her to join me? Because I sure as hell can’t face her looking like this.”
“I’m in love with you, Julia,” he said.
And there it was—right out in the open—an admission that literally shook me.
“Hunter . . .”
“I am. I know it sounds insane, I know it’s only been a month, but that’s nevertheless how I feel. I’m in love with you. I know that I am because I’ve never been in love before—but I am now. And you need to know that.” He brushed the back of his hand against my damp cheeks. “Do you feel the same?”
“I won’t answer that, because I can’t answer that.”
“Then you are in love with me.”
Am I?
Yes, you are . . .
Before I could respond, he stood.
“I’ll give you five minutes before I send Pepper in,” he said.
“After you admitting that you’re in love with me, could you maybe make it ten?” I said.
“Got it,” he said with a smile.
When he opened the door and walked through it, I sat down on one of the benches, I tucked my head between my knees—and then I totally lost it in a series of heaving sobs that literally rattled me to my core.
Girl, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve done your best not to get in the way of his decision. You’ve done the right thing.
Bitch, please. This girl seriously needs to be kicked in the ass, because she may have just lost the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
Girls? Whatever I’ve done, it was done with Hunter’s best interests in mind—not mine. If Hunter and I are meant to be, then we’ll be. If not, there’s nothing I can do about that now, because everything depends on his reaction to that damned script tomorrow . . .
