“Were you going to tell me Sandy was here?”
Ma’s smile of welcome froze on her lips. She stared up at Nate, hands resting on the arm of her chair. “Sandy?” At least Ben wasn’t the only one confused by Nate’s explosion. Standing in the hallway behind Nate, he saw Ma shake her head. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Ethan did. Talked to him and everything.” Nate marched over to the sofa and glared down at his brother. “Well? Were you going to tell me?”
Being in the truck with Nate’s anger was uncomfortable enough. Ben couldn’t imagine how Ethan bore it focused directly at him, but he didn’t even glance at Nate. His attention was on the documentary playing on the TV, Attenborough’s dry, measured tones as he described the tropical rainforest at odds with everything else in the room. “No.”
“Why not?”
Ethan did not visibly react to the question.
Nate grabbed the remote. He turned the power off, standing between Ethan and the TV. “C’mon, Ethan! You know how important he was to me!”
Ethan raised his gaze to Nate. “Sandy’s not good.”
Nate’s fists clenched. “He was my friend, Ethan!”
In contrast to Nate’s anger, Ethan’s shrug was unhurried. “He hurt you. Made you miserable.”
“So you decide, just like that, not to tell me about him? Ethan, you can’t make my decisions for me! He’s my friend! I decide if I want to see him or not!”
“Nate, dear.” Ma put her hand on her arm. “Your brother’s not always good at showing it, but he really cares about you. He’s only thinking of what’s best for you.” Her tone lowered. “Why don’t you take a walk? You’re upsetting our guest.”
“Of course you’d take his side! You never liked Sandy either―” Nate turned to face his mother, and as he did, his eyes met Ben’s, still standing in the hall. He dropped his gaze. “Fine. But don’t think I’m forgetting about this, Ethan.”
Ben drew back to let Nate reach the door. He was tempted to let him go―Nate was obviously upset, and if he’d wanted to talk they’d had chances in the truck―but even as his brain decided that letting Nate cool off was the best choice, his stomach decided abruptly that he was not letting Nate go. “Nate, wait!”
Nate didn’t. He stepped straight into his boots and stomped down the porch, leaving Ben hastily tying laces. He jogged to catch up.
Nate’s anger took him past the tree by the river where they’d talked that morning. The path forked, the right side veering off towards the forest. Nate’s long legs easily straddled the wooden stile that crossed the fence, but Ben lost precious seconds scrambling over it.
This must be the hiking trail. I really hope Nate's not intending to climb a mountain! Ben walked quickly after him. Nate stomped along at a pace Ben couldn’t match. Forcing himself to continue up the slope, Ben thought fleetingly of the vampire’s ability to run without tiring. Never thought I would miss being a vampire!
As he looked ahead, Ben caught himself. What am I thinking? No vampire could run through these woods!
The sun dappled the path ahead of him, the canopy of leaves above dimming its light to a pleasant sepia and giving the surrounding forest the faded air of a photograph. The farther into the woods they went, the more pronounced the surrounding stillness became. Ben became aware of an urge to dawdle and heard Nate’s furious stride cool, wane and finally stop altogether. Ben pressed on.
Around the next corner, he caught up with Nate, standing still in the middle of the path.
Nate let out a deep breath, running a hand across his face. “Damn it.”
Ben waited until he’d reached Nate to speak. “So when you described Little River as boring, what did you mean exactly?”
Nate jumped. “Jesus, Ben! I had no idea you were behind me.”
Ben smiled ruefully. “I’m not surprised. You could have come face-to-face with a werewolf and not noticed.” He bit his tongue. “Want to talk?”
Nate sighed. “God. I’m sorry you saw that. I just―I don’t want to dump this all on you.” He grimaced, running a hand through his hair. “I know you’ve got your own crap to deal with.”
“Which you’re helping me with. This goes two ways, you know.” Ben nudged Nate with his elbow. “Remember, you met my family.” And while Nate’s family might not be the most welcoming, they hadn’t tried to kill either of them, which put them miles ahead of Ben’s vampire brethren.
Nate’s smile was weak. “Okay.”
✩✩✩
“There. Now we’re completely private.” Nate settled his hands on his knees.
Ben looked around. They sat side by side on a fallen log almost totally covered by emerald-green moss. All he could see was trees. Thin trees, big, thick trees with broad branches and solid trunks, scraggly little trees growing at lopsided angles, and the decaying trunks of dead trees, lying as they’d fallen or caught on a neighbor. Any leftover space was filled with plant matter, whether the carpet of fallen leaves, the ferns that blanketed the bank they’d climbed down, or scrubby bushes. “Do we want to be completely private? If we get lost in here, no one’s ever going to find us.”
“We’re not going to get lost.” Nate smiled at him. “I know exactly where we are.”
“Completely surrounded by trees?”
Nate shook his head. “This is nothing. These mountains used to be full of chestnut trees. The house, our barn, most of the town was built from chestnut wood. Now, you won’t find a single tree on this mountain.”
“Forestry?”
“Blight. Started in the 1900s, spread from tree to tree, all the way down the country.” Nate looked up at the canopy above them. “They estimate four billion trees died in forty years. Incredible to think about, isn’t it? Imagine something like that coming, and having no way to escape it… There’s still people working on a hybrid tree, hoping to repopulate the mountains, but the forest will never be what it was.”
Ben tried to imagine a forest filled with even more trees. It was difficult. “You and Ethan aren’t fighting about chestnut trees.”
Nate sighed, rubbing his elbow. “No, we’re not.”
“Who is Sandy?”
Nate leaned back, resting his hands on the back of the trunk for balance. “Sandy―man, how to explain Sandy? He just showed up one day out of nowhere. Pa hired him as a farmhand, and I hung out with him a lot. He was my first friend after Ethan―hell, Sandy’s the first person outside of my family who ever took any interest in me.” He made a face. “That sounds overly dramatic, but it’s true. You’re not going to believe this, but as a kid, I was pretty shy. Stuck close to Ethan, followed whatever he did.”
“I believe it.” Ben felt for Nate’s hand and squeezed. “That’s how I could tell the two of you apart in that photo. Ethan’s not really interested in people. You are.”
Nate ducked his head. “It’s not his fault. He’s just different. Always has been. And I’m not―at least, I wasn’t.” He raised his head to look at Ben. “You said my powers were latent, right? So I always had them, even before I knew they were there?”
Ben nodded. “That’s my guess. The stress of your encounter with Peter woke them but didn’t cause them.” He brushed his hair out of his face, frowning as he studied Nate. “Are we still talking about Sandy?”
Nate’s mouth flickered. How had Ben ever thought Nate dishonest? His conflicted emotions were all over his face. “Sandy’s only part of it. Actually, this is not the first time today I’ve lost my temper with Ethan.”
Ben blinked. “Does this have something to do with why I found you alone at the river?”
“Yeah.” Nate’s shoulders slumped. “I’d been waiting to get him alone to tell him exactly what happened in New Camden. I figured if anyone knew what was going on, he would. Far back as I could remember, he’s had his thing for plants. Whatever I’ve got, he’s got more of it.” He glanced at Ben, his expression uncertain. “It’s not bad to want to know, right?”
Ben smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging way. “Wanting to know is natural. When anything supernatural is involved, knowing as much as possible is essential. Did he tell you what you are?”
Nate’s laugh was hollow. “No.”
“But―”
“I asked.” Nate’s voice was taut. “Asked him if he knew. He said, ‘yes.’ That’s it. Yes. So I said, ‘well?’ and he said it wasn’t important. There wasn’t a word for it, and he couldn’t explain. It was just something you understood. And then he started telling me about this new type of pear he wants to grow.”
“That’s all?” Ben knew better than to expect Ethan to confide in him. But Nate was his brother!
“Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at him. But I told him that he couldn’t make my choices for me, that I had a right to know. And all he said was that I hadn’t wanted to know until now and that hadn’t hurt me any.” Nate dropped his face into his hands. “That’s the worst of arguing with Ethan. He never gets angry. No matter what you say, he just gives you that look as if you’re somehow a long way away and he has to strain to hear you, and then he tells you what he’d decided and that’s it. You can’t change his mind. Nothing changes his mind.” Nate exhaled. “I should have seen this coming, but I thought―I really thought―things were going to be different now.”
Ben placed his hand on Nate’s leg. “I’m sorry.” He hesitated. “Have you tried talking to your mother?”
Nate blanched. “I can’t talk to Ma about this!”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Ben had a hard time keeping his face straight. “Why not? Because she’s religious?”
“That’s part of it.”
“I don’t think it’s the problem you think it is.” Ben squeezed his hand. “She figured us out.”
“Oh god.” Nate stared at Ben with open horror.
“When she took me aside this morning? It was to say she didn’t hold with sex before marriage and she’d have none of it in her house, thank you very much.”
“No― That’s all she said?”
Ben nodded encouragingly. “Maybe you’re underestimating her.”
But Nate groaned, shaking his head. “This― Shit. I really worried her.”
Ben bit his tongue. It wasn’t his call to say anything, but… “You should tell her about what happened. Everything that happened.”
“I can’t do that! Ben, it’ll kill her!”
Ben caught Nate’s eye and held it. “She knows about Ethan, and she handles him just fine.”
“She doesn’t know about Ethan though. None of us do. Not―properly.” Nate took a deep breath. “This is going to be hard to explain, but bear with me. Things are different in Little River. It’s not just a small town, it’s a small everything. You don’t just grow up with people. You grow up with their ancestors too. And they don’t just know everything about you, but everything your family ever did. You’re always being watched. Judged.”
Ben remembered the glint in Dan’s eyes as he’d watched Nate picking up Ben’s things. Were rumors circulating about them even now? He shivered, doubly glad he hadn’t worn the blood-stained T-shirt. “I can imagine.”
“It’s okay for me,” Nate said. “I can get away. Ethan… He doesn’t care. But Ma minds. Ma minds a lot.”
Ben’s stomach lurched. The way Dan’s expression had changed before he recognized Nate flashed through his mind. “People treat Ethan differently.”
“That’s putting it lightly.” Nate picked at the log. “Ma’s always worrying about him. She’s a warden in our church, has been on the council for years. Public opinion’s the kind of thing she cares about a lot. She relies on me to keep up the family reputation. Be normal.” He shot Ben a pleading look. “You see?”
Ben chewed his lip. “Waking to your magic hasn’t changed you that much. You can still support her. And she knows something’s up. Isn’t it better for her to know rather than to guess, worrying herself about it?”
“Here’s the thing. If she knows, she has to do something.”
Ben’s hair was back in his eyes. He pushed it aside impatiently. “That makes no sense.”
“I told you this was going to be hard.” Nate looked to the canopy above as if for inspiration. “You know the church’s stance on the supernatural is pretty grim, right? Especially out here. There’s no compromise. Ma lives her faith. But she loves Ethan. If she has to acknowledge that he’s supernatural, then she has to cast him out. No matter that we all know Ethan couldn’t ever leave the farm. It’s his life.”
Ben remembered the way Ma looked at him. It felt to him now that there was a wariness in her look, a tension that never entirely dissipated. “So she just ignores it?”
“We all do. Did.” Nate drummed his legs against the trunk. “It’s this unspoken thing, never talked about but always there. Ma, Pa and me, we knew we had to cover for Ethan. That sounds like nonsense, right?”
Ben stared at him. He felt the press of an answering weight and swallowed. He’d never told anyone about his secret, not Hunter, not Godfrey―no one. Do I tell him? If anyone understood, it would be Nate. He’s all I have. If he doesn’t understand… “It…makes sense.” Ben swallowed, aware his voice was rough. “Nate―”
“You’re going to tell me how unhealthy it is, living with secrets. And you’re right. People always guess Ma’s our grandmother. All the worrying, it just wore away at her. But how do you think she’s going to feel if I go to her and say ‘hey, it turns out I’m not as human as we thought’?”
“You really haven’t told her?”
Nate brushed his hair across his eyes. “Gunn made me call her. When I woke up after…after the park.” He didn’t look at Ben. “I couldn’t tell her. I asked her if I was a monster, and she said they’d raised me better than that.” He tried to shrug, but the movement looked stilted. “That’s it. I have to do my best to keep up the family normality, otherwise it’s the same story―good-bye Nate, and she’s going to be taking care of Ethan all alone. And you have to admit, Ethan needs taking care of.”
He’s had too much taking care of. Ben frowned. The thought was unfair. What he’d seen was only the tip of the iceberg. “I get it. I don’t know that I agree exactly, but I can understand why you don’t want to say anything.”
“Thanks, Ben.” Nate sighed. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “So that’s that. Back to square one, nothing changed.”
“Not necessarily. There are still avenues to explore―” Ben broke off to elbow Nate. “I am a paranormal investigator, remember?”
Nate tilted his head back. “What is there to investigate?”
“Your family history for one. You’ve been here for generations. If this is hereditary―and since you and Ethan both have it, there’s a good chance it is―there has to be some kind of precedent. Can you think of anyone in the family known for their green thumb?”
“Not that I can think of. But most of our family moved away after the chestnut blight. Those that are left… We’re not exactly on speaking terms with.” Nate grimaced. “So. First off, Pa committed the absolutely unforgivable sin of being the first and only member of the family to get a college degree. Then when Ma married him, she persuaded him to go to her church. His family isn't over it yet, and her family is mad she married him at all.”
Ben shook his head. “Wow. That’s― Do they know it’s not the nineteenth century anymore?”
Nate snorted. “Little River. Religion is serious business.”
“I can talk to Ma. Casually. And is there a history of the town, anything like that?”
“What do you want with a town history?”
“Magic can be acquired in a number of ways.” Ben ticked them off on his fingers. “Inherited, granted, learned or gained via exposure to a magical source or event. You definitely don’t strike me as the studious type―”
“Hey, fuck you!” Nate nudged him. “I graduated high school!”
Ben grinned unrepentantly. “But it’s possible that you and Ethan were exposed to some kind of magical source here.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, Ben? Little River―”
“Is the most ordinary place in the world,” Ben finished. “But a magical source isn’t going to advertise the fact. You’ve got local ghost stories, right? Superstitions about certain places, stories of phenomenon that no one can quite explain…?”
“Well yeah. What small town doesn’t?” Nate’s frown increased. “You’re not going to tell me they’re real, are you?”
“In most cases, the stories are just that―stories. But by working our way through them, sorting out fact from fiction, we might be able to find something real.”
Nate studied Ben. “You’re really into this.”
“It’s what I do. What I’m good at.”
Nate reached for Ben’s hand. “It’s cool that you want to help. Really cool. But I didn’t bring you here so you could investigate us. I brought you here to get you away from all of that. So you could just be normal.”
Ben squeezed Nate’s hand. “This is normal for me.”
Nate didn’t smile. “It doesn’t have to be. You’re free from ARX, right? From Saltaire. You can make a completely fresh start now.”
“And leave you guessing?” Ben shook his head. “Not going to happen.”
“I’m fine. I needed to vent, and talking with you… Well, I can see now that Ethan’s right. I spent most of my life not knowing, and it hasn’t made a difference.”
“You spent most of your life with your magic dormant,” Ben reminded him. “That’s no longer the case.”
“So I just don’t use my magic. Problem solved.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Nate. At the very least, Department Seven needs to know where you are―”
“What, so they can roll up and start investigating us? You know that’s a bad idea.” Nate sighed. “The werewolf―Kenzie―she told me that I should really be higher than Class Three, but because I’d helped them out, they were going to overlook my potential danger. You think they’re gonna overlook Ethan?”
Ben winced. That was a really good point. “Department Seven needs to know something.”
“And they will. When we’re back in New Camden.” He nudged Ben with his elbow. “You haven’t exactly been in a hurry to tell them where you are either―or even let your family know you’re alive.”
“That’s different,” Ben said quickly. “And you know why it’s different.”
“Hunter, Godfrey―they really care about you. Thinking you’re dead, it’s got to be hard for them.”
Ben avoided Nate’s eye. “It’s better this way.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
“That part of my life is over,” Ben said firmly. “In the past. And it’s going to stay over.”
Nate sighed. “I can’t really argue with you, given what I’ve just told you about Ma. But I think you make things harder than they need to be.”
Ben poked him in the ribs. “Look who’s talking. Seriously, Nate.” He bit his tongue. “If we investigate, we don’t have to take anything we find to Department Seven.”
Nate’s smile was faint. “I know. But…hearing you talk about this like it’s one of your cases… It kind of brought home that I’d be doing what I hate Ethan doing for me―making his choices.”
“I don’t follow.”
Nate stood, stretching a bit. “Whatever I’ve got, Ethan’s got it in spades. And it’s been part of him as far back as I remember. He’s been this way his entire life, and he’s never tried to define it or look it up. What right do I have to go and change that?”
Ben slid off the trunk to face him. “So, you’re just going to leave it? Nate―”
Nate set his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “We’ve had enough craziness. I’ll talk to Gunn once we’re back in New Camden. Till then, I’m just a perfectly normal guy who has brought his maybe-boyfriend home to meet the family and hang out―and you're the totally normal guy I'm hanging out with.”
Ben felt himself deflate. “I’m not doing a good job of perfectly normal. Your mother already thinks I’m weird, and I keep freaking out over perfectly normal things.” He hesitated. “I jumped at my reflection again.”
Nate brushed his cheek. “You just need time―and some decent meals to put some color into you. Let’s head home. Ma usually has cookies or something in the pantry.”
Ben let Nate lead him back towards the path. The weight in Nate’s hold felt like an anchor, keeping him tied to normal. “I’m not hungry.”
“Wait till you try Ma’s cookies,” Nate promised. “No one’s ever been able to stop at one.”
Ben snorted. For all Nate worried about his family, his fondness for them came through loud and clear in his voice. “They’re that good?”
Nate’s smirk was pure confidence. Ben remembered abruptly that the man holding his hand was very attractive. “Wait and see.”
✩✩✩
The sun had lost its harshness, taking on the muted light of late afternoon. As they crossed the stile back into the farm, Ben noted the increase in shadows made it feel later than it really was. Framed by the steep mountain peaks, the valley would soon be covered in long shadows.
A prolonged twilight. Perfect for creatures like ghosts who occupied the spaces between worlds, or those like witches who could augment their power from the mingling of day and night―
Ben dug his fingers into his palm. Ordinary thoughts! He kept his expression casual, hoping Nate hadn’t noticed. Concentrate on the cookies. He was actually starting to feel hungry, anticipating the snack. How many times had he come home from school, particularly in his senior year to find his father taking a tray out of the oven in a coincidence too perfect to be accidental― Stop it! You’re being normal.
Instead of following the path uphill towards the house, however, Nate turned downhill, following the stream.
“What happened to cookies?” Ben followed.
“What was it Ma said?” Nate asked casually. “She didn’t hold with sex before marriage…?”
Ben nodded. “‘Not while under her roof.’ Why?”
“It occurred to me that ‘not under her roof’ still leaves us with a lot of options.” Nate’s voice had acquired a definitely smug tone. His fingers were still tangled in Ben’s, but his thumb stroked Ben’s wrist. “There’s the barn for one. The orchard for another. And then there’s the bridge.” He sounded far too pleased with himself, as if he knew Ben would follow.
And I am following. Ben didn’t know whether he was annoyed, amused, or something else entirely. “Is this what counts for flirting in Little River?”
“Hey, out in the country, we make our own fun.”
Fun. Ben caught his breath, stumbling to a halt. When was the last time I did something because it was fun?
“Are you okay?” Nate caught Ben’s arm to steady him. “I didn’t mean it like that― Well, not totally. Mostly, I was thinking how nice it was having you to myself and not worrying about Ma or Ethan interrupting, and I realized I didn’t want to go back to the house.”
Ben was very conscious of his heart thumping in his chest. Nate’s hand was warm where it brushed his skin, and as Ben looked up, meeting Nate’s gaze, he felt an answering surge of warmth in his chest. He hadn’t felt his heart beat in a year. Now―
“Ben?”
“Would Ma approve of me kissing you here in the middle of the path?”
Nate took a sharp breath. “No. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t.”
“That’s too bad.” It didn’t take much. A slight pressure on his arm and Nate leaned down, and then Ben was kissing him. I’m alive. And Nate― Nate’s mouth was warm. Ben sucked at his lip, trying to capture as much of that warmth as possible. Nate’s breath brushed him like a caress, his mouth just as hungry. Was he kissing Nate, or was Nate kissing him? Ben no longer knew or cared which. Nate makes me feel it. Reminds me of it, each and every touch―
Nate pulled him against his body, and Ben reveled in the static shock-like feeling of contact that followed. There was nothing like this―nothing even close. This is living. He needed to be locked in Nate’s arms, grinding against him as the feeling drowned out everything else. God, yes. The uncertainty and insecurity that had dogged him all day would be silenced by the rush of blood, of breath, of impulses that had nothing to do with vampiric hunger and everything to do with life―
Fuck! Ben pulled back quickly. His heart beat fast but with sudden fear. Am I―using him?
“Jesus, Ben. You don’t mess around.” Nate’s tone was breathy, and his arm settled around Ben’s waist. “Are we even going to make it to the bridge?”
“Nate. Do you―” Ben took a deep breath. “Do you want to do this? You’re not―taking care of me?”
“You’re serious?” Nate brushed Ben’s hair out of his eyes. What he saw in them got his attention. “Why would you think that?”
“You’re always there when I want you, before I know I want you. And you’re so perfectly what I need…” Ben swallowed. Nate looked injured, but he had to get the words out. “It doesn’t seem real. That I could ever be this lucky.”
Nate let out a long breath. “Ben.” He was wrapped in a tight hug. “I’m the lucky one. And you’ve got no idea…” He stepped back, taking Ben’s hand. “Come on. I want to show you how lucky.”
The shadows were already advancing across the paddocks as Ben and Nate stepped out from them into the paddock.
“What happened to the bridge?”
“Too far. We’re going to the barn.”
Ben should not have been amused, not when Nate meant it so seriously. But there was something heavy in his chest that flickered, and something in his eye. Ben blinked abruptly. It was too overwhelming to look at Nate, so he looked away.
There was a movement in the paddock. “What’s that?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Nate continued towards the barn.
Ben dug his heels in. “I think it’s an animal.”
It had heard them, its head whipping up. It froze, standing next to the oddly shaped object that had its attention.
“Coyote!” Nate swore. “Get out of here! Go!” He let go of Ben’s hand, jogging towards it, waving his arms.
Ben followed. “That’s a coyote?”
“It’s a pest! Don’t want them hanging around the chickens―what are you waiting for? Go!”
The coyote finally took off. It ran with a light loping run, and Ben paused to watch it wriggle its way through the fence to disappear into the shadows. Nothing like a werewolf. He shook his head. What was I thinking―
Nate continued to run.
The coyote had left something behind in the field. It was an odd shape, too big to be another coyote, but the wrong color to be part of the field. It looked very much like a jacket and a pair of jeans…
Cold touched Ben, a sudden suspicion. He ran after Nate.
Nate reached it first. He stood a long moment, looking down, wiping his hands on his jeans before stretching out a hand.
“Don’t touch it!”
Nate jerked his hand back. “We’ve got to check. Take a pulse or something.”
“No need.” Ben quietly put a hand on Nate’s arm, drawing him away from the man. “Take it from a former corpse. He’s dead.”