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Roux showed the text she’d just received from Steve to Raven, the moron who’d suggested Roux try sexting with him, probably to get her to shut up about him for a few minutes.
“Does this mean what I think it means?”
Raven grinned. “You lucky bitch! He’s totally in love with you.”
Roux’s heart rate kicked up several notches, but she rolled her eyes. “Whatever. He’s just horny.” He wouldn’t really see her soon. Like, not in person. Maybe he meant he’d FaceTime her or something. She hadn’t slept a wink because she’d been so busy thinking of him all night. How had he gotten so far under her skin so quickly? He was perfection, that was how.
“If he were just horny, he’d grab the nearest groupie and get his rocks off. It isn’t like the guy couldn’t find a willing substitute.”
“We promised we wouldn’t screw around with anyone else.”
Raven nodded. “When I’m right, I’m right. Totally in love with you.”
Roux hopped up from the chair she’d been sitting in while Raven had been pretending to touch up her makeup so she could sext with Steve in the middle of the day. She paced the length of the small room, reading and rereading the string of messages they’d sent to each other. She was almost positive his final three-word message meant he was coming to see her soon. But how was that possible? He had important band meetings and, and some wedding to go to, and, and, and Zach’s heartache to help mend—she loved that the two were so close. Her sisters had had nothing but great things to say about Zach, who’d blended in with the family of women and girls as if he’d grown up in the brownstone with them all. Mama Ramona adored him. Especially when she unwittingly asked him which of her girls he planned to marry and he assured her that only the top prize—Ramona herself—would do. Anyway, Steve was much too busy to fly clear across the country to see her. She wouldn’t have time to entertain him anyway. Iona was already growing suspicious that even though Roux had assured her there was nothing remotely serious between her and Steve, things were a tad more complex than anyone was letting on.
“What am I going to do, Raven? If he shows up here, Iona is going to flip. I promised her there wouldn’t be any fooling around between me and Steve during the tour.”
“But you aren’t on tour yet,” Raven said, fingering the hoop that pierced one nostril as she watched Roux fidget.
True! Roux hugged Raven tight, hoping that she would get to see Steve again before they had to do the distance-keeping thing for real. She’d be devastated if she’d misinterpreted his message and he didn’t show up. “You’re right; we aren’t on tour yet. I love you!”
“But you love Steve more,” Raven teased.
Roux released Raven and turned her back to her. “Not more. Different.”
“That’s a relief,” Raven said. “I wouldn’t want to keep you awake all night, too uncomfortable in your wet panties to sleep.”
“It isn’t just the sex between us that’s making me crazy.” She pressed her fingertips to her lips, trying to find the words to explain her feelings but coming up lacking. “He’s so . . . not what I expected. He has a huge heart.”
“And the huge dick is just a bonus.”
Roux laughed. “Exactly!”
For the rest of the day and evening, Roux’s gaze kept darting to the wings of the stage as if she expected Steve to be there. First of all, even if he’d commandeered the jet the second he’d stopped texting her, the distance was too far for him to get there this soon. Second of all, he wasn’t really coming. What kind of crazy guy would drop everything just to see a woman he’d met only weeks ago? Third . . . Her bandmates were staring at her. She clenched her fingers, which were no longer moving across the keys.
“You okay, Roux?” Sage asked.
“My fingers cramped up,” she lied, flexing her hands as if trying to work some circulation through them. “I can’t imagine what yours must feel like. Are they bleeding yet?”
“I could use a break,” Lily said from behind her drum kit. She was drenched in sweat. “I need to rehydrate too. I feel a little dizzy.”
“Yeah, yeah, and my throat hurts, but we have only a week to get this right!” Iona said. “From the top.” She strummed the first bass note, but the rest of them only stared at her. “I said, from the top.” She repeated the note, but again no one joined her.
“I’m calling it a night,” Lily said, placing her sticks on her snare and groaning as she stood from her stool. She pressed both hands to her lower back and stretched it back and forth. “If you kill us all before the tour actually starts, you won’t ever attain that fame you so desperately want.”
“I don’t want it for me. I want it for all of us,” Iona said.
“But none of us wants it the way you do,” Sage said, lifting her guitar strap over her head and setting her green guitar on a stand near the edge of the stage.
“Speak for yourself,” Azura said. “I want it all.” She played a fast series of notes on the blue guitar that matched her hair and clothing accents.
“We can have it all without killing ourselves,” Lily said. “We got this.” She joined Iona, who looked half sick, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “This isn’t like that show, Iona. You aren’t alone; we’re with you. There’s no competition here. You’re just doing something you love.”
But everything was always a competition with Iona. It was simply how she operated. They all knew that about her, and they all loved her because of that internal drive, not despite it.
“If you’re not careful, you’ll lose your voice again,” Roux said. Iona went a shade paler. “You need rest too.”
“We’ll be back tomorrow,” Sage said. “It’s not like we’re finished forever. We all know we still have a few kinks to work out of the set.”
“And I have a few kinks to work out of my back.” Lily groaned and bent over, rounding her back to relieve the tension.
“And I’m sure Iona has a few kinks to work out on her man,” Azura said, removing her guitar and setting it aside. “When do I get a chance at some kinks?”
“Maybe we should go to the Delancey tonight,” Sage said. “Any kink you’re looking for will be there.”
Azura brightened. She loved going to their favorite goth nightspot in New York, but her shoulders sagged after a brief moment. “I’m too damned tired to even consider it.”
Roux draped a cloth over her instrument to keep the dust off the keys and followed her sisters off the stage. Looking around at the current setup, she was struck by how lucky they were that Sam had found this place for them to use for the next week. Most of their equipment was on a barge headed to England, so renting all this stuff couldn’t have been cheap. It also was within walking distance to their apartment. The sun was already going down, and they lived in a neighborhood where it wasn’t safe to walk alone at night, but the six of them together felt secure enough to goof around and gossip as a bit of relief from a long day of attempting to turn their fun hobby into a grueling job.
“I guess he isn’t coming,” Roux said quietly to Raven, who was answering messages as she walked.
“Give him time. He’s not the boy next door.”
That was true in multiple ways, but that point didn’t make Roux feel even a little better. She missed him like crazy. Maybe he was right and real rock bands didn’t have keyboardists. She could quit now and become a desperate groupie begging for his attention. Right. That was simply her hormones talking. As soon as the nuisance giddiness wore off, she’d regret such a stupid decision for the rest of her life. She needed to get a grip. Especially since she was certain the reason he was even remotely infatuated with her was because in the beginning she’d pushed him away and now she continued to lay ground rules even if she wasn’t very good at keeping them.
Stay strong. She tried a self-directed pep talk. You don’t need a man to be happy and successful and to live a fulfilling life.
But having Steve beside her would sure make those dreams all the sweeter when they became her reality.
She was halfway up the fourth flight of stairs to their apartment when her phone dinged with a text message. She whipped the phone out so fast, she nearly chucked it down the stairwell. She clutched it to her chest, heart hammering wildly, and then peered at the message through the slits between clenched eyelids, as if reading it that way would lessen her disappointment.
Meet me at Republic Airport in six hours.
Six hours? That would be two thirty in the morning; was he crazy? She glanced at her sisters, realizing they’d all be asleep—with the exception of Raven, who rarely slept—and wouldn’t know if she snuck out in the middle of the night. They’d never know she’d been unable to keep her word about not seeing Steve for less than forty-eight hours.
And so she impulsively texted back. I’ll be there. How will I find you?
You’ll figure it out. Putting my phone in airplane mode now.
Wait. I have questions.
But he didn’t answer.
“Damn,” she muttered under her breath. It would serve him right if she stood him up. Oh, who was she kidding? She’d be there to meet him even if she had to crawl through the New York City sewers on her hands and knees.
When Roux tiptoed out of the apartment hours later—Raven silently locking the door behind her—her belly was quivering with a mix of nerves and excitement. What kind of crazy guy had she gotten herself mixed up with? The right kind of crazy. She grinned as she hurried down the steps in her bare feet, carrying her sandals by the straps until she was safely, quietly, out of the building. Once outside, she sat on the rain-wet front step and slipped into her shoes. A soft drizzle fell, giving the cement an earthy smell that instantly relaxed her. She stood from the stoop to make her way to the nearest subway station but stopped before she’d managed a single step. A white limousine was parked at the curb. Red flower petals lay scattered on the pavement before the back door, which a stern-looking man opened. He stood watching her.
Was Steve already here? Was he waiting inside the limo?
She approached the car warily. Mama had warned her never to get into a stranger’s vehicle. Unless it was a limo. Stranger-danger rules didn’t apply in such situations.
“Miss Roux Williams?” the driver said, his voice far more comforting than those shrewd-looking eyes of his.
“Y-yes.”
“I’m to take you to Republic when you’re ready.”
She’d given herself a couple of hours to get there because she figured she’d have to take public transportation. Iona monitored the mileage on the van for tax purposes, and she was determined not to get caught.
“You are?”
“Yes, miss. The gentleman instructed me not to bother you and wait at the curb until you came outside.”
“He did?”
“Yes, miss. I can take you anywhere you’d like to go as long as we make it to our destination before two.”
“I guess we can take the scenic route,” she said with a shrug.
He smiled, and his eyes softened. “As you wish.”
He took her elbow to help her into the car. More red rose petals carpeted the floorboards. She wasn’t sure of their significance, but as she settled into the wide comfortable seat, she scooped a petal off the floor and brought it to her nose. She closed her eyes as she rubbed it over her lips.
“Help yourself to any refreshments you desire,” the driver said. “If you need me, lift the phone handset there.” He pointed to a phone affixed to one wall.
“Wait!” Roux said as he started to close the door.
He ducked his head into the open door. “Yes, miss?”
“I didn’t catch your name.”
He smiled again. “It’s Arnold, miss.”
“Thank you, Arnold. You saved me from a walk in the rain.” The light sprinkles were already turning into heavier drops. She had no doubt that she would have been completely drenched by the time she reached the subway.
“My pleasure, miss.”
The door closed, and within a few moments the car pulled away from the curb. In the seat across from her sat three boxes of various sizes, each wrapped in bright floral paper. She stared at them as if they might jump off the seat and tear out her jugular. She hadn’t received many gifts in her lifetime. Holidays and birthdays had been special under Mama Ramona’s care, but not lavish. Instead of buying presents for each sister, her family had done a gift exchange at Christmas and pooled their money for a single birthday gift, so in her memory she’d never gotten three gifts at once. Not even before she’d been saved. She licked her lips nervously and turned her attention elsewhere.
On the central console stood an open bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket of ice, chocolate-covered strawberries arranged artfully on a platter, and various hors d’oeuvres on tiny plates. Upon closer inspection, she found the treats were vegetarian friendly, and unable to resist sampling each variety, she also discovered they were all very tasty. The champagne turned out to be non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice, so she poured herself a glass, feeling slightly ridiculous to be sitting in the back of a limo alone sampling rich-people food and drinking juice on her way to meet a rock star in the middle of the night. She felt like an imposter in her own life. She hoped Steve didn’t make a habit of this frivolous kind of adventure. While it was wildly romantic, and she couldn’t help but feel special, this little rendezvous was wasteful and over the top and unnecessary. Well, seeing him did seem as necessary as breathing, but the limo and the refreshments and the gifts she was afraid to touch and the drive around downtown New York made her uncomfortable. Indebted. But yes, very special. She couldn’t stop smiling. Maybe it was the delicious sparkling grape juice. She’d certainly enjoyed enough of it by the time she found the courage to open one of the gifts. The box was flat and square. She carefully peeled off the tape as if she planned to rewrap it, so no one would know she’d opened it. She set the paper aside and lifted the lid. Inside a layer of red tissue paper, she found the skimpiest, most transparent pair of black panties ever made.
She flushed, checking over her shoulder for observers before lifting them out of the box and holding them at eye level. “He doesn’t expect me to actually wear these, does he?” There was nothing to them but a few strings and a patch of gauze.
A white card lay at the bottom of the box. On it was typed Imagining you in these gets me through my next breath without you. Steve.
Emotion threatened to choke her. She checked the interior of the limo for onlookers, squinting at the dark glass to search for prying eyes, and after deciding no one would see her, she slipped her hands under her skirt and peeled her sensible panties down her thighs, replacing them with the ones Steve have given her. She quickly wadded up her discarded drawers and stuffed them into her purse.
Hooked already, she reached for the second box. This one was rectangular and made a clunking sound when she turned it over looking for tape. She wasn’t quite as careful with the wrapping on this one, and cringed when it tore, but she soon had the paper tossed aside and lifted the lid, her belly tight with anticipation. Inside were two small bottles of fragrance. She lifted them out and unscrewed the tops, giving each a sniff. The first was sweet smelling—a mix of honeysuckle and some citrus fruit. The second smelled spicier, musky. At the bottom of the box she found another neatly typed message.
Sweet or sexy? You’re both to me. Chose what you want to be for me tonight. Steve.
She inhaled a whiff of each fragrance again, deciding she loved them both. How could she choose? She decided she didn’t have to. She dabbed a bit of the sweet fragrance behind one ear, and the sexier scent behind the other.
The final gift was the smallest and a long, thin shape. She hoped good things did come in small packages. Wanting to savor this one, she took her time removing the wrapping. Her heart thudded when a black velvet box was revealed. She was going to have to tell Steve not to buy her things. She knew he could afford it, but what could she ever give him in return? She was broke.
Fingers shaking, she opened the hinged lid to find a diamond tennis bracelet with a large ruby heart in the center. She touched the red stone and sucked her lips into her mouth. It was gorgeous, but she could never accept such a lavish gift. She’d just put it on for a second to see how it looked, and then put it back in the box and ask him to return it. Her heart was thudding as if she’d stolen the thing as she released it from the fasteners securing it to a satin-covered interior and then wrapped it around her wrist. The bracelet she always wore—the silver one with the bullet dangling from it—even looked good next to the extravagant string of diamonds, as if the two were meant to be paired. She fastened the clasp and held it up to the light. It glittered prettily on her wrist. Oh God, she loved it!
“You’re not making things easy on me, Aimes,” she muttered under her breath, running a finger over the faceted diamonds and tracing the ruby heart. And he had exquisite taste. Or was some Exodus End lackey responsible for choosing her gifts? She discovered another neatly typed card caught in the lid of the bracelet’s velvet box.
Not sure if you’re ready to give me your heart yet, but when you are, wear this, and I’ll know you’ve given me the greatest gift I could ever receive. More than like you, Steve.
She blinked against the sudden rush of tears, dabbing at her eyes with the back of her hand to save her makeup from utter ruin. She fingered the clasp, knowing she should take off the bracelet, especially since he’d attached such significance to the gorgeous piece of jewelry, but . . .
She was ready to give him her heart. It had likely been his from the moment he comforted her on the balcony when she’d told him about what had happened to her family. She was ready to love him, but was she ready for him to know? She knew how much he liked the chase.
She was still wearing the bracelet when they arrived at the airstrip a few minutes before two. The limo pulled to a halt, and after a moment, Arnold opened the door. She wondered if she was supposed to tip him. She had only a few dollars on her and figured that lowly amount would insult him. All her worries about proper tipping etiquette vanished as she stepped out of the limo onto more red rose petals. Feeling as if she were walking into a dream, she absently handed her champagne flute to Arnold, diamond bracelet glittering in the hazy light from street lamps, sexy new underwear riding uncomfortably up her ass crack, a mix of fragrances swirling about her face . . . and followed the trail of rose petals into the building that served as a hub for private flights. The place was deserted. Even the customer service counter had been abandoned. She could see a few small planes out along the airstrip, but it was too dark to tell if one of them belonged to Exodus End.
The rose petals continued down a corridor and around to the right into a shadowed hallway illuminated by a trail of burning candles along the floor. Her heart rate increased with each step, with the anticipation of discovering what lay at the end of the path—Steve—as she remembered him saying she’d know how to find him once she got to the airstrip. Was he here waiting for her? Or was she early? The trail of rose petals and candles ended at a closed door. She read the placard beside the door and snorted. The men’s room? All this fanciful flare to lead her to a men’s room? Only Steve would come up with something so—
The door eased open, and there he stood, so gorgeous in a white button-down shirt with his hair swept up into a bun and his dark eyes burning with desire, he stole her breath.
“Fancy meeting you here,” he said with a disarming grin.
She swore the earth stopped turning and that all of existence vanished except for the man before her. She couldn’t find enough air to speak, so she stared at him, lips parted with longing, and then she reached out to fist her fingers in the front of his shirt. A desperate moan escaped her as he shifted her into the bathroom and pressed her back up against the cool tile of the wall beside the door.
His kiss seared her inside and out. Sparks of want and need crackled between them as his lips caressed hers fervently. Her fingers were at the buttons of his shirt, releasing them as fast as her fumbling hands could manage. When her palms smoothed over the warmth of his hard chest, he pressed his thigh between her legs, lifting her up on her toes. She cried out, squirming against his leg in search of relief. Too many clothes, she thought, glad he could read minds as he pulled her top off over her head and flung it to the floor.
“Only you do this to me, Red,” he murmured in a low growl that made her nipples tighten and strain toward him. His teeth scraped the edge of her jaw, and he bit down just hard enough to send a jolt of excitement down her spine.
“I didn’t do much,” she said, refusing to take the blame for this encounter, but eager to claim the benefits.
“You just have to exist.”
He hiked her skirt up to her waist and ran a finger along her hip under the string that was posing as underwear. “I’ve been imagining you wearing these for hours, and now I’m too turned on to even look.” His breathless laugh twisted her into knots. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” She stroked his stubbled cheek. She was completely aroused, but her deepest longing wasn’t for the pleasure she knew his body could give her, it was for the bliss of being with him.
“Is that . . .” His breath hitched. He turned his face into her palm and kissed the ruby heart of her new bracelet. “Please tell me you read the note before you put this on,” he said, his voice wavering with emotion.
“I didn’t,” she admitted. She refused to lie to him about anything.
He sagged against her, pressing her into the wall. “Oh. That’s okay. It’s yours to wear regardless.”
“I read the note after I put on the bracelet and figured I should have you return it. I’d have to be crazy to feel that strongly about anyone after such a short time knowing someone.”
“I knew it was a long shot.”
She threaded her fingers through the loose strands of hair framing his face and stared into his eyes. The hurt behind his gaze tore at her heart. She really shouldn’t torture him by going into long-winded details.
“But I’m glad you wore the sexy perfume,” he said, pushing his fingers beneath the scrap of material that barely concealed her pussy. When he touched her throbbing clit, she jolted several inches up the wall.
“Are you sure?” She turned her head so he could smell the sweet perfume beneath her ear.
“Sweet?”
She smiled. “That’s the part of me that got giddy because you attached heavy significance to this gorgeous bracelet and told me to wear it anyway.”
“Does that mean what I think it means?”
Yes, but she wasn’t quite prepared to blurt out her deepest feelings when she was pressed up against the wall of a men’s room. She turned her head the other way, and he inhaled the second fragrance she’d applied in the limo.
“I was right,” he said. “I did smell something sexy.”
“That’s the part of me that wants your hard cock pounding into me at this very moment.”
She held her breath as he unzipped his pants and then let the air out in a gasp of excitement as he shifted his hips and guided himself into her. He didn’t pound into her, though. He took her slowly, carefully, wetting his length with her juices as he thrust in and out, claiming one inch of new territory at a time. He never took his eyes off hers, not even when he’d filled her completely.
“I love both parts of you, sweet and sexy,” he said, and the way that he was looking at her, as if she was his entire world, kept her from questioning the depth of his feelings. “I love all parts of you, Roux. I love you.”
Gravity ceased to exist. She clung to Steve’s shoulders, certain that if she hadn’t been anchored to the only reality in her universe, she would have drifted into outer space. “I love you too.” She hadn’t meant to say it, but she’d never spoken truer words.
He released a small gasp before claiming her lips. The passion behind his kiss made her toes curl, the emotion behind it made her chest ache, and when his hands gripped her ass and he began to thrust his hips, a deeper connection was cemented between them. Sex became more than pleasure, more than fun, more than heady excitement and inevitable release. And maybe it had always been that way between them, but she hadn’t recognized the emotional entanglement before.
Their souls were touching. She felt him everywhere, with every part of herself, and it scared the hell out of her.
Why had she let him get so close? What if someone took him from her? Who would put her back together if she lost him? Her survival instincts told her to push him away, to run, to close herself off completely. So why was she holding him so close? Steve was the problem, not the solution. If she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t be destroyed when her father put a bullet in him.
Crazy, she told herself. Daddy’s dead. He can’t hurt Steve. She knew that, but reality didn’t stop the fear from rooting in her heart. And even if the sick bastard couldn’t rise from the grave and take love from her again, someone else could.
“What’s wrong, baby? You’re shaking.”
“Don’t stop,” she pleaded.
But he already had. She’d been so wrapped up in her personal demons that she hadn’t recognized he’d gone still.
“You’re sorry you said it, aren’t you?” He spoke quietly, as if he didn’t want to voice his concern.
Her arms tightened around his head, drawing him to her chest. Could he feel how hard her heart was beating and how it ached?
“No, I’m not sorry. I do love you.” She took a deep breath. “And that’s why I’m so scared.”
“What’s scary about love? There’s no drug that can match this euphoric feeling. I should know, I’ve tried them all.”
“Naughty,” she said, slapping at his shoulder.
“Tell me why you’re scared. I won’t betray you, not ever.”
“I know that. I trust you. I honestly do. It’s other people I don’t trust.”
“I can handle myself. If some woman comes on to me, I’ll turn her down.”
He thought this was about infidelity. She supposed that made sense considering how cheating—or being accused of it—had destroyed his marriage. “I’m not worried about you cheating on me.”
“You’re not?” He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. “I’m getting too old to attract horny women, is that it?”
She laughed. He was so gorgeous, he made her eyes hurt sometimes. How could he think he wouldn’t attract even the most prudish of women?
“I’m certain you’ll have to be extra careful to make sure you never cheat on me,” she said, her breath starting to calm now that her mind wasn’t stuck in a loop about losing him.
“I will be more diligent than a straight-A student,” he said. He kissed her briefly. “Now tell me what’s bothering you, since I obviously projected my fears onto you.”
“You think I’m capable of cheating on you?”
He grinned and shook his head. “I’m more worried that you said I love you only because I did.”
She never would have guessed that Steve Aimes was so vulnerable and uncertain about himself when it came to love, and that vulnerability somehow managed to make her love him even more. When it came to sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll, he was the epitome of a confident man. And that was the guy the world knew, the one she’d thought she knew because of interviews and videos she’d seen and stories she’d read. She wouldn’t have fallen for that guy so quickly, but wouldn’t he be that character when they were out on tour?
“I didn’t say it because you did. I said it because it’s true. I love you.”
He smiled a boyish little grin that had her thinking about having his adorable babies. What the fuck? She dashed that foolishness aside at once. She didn’t have time for babies. Not even ones who’d be as perfect as their father. Their scheduled quickie against the bathroom wall was not going according to plan.
“So what has you trembling?” He shifted his hips and thrust into her, reminding her that their rendezvous was far from over. “You can tell me anything.”
Where her fears had been so raw before, she now felt silly for having them. “It’s nothing. What does a woman with a hard cock inside her have to do to get fucked around here?”
“Say no more.”
He angled her hips so he could pound into her, drawing her toward release so quickly, her head was spinning. Seconds before she shattered, her feet touched the floor and he pulled out. She groaned in protest—so close—and he turned her to face the wall.
“Sorry, Red, but I don’t trust my strength to hold you like that anymore. We spent too much time talking and not enough time fucking.”
Before she could form a reply, he gripped her hip and tugged her backward, filling her with one deep thrust. She pressed against the wall with both hands to hold herself steady while he took her. When his finger brushed her asshole, her entire body tensed. Steve moaned somewhere behind her. After a moment, her body relaxed, and his finger slipped inside her. She tensed again, his invasion unfamiliar but sexy.
Steve went still behind her. She peeked over her shoulder to find him standing there with his eyes closed, lip caught between his teeth as he struggled to breathe. Hmmm . . . So he liked when her pussy clamped down on his cock. It was a purely involuntary reaction on her part. Or it had been. She drew in a breath and held it as she squeezed him inside her as hard as she could.
“I’m trying not to come back here,” he said breathlessly.
She relaxed her muscles before squeezing him again. She loved to make him come. Loved more that he always seemed so surprised that they climaxed together so easily. He slapped her ass, and she tightened further. When he began to thrust through her tension, her thighs gave out and he had to keep her on her feet by wrapping his arm around her waist. Soon his fingers went exploring and found her clit, rubbing and rubbing as he filled her and withdrew, at the same time stretching her tight asshole with a circling finger. She had no choice but to come. She cried out as release shattered through her. He answered with a sexy groan as her clenching pussy pulled him over the edge with her.
After they caught their breath, she hovered over the toilet to pee and they both cleaned up a bit in the sink, quietly completing the task. She wondered how long he could stay but was afraid to ask. She was sure he’d have to leave soon. Maybe he could stay the night. Or forever. She was already feeling weepy over the thought of having to say goodbye to him again.
His clothes mostly back in order—though his shirt was still unbuttoned and giving her a breathtaking view of a narrow strip of his chest—he leaned against the counter beside her.
“I have to ask, even though I already know your answer,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.
She met his eyes and saw the same anguish over parting that she felt in her own chest and belly.
“Come to LA with me,” he said.
“I can’t. I want to.” And for a few seconds she almost faltered and told the world to fuck off. She didn’t need a career or friends or to do the right thing. But she couldn’t be that kind of person. “You have no idea how much I want to.” She squeezed his forearm. “You could stay here with me.”
“I’m enough of a selfish asshole to do just that,” he said.
She grinned. “No, you’re not.”
He opened his arms, and she stepped into his embrace, settling her face against his beating heart. He hugged her close. His voice rumbled deep against her ear as she snuggled even closer.
“Can’t you get away this weekend? Or even one day? Sed’s getting married. My invitation says plus guest. Don’t make me look like a loser by forcing me to bring Zach.”
She chuckled and squeezed him tight around the waist. “I’m sure the tabloids would love to print that story. How’s Zach doing? Did he get things sorted out with his boyfriend?” She still couldn’t believe Enrique Sanz was gay. He’d dated a fair number of A-list actresses over the years. Roux had had quite a crush on him at one time.
“Zach’s heartbroken. Refuses to get out of my bed.”
“Um . . . I’m sure the tabloids would love to print that story too.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’d rather them print the one about how I ran off and eloped with the sensational keyboardist of the up-and-coming band Baroquen.”
Her breath caught, and she pulled away to gape at him. Was he serious? His grin told her that he couldn’t possibly be. She slapped his arm. “Don’t joke about stuff like that.”
“I’m not joking. I have a jet at my disposal. Say the word and we’re in Vegas getting hitched in a matter of hours.”
Her heart thundered out of control, and she stepped away. “You are moving way too fast for me.”
“I’m moving way too fast for me too,” he said, capturing her upper arms in both hands. “I just don’t want you to get away.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re sure?”
She nodded.
“You seemed pretty freaked out about saying I love you.”
“That isn’t what freaked me out.” But she didn’t want to discuss her silly, irrational fears. “Is Exodus End really going to play at Sed’s wedding reception? That’s crazy.”
“Don’t change the subject. Tell me what had you so afraid.”
She shook her head and turned her back on him, fingers automatically going to the bullet dangling from her old bracelet. “It’s nothing.”
His arms slid around her waist from behind, and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. “It isn’t nothing. Tell me.”
Having those thoughts return now caused the familiar panic to rise up her chest and into her throat. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get out of the bathroom. There was no good place for them to hide in there. She pulled free of his grasp and bolted for the door, opening it and almost crashing into Jordan who had a fist up ready to knock on the heavy wood.
“Oh good,” she said, “you’re done. We have to get in the air if we’re going to make it back by morning.”
Roux dashed past her, sadness over Steve’s leaving crowding out her silly panic. She didn’t know whether to scream or cry, so she hurried to the huge window that faced the airstrip and clutched the waist-high windowsill, settling her forehead against the cool glass and sucking deep breaths into her lungs. She knew the instant that Steve stopped beside her. She could feel his presence.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to try to get away.” His tone was teasing, and she was glad he was trying to lighten the mood, because she couldn’t take any more heaviness pressing in at her from all directions.
“I’m not trying to get away from you.”
“You just won’t tell me something as important as why you’re afraid. You don’t think I can handle it?”
She could see him struggling not to reach for her. He went so far as to shove both hands into his pockets.
“I don’t want you to think I’m silly,” she admitted. “My fears are completely irrational. I know that. But it doesn’t make them feel any less real.”
He watched her closely but didn’t crowd her or say anything. Maybe that was why she couldn’t keep quiet.
“When I realized that I love you, my first thought was that my father would shoot you too. Take you from me like he took everyone I loved. I couldn’t stand to lose another person I love that way.”
Steve wasn’t so special in that regard. Sometimes she still worried that some asshole with a gun would kill her sisters or Mama Ramona, but she hadn’t experienced crippling panic over those kinds of thoughts for years. It must be because loving Steve was so new. She simply hadn’t had time to convince herself that the chances of him falling to the same tragedy that had taken her family were slim.
Steve took one step closer, but still held himself stiff, listening closely to what she was saying but not interrupting. He must think she was a fucking lunatic. She didn’t want him to think of her that way, so why the hell couldn’t she shut up?
“There was no good place to hide in that bathroom.” She pointed toward the dimly lit hallway that led to the bathroom. “If someone came in there, we’d be sitting ducks.” The fear of huddling in that dark closet, the sound of Daddy’s gun firing again and again, the feel of his hand wrapping around her ankle and of being dragged out into the open, the strange acceptance of knowing she was about to die—all those sensations were as vivid and real to her now as they had been when she’d experienced them over a decade ago. She covered her chest with her hand, as if that would have stopped the bullet that almost ended her life, stopped it from affecting her life to this day.
“Good point,” Steve said.
Huh?
“I didn’t think of how something like that might affect you.”
He wasn’t going to tell her that no one would have tried to attack them in a million years? Not tell her she was being irrational and not to worry, that they’d been perfectly safe? That was what she was used to hearing, and none of those words made her feel more secure or less panicked. Mostly they just made her feel stupid.
“Are there certain places that make you feel vulnerable?” he asked, taking another step closer.
She licked her lips and shook her head. “It wasn’t the place,” she said. “It was a feeling.” She huffed out a laugh. “And not a feeling I’m willing to give up now that I recognize it.” But a feeling she’d been avoiding for years. She just hadn’t realized why she never allowed herself to fall in love in any of her past relationships. Steve hadn’t given her a choice. She had to love him. She would have to find a way to cope, because she refused to let her father’s actions take love from her now that it was hers. “I love you. That feeling is what makes me feel vulnerable.”
“I can’t just stand here and not hold you right now,” he said.
Her heart twisted, and a tear leaked from her eye to course down her cheek. She remembered the first time he’d said that to her out on the balcony when she’d tried to scare him away by telling him about her past. Was that the moment she’d started falling for him? She took a step closer, and he threw his arms around her, pulling her securely against his chest. Here she felt safe. Only here.
After a moment, Steve stiffened and looked over his shoulder. Jordan was standing behind him, tapping him on the back. He had to leave. Roux knew he had to, and she forced herself to be grateful for the moments they’d stolen rather than bitter that the time had already slipped away from them.
“It’s only a week,” she said, more to herself than to him.
“But we can’t see each other on tour either,” he said. “Your rule.”
“We can if you’re dating Katie Williams—unknown fangirl—rather than Roux Williams—unknown rock star.”
He laughed and drew her in close for a tight hug. “Are you sure Roux won’t be jealous?”
“She’ll be too busy being fabulous to be jealous.”
Jordan cleared her throat, her arms folded over her chest, and her foot tapped against the floor. “Any day now,” she grumbled under her breath.
Roux had wanted to surprise Steve with her idea to lead a double life on tour. She was convinced that no one would ever figure out that Katie and Roux were the same person. She looked totally different in stage makeup and costume. That was how she’d have her cake and eat him up as much as possible. She’d learned long ago that compromise was the best way to get more out of life.
“Call me, text me, send me nude photos,” he said, kissing her several times before drawing away an inch.
“I won’t be totally nude,” she said, giving him a stern look. She smiled when he scowled, and then she lifted her arm to catch the light in the bracelet he’d given her. “I’ll be wearing this.”
“And the panties? I never did get a good look at them.”
“Maybe.” She kissed him once more and then lightly pressed on his chest. “Now go before Jordan taps a hole into the floor with that foot of hers.”
“This foot of mine is about to land squarely in the center of a certain drummer’s backside,” Jordan said. “You promised you wouldn’t dally if I did this for you, Steve.”
Steve held up one finger and then turned to gaze deeply into Roux’s eyes.
“I love you,” he said, his words making Roux soar.
“I love you too.”
The instant he pulled away and she was no longer cocooned in his aura, she felt the loss. She forced herself not to run after him, not to get on the plane, not to give in to what she truly wanted. They had plenty of time to be together. This parting was only temporary. Of course, one never knew when one’s time was up. She fiddled with the bullet on her bracelet. He’ll be safe, she told herself. No one is going to hurt him.
“Wait!” she gasped just before he followed Jordan out a door that led to the tarmac.
She unfastened the bracelet she always wore as she hurried after him. “Here,” she said, pressing the bullet into his hand. “Keep this with you. It will protect you.”
He lifted his brows. “It will?”
Of course it wouldn’t. That was silly, but . . . “I want you to have something of mine.” She pressed her hand to his chest. “Something of me.”
“Your love is enough,” he said, but he squeezed the bracelet into his fist and pressed it against his chest. “But I’ll treasure this and return it to you when I see you again.”
He kissed her once more, and then he was gone. With her forehead pressed against the glass door, she watched him hurry to the plane. Some unseen force tugged at her gut, trying to pull her toward him. Even after he turned and waved and she waved back, that feeling didn’t go away. Nor did it leave her when the jet’s door was shut or even when the plane was taxiing. The link between them was strong, and it was going to be one long fucking week without him.