Nearly a week later, Rayne was getting frustrated. She was no closer to going home than she had been when she arrived. Things were becoming more complicated by the day as her affection for Andre grew. As she spent more time with the boys, they were becoming dear to her as well.
Hamon and Jenri were indeed as sweet as they appeared. It took them both a few days to come to her willingly, but they had. Hamon was full of questions about where she had come from and what her life was like before arriving at Cuxton. She did her best to answer those questions in a way that would not offend their tender ears. Jenri never spoke, but he eagerly listened as she told them stories.
Andre had been patient and kind, though he seemed preoccupied with Odo. They rode out many times, coming back hours later. Andre always looked upset and Odo seemed oblivious to his host's mood. Rayne was becoming increasingly wary of Odo. He seemed to ignore her around Andre, yet would find a way to run into her when no one else was about other than Tillie. Something about the way he looked at her sent a feeling of dread to the pit of her stomach.
As if fate were laughing at her, she ran into him while out near the stables. Odo was sitting with a few soldiers, trading battle stories and draining ale mugs. He rose when she neared. After a quick bow, he smiled but it failed to light up his eyes. She felt sick being so near him.
"To what do I owe this great honor, milady?" he said.
Putting on a brave smile, she tilted her head up and said, "I came to see the horses, 'tis all. I spent the morning with the candle maker. Interesting work, is it not?"
"Indeed," Odo said as he stood. "I think a walk is in order. We should speak."
"There isn't far to go," she said, desperately trying to think of an excuse to be gone, but not even a paltry excuse came to mind. "Perhaps a short one would not hurt."
Glancing up at the wall, she saw they would be in view of the soldiers above most of the time, so she felt safe enough. They started to stroll, and she felt sicker by the minute. A sense of foreboding enveloped her. "So how long are you staying?"
Odo reached up and stroked his beard for a moment with his free hand before answering. "I should be departing soon. Big things are happening, and I have places to be. The winds of change blow, which means 'tis time for me to move on."
"Big things?"
"Never mind, sweetheart, 'tis nothing a woman such as yourself should worry about."
His words were a reminder of why he rubbed her the wrong way. "Surely something big would affect everyone, aye?"
A hearty laugh escaped Odo's lips. "You are something else, dear. I suppose there is some wisdom in that. Still, none of your concern I assure you."
"Does it have to do with William Rufus?"
Odo hesitated. His steps halted, and she almost tripped. They were near the orchard now. Tiny green buds appeared along with new leaves already sprouting. Rayne focused on them, hoping she had not said the wrong thing. She questioned her decision to walk without Tillie nearby. Where was she?
He recovered and pulled her along. "Why would you say that? Change does not always mean trouble is coming. 'Twas just an observation, nothing more."
Shrugging, she tried to appear nonchalant. "It's a simple matter of wishing to know if I am safe here."
Stopping again, Odo faced her. "You plan to marry him then? Such a beauty you are, Rayne, why would you settle for such a weak man? Surely there are richer, more powerful barons who would have you."
His answer puzzled her. She had no say in the matter, which had been the problem all along. "I must do as the king bids, Odo."
"Andre's first marriage ended badly. Does that not worry you?"
Rayne paused as she realized she and Odo had already had this conversation, yet he did not seem to remember. She continued, playing along, in the hopes of learning something he may have held back before.
"Did you know, Geva, his wife? I remember her, but 'tis all so vague now. I do not think I ever spoke to her but a few times. Did you know her well?" she asked.
"Geva was weak. 'Twas her mind. I was here not long before she threw herself from the wall."
"Are you sure? You know some suggest Andre did it," she said.
Odo laughed. "Surely you cannot think he could do that? Nay, she was as mad as an injured bull. She was never right, she never made any sense, and something was eating away at her. 'Twas only a matter of time for that one. Besides, Andre values his loyalty to the king overmuch. Rufus sent her so he was determined to do right by her."
"So I have nothing to fear?" she asked.
"I know why you may think that, but no, Rayne. He'll not hurl you from the wall."
Relief flooded her mind, and she almost forgot she was looking for a reason to leave, not a reason to stay. Odo was untrustworthy at best, but his words seemed sincere enough. Actually, his opinion did not matter. She already knew Andre would not harm her.
She had to get away from Odo. "You'll be going soon then I suppose. Shall we head back?"
"Back?" he said, taking her by the waist and pushing her against the wall.
Fear flickered across her features as she wondered what he was about.
"I thought you wanted a stroll, to spend some time alone with me," Odo said."
He leaned in to kiss her but she dodged him. "Odo, please, no!"
"Tease!" He laughed as he pulled her close to him. Rayne put her hands on his chest in an attempt to push away.
"Please, Odo, stop!"
"Shh…" he said. "Just a taste for old Odo, aye? Have pity. I am a man of God and most only see me as such. I have needs the same as any man, you know."
Panic took over in earnest as he forced his mouth on hers. He shoved his tongue between her lips and bile rose from her stomach and burned her throat. Pushing as hard as she could, she managed to move him, but only a few inches back. It was for naught, as he pressed against her again as she struggled.
Then, she heard a thud, and he was gone.
Too scared to open her eyes, Rayne stood still with arms out where they were once pushing him away.
"Milady! Come!" It was Tillie.
Rayne opened one eye and then the other. Tillie stood before her, a plank of wood in her hands, her eyes wide.
"Oh Tillie! What have you done?" she cried.
"I'm your chaperone, aye? I did my job. Let's go before he awakes."
Needing no further urging, Rayne took off. Tillie threw the board down and followed her. They did not stop running until they entered the hall. A few curious eyes watched their progress, but Odo did not follow.
They sat before the hearth after catching their breath. Rayne shook, wondering if he would burst in, bellowing in a rage, but he did not come.
"Tillie! You struck a man! What is Andre going to say?"
"I stopped that lout from whatever it was he planned to do, that is what I did," Tillie said with a sniff. "You can thank me for it later."
"He'll tell Andre! I cannot imagine what he will do when he finds out you bashed Odo's head in with a plank."
"Milady." Tillie took her hand. "You place too little value on a man’s pride. Do you think Odo wants to admit he was overcome by lust and derailed by two women? He will not say a word."
For a moment, Rayne considered what Tillie said. "Come up to my quarters with me. I need a new direction. Nothing is working as I planned."
"Plans are often for naught." Tillie shook her head. "Because life happens whilst you make them."
"Just come," Rayne said. Flustered, she ran to the stairs and up to her room. She did not look back, but she heard Tillie following.
Once in her room, she closed the door and tossed off her cloak. It landed in a heap on the floor. She spun around and nearly knocked Tillie over.
"Ah, nothing is working. Odo sticks his nasty tongue in my mouth. Andre is kind, and I am starting to like him. My plans all fail. Before I know it, I shall be wed and pregnant, and then, the worst will happen. Tillie, for the love of all that his holy, please help me."
"Milady," the older woman spoke softly, "things happen as they should. Do you not realize that by now?"
"Really? You mean my children died for a reason? That was as it was supposed to be? Please, Tillie, tell me more about how that works."
"I did not mean that. What I meant was you are supposed to be here. Don't you see that yet? Admit it, you like Andre. You are drawn to him, aye?"
"Please don't ask me that."
"And the children? What of them?"
"They are not my worry. I am fond of them, but I cannot allow that to drag me into marriage. I have to find a way out. Rufus will not let me out of this marriage contract without a good reason. He won't unless Andre asks, and even then, he may not allow it. Mayhap I will have to run away to join a convent. Surely someone would take me."
"Not without the permission of a male relative, you know that, milady."
"I could lie."
"That is not the answer, and 'twill not work anyway. You cannot see that as the only hope for your life."
Rayne sat on her bed. Bending forward, she rested her head in her hands. A minute later, she pulled her head up and stared out the window. "I think I shall sleep now, if you don't mind."
"We've not had supper," Tillie said. "'Tis still early."
"Leave me be, please."
****
Hours later, she regretted going to bed so early. She had allowed herself a moment to feel sorry for herself before she shook it off, and then she fell asleep before the sun set. The moon was high and bright in the sky, and she could not get back to sweet oblivion. Unable to stay abed a moment longer, Rayne rose, wrapped herself in a cloak, and stood at the window. Silvery light bathed everything before her, and the landscape took her breath away. Other than the low hum of the nighttime insects and shadowy men treading atop the curtain walls on patrol, the darkness was remarkably still and peaceful.
If only things were different, she would love to make a life at Cuxton. She could make a life with Andre. Unwilling or unable to admit it, she was more aware of him than ever. Her stomach knotted as she remembered how his lips felt on hers and how she had felt a huge loss when the kiss was over. She was undeniably drawn to him in ways she did not understand.
Now, not only did she worry about what a pregnancy would do to her, she worried what it would do to him. He doted on the boys, and Hamon and Jenri were quite taken with him. They were not his though, and she knew a man like Andre wanted his bloodline to carry on. She could be quite happy being mum to those boys, but that would never be enough for him.
Breaking away from her thoughts, she decided to take a walk. She dressed, put her cloak back on, and then headed out into the passageway outside her room. No one was there so she ventured down the stairs, through the hall where the snores of the sleeping servants greeted her, and then out the door. She found Michael near the door of the great hall and asked for his care as she took a quick stroll. If Odo found her alone, she could only imagine what he might do.
The air was chilly, but not unpleasant. She took the path up to the top of the hill where she had gone earlier with Andre, with Michael a close distance behind. It was a nice enough spot, and she hoped she would be alone there. Michael would watch but leave her be. Though not as nice as being totally alone, it was much safer.
She heard the crackle of the fire and smelled the smoke before she topped the hill. Someone had already beaten her to the spot. It was late, but someone else was up. She was prepared to run should Odo appear. Unless he had already left, he would be a real problem for her should he catch her alone in the dark.
She went to turn around when a voice called out, "Who is there?"
It was Andre. She hesitated, unsure of what to do. Before she could decide, he stood before her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I could not sleep. The view from my window is not as nice as the one up here. I hope you do not mind, milord, I only sought fresh air. Michael is near."
He paused, and then walked back toward the fire. She followed slowly. Had Odo told him what had happened? Was he angry with her, or had she made some mistake with ramifications she could not understand?
"Our guest left tonight before supper, while you were abed." He spoke so softly she could not read his tone of voice.
She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the outburst, but again, none came.
"Rayne open your eyes and get up here. What is going on with you?"
She obeyed, shaking as she went. It was too soon to feel relief, but he seemed unconcerned.
"You've finished your business with Odo then?"
"We have no business."
Rayne sat before the fire, holding her cloak close to her body. Her mind raced, and her whole body was alert. Being this close to him made her nervous. It was not fear. It was something else entirely.
The fire crackled before them. The flames washed them in a red glow as the moon shone above. The scene was entirely too romantic for her, and she thought to get up and go back to her bed when he spoke again.
"I hope you will be happy here."
Cringing inwardly, she could not think of a reply. There was nothing honest she could say lest she seal her own fate. Honesty meant telling him everything. Dishonesty meant lying to him, and she could no longer bring herself to do it. The best thing she could do was keep her thoughts to herself.
"Our beginning has been dubious, at best, but I cannot imagine many marriages start out well. We were betrothed before we saw each other, so a shaky start should be expected. It will get easier, Rayne."
He was too close. Her stomach knotted, and a strange flutter ran up her spine. She could feel his eyes on her as she kept hers trained on the fire before her.
"Please, milady, please speak to me."
"I am sorry. I do not mean to be rude. I am not sure what to say. I am no longer sure of anything in my life."
"I have wanted children for a long time, Rayne. I am young. You are young. There is no reason why we cannot be happy with a home filled with children."
Wincing, she put her head down. She did not want him to see the tears.
"Come." He put his hand out and gently turned her face toward his. "There is no reason for tears. Do you fear children? I do not understand."
"'Tis not children I fear, milord."
"So there is something. I cannot help you if you do not tell me."
"Claude, he told me I was worthless. He blamed me for…"
"For what?"
Shaking her head, she set her lips in a tight line. Claude was not the issue. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs with her trembling arms. He was still much too close. His touch was intoxicating, and she did not know how to react.
With a sigh, he sat back and stared off toward the gatehouse. "I first saw you there." He nodded in the same direction. "You were covered with mud and stunk to the high heavens. Yet, there was something intriguing about you, a beauty hidden beneath the nest of wild hair. I have not understood a thing about you since that moment. What happened to you? What terrible secret do you hold close to your heart?"
"Milord, please, I only meant to get some air because I could not sleep. I am ready to return to my bed."
"I see," he said as he stood. "I'll escort you back. 'Tis late, and I cannot attest to the morals of all those who live here. But first, I want something from you."
Standing, she eyed him warily.
"I want nothing more than a promise."
"Indeed?"
"That you will consider all I offer here. Rufus wants us to marry. It's a political move on his part, I suppose. It benefits me greatly. I had one wife who went mad, and I do not want another. If there is anything which will help lift your burden, consider sharing it with me."
"Aye," she said softly, willing to say just about anything to get away from him and back to her bed. At first she feared he would again kiss her. Now, strangely, she was disappointed because he did not.
The hum of crickets followed them into the great hall. He led her to her quarters, bade her goodnight, and went about his business.
****
"Woman! Wake up," Andre said, startling Tillie. She was abed in the hall with some of the other servants.
The woman threw aside her blanket and scrambled to her feet, shielding her eyes from the glow of the torch in his hand. "Have I done something wrong, milord?"
"Nay, woman, come with me," he said. He led her toward the hearth. The fire was low so he threw more wood in and poked absently at the coals.
"Rayne was wandering about tonight. She is troubled. Is there something I should know? Has something new happened? If there is trouble within the walls of Cuxton, I need to know."
"Is this about Odo?" the woman said, now fully awake.
"Odo? What would this have to do with him?" he said.
"Oh! Nay, milord. I am just unsure of what you ask."
He knew the woman was hiding something from him. He remained silent hoping it would spur her to talk, as guilty people often do when an uncomfortable silence occurs. The older woman's eyes went from him to the fire, now roaring and bright, a few times before she cleared her throat and knotted her hands in front of her.
"I have been thinking, milord," she began.
"Aye?"
"You inquired about Rayne's past and what troubles her. May I speak openly?"
"You should always speak openly with me, Tillie."
"I do not feel comfortable telling you about what troubles the lady so much, but I have been thinking about it, and I fear there is more to the story than even she knows."
"And what does this have to do with her life here?"
"I do not know, yet."
About out of patience, he grabbed her arm at the elbow. "If there is something to say, say it!"
Tillie gulped. "I must go back to London."
"You will be free to return to London upon our marriage. I thought you might like to stay as a chambermaid or even a nursemaid, but 'tis up to you. Until then, you have a duty here. One you are failing at, I might add. The lady should not have been alone wandering outside in the middle of the night."
"She is hardly a child. That I cannot help. She may appear meek to you, but the lady has a mind of her own. And I do not wish to go back to London for good, if you would allow me to remain here, but I think some answers were left behind, and it is high time I do my duty to Lady Rayne and find out what actually happened."
"There you go again with the mystery and suspense. What are you speaking of?"
"I am your humble servant, milord, and I do so love the lady. Could I ask for your trust and perhaps an escort back to London? There is a man who could bring events to light, which could change how Lady Rayne sees herself and will allow her to find peace with you. If I am right, I owe the lady an apology for not putting the pieces together earlier. For her sake, and the sake of her life here, which I now wish she would accept, I must go. I shall return as early as I can."
Thoughts flooded Andre's mind as he considered the woman standing before him. His only desire was happiness and peace in his home. He could not allow Jenri and Hamon to lose yet another mother. He did not wish to wed until he knew that would be true.
"With my permission, you may return to London for whatever business you have in mind. However, you will return to Cuxton as soon as you can. I will send five men with you for your own protection. I fear 'tis not safe for any woman to travel alone, and big changes are coming. I am sending a message to London, and you may ride along. Allow the men to protect you. Please return within a fortnight and report to me. Do you understand?"
"Aye, milord!" Tillie said in obvious excitement. "I will be ready on the morrow, early!"
He put his hand up to his head, pushing a stray lock from his eyes. "Are you in fear, Tillie, do you leave because of a matter here?"
"I fear no one here, milord," she said.
"Do you fear for Rayne? Do you believe the story about Geva? That I pushed her?"
"You know about that story?" Tillie said as her eyes widened.
"I know."
"Nay, I do not believe it. If Rayne did, she would be gone by now."
"She wandered outside but is now safely abed. You should say your goodbyes to her now. My men will leave before dawn."
"Milord, I know I ask much, but could you bid her farewell for me and let her know I will soon return? If I go to her, she will insist on knowing why, and I have a hard time keeping things from her. I do not want to say a word to her that may offer false hopes."
"Good enough," he said. He nodded to dismiss her.
Andre watched the woman go back to her pallet. He feared he would never understand women. Allowing Tillie to be secretive was one thing he was willing to do for Rayne's sake, but only for so long. Someone had better soon tell him what was going on in his household.