Tillie was strangely quiet as she rode with Andre. The sun was rising, and they were now not far from Cuxton Castle, and his men were now fully armored and equipped with as much weaponry as they could hold. They had slept but a few hours deep in the woods before rising to continue the journey home. He would lead the men with him to Rufus and would then find James.
He was grateful for the silence, as it gave him time to think. Much about his conversation with Tillie had been confusing, and he tried to read between her words for the true meaning of what she had said, not that she had said much. He had said more to the woman about Rayne than he had wanted to, but if he wanted Tillie to be more open with him, then he should offer the same courtesy.
It was new and unexpected, but he realized now that he loved Rayne. He didn't want to and had fought it even as he had sought to spend more time with her, but he loved her nonetheless. He had thought companionship would be enough, but it had grown into something more. Now that he knew her loved her, everything in his life had changed. Andre still longed for children of his own, but he knew he could not push her from his life for that reason alone. Jenri and Hamon were there, and they needed parents. And she needed them, whether she knew it or not.
She was exasperating, mysterious, stubborn, and hard to read. Never had a woman made him feel six different things at once. She was clearly naïve, as a simple conversation would have cleared this up early on, and yet, maybe she was wise. What would he have done had he known right away? Tillie had asked him, and he did not know. It was too late to find out now.
In a rush of confusion, one thing remained clear: he wanted to make her feel better about herself, to give her reason to feel joy. He wanted her to understand her worth. Strength was something she had to find on her own, but he wished to help in any way he could. Right now though, he had to get back to her and find out what Tillie thought was so important. He could not guess what it could be, but at this point, he was willing to try anything to make his life right again.
"James should be with William Rufus," he said as he slowed for Tillie to catch up to him. "He will be easy to locate. We'll stop back at Cuxton, and then we'll be off to Pevensey. I want to check in on the boys and Rayne before we go. Mayhap you should let me find him, and you can stay with Rayne when we stop."
"As much as I would like to avoid a battlefield, milord, James will not speak to you about any of this. What he may know, if I am right, will be hard to get out of him. Nay, I must go with you or all will be lost."
"Even better," Andre said, "I know a man with a manor near Pevensey. You will wait there, with escort of course, and I shall bring this James to you. I cannot have you on a battlefield looking for this man. Do you find that agreeable?"
"Aye, milord," Tillie said, sounding relieved.
The horses were exhausted when the party reached the gates of Cuxton Castle. The drawbridge lowered before they came near and the gate was up so they could pass without pause. Andre led them to the stables and gave strict instructions to give the horses some extra care as they had rode them hard in an effort to get back. He directed the men in his charge to have a rest outside the walls for a short time. They would continue on soon.
Nigel, Andre's squire, came running from the hall as soon as he saw the party enter. Helga was hot on his heels.
"What is the matter? Are the boys well?" Andre asked.
"Aye, they are well now. We came to assist you. Will you remain long, milord?"
"Nay," Andre said to Nigel. "See to the men outside, arm the few that have nothing, and be sure my horse is fed. I must be off soon."
"Tillie! You are back," Helga said, running to hug the woman. "Good to see ye!"
With a nod, she hugged the cook and then transferred her attention to Nigel, as Andre spoke again. "Where is Lady Rayne?"
"She be in her quarters, milord. I have not seen a lot of her. Shall I fetch her for you?"
Andre shook his head. "Nay, 'tis not necessary. I must be off again. Let her rest. I will see her upon our return."
"Do you wish to see Hamon and Jenri?" Helga asked as Nigel left to do the lord's bidding.
"That would be good," he said. "Bring them down to the gates, but be careful of the activity. There is much to do, and I have little time."
As Helga went to get the boys, Andre stood and stared up at the solar. His eyes went to the windows of the nursery. He wondered if Rayne spent time there, or was hiding in her room as Helga suggested. They had not left things in a good place, and seeing her now would not improve the situation. There was no time for a resolution. What Tillie sought from James he did not know, but he hoped he would know soon. It was best to wait. Hopefully the picture would be clearer once they returned.
"Tillie!" he shouted, unaware she was right behind him.
The poor woman jumped, but stood her ground.
"I will do whatever you need."
"See you are ready to go. Take as little with you as possible. Pevensey is but three hours by horseback, but there is a chance we would stay the night. It depends on how fast we find James, if we can find him, and how long-winded the king becomes when I see him. Wear a dark color so you do not stand out in the group of men. You will always be guarded, but as we near the siege, 'tis a good idea to blend in."
"Aye, milord," Tillie said with a bob of her head. She turned and ran towards the great hall, delighted to have leave to see Rayne a moment before leaving again.
With a heavy heart and an uneven stride, Andre donned his armor. He needed assistance with some, but he put on his mail and checked his sword and daggers. He knew they were there, but a second look did not hurt. He found Nigel, gave him more preparations, and told him to be ready shortly.
As he went back to the gate, he saw Aliza with Hamon and Jenri.
"Pardon me, please," she said in a soft voice, "if it is not too much trouble, the boys are here to see you."
"No trouble," he said as he kneeled to hug them both. "I have but a few minutes, but Helga was to have them come at my request."
They boys hugged him with enthusiasm, and his heart warmed. He held them back at arm's distance so he could look at them.
"Are you all better now?"
"Aye," Hamon said, "we slept a lot. Have you fought a war already? Are you home now?"
"Not quit yet," Andre replied with a chuckle. "God willing, I will not be fighting much this time. Instead, I am taking care of some things for the king. He cannot see to them himself because he is busy with the siege. My fondest wish is that he is done with me soon so I can come home to you and Rayne."
"Me too," Hamon said.
Jenri, as usual, said nothing. How Andre longed to hear him speak, just one word. He smiled at the boy. "Jenri, have you been playing with Lady Rayne? Is she well?"
To Andre's utter surprise, Jenri spoke. "Sad," he said, his lip quivering. The word was weak, but he understood it.
"My boy," Andre said, sweeping the younger boy into his arms and hugging him. "Who is sad?"
Jenri did not speak again, but Andre was elated. He spoke! It was one word, but it was his first in a long time.
Andre ruffled the curls on Jenri's head with his free hand and then gave the boy's arm a light squeeze. "Are you sad or is it Lady Rayne?"
"Rayne," Hamon said. "She has been crying. I think she has a cut or she got hurt."
"Aye, she did," Andre answered. "I will do my best to help her get better if I can."
"You should. I don't like people to be sad. She cried like I did when I lost the wooden sword you made for me, Father."
"I am sorry on both counts," Andre said. "I will make you a new one when I return, and we can see if we can make Rayne happy again. Does that sound good?"
Hamon answered by giggling and stepping back, an imaginary sword in his hand. "I cannot wait."
"Does that sound agreeable to you as well?" Andre asked, shifting his attentions back to Jenri.
He nodded, and then spoke one more time, "Aye."
The word was awkward, but Andre understood it. The tear that slid down his cheek was not for himself, or even Rayne, it was for Jenri. The boy had spoken. He could not remember the last time he had uttered more than a noise or a giggle. Unraveling the mess with Rayne was now even more important. All too soon, it was time to go.