As the morning matured, Tillie bustled around the room making noise. Ignoring the clatter, Rayne squeezed her eyes shut, wishing to stay abed. Tillie had been her chambermaid since Rayne had married Claude. A stark, no-nonsense woman, Tillie was the only person to treat Rayne with respect and a touch of dignity. Tillie was all she had left in the world.
Rayne's long hair was twisted around her shoulders, and one slender leg curled around the edge of a fur coverlet. Tillie cleared her throat. Rayne peeped through her fingers for a moment but remained still. The chambermaid stopped what she was doing and came to the edge of the bed. She towered over Rayne by a head and was old enough to have been her mother. Though not unwise in the ways of the heart, she had never married. Tillie would try to stop her from disobeying the king, but right now, Rayne simply wished to sleep a bit longer.
Sensing a presence standing much too close, she finally gave in and peered up at Tillie. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You will," Tillie said, "or endure the wrath of your cousin. I assure you, milady, that is not what you want to do."
"Ha," Rayne said, finally deciding to meet the day and fully opened her eyes, "I care not what Rufus wants. My cousin is ruthless, and I already married one brute. I will not do it again."
"You will care when he finds the most hideous, vile man he can to marry you off to next," Tillie said with a sniff. "You will wish for your former husband to come back to life the next would be so bad, I tell you."
Squinting, Rayne sat up. Her blonde tresses were still wild, and her eyes were as vibrant as the morning sun. "I know you mean well, but you do understand what marriage to any man would entail? You know why I cannot do that."
Tillie's sympathetic eyes rested on her, but her lips were tight and firm.
"I cannot allow that type of pain again." Rayne's bright eyes rimmed with tears. "I have lost three children, and I will not bear the attentions of a man again. I am cursed, and I was not meant to be a mother. Those around me need to leave me be."
"You know you have no choice, milady," Tillie said. "Long ago, before William the First, women in England could inherit, but that is no more. You cannot defy the king. I wish, for your sake, there was another way. I don't want to watch you make things worse for yourself."
Standing, Rayne stretched. She threw her arms into the air and let out a most unladylike yawn. Tillie was a strong spirit, and her presence on this trip was the only way Rayne could go through with it. The older woman's straightforward manner often left Rayne feeling as if she were in the presence of a mother, not a chambermaid. They were friends too. Tillie had been the only person to show any compassion to her when her babies died. She stayed by her side throughout her post-birth illnesses and did not move until Rayne was well again.
Rayne had always tried to remain strong in the face of her husband, but she trembled when he came near. She had grown to fear him, but she had hoped children would have taken away some of the loneliness and dread. Her husband had moved to different sleeping quarters and never touched her again after the third baby died. Now, it seemed fate was trying to push her into the arms of another. She was cursed, and surely another stillborn baby would be too much for her to bear. No, she could not risk it. The plan she had formed the day before became real again. She would get de Grelle to reject her no matter what she had to do.
Stretching again, she threw aside the white smock she had worn to bed, and then glanced at the dirty kirtle from the day before. She had instructed Tillie not to touch it. With a quick motion, she plucked it from the floor and tossed it onto the bed.
"Would you like a bath, milady?" Tillie said.
"Nay," Rayne pulled the kirtle over her head, "I do not plan to bathe for a while."
"It will take all day to get to our destination and some of the night, possibly two days. You should bathe now while you can."
"No, you misunderstand me," Rayne said. "Andre de Grelle will not want to marry a wild woman with tangled hair who refuses to bathe, now will he?"
Tillie's eyebrows arched. "What do you plan to do, milady?"
"Never you mind, Tillie. Just know we will not be gone long. This de Grelle will send me away before a fortnight can pass, of that I assure you."
"Whatever you plan, milady, you play a risky game. Instead, why not tell the poor soul you cannot have children? He might send you back immediately. I still caution you. That may not be the true answer you seek. William Rufus will send you somewhere else, somewhere worse."
"I doubt de Grelle, or any man, would believe me, even if I could get myself to say the words aloud. He would wed me and force me. Nay, I cannot tell him. It won't do me any good. I have to do this my way."