When he caught up to her, she was standing in the doorway of the nursery. The boys were asleep, and the sun had just set.
"Don't wake them," he said as gently as he could. "I think we all need some sleep."
She whirled around and walked purposely toward him, her anger exploded around her. They moved away from the nursery and neared her quarters. "You have no right to speak to me. As soon as I know where to go, I will take my sons with me and be gone from this wretched place. I may go to my manor in London, or I may go elsewhere. I do not know yet. You have treated me just as the king has. Everyone has taken from me, and no one gives. I ask for nothing though, I just want my sons."
"Rayne, I know you are angry. You have to know one thing. If you hear nothing else I say, hear this. I did not know Jenri and Hamon were your sons. I do not care what Rufus has said or implied. I did not know. I have not been totally fair with you, but I had the best of intentions."
Time failed to exist as they stared at each other. He wanted to move, to take her in his arms and tell her nothing would ever happen to her again which would cause her pain. She held his heart in her hands, and he did not care if he ever got it back. He wanted to protect her and keep her, and make her his wife. But he did nothing, because he knew her pain to be great, and forcing her would only make things worse. She had to come to love him on her own or it would never work.
"I loved you, Andre. Did you know that?" she said. "Aye, I have finally found love. I have learned what it means, and I do not like it. It hurts. Do you hear me? It hurts," she said, her voice faltering, "I do not wish to feel it again."
"You can be angry," he said, "but know this. What the king has done has nothing to do with me. I hope through all you are feeling right now, you will recognize that. I have grown to love you, and I know I should have done more to make you at ease here."
"Ha," she said, "your reaction told me all I needed to know. You made me stay here, but for what? So you could come back and send me away."
"I did not keep the identity of your children from you. If you cannot accept that, then you are right. There is no future here for us. I do ask you, do not take the children and run. They deserve an explanation. You may not care much for me now, but I have loved and cared for them. You will cause them more pain should I not get a chance to say goodbye to them."
"Aye," she said in a whisper. "I owe you that much." She stared at him for a long moment more, and then softly stepped away, and went to her quarters without another word. Rayne was suddenly exhausted.
With the last bit of energy she possessed, Rayne heaved herself upon her bed. She did not remove her clothing nor did she turn back her coverlets. She was too tired to move. Andre was right about one thing, she was too overwhelmed to see the boys, and she did not want to wake them. Rayne knew she would be overly emotional and waking them with her in such a state might confuse them more. They would be there in the morning.
Her boys. She could still scarcely believe her boys were alive, and they were right here under her nose. Her elation was only dimmed by the anguish she felt knowing Andre had hurt her. She could forgive him not telling her just about anything, but not telling her Hamon and Jenri were hers was too much. No amount of love in her heart could overcome it. Rufus took her children, and Andre kept them from her. Was there a man alive with any true compassion?
Tillie burst into the room. She closed the door behind her with a thud, and Rayne knew she would not yet sleep.
"You must listen, Rayne, I know you are going to beg off, but this cannot wait."
"Haven't we had enough excitement for one day? I can no longer think straight. Aye, I am going to beg. Let me rest."
"Not without saying one thing. Hear me out, and you may sleep."
"Aye," Rayne said, hoisting her weary body into a sitting position.
"Andre did not know about the children. He told me what Rufus said, and he did not have to. He was as surprised as I when James told us what happened."
"I am too tired to think about this."
"And know he was willing to marry you before he knew of the boys. He did not care you thought you could not bear children. Give him a chance, milady. Aye, give him the understanding you wished someone had given you in the past. No one person can be perfect, but he is as innocent in this as he claims."
"I'll consider your words," Rayne said, wishing she could go to sleep. Her mind was too numb, her body weary, and her heart conflicted.
"Do not make choices on raw emotion, Rayne. All tough decisions come with time, even if just a few days. If you make up your mind about a life with Andre based on your state right now, I know you will make a choice you shall regret. Do not toss him away based on how you feel right now. Be sure, without a doubt, of what you need. Some say decisions of the heart ultimately have to be made with the head, but I think both should have a say."
Rayne groaned and lay down heavily on her bed.
"And milady, while I may not be an expert on matters of love, I do know a few things, and I know love when I see it. He loves you. Do not throw that away as 'tis too rare to find such a thing. You have a gift if you only choose to accept it. Take it. You have had enough pain. Now it is time for some happiness."