Preface

Millions of children are at a fork in the road. One road leads to opportunity, confidence, and eventually the fulfillment of their personal and vocational potential. The other, unfortunately, is a road of frustration, unfulfilled promise, and an increased probability of social and academic failure. This is a book about giving children the best possible chance to go down the right road. Childhood is fleeting and the clock is ticking when it comes to giving the children in our care the best chance to succeed.

As a psychologist, writer, and speaker, I’ve dedicated my career to helping families and schools decode the puzzles of child and adolescent behavior. I’ve worked diligently to translate scientific insights into practical strategies that can benefit adults, and the children who rely on them to find personal and academic success. My journey as a child advocate began with a foundation of thousands of hours consulting with families, schools, counselors, pediatricians, and many others. Throughout my clinical work I tried to pay special attention to the common denominators—those factors that are the fulcrum—on which the destinies of children and adolescents tilt. Listening closely to the concerns of parents and teachers, I realized that it is time for a revolution in how we think about which skills are most essential to a child’s development. It became apparent that there was a deep chasm between what is known, and still being discovered, in psychology, neurology, and psychiatry, and the people who could most benefit from this important information: those who care deeply for the healthy development of children, including those kids who have special needs. This latter group requires not only bottomless love and patience, but viable strategies for enhancing their capabilities. Simply put, we need broad access to this information now, and that is my mission in writing this book.

It is time to change how we understand and nurture achievement. We must do this to adequately prepare children for the world they will inherit. Our best chance of accomplishing this is to pay close attention to the skills that are the focus of this book, executive control—what we’ll call Factor Ex. Among other critical skills, Factor Ex enables your child’s focus, initiative, memory, and self-control. My purpose in writing this book is to show you how these variables in children’s thinking skills are the “tipping point” with respect to their ability to meet the demands of twenty-first-century life. As we’ll see, executive control accounts for a greater proportion of the achievement gap seen among children than any other trait or set of cognitive skills we might think of. Its massive contribution to the destiny of a particular child determines no less than the extent to which that individual rises to his or her potential.

For many readers, the information included in this book will be new. However, the effects of executive control, or lack thereof, are familiar to all families, especially those affected by disabilities. Today’s kids are assigned all kinds of labels: ADHD, learning disabled, oppositional defiant, bipolar, and autistic, to name only some. But labels don’t always convey important details and differences, the critical factors that make your child unique. When I consider the children I see in my practice, they reflect a diversity beyond labels. Middle-school kids with stratospheric IQs who are socially inept; lovable preschoolers who become emotionally volatile upon arriving at school. Adolescents loaded with ability who make seriously scary choices that endanger bright futures; special needs children who can’t get ready for school on time without a dozen prompts to “get going,” but who can name every animal in Africa. Kids who are oblivious to personal hygiene but write remarkably insightful poetry. Many beautiful minds and lives, a seemingly endless array of issues and concerns, a thousand different situations.

What could they have in common?

It’s urgent that I convince you the answer is an underdeveloped Factor Ex. To make a difference in the lives of kids now, we must dig deeper than diagnostic labels and look beyond simple emotional explanations such as “low self-esteem.” Without a doubt, the prevalence of psychological and learning difficulties in childhood has grown dramatically. This book does not minimize the seriousness of this trend. However, rapidly emerging brain science has pointed the way toward making substantial differences in children’s lives—insights that just a decade ago would have seemed well beyond the scope of parenting and education.

The guidance this book provides is intended to help parents, extended family, teachers, counselors, and all concerned adults build the executive control skills of children. The term executive control sounds awfully mechanistic. I wish it sounded less like a business term and more like what it really is, a critical set of thinking skills that develop over the course of childhood and adolescence with immediate, practical implications for achievement and capability. The concept of capability is relative, because we all begin our lives with different gifts. Our understanding of what it means to be a capable person has evolved to fit the pace, priorities, and responsibilities of contemporary life. My aim is to help you enhance the capability of children in your care, whatever their starting points, by showing you how you can help develop a child’s executive control.

Allow me to share a fresh perspective of child development— to illustrate the common denominator of what it means to be an effective problem-solver, student, and friend—and especially, how those capabilities can be taught and nurtured. I will show you how executive control skills can make all the difference in the life of a special needs child, and why these skills deserve to be the focus of our efforts to empower these kids with the capacity for greater independence. And I will explain how these same skills are a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to further enabling children of great promise. In this book we’ll do much more than identify a problem—you’ll find dozens of specific strategies to make a difference. Along the way, you may recognize some of the traits of the children described, and share some of the hopes and frustrations of those who care for them. Often, after giving a talk, I’m approached by someone who says, “You’re describing my child or student exactly!”

It is my hope that in these shared experiences you find validation, support, clarity, and most important, a system for creating positive changes in a child’s life. There is so very much we can accomplish if we set our minds to it. Yet we must act quickly to maximize the learning potential of childhood. This is the time of life when a person’s brain is best prepared to assimilate new strategies and achievement habits—executive control skills that will pay dividends for a lifetime. Think of the tools and techniques in this book like a compass. Together, we have a chance to help the child you care for navigate the rocky roads of youth, to a place where she or he can shine. As we ascend to a new plateau of understanding together, I think you’ll find well-marked steps to follow, and a view of a clear, sensible plan by journey’s end.

Let’s get started; every day counts when we insist on leaving no mind behind.