‘BUT why can’t we all go out with Gabe like we did before?’ Charlie demanded, his small face belligerent. ‘I liked going out with him. It made Saturdays special.’
‘You’ll still be able to see him,’ Maddie said, as she had done at least twice a day since Monday, when she’d worked up the courage to tell Charlie and Susie there would be no more Saturday trips out with Gabriel. ‘He said he’ll come round to see you as often as he can—’
‘But it won’t be the same,’ Charlie protested. ‘I won’t know when he’s coming—I won’t be able to plan.’
‘Charlie—’
‘This is all your fault,’ he continued, rounding on his sister. ‘You never stopped whining when we were out with him, and now he’s had enough.’
Susie said nothing. In fact, Susie had said nothing at all about Gabriel. Not when Maddie had broken the news, or since.
‘Charlie, it’s nobody’s fault,’ Maddie insisted. ‘And can you, please, get your schoolbag or you’re going to be late for school.’
‘It’s gym on Wednesdays and I hate gym so I don’t care if I’m late,’ he retorted.
‘Well, I care,’ Maddie snapped, reaching to the end of her tether. ‘If you’re late, I’m late, and it’s my job that pays the bills, buys us food and keeps a roof over our heads.’
‘Enough, Charlie,’ she interrupted, and for a second he glowered defiantly back at her then whirled round and stamped out of the sitting room, slamming the door shut behind him.
‘Aunt Maddie—’
And I’ve heard enough from you, too, Susie,’ Maddie said which was deeply unfair when her niece hadn’t actually said anything, but Maddie had got beyond what was fair and what wasn’t.
All she could think as she retrieved her car keys from the coffee-table was, I don’t need this. I have a headache, I haven’t slept properly for days, and unless half of the population of Glasgow stays home today I’m going to be stuck in the rush hour and late for work.
Not that Gabriel would notice. All she’d seen of him since Saturday had been the back of his head as he’d disappeared into the unit. Which was fine by her. She didn’t want to talk to him either, except Nell had started frowning every time she saw her, which meant she suspected something, and Jonah had begun glancing at her curiously, too, which meant he was getting suspicious.
‘Aunt Maddie…?’
Susie hadn’t moved from where she was by the window and something in Maddie snapped.
‘Are you and your brother deliberately trying to get me fired?’ she demanded. ‘It’s half past eight, I should have dropped you both off at the pre-school activities fifteen minutes ago—’
‘You liked him, didn’t you?’ Susie interrupted. ‘You liked him a lot.’
Maddie didn’t have to ask who she meant, but she didn’t want to talk about Gabriel either.
‘Susie, when you’re older you’ll realise that friendships—relationships—between men and women don’t always work out, and now can you, please, get ready for school?’
‘It’s me, isn’t it?’ Susie said quietly. ‘If it wasn’t for me, you and Gabriel would be walking off into the sunset together.’
‘I don’t think Gabriel’s the walking-off-into-the-sunset type,’ Maddie said, striving to sound light, flippant, but Susie didn’t buy it.
‘For you he could be,’ she said, her face unhappy. ‘For you he wants to be, and Charlie’s right. This is all my fault. I know I shouldn’t have been so rude to him but I was scared he might turn out to be like Andrew. That you’d fall in love with him, and then he’d leave you like Andrew did, so I thought…I thought if I was really horrible to him he’d either stick it out if he was one of the good guys or he’d go away quicker if he wasn’t.’
‘Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me that’s why you behaved as you did?’ Maddie said through a throat suddenly so tight it hurt. ‘If you’d only told me…’
‘I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?’ Susie murmured, and Maddie walked over to her and gave her a hug.
‘No, you haven’t,’ she said firmly. ‘Gabriel doesn’t want to date me any more because he doesn’t want to get involved with somebody with children. Maybe he might have hung around a little bit longer if you hadn’t been rude to him, but he was always going to walk.’
‘But if he doesn’t want to get involved with somebody who has kids, why did he date you in the first place?’ Susie protested.
Good question. ‘I don’t think he realised what he was letting himself in for,’ Maddie replied. ‘Now that he knows, he’s decided he wants children, but he wants children of his own.’
‘I suppose you can see his point,’ Susie said. ‘There can’t be many men who would want to saddle themselves with an eight-year-old and a fourteen-year-old. OK, so I’ll be off your hands in three or four years—’
‘Susie, you will never be off my hands,’ Maddie insisted. ‘Even when you’re forty-two, with children of your own, I’ll always be there for you.’
Her niece’s cheeks darkened. ‘I know,’ she said, her voice slightly thick, ‘but, Aunt Maddie, we’re not even your kids.’
‘Sweetheart, I couldn’t love you and Charlie more if I’d given birth to you,’ Maddie said, willing her niece to believe her.
‘But it’s not right that you have to give up so much for us!’ Susie exclaimed. ‘You should have a life of your own.’
‘I’ve got a life of my own,’ Maddie protested. ‘Susie, I have never considered you or Charlie a burden. There are times when you’ve driven me crazy, times when I could cheerfully have throttled the pair of you, but I will always love you, and when you’re older—’
‘You’ll start living again?’
Maddie gazed at Susie, horror-stricken. ‘I didn’t say that—I have never for one second ever thought that. Susie, listen to me. I fell in love with Gabriel—there, I’ve admitted it—but you and your brother mean the world to me, and if Gabriel can’t see that, if he can’t understand I would never want to be without you, then he’s not the man for me.’
‘Honestly?’ Susie said, and Maddie smiled.
‘Honestly,’ she said, and knew that she meant it.
Even if she could have waved a magic wand over Charlie and Susie to transform them into babies, she wouldn’t have done it. They were Amy’s children, her only link with a sister she’d loved dearly, and she wouldn’t have wanted them to be anything but what they were.
‘Gabriel doesn’t know what he’s missing, Susie,’ she said. ‘You and your brother are funny and smart, irritating and infuriating, wonderful and special, and if he can’t see that then I feel very sorry for him.’
‘I bet he doesn’t feel sorry for himself,’ Susie observed. ‘I bet he thinks he’s had a lucky escape.’
And Maddie managed a small, tight smile because she rather thought her niece was right.
‘I just need you to countersign Ben Thompson’s release papers, and he can be discharged today,’ Jonah said as he and Gabriel walked down the corridor. ‘His parents have asked if they can take his apnoea alarm home with him—just to give them a little extra security—and I’ve said they can have it for a month.’
‘They do realise the alarm is only affixed to Ben’s tummy by a sticker pad, and now he’s a lot bigger he’s quite liable to pull it off and give them a lot of unnecessary scares, thinking he’s stopped breathing?’ Gabriel said, and Jonah nodded.
‘I’ve explained that to them, but you know what preemie parents are like. They may be desperate to take their babies home, but they also want a security blanket when they get them there.’
‘How’s Kieran getting on now?’ Gabriel asked as he led the way into his consulting room. ‘Any chest problems—signs of developmental delay?’
Jonah shook his head wryly. ‘You’re as bad as the parents, aren’t you? He’s fine. He’s put on a pound in weight since he was discharged.’
And Mr and Mrs Thompson are quite happy at the prospect of taking Ben home?’ Gabriel said as he scrawled his signature across the discharge form and handed it back to Jonah. ‘Some parents can panic at the thought of having to adjust to the presence of another baby when they’ve only just got into the routine of dealing with one.’
‘They’re over the moon,’ Jonah said. ‘In fact, according to them, no couple ever had such perfect babies, and you’re the best doctor in the world.’
Yeah, right, Gabriel thought grimly. Well, I’d prefer to be a less lousy human being.
‘Are you going back to the unit?’ he said, and when Jonah nodded, he added, ‘I think I’ll come with you.’
Jonah looked startled. ‘But you can’t. You have Mr Phillips coming in to see you this morning. The representative of that charity group who seem keen to make a donation to the unit?’ he added when Gabriel stared at him blankly.
‘Oh. Right. I remember,’ Gabriel said, though, in truth, he’d completely forgotten.
‘No, you didn’t remember, Gabriel,’ Jonah said. ‘Like you didn’t remember your monthly Admin meeting yesterday, and we all ended up running around like headless chickens, looking for you.’
‘Are you suggesting I’m losing the plot?’ Gabriel snapped, and Jonah stared at him thoughtfully for a moment, then pulled over a chair and sat down.
‘I’m not suggesting anything,’ he said, ‘but you’ve been behaving like a man who’s living on another planet all week, and if there’s something wrong—something I can help with—for God’s sake, tell me.’
‘It’s personal, Jonah.’
‘Maddie again?’ Jonah grinned, then quickly smoothed out his features when Gabriel gave him a hard stare. ‘Sorry. Look, I know these family dates are a pain, but—’
‘It’s got nothing to do with the family dates because we’re not dating any more.’
Jonah’s mouth fell open. ‘You’re not…But why?’
‘It’s not working out,’ Gabriel said.
For a moment Jonah said nothing, then he cleared his throat. ‘And who decided it wasn’t working out—you or Maddie?’
‘I did,’ Gabriel said, and Jonah’s mouth fell open even further.
‘But, Gabriel, she’s perfect for you. She’s warm and kind, and funny and smart…Look, whatever you’ve done—however you’ve screwed this up—get her back.’
‘I don’t want her back,’ Gabriel flared, and Jonah stared at him in confusion, then suddenly his eyes narrowed and he looked grimmer than Gabriel had ever seen him.
‘The reason you’re not dating Maddie any more,’ he said slowly. ‘It wouldn’t have anything to do with your realisation that there’s no way on God’s earth she’ll ever apply for Lynne’s job, would it?’
It was Gabriel’s turn to look bewildered. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’
‘When you hired Maddie you said you were going to try to keep her sweet for four months in the hope that she’d step into Lynne’s shoes,’ Jonah said, his voice ice-cold. ‘If these dates have been part of your keep-her-sweet plan, and now you’ve dumped her because you’ve realised your plan isn’t going to work, you can have my resignation right now.’
‘Of course I haven’t been dating her because of Lynne’s job,’ Gabriel snapped. ‘What kind of man do you take me for?’
Jonah met his eyes, glare for glare. ‘You tell me.’
‘I haven’t thought about that for weeks,’ Gabriel protested, and he hadn’t. Not since the day Maddie had sat down opposite him in the canteen, looking panic-stricken and so very adorable. ‘In fact, I don’t know why I ever thought she would want to return to nursing in the first place.’
Because he was arrogant, he thought grimly, and arrogance always came before a fall. No, that’s pride, but in his case arrogance and pride were pretty much the same thing.
‘Gabriel, whatever the problem is, work it out,’ Jonah said. ‘If you let Maddie go—’
‘You said you thought Nell might make a good ward manager,’ Gabriel interrupted. ‘If you still believe that, would you sound her out for me, see if she’s interested?’
‘Yes, but about Maddie—’
‘I need to know if Nell is interested,’ Gabriel said determinedly, ‘because if she’s not, we’ll have to start advertising.’
‘Yes, but Maddie—’
‘I have nothing more to say about Maddie,’ Gabriel said in a voice that brooked no argument. ‘It’s over. Finished.’
And it was over, he thought as Jonah left. His traitorous body might wish it wasn’t but his mind told him it was better this way. He couldn’t be a surrogate father to Charlie and Susie. If he was honest with himself, he’d never considered being one. All he’d wanted had been to make love to Maddie but, as he’d sat on the sofa on Saturday night and seen the photographs of Charlie and Susie smiling down at him, he’d known that he couldn’t make love to her on the basis of a lie.
A woman like Maddie needed—deserved—more than a casual fling, and if he’d felt something tear inside him when she’d gazed at him, her eyes huge and bewildered in a face he knew almost as well as his own, then it was better this way.
Or it would be, he thought with a groan as he felt his body stirring and reacting to the memory of how she’d looked that night, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted, her breasts…
Work, he told himself, getting to his feet with a muttered oath. Stop remembering, and think about work. Think about next Wednesday.
Next Wednesday when he was going to meet Professor Larson of the Swedish Institute in Stockholm. Professor Larson, who never met individuals privately and yet who had, unbelievably, telephoned him on Monday to say he’d be in Glasgow in ten days’ time and would like to meet him.
Think about that, he told himself. Think about how it’s always been your dream to work for the man, and if that doesn’t stop you thinking about Maddie, nothing will. Quickly he leafed through his appointment book to see what time he’d agreed to meet the professor, only to stare at the page in horror. There were six appointments listed, but none of them were with Professor Larson, and with a groan he grabbed his appointment book and hurried out of his consulting room.
‘But, Maddie, I’ve agreed to meet Professor Larson a week today at two o’clock,’ Gabriel exclaimed, dismay plain upon his face. ‘I can’t ring him up and cancel.’
‘I don’t see what else you can do,’ she replied. ‘If only you’d told me—’
‘I thought I had,’ he protested. ‘I was sure I left a sticky note on your desk after he phoned on Monday but maybe my mind…’ A slight tinge of colour darkened his cheeks. ‘Maybe it was on other things.’
Like how you walked out on me on Saturday night, she thought, but she didn’t say it.
‘Can’t you cancel some of my appointments?’ he continued, and Maddie logged onto her copy of his appointment book on her computer.
‘You have six meetings scheduled for next Wednesday. One is with the unit’s biggest charitable benefactor, one is with the head of the health board and the other four are with individuals who I think we can also safely categorise as pretty important VIPs. Which ones would you suggest I cancel?’
‘How about if you moved Mr Wilson’s appointment from two o’clock to four o’clock,’ he said desperately, ‘and then moved Mrs Jeffrey’s appointment from four o’clock to eleven o’clock in the morning—?’
‘Gabriel, Mr Wilson made that appointment six weeks ago. Mrs Jeffrey made hers three months ago. OK, OK,’ she continued as he groaned again. ‘I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.’
‘Maddie, if you can pull this off, you can have anything you want,’ he said fervently, and her heart twisted inside her.
I want you, she thought. Despite everything, she still wanted him.
You’re pathetic, Maddie, her heart whispered. This man has hurt you, dumped you, and yet not only do you still want him but you’re trying to pull his butt out of the fire. He’s screwed up, just like Colin and Andrew used to do, and just as you did with Colin and Andrew, you’re trying to rescue him. You have learned nothing.
‘I’d get on with this a lot faster if you stopped hovering over me,’ she said, injecting as much coolness into her voice as she could.
‘Sorry,’ he said, moving back a step, but it didn’t help.
She could still smell his aftershave, was still intensely, acutely aware of him, of his nearness, of his breathing. Of him.
‘Look, why don’t you go back to your consulting room?’ she said. ‘If I find a way of changing your schedule, I’ll let you know.’
He looked disappointed. ‘I thought maybe I could help,’ he said.
Going away would help, she thought. Not standing anywhere near me would help, because when you stand close to me, I remember. I remember the touch of your hands on my body, the feel of your lips on mine, and I don’t want to remember.
‘There really isn’t anything you can do to help,’ she said, all calm, cool efficiency on the outside, while inside her heart was beating so fast it would have brought the crash team to her side if she’d been attached to a monitor.
‘You’re sure?’ he said.
‘Positive,’ she replied firmly, and after a moment’s hesitation he nodded, but as he walked out of her office she bit her lip savagely.
How had she let this happen? She had been so sure she could safeguard her heart by making their dates family-only ones. She had been so certain that if she never spent time alone with him she would be safe, but somehow he’d got past her defences. Somehow, despite all the precautions she’d taken, she’d fallen in love with him, and now…What was she going to do? What the hell was she going to do?
‘Are you OK?’
She looked up to see Jonah standing in her doorway and managed a smile.
‘Fine, thanks,’ she said. Apart from wanting to burst into tears.
‘You’re sure?’ Jonah, said, scanning her face anxiously. ‘It’s just I saw Gabriel coming out of your office and—’
‘He forgot to tell me he’d arranged a meeting with Professor Larson for next Wednesday afternoon and at the moment his schedule’s so packed there’s no way he can fit it in.’
‘Professor Larson?’ Jonah repeated. ‘The Professor Larson of the Swedish Institute in Stockholm?’
‘The very same.’ Maddie nodded, and Jonah let out a low whistle.
‘I’m impressed.’
‘Professor Larson isn’t going to be if Gabriel has to cancel,’ Maddie said dryly, and Jonah came round her desk to peer at her computer screen.
‘You’ve not a hope in hell of altering that, Maddie.’
She didn’t think she had either, but she was going to give it her best shot. Or at least she would try to give it her best shot, she thought with irritation as Jonah sat down on the edge of her desk, looking as though he was settled there for the duration.
‘Don’t you have people to see, places to go, Jonah?’ she said.
‘I’ve a ward round in ten minutes but…Gabriel told me you and he aren’t dating any more.’
She stiffened in her seat. ‘He told you that?’
‘Not willingly, and he didn’t tell me why.’
‘I’m not telling you either,’ she said, reaching for Gabriel’s appointment book, only to see Jonah whisk it out of reach. ‘Hey.’
‘I just want to say one thing, Maddie, and then I’ll get out of your hair,’ the specialist registrar said. ‘The son of a bitch needs his head examined.’
She blinked. ‘I…Thank you. I think.’
‘Actually, I’d like to say one other thing,’ he continued. ‘It’s not over until the fat lady sings.’
She waited for a second, then stared up at him uncertainly. ‘Um, is that it?’
He grinned as he slid off her desk. ‘For now, except…Are you really OK?’
‘Of course I am,’ she said, but she wasn’t, and she knew Jonah knew she wasn’t.
Work, Maddie, she told herself, reaching for her phone as Jonah left. Figure out first how you can rearrange Gabriel’s appointments so he can meet this Professor Larson next Wednesday, and then think about what you’re going to do about the man himself.
‘Maddie, you are a genius, and whatever the hospital is paying you it’s not enough,’ Gabriel exclaimed with relief as he glanced down at his appointment book and saw the magical words, ‘Professor Larson, 2 p.m.,’ written in bold letters under next Wednesday’s date. ‘Mr Wilson, Mrs Jeffrey—all the other people I was supposed to see—they were OK about the changes?’
‘They are now,’ she said, remembering the initial ear-blasting she’d received from Mr Wilson, and the distinctly less than flattering assessment of her capabilities as a secretary she’d received from Mr Phillips. And you owe Jonah big time because he’s giving up his day off next Wednesday to cover your ward rounds.’
A glimmer of amusement appeared in his dark grey eyes. ‘Does he know that yet?’
‘No,’ she admitted, and he laughed.
A laugh that was deep and warm, and seemed to curl right round her heart, comforting it. Stupidly her heart lifted as his eyes met hers for a long moment. Then he looked away, shook his head and said, ‘Thanks again for sorting out next Wednesday for me.’
‘Not a problem,’ she said, all sunshine bright, but it was, she realised, as she walked back down the corridor to her office, and there was only one solution.
She had to get another job. OK, so other people didn’t resign when their office romances went sour but, then, other people’s ex-boyfriends didn’t promise they’d continue to come round to their homes to visit their nephews. Spending the next four months working with Gabriel, seeing him every day, making stilted conversation with him, avoiding eye contact with him, would be bad enough, but never knowing when he was going to turn up at her home? No, no way. She had to get another job.
‘And next time make sure you get a good look at every member of staff before you sign on the dotted line,’ she muttered. ‘And if any of them are any younger than sixty, get out fast.’
‘First signs, you know,’ Lynne said as she passed her. ‘Talking to yourself.’
‘Oh, I’m way beyond the first signs, Lynne. I’ve moved into the certifiable stage,’ Maddie said, and the ward manager laughed.
‘Well, working for Gabriel does that to you. Did I ever tell you about the time—?’ She frowned as her pager started to bleep. ‘Oh, blast. No rest for the wicked.’
She was gone in a flurry of starched cotton, and Maddie walked into her office and stared with absolutely no enthusiasm at all at her overflowing in-tray. Sometimes she wondered if she was cut out to be a secretary. Maybe she should have retrained to be a teacher, except she couldn’t have survived for three years without an income and the thought of trying to control thirty-five Susies was enough to make her blood run cold.
‘You should have a life of your own,’ Susie had said, and Maddie sighed.
She knew she should. She knew she shouldn’t build her entire life around Charlie and Susie, that they’d ultimately grow up and want their independence, but it was too soon for her to return to nursing, no matter how much she might miss it. She’d stick with secretarial work for another two years, until she was sure Charlie was really settled, and then she’d return to nursing, but not at the Belfield. Never at the Belfield.
And what about the personal side of your life? her heart whispered, and she shook her head. She’d vowed once before that she was off men for the duration, but this time she meant it.
‘Maddie, Gabriel wants you to phone the Scotts and get them in here as fast as you can,’ Lynne said urgently as she flew into Maddie’s office, looking tense and harassed. ‘Tell them he’s concerned about Diana’s condition, but don’t tell them anything else. Just get them in here.’
‘But…’ Maddie was talking to thin air. The ward manager had already gone, and Maddie’s heart sank as she saw Jonah running down the corridor, closely followed by Gabriel, his white coat flapping.
Diana had been doing so well, overcoming all the infections she’d caught, but if she was being asked to telephone the little girl’s parents, whatever had happened was serious, very serious.
Quickly she phoned the Scotts, and for once she was grateful that she knew nothing. No, she couldn’t tell a panic-stricken Rhona anything other than Mr Dalgleish was concerned about Diana and, no, she didn’t know any more than that, she told Simon, but could they, please, come in as quickly as they could.
‘What’s going on, Nell?’ she demanded, hurrying out into the corridor as she saw her cousin pass. ‘What’s happened to Diana?’
‘She seemed very lethargic when I came on duty this morning,’ Nell replied, ‘and then suddenly she started fitting. Jonah ordered an ultrasound and she’s had a cerebral haemorrhage.’
‘How bad?’
Maddie’s heart sank. A grade 4 was the worst there could be. Babies could survive a grade 1 or 2 cerebral haemorrhage, but a grade 3 or 4 would leave them severely brain damaged if not dead.
‘Are Simon and Rhona on their way?’ Nell asked, and Maddie nodded.
‘They should be here soon.’
And they were. A little over half an hour later Rhona arrived, clutching her husband’s hand, her face distraught, and as the couple disappeared into Gabriel’s room Maddie’s intercom beeped, and she hit the answer button quickly.
‘Miss Bryce, could you come along to the consulting room right away, please?’ Gabriel said, and Maddie’s heart sank even further.
He was using his official I-have-somebody-with-me voice but she could hear the tension in it and reluctantly she got to her feet. Instinct told her she wasn’t going to like this, and the minute she saw Simon’s chalk-white face and Rhona’s swollen eyes she knew her instincts were correct.
‘This brain haemorrhage Diana’s had,’ Simon said as Maddie slipped quietly into a seat. ‘I know it can lead to cerebral palsy, but cerebral palsy’s not so bad, is it? A friend of mine’s son has cerebral palsy and he’s a lovely little lad. He has to use a wheelchair but his mental capacities are all there, and you can buy wonderful wheelchairs nowadays, real state-of-the-art things—’
‘Simon, it’s not as simple as that.’ Gabriel interrupted gently. ‘Diana’s had a grade 4 haemorrhage, the most severe there is, and when a baby as vulnerable and premature as she is has a large haemorrhage, a lot of blood that should be in the bloodstream becomes diverted to the brain.’
‘Mr Dalgleish, you didn’t hear what my husband said,’ Rhona protested. ‘We don’t care if Diana’s disabled. She’s our daughter, and we’ll love her just the same.’
‘Rhona…’ Gabriel leant forward in his seat, his face almost as white as Simon Scott’s was, his eyes dark with regret. ‘Diana’s circulation is collapsing. Her heart can no longer deliver blood and nutrients to her vital organs. Her kidneys aren’t working any more, her liver has collapsed—’
‘But people have liver transplants, kidney transplants,’ Rhona interrupted desperately, ‘and Maddie said you’re one of the best—if not the best neonatologist in the country. That’s what you said, wasn’t it?’ she continued, turning to Maddie, her eyes pleading. ‘You said Mr Dalgleish was the best, so if it’s a question of an operation, a transplant—’
‘Rhona, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do,’ Gabriel said, before Maddie could reply. ‘I wish there was, but there isn’t.’
‘How…?’ Simon swallowed. ‘How long before…?’
‘A few hours,’ Gabriel replied. ‘Probably less.’
A sob broke from Rhona. ‘But miracles can happen, can’t they? People who have been in comas for years suddenly wake up. People who are in awful, appalling accidents get better against all the odds, so maybe…maybe she can pull through this.’
Simon reached out and clasped his wife’s hand in his. ‘Rhona…Mr Dalgleish is saying there isn’t any hope any more.’
Rhona looked across at Maddie, pain and grief and heartache etched on her face.
‘There really isn’t any hope?’ she whispered, and Maddie shook her head.
‘I’m sorry, Rhona—so very sorry,’ she said, and Rhona drew in a shuddering breath.
‘Can…can we see her?’
Gabriel got stiffly to his feet. ‘We’ve moved Diana into a separate ward so you can stay with her if you want, until…’
‘We’d like that,’ Simon said with difficulty, then turned to Maddie. ‘Would…would you come with us, too?’
‘Of course I will,’ Maddie said, and silently she followed the Scotts and Gabriel into one of the isolation wards they normally reserved for babies suffering from undiagnosed infections.
‘She’s so small,’ Rhona said as she gazed down at her daughter. ‘She’s still so very, very small. Why couldn’t it have been me? Why does she have to die when she’s hardly lived at all?’
Maddie looked across at Gabriel in mute appeal, knowing there was no answer to this, there never was.
‘Do you want to hold her, Rhona?’ Gabriel said, and when Rhona nodded he carefully lifted Diana out of her incubator.
‘I was going to show her the world, you know,’ Rhona said, her voice breaking as she took Diana from him. ‘I had all these plans, all these dreams. I was going to show her all the beautiful, magical things in the world, and now she’s never going to see them, is she?’
Gabriel shook his head. ‘No, she’s not,’ he said, his voice rough.
Gently Rhona stroked her daughter’s cheek, then bent her head and kissed her. ‘Diana, I will always love you. You won’t be here with me, I won’t be able to hold you, but I will always love you. You’re my baby, my daughter, and you always will be.’
Tears were trickling down Rhona’s cheeks, and Maddie could feel tears welling in her own eyes as Simon bent his head to kiss his daughter, too.
‘Stay with us, sweetheart,’ he said, his voice tight, restricted. ‘Don’t leave us. You’re the most precious gift we’ve ever been given so, please…fight a little bit more. Fight to stay here with us, because without you…’
His voice broke, and Maddie had to look away because she had seen what the Scotts hadn’t. Diana’s frail chest was no longer moving up and down. She’d died while her father had been speaking, and she knew that Gabriel had seen it, too.
‘Simon…Rhona…’ he said softly, and Rhona looked up at him, saw what had happened in his eyes, and broke down completely.
Quickly Gabriel put his arm around her, then his eyes met Maddie’s and she knew what he wanted. Though the Scotts had never seemed a particularly religious couple, they might welcome the help of the hospital chaplain. With a nod she slipped blindly out of the isolation ward, the sounds of Rhona’s racking sobs tearing at her heart.
The rest of the day seemed interminable. Nobody talked about what had happened, everyone averted their gaze from the isolation ward, and never had Maddie been so glad when the clock on her office wall finally reached five o’clock.
To her surprise Gabriel seemed anxious to leave the hospital, too, and to her even greater surprise he seemed to have been waiting by the lifts for her.
‘Rough day,’ he murmured as they both stepped in.
‘How are the Scotts?’ she asked, and his jaw clenched slightly.
‘Not good.’
She nodded. There wasn’t anything she could say.
‘I was wondering if I could come round this evening?’ he said. ‘See Charlie.’
‘I’d rather you didn’t, if you don’t mind,’ she said. ‘Like you said, it’s been a rough day.’
He looked awkward, uncomfortable. ‘Actually, it’s not so much Charlie I wanted to see, it’s more…I’ve had a really lousy day, Maddie, and I could do with some company.’
She turned to face him, unable to believe her ears. Just who the hell did he think he was? He’d walked out on her on Saturday night and now he expected her to welcome him into her home and dispense tea and sympathy? OK, so he’d had a lousy day, but she’d had a lousy week and as far as she could see the weeks ahead weren’t going to get any better, and they certainly wouldn’t improve if she allowed herself to become his personal doormat.
‘I’m afraid I’m busy tonight,’ she said tightly.
‘I wouldn’t stay long—just an hour or so,’ he said as the lift came to a halt on the ground floor and she stepped out. ‘Maddie—’
‘I’m busy, Gabriel,’ she said, and turned on her heel and walked away.