CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

CHARLIE

 

Belize and me were in a large, beautiful suite in the W Hotel in Washington DC. I sat in front of a mirror while Belize pinned up my hair. This was the day I’d always dreamed of. The day my father and others told me would never happen for a boy like me and yet here I was, preparing to be a wife.

“What’s on your mind, beautiful?” Belize asked as she placed a pearl tipped bobby pin in my bun. “You should be smiling instead of frowning. This is your wedding day.”

“I’m not frowning.”

She poked her lips out and placed her hands on her hips. “Charlie, you already know that I’m built for prying. So save yourself the trouble and time and tell me what’s on your mind.” She picked up the blinged out brush and continued working on my bun as I eyed my sad face in the mirror.

“It’s nothing big. I just have the jitters.”

She put the brush down and picked up her cell phone from the dresser. She scrolled through the pictures and stopped at one to show me. “Now are you sitting down there and telling me that you are confused about marrying this man? As fine as he is?”

I took the phone from her hand and my jaw dropped. “What are you doing with a picture of Luke in your phone?”

She picked up the brush again. “Shit, I got a picture of every nigga you ever fucked with.” She brushed the side of my bun softly. “Well, at least the niggas I met of yours anyway.” She looked at me before we both busted out in laughter.

I sat the phone down. “You are so crazy.”

“I’m dead serious too.” She looked at me. “Seriously, talk to me, honey. What’s on your mind? I don’t want you going down the aisle to meet your new husband with that face.”

“I’m thinking about my mother and wondering how she would feel about me and Luke.”

“Do you really want that thought to destroy your day? Because whether your mother accepts you or not this day is not about her, Charlie. It’s about you and your future husband.”

I looked down at my pearl colored fingernails that were sitting in my lap. “I wish that was enough.”

Belize exhaled, sat the brush down and said, “Turn around.”

“What do you mean?” I asked looking at her reflection in the mirror. “We have to be at the church in under an hour. Finish up my hair.”

“I said turn around, Charlie. I’m serious. Anyway, it’s considered fashionable for the bride to be a little late.”

I turned around.

She took a deep breath and said, “Okay, so pretend that I am your mother and tell me what you want me to know?”

I tilted my head and giggled hard. “Belize, you taking this Mommy Dearest shit too far now. I mean really.” I shook my head. “Finish my hair so we can leave; I’m getting mad now.”

“But I’m serious, Charlie. I’m not doing anything else until we work through this. Now talk to me. Tell me what you would want me to know as your mother.”

When I peered into her eyes I could tell that something else was going on. This was unlike the other times. Belize really wanted me to have peace and this was one of the reasons I loved her so much.

“Okay…I’ll play along.” I sighed. I took a few more moments to compose myself. “Mama…today is the most important day of my life. I have met a man who loves me and cherishes me but I still feel unworthy. Part of the reason is that I know you would never approve, and the other part is that before him, I never knew true love existed.” I exhaled again. “I guess what I’m trying to say is are you happy for me? Would you still love me even if I married a man?”

Belize smiled lightly and looked down at me. “Charlie, this is your life,” she said with compassion heavy in her voice. “It always has been. Neither I nor your father had the right to make you feel that it was anything but. What I want to say to you now is that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the woman that you’ve become despite the things that you have gone through. You are strong, Charlie, and no matter what, I want you to never forget that. You are truly the daughter I never knew I wanted and I love you very much.”

Belize held me in her arms and I cried for about a minute. It was just what I needed and even though it was an act, oddly enough I felt empowered.

When I was done and looked up at Belize, she was crying too. “Look at what you did to your mascara,” she said reaching for a makeup sponge to fix my face. “Don’t you know that brides don’t cry?”

I grabbed her hand softly and said, “Thank you, Belize.”

“It’s nothing,” she said sniffling a little. “Besides, what’s a queen to do?”

 

****

 

I was in the white limousine, about two minutes from the church and something in my heart told me that something was off. I looked over at Belize who was on the phone finalizing the last few pieces for the ceremony.

When she was done she stuck her phone in her purse and said, “What’s wrong? You look scared.”

“Can you feel it?” I asked her placing my hand over my heart.

“Feel what?”

“Something is off, Belize. Way off.”

She sighed heavily, like I was getting on her last nerves. “What are you talking about now?” she asked fanning me off. “I done re-enacted your mama, took care of all the details for the reception and made sure everybody was on time. It’s time to stop making excuses and start living the rest of your life.”

We pulled up in front of the church and it felt like the breath was pulled from my body.

Looking out of the window, I couldn’t believe the sight. Slowly my head rotated toward her and I asked, “You still going to tell me that I’m wrong?”