Title

In the darkness, a faint light illuminates. A woman with brown hair appears in the glow. The light blocks my view of her face, even as she stands a touch away from me. She caresses my cheek like a mother would her child’s. In that contact she feels familiar, and her scent of gardenias soothes me. I lift my hand to cover hers.

“Mom?” My heart expands with joy, but she slowly fades.

No, no, no. Mom. Come back. My chest caves as a sob shudders out of me from missing her.

At first, I had no idea what had happened, or why Brooke spoke with such concern, until I recalled crashing into Mr. Thorpe.

Someone shifted my body. Pain sliced down my leg and traveled to my head. Then I felt nothing. I wanted to open my eyes to see the damage from the fall, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. Blackness took me again.

I am four years old. Skipping down the hallway of a building, I come across a door. Two voices murmur on the other side. I swing it open and peer in to see my mother stroking my face.

“You can’t do this to her. It will change her,” my mother begs.

“I have no choice.” The man wears a white lab coat. I squint to identify him, but to no avail.

“Everyone has a choice,” she cries. “This is all your fault. I’m her mother. I forbid this.”

“It has already been done. This is the only way to ensure her safety. I can’t keep her safe if I’m gone.”

The man’s face whips to the left. He doesn’t say a word. He stands there while my mother slaps him again.

“I hate you. Do you hear me?” Tears stream down her cheeks. “You’ve sold your soul to the devil.”

“Maybe I did.” He grips his hair in frustration. “It was always inside her, through you. I never told you.”

My mother drops to the floor at this news, sobbing. I stare at the man’s face as he turns to me. His jaw drops and his gray eyes turn gloomy. He bends down to me. “Ava. How long were you standing there?”

I stiffen from his scolding tone and my body goes cold. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Daddy? How could I dream about my father when I’ve never known him? I wanted to know more, to see more, but ...

“Ava. Open your eyes, damnit.” Justine’s concerned voice sent warmth to my core.

“She’s not going to be brain dead, is she?” Tamara’s worried tone concerned me.

The words brain dead scared the life out of me. Why couldn’t I speak? And where the hell was I? My body shifted and something warm gently pressed my chest and temples.

“Ava is going to be fine,” Mitch answered finally, and then something tightened around my leg. “She’s going to need stitches.”

My body rocked back and forth. The sub-glider hummed, ready for takeoff. My eyes became heavy again, and then everything went dark.

“Ava. Stay close to me.” He sounds unfamiliar, but his voice beckons my attention. Then his body presses into mine, so I peer up, but can’t see his face.

My dreams sucked. Knowing I was attracted to him, I at least wanted to see what he looked like. Then my dream flashed to another time and place.

“Ava.” The same guy sings my name tenderly as if it were a song. Caressing my cheek, he continues. “The only good thing about this place is you.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest. “Do you feel that? No one can take away my beating heart for you. You’re imprinted right there. You are my forever.”

I answer him, but I don’t know what I said. Sadness floods me and tears warm my face. I jump into his arms and hold him tightly. My heart overflows with completeness, and takes me to another level of euphoria. I can fly, soar high to the sky, and never fall ... because of him.

Then he is gone.

My eyes fluttered open. I lay on a thin mattress inside a clear rectangular case. Blue and green laser lights crisscrossed up and down my body. When I craned my neck to the side, Brooke’s face came into my view. Clear. Clean. No blood. The guards I had shot, bloody and dead on the floor flashed in my mind. Oh God. How many had I killed?

“It’s about time you woke up.” She scowled playfully. “Don’t you know sleeping on the job can get you fired?”

“I think I want to get fired.” I grumbled. My muscles ached like I had worked out beyond my limits, but I would rather take the soreness over pain. “What happened?”

I glanced about the dimly lit room. On the wall to the left of me were monitors. Above me, another monitor scanned the length of my body. And on my right leg, two mechanical machine hands had just finished sewing me up.

“What didn’t happen?” She arched her brows. “Where shall I begin? What do you remember?”

I opened my mouth to speak when the mattress I laid on flipped me over by mechanical hands connected to the case. A soft and flexible material wrapped around my body, like an enormous bandage. After the machine evaluated my body, it set me back in place.

“The last thing I remember ...” I trailed off when Russ, Mitch, Justine, and Tamara entered.

“Next time you decide to jump out a window, do it on your own time. How are you feeling?” Russ lit a small grin, but his green eyes flashed a look of concern.

Mitch came to the forefront. “Thanks to you, the case is closed.” He gave a victorious smirk. “You were all brave. We saw blood this time around, but considering the unforeseen circumstances, you all handled yourselves professionally. After we left, a team of sweepers came in and disposed of the bodies. Our technician also tapped into their system and erased any video evidence.”

“What happened to Roxy’s team?” I asked hesitantly. From what I could recall, they were in bad condition or worse.

I didn’t like Roxy, but I felt sorry for her. I knew what it felt like to lose someone. She had lost three of her teammates. No matter how tough Roxy played it, she had to be devastated.

“It happens. When it’s your time, it’s your time. It’s the nature of what we do. Don’t dwell on it or it will set you back. It won’t be the last time.” Mitch brushed it off like it was no big deal.

My blood boiled. Maybe it was no big deal to him. He didn’t care about the girls who had died. Or perhaps he was trying to ease my mind. But a life was a life.

Russ must have seen my frown. He changed the subject. “You’ll be dismissed in five minutes. You’ll need to report to Lydia for a debriefing. She’ll want to know how you’re doing. Then, you’ll need to stop by to see Vanessa in counseling. She’s going to help you deal with psychological distress. Don’t forget about Friday night. You’ve earned your free night. Mitch and I will be on our way so you ladies can have a private moment to recap.”

Justine came around to the other side of the case. She had tied her hair back, exposing her fair skin. As always, her lips were pencil straight with no expression. I prepared for her sly remark, but then her face softened.

“No. We’re fine. We had some cuts and bruises, Tamara more than us, but nothing that the Dr. Machine couldn’t fix.” She gently tapped the metal. “Besides, Mitch injected us with pain killing serum, so we’re all good.”

Tamara extended her arm to me and wiggled her fingers. “Oh, don’t forget I fractured my pinky, but Dr. Machine fixed me up.”

Brooke held out a hand. “Stay down. Not yet.” She glanced at the time on the machine. “To answer your question, you were out for an hour.”

Tamara cleared her throat and wrung a few strands of her hair about her ear. “Mitch had to drug you. You had some glass embedded in you from the impact. Thank God you landed on Thorpe. His fat body saved you.” She giggled lightly. “You bounced off him and landed on top of more glass. What were you thinking?”

That explained the weird dreams. Drugs could jumble the mind I assumed. Ignoring her question, I tried to bring the night’s action to the forefront of my thoughts, but I only remembered the powerful need to save my friends and kill my enemies.

“All windows are supposed to be made of fiberglass. I should’ve bounced off the glass and not gone through it.” I wondered if I’d even gone through the glass at all.

“You shouldn’t have done what you did.” Tamara’s scolding came as a surprise.

Brooke narrowed her eyes at Tamara. “Hey, newbie. Watch your tone. Ava is right. None of us could’ve known.”

“Sorry.” Tamara shrugged sheepishly. “I thought I’d lost you.” Her tone became somber, and her eyes glistened. “After the girls from Roxy’s team got shot, I ... I froze.” She dipped her head as if in shame. “When fear overpowers you, I don’t think anything can help, even Helix.”

The machine lowered me. As my team moved to the side, my bare feet set on the floor and I stood upright. I shivered. The cold beneath me stung through my bones. I hated the tile floors on my skin. They made me feel like I was in a lab.

“It’s all in your head,” I reminded her. “Helix is a tricky serum. It helps you but doesn’t fully take away fear, which is the reason we do those stupid mental missions.”

I had a difficult time taking the first step, like a newborn colt, but my muscles regained their mobility soon after. Thank goodness for inventions like Dr. Machine to speed up the healing process.

Brooke handed me a clean top. “I know what I signed up for, but I don’t know if I can do that again. We’ve never killed people. I mean ... except for Tamara.”

“Geez, thanks for pointing that out.” Tamara spiked her eyes to the ceiling.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. We spoke to Vanessa while you were healing. She wanted us to express our feelings and get everything out of our system. She said time would help and the first time is the hardest. She also said we should keep in mind it was self-defense, and we had nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m glad you had a talk with Vanessa. We didn’t have a choice.” I pulled my shirt down, trying to help Brooke feel better, even though I felt the same way. As their leader, I needed to say something to make her snap out of it. “I don’t think we have a choice whether or not we do this again. They own us. We gave our lives to ISAN. Now we have to deal with it. At least we’re doing something to help society, instead of picking our noses in jail.”

“What if I tell them I don’t want to go on the next assignment?” Justine asked.

Brooke whipped around to face Tamara and stopped her in her tracks. “You think that’s the reason they were terminated?”

“Brooke, they weren’t terminated.” I needed to keep her calm. “How could you say that? Thorpe’s bodyguard shot them. I saw him do it.”

“Were your eyes glued to the bodyguard at all times?” Brooke challenged. “What if Mitch took the shot? And which bodyguard was our source? If Roxy’s team got the same amount of Helix as us, why couldn’t they escape their hold?”

One of the guards inside is our source. He’s been keeping me informed of all of Thorpe’s activities. Lydia’s voice rang in my head as my imagination ran wild.

“What’s causing you to be suspicious?” I asked. Though I wondered about her last question.

This was the first time I had killed. No amount of therapy and reminding myself it was self-defense would ease my heart and mind, and I could assume Brooke felt the same which was the reason for her outburst, ridiculous or not.

I glanced at the ceiling, wondering if there were any cameras, or if somehow they could listen to our conversation.

“You’re going to be fine. Let’s get out of here.” I put on my pants and shoes.

Brooke didn’t move. “They say there’re no side-effects from Helix, but what if it’s a lie? What if I develop a tolerance for it? What if I need double the dosage? Then what? Can my body handle that much more?”

“Not here, Brooke. Let’s talk later in private,” I whispered curtly in her ear and tugged her along.

Brooke gave me a sidelong glance, and then her eyes grew wider in understanding.

The doors slid open as I approached them. “Let’s keep this conversation to ourselves. It’s better if we find our own answers instead of asking our superiors, just in case.”

“To Lydia, then to Vanessa. See you at dinner.” I tried to sound cheerful. I needed to maintain my composure, to convince my team everything was going to be fine, but I suspected it was just the beginning of something huge.

After meeting with Lydia and Vanessa, I went back to my room. Though Sniper had stopped messaging me, I still checked. I had to wash the thoughts of Sniper out of my mind. The possibility I would get kicked out of ISAN if I got caught made me dislike that person even more. However, I couldn’t fight my curiosity.

Waiting for a message made me question my sanity. I scolded myself for letting an anonymous stranger get to me, though in my fantasies, he was a hot guy. I had better things to do, like complete my homework or train on my own. Just as I scrolled to shut down to go to dinner, a message appeared. My heart pitter-pattered in a pleasant way and blood rushed to my face.

For all I knew, Sniper could be ISAN’s enemy or a spy. Suspicion overcame curiosity. I made a decision to never reply again. Knowing Brooke waited for me by the door like she had been doing the past week, I shut down my TAB. When the door slid open, Brooke’s smile greeted me.