“Hello. My name is Dr. Hunt. What’s your name?”

I heard his voice, but he only recorded me. My ragged hair brushed my shoulders. For a thirteen-year-old, I was thin and short. The Ava on the screen shifted nervously, but held her chin high.

“Hello, Dr. Hunt. My name is Ava. What kind of doctor are you? I need a doctor to fix me.”

“Why do you need to be fixed?”

Young Ava scuffed her shoes on the ground. “Sometimes I see things in my mind, like a map, and sometimes I hear voices and no one’s around.”

“Ava, you’re too young to understand, but you have to know you’re special. Doctors can’t fix you.” He paused, as if to make sure she understood.

“You gave me no choice,” I cried to the man in the video. “You took my life from me. I’m not special. I’m damned.”

I didn’t want to listen anymore, but I had to know the truth. There were so many unanswered questions.

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.

After Young Ava looked around to see if anyone listened or watched her, she nodded.

“Please don’t tell anyone what you can do. They will think you’re crazy. You’re not crazy, do you understand? When these things happen and you don’t want them to, close your eyes and count to ten. Take long, deep breaths and think of something frightening. It will go away. Fear will make it go away. When you’re too scared, your special ability shuts down. It’s active right now because you’re going through changes, but eventually it will become dormant.”

Young Ava’s eyebrows pulled together. “I don’t understand. My mom told me to think of happy thoughts. I don’t want to think of something scary.”

“It’s okay, Ava. Try both ways and see which one works. Will you promise me that?”

Scratching her nose, Young Ava nodded. “My mom is dead.” She blinked her teary eyes. “I live with foster parents, but they’re not nice to me.”

“I’m so sorry, Ava.” His voice sank low and his shoulders curved inward. “It’s not the life I would have wanted for you.” He faltered, choked up. “Your mom loved you very much. She’ll always live in your heart. Hold on to her memory and hold on to her love. Days will be brighter. I promise.”

“Are you my mom’s friend? How do you know her?”

A long sad sigh exhaled from his lips. “Yes, she was my friend.”

“Then does that make you my friend, too?”

“Yes.” He chuckled lightly. “We are friends.”

“Can you take me home with you? I don’t like where I am.” Young Ava folded her arms and tears spilled onto her cheeks.

“I can’t take you with me. You don’t know how much I wish I could. Hang in there. You won’t be with them much longer.”

“How do you know?” Young Ava wiped her tears.

“I just do. Can you hold onto that, knowing you won’t be there long? It’s a temporary situation. Be strong, Ava. Be brave. It will get you through.”

“My mom told me to be brave and be someone important.” Young Ava raised her chin, looking proud.

“That’s right. Remember those words. I have to go now. Please don’t tell anyone we had this conversation. Dr. Hunt doesn’t exist to you. Do you understand?”

The screen went dark.

It was the moment of clarity, but not the clarity I wanted. Seeing myself at thirteen made me relive how much I’d missed my mom and how much I’d hated my foster parents.

My dad’s sweet, loving voice broke me. Sounds I never knew I could make escaped my mouth. My wails were pain, death, and seeing my whole life taken from me in one second. The room spun with flashing white dots, my knees weakened, and acid filled my stomach.

Why couldn’t I recall this interview? Dr. Hunt doesn’t exist to you. Did my father make me forget? Was it even possible? And if so, how?

While I held onto my father’s journal and phone, I kicked the debris and knocked the bottles and remaining items on the dusty table, bellowing.

“It’s a lie. Everything’s a lie. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”

“Ava.”

Rhett’s voice seemed distance away.

I heaved and clasped my arms around my middle to stop the shaking. It had been too much to bear. Everything they told me still seemed like a lie, but denying it had become futile. I wanted to scream again and punch the walls. I wanted to run away fast and far, far away from ISAN, Rhett, and even myself.

I didn’t know what my twin’s life was like, but if it was anything like mine, they had it rough, too. Though in my dad’s journal he said the first child was well taken care of, I didn’t believe it. It wasn’t fair. I should’ve lived a happy childhood with a family who loved me and treated me well. But my family was a lie. Instead, it was one messed up nightmare.

Dad’s recorded voice buzzed in circles in my head: Be strong, Ava. Be brave.

That was all I ever did.

I stumbled back from lack of air as nausea swept through me again.

“I’ve got you.” Rhett caught me before I fell.

I flung my arm out to push him away. I wanted to hurt him for giving me so much grief. But when his eyes pooled with genuine tears, I realized he was not my enemy.

With the folder and phone clutched to my chest, I crushed my body to his as if he was the only solid thing in this world and sobbed until there were no more tears to shed. His warm embrace made it easy for me to feel vulnerable, to need him. The strength and the grip of his strong arms gave me comfort, a solid foundation to my crumbling self.

I hated who I was, hated I had to kill. And worse, I hated I was special.

Memories can be erased, but you can never forget emotions. Rhett’s words sprang in my mind.

At that moment, I knew I had felt that raw pain before and had found comfort in someone’s arms, but I just couldn’t recall whom or why. I remained in his embrace until the sun shifted and the flashlights threw my shadow on the wall.

I finally wiggled out of his arms. Sure, I’d just had the shock of my life, but everyone inside ISAN was a victim. Brooke, Justine, and Tamara all had hard luck stories, and I wondered if their pasts held twists and lies. My father suspected Mom had been murdered. Maybe ISAN had wanted us cut off from people who cared. We were all victims, even the guy who held me.

Rhett and his friends had kidnapped me. My instincts said I should run away or beat the crap out of them. Instead, I felt solace in their presence, a sense of belonging I couldn’t explain.

Rhett brushed my hair back as his eyes set tenderly on mine. “I’m sorry, Ava. You can hate me all you want, but I’d rather you know the truth. You don’t have to say anything. Let it soak in tonight. We need to get going.”

I nodded, sniffling.

“Can you walk?” he asked.

I nodded again, wiping the last tears I planned to allow. Crying meant weakness. Crying meant they had won. I’d fight until my last breath.

“Can I take these?” I held up the folder and the phone.

“Yes, you can. I’ll put them in my backpack. You’re going to need both hands. We’re not going back the way we came.”

“Why didn’t you just take it with you when you first found them?”

Rhett shoved the folder and the phone inside the backpack and zipped it before meeting my eyes. “In case he came back. Your dad didn’t write daily or monthly toward the end of his journal. The last time he wrote was the seventeenth year—not that long ago. You’re seventeen. I hoped he’d come back and write more. But maybe it’s safer in our hands, in case one of ISAN’s people get a hold of it or the Remnant Council bombs this place.”

“Okay, thanks. We can go now.” My words barely left my mouth as my body drooped from exhaustion.

So tired. I was so tired. Tired from crying. Tired from inconceivable new-found revelations overwhelming me.

“So bossy.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “You’re lucky I’m not making you jump for that, Ms. Scared of Heights. I’ll make you drop instead.”

To my surprise, I let out a soft laugh. Laughing through the shock made me feel better. Later, I’d block it out and move on. It was the only way I knew how to be strong, to be brave. If I let all of it get to me, then I had already lost.

I’m an assassin for crying out loud. Get a hold of yourself.

I glanced around, sensing the ghost of my dad’s presence. He’d been there, writing in his journal, living with the drifters. But for how long?

I had held the journal he’d touched. Somehow that made me feel close to him. He’d been there the first time I’d done a mental mission. He watched me. He stood a touch away. Knowing what his voice sounded like, he became real to me. I felt his love through the journal and the video, but most of all I felt his pain.

How frightening it must have been for him, always looking over his shoulder, running from his past. It’d be nice to meet him, but I didn’t love the man on that video. How could I love someone I didn’t know, who I’d thought hadn’t existed all those years, and especially the person who had experimented on his own children? I had no memories of what he looked like or any traits we shared, but I wanted to.

The possibility of reuniting with my dad and my twin enticed me. Who had he asked to look after me? Did I have a brother or a sister? I had so many more questions, but no one could tell me the truth except my dad.

I inhaled a deep breath. Be brave, Ava. Be someone important. As my mother’s last advice echoed, I caught Rhett’s attention.

“Let’s go.”