*Belle rushed into the hospital ER, her father and Jack by her side. The triage nurse directed them to the ICU where her mother had been taken after treatment in the hours it took them to get there.
The ICU nurse pointed to the huge viewing window across from the desk.
“No visitors today. I’m sorry.”
“But—”
The nurse simply shook her head. “You can see her through the glass, but you’re not to enter the room. It’s possible you might be able to tomorrow, but that’s up to the doctor. She’s been through a lot.”
Belle bit her lip and nodded. She walked over to the window while the nurse explained more about her condition. Belle’s stomach plummeted at the wires and gadgets attached to her mother.
Monitors flashed and blipped their regular monotonous drone. Nasal prongs attached to clear oxygen tubes pressed firmly into her nose.
Belle wrapped her arms around herself. Jack came up beside her and held her tight beneath his arm.
“She’s going to be okay.”
Belle blinked to stop the tears that threatened. She leaned into her brother’s side.
“It’s not your fault.”
Belle wiped at her face, the tears welling despite her grim determination not to cry. “I know that.”
“Do you?” Jack waited until she looked at him. “Mac told me what you said to Dante.”
Belle grimaced and tried to hide her face in his shoulder. “I’m sure the whole damned town heard what I said to Dante.”
Jack let out a mirthless grunt of laughter. “The ones in the general vicinity, at least. I don’t want to interfere—”
“Then don’t.”
“—but you were pretty harsh, sis. He didn’t deserve that.”
Belle closed her eyes against the wave of unhappiness and shame. “I know,” she whispered.
It wasn’t Dante’s fault that she wanted more from him than she thought he was prepared to give. It wasn’t Dante’s fault she’d let herself fall for him.
She pulled out from under Jack’s arm and leaned against the cold glass of the ICU room and stared at the gentle, reassuring, rhythmic rise and fall of her mother’s chest.
“I don’t know what to say. I was horrible to him.”
“I’m sorry usually works. It’s a start, at least.”
She rested her head on the glass. Her warm breath misted against it. She wiped at it distractedly.
“I’ve been so selfish. I made it all about me when all he’d done was try to be there for me. I didn’t stop to think how he’d be feeling, how it would bring back all those memories of losing his own mum. I didn’t give him a chance to speak.”
Jack leaned his back against the glass in front of her and stared at her. “Yeah. I can guarantee he feels bloody awful about all of it. You guys never fight. Nothing serious, anyway. Taking a shot at him about his relationships? That was low. The guy hardly ever goes out with anyone anyway; it’s not like he’s a manwhore.”
Despite herself, Belle let out a short laugh. Dante was anything but.
“I know.”
Jack rubbed his arms. “Yeah. That title goes to Raph. Seriously, though, you owe him an apology.”
Belle rubbed her eyes, suddenly weary beyond words. “How do I make it up to him? I hurt him, Jack. I really hurt him.”
Jack lifted her chin and sent her a wry smile. “One step at a time.”
*
Belle pressed her hand to her stomach and closed her eyes at the nervous butterflies flocking in her belly and hit Dante’s contact number.
She breathed through the nervousness while she waited for the call to connect. Her mother was comfortable; she was sleeping now.
She was safe.
She breathed deeply to speak when the line connected, then let it out on a sad sigh as it flicked over to voicemail.
“You know what to do. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.”
A short beep, then the crackle of static.
“Dante? I-it’s me. Please, I …” She shook her head at her own lack of eloquence. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I can never thank you enough for what you did. I’m so sorry for what I said, for … all of it. I didn’t mean it. I hurt you and …” She sucked in a deep breath. “I’m just really sorry.”
She bit her lip and looked out the window at the city skyline. “I know you might not want to talk to me right now, and I understand that, I really do. I just hope that you can forgive me. I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”
She ended the call and stared sightlessly at the city.
Had he not answered because of what she’d said, because he didn’t want to talk to her, or was he still out with Mac and the teams, sorting things out, cleaning up?
She supposed it didn’t really matter. She’d hurt him. He was entitled to be angry, upset. She was the one who needed to fix it. He’d done nothing wrong.
*
Belle sat holding her mother’s hand while the doctor finished his check-up. Jem looked around the room, bewildered.
“Why am I in hospital?”
Belle rubbed the top of her mum’s hand with her thumb. She’d lost count of the number of times she’d tried to explain to Jem what had happened to her. They currently sat at day three. “You had an accident. You fell.”
“Oh.”
Jem looked up at the doctor. “You’re a very handsome young man. I have a daughter. She’s probably a bit young for you, but then again you young ones do tend to date a lot. Far more than we did when I was your age.”
Belle winced and mouthed I’m sorry to the doctor. He shrugged good-naturedly and smiled at her mother.
“I must admit, Mrs Davis, I don’t have a lot of time to date. I’m so busy here at the hospital that I don’t often have time to get out.”
Jem nodded. “Although, you should make time for some fun. It’s such a demanding job, being a doctor. You need to be kind to yourself.” She looked at Belle, as if seeing her for the first time. “Oh! I know you. You look just like my Isabel. Older, though.”
Oh, no.
It was going to be one of those days. Belle shoved the futility deep and pasted her happy smile on her face. The one that made her mother so happy to see. It wasn’t about her, it was about her mum, and her mum was the one who needed all the support and care in the world right now.
She looked up at the doctor. The sadness that she’d become so used to hiding must have stared back at him like a beacon.
He gripped her shoulder in a supportive pat as her mother turned to talk to her father. “Some confusion and disorientation is to be expected in situations like this. Your mum has had a severe shock to her system; it may take a few days for her to settle.”
Belle nodded and picked at the sheet beside her mother’s hand.
“I know. It’s just that days like this are getting more common, regardless of what happened in the national park.”
He nodded in commiseration. “We have a counsellor available if you need to talk. I can set up an appointment if you like?”
Belle shrugged and avoided his gaze, keeping that damned smile on her face. It had become her new normal.
Dante had been her safe place, her outlet for all things frustration related.
She’d screwed that up monumentally. He hadn’t responded to her message. Sure, she’d said she’d call, but she’d hoped he might text back with an okay or some such thing. Mind you, she probably wouldn’t reply either if he’d said those things to her.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
He nodded. “Let me see what I can do.”
Belle picked up her phone while the doctor focused on her father and mother, chatting to them.
“You’re a very handsome young man. You should meet my daughter …”
Belle patted her mum’s hand and blinked back the tears that insisted on stinging her eyes. She didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed if anyone noticed anymore. She swiped the messages app and sighed.
Nothing. Not a peep.
Her mother’s eyes lit on her and widened with happy surprise.
“Belle! You’re here. It’s been so long.”
Belle leaned over and kissed her mother’s forehead. “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
She hurried from the room and leaned her head back against the wall outside. She rubbed her eyes again, harder this time. She couldn’t breathe in that room. She’d needed to get out before she’d fallen in a heap on the floor and simply cried. If she started that, she probably wouldn’t stop.
She loved her mother so much, but each day was harder than the last. Each day she saw her slipping further and further from the bright, vibrant person she used to be, becoming a shell that looked like her mum, but wasn’t.
She breathed deeply and held it, pushing that thought from her head. She wished that a blinding ray of cosmic radiance would imbue her with oracular powers on how to make up her horrific blunder to Dante.
Nope. Nothin’.
She could admit it. She was hurting that he hadn’t reached out to her. Sure, she was in the wrong. She’d been awful. But deep down she’d hoped he would contact her, try to talk to her. Particularly after her message.
Something.
But … silence.
The last few days of loneliness, coming on the back of such a wonderful time in Sydney, ate at her soul. She’d been so happy being away with him. A couple of times she’d even thought she’d seen something in his expression that might mean … more.
Had she imagined it? Seen what she wanted to see, not what was actually there, because of Jack’s suggestion? Had it clouded her thinking? It had confused her so much, considering what she’s heard Dante say about relationships.
But he’d touched her so gently. Stroked her skin as if she were the most important person in the world.
Important to him.
Then she’d gone and said that it wasn’t real, that what they’d done wouldn’t last. Everything she was feeling now was her own fault. The reason Dante wasn’t there with her, supporting her as she went through seeing her mother in an ICU bed, was because of her selfish actions, because she’d inflicted the pain she’d been feeling on the man who meant the most to her.
She shook her head at her own selfish stupidity.
The person who’d been there through every important and devastating part of her life was the one she’d deliberately pushed away.
She looked up at the squeak of the door to her mother’s room.
The doctor smiled sadly at her and nodded in acknowledgement as he went past.
“Make sure you pick up that appointment time tomorrow when you come in. I’ll leave the information with the duty nurse at her station.”
Belle straightened against the wall. The doctor stopped and turned his head to look at her, eyebrow raised.
She nodded. “I will.”
He smiled at her then, and continued on his way down the hall, to disappear around the corner.