Who says Canadians aren’t funny?
“If Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?
—Colin Mochrie
“Paul McCartney was in the room with us. At one point he was three feet away from me and all I kept thinking was, If I run up and kick him in the crotch right now, I’ll be the most famous man alive!”
—Seth Rogen
“When I go to a restaurant I know every girl in there wants to come say hi and be sexually aggressive, but they’re all so gripped by shyness they don’t even make a move. In some cases the shyness is so severe they won’t even look at me.”
—Michael Cera
“You know what I do almost every day? I wash. Personal hygiene is part of the package with me.”
—Jim Carrey
“What’s better than sex? You know when you hold a piss for a really long time and you finally get to go? That’s up there.”
—Deryck Whibley, Sum41
“When my agent told me I’d been asked to host Canada’s Walk of Fame, I was surprised and delighted—surprised I still had an agent, and delighted to be allowed back into Canada.”
—Tom Green
“If it ain’t broke, you’re not trying.”
—Red Green
“Singers aren’t supposed to have dairy before a show, but we all know I’m a rule breaker.”
—Justin Bieber
“I’m capable of living in the moment. I’m especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people’s moments.”
—Samantha Bee
“They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down you’re actually a homosexual. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.”
—Norm Macdonald
“Never trust sheep.”
—Ryan Stiles
The world’s largest fossilized dinosaur dung was found in Saskatchewan in 1995 It measured 64 centimeters (just over 2 feet) by 17 centimeters (6.7 inches).