WestJet is a low-cost, no-frills Canadian airline. They’re also known for pilots and flight attendants that are free to be as funny as they want. Here are some real quips made by West Jet employees.
“People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
“To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
“Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.”
“Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
“Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
—a pilot, upon descent
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling, stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
Canadians consume 23.4 pounds of cheese per person per year.
“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.”
“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”
“We love you, you love us, we’re much faster than the bus.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, one of our passengers is flying to Calgary to meet her boyfriend. Thats right, her boyfriend from the internet whom she’s had for a year and has never met! Let’s congratulate her on a job well done, and wish her the best on her ‘layover’ in Calgary!”
“We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us.”
“If you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”
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SKYWARD
SILLINESS:
• The company also likes to make big, public April Fool’s Day pranks each year. In 2012, company vice president Richard Bartrem appeared in a phony advertisement announcing that WestJet was introducing child-free flights—as its new KargoKids program would just place all of the kids in the plane’s cargo hold with the luggage.
• In April 2013, WestJet announced that it was “easting restrictions on pets in the cabin.” In other words, “Furry Family” would allow passengers to take any kind of pet with them on board—they released a video featured travelers bringing along their ducks, lizards, raccoons, fish, and bears.
• The joke in 2008—WestJet’s new “sleeper cabins.” A press photo showed a flight attendant happily lounging in a plane’s overhead storage bin.
Evidence of the first Canadians: from 20,000 years ago in caves by the Bluefish River in the Yukon.