How a low-budget kiddie TV show from Canada gave rise to an entertainment empire.
MADE IN CANADA
The world is getting smaller. It seems that these days, kids everywhere all watch the same TV shows—Japanese cartoons, the Disney Channel, and iCarly, for example. But there was a time when children in the U.S. and Canada had more distinct and separate TV cultures. American kids in the ‘80s watched Sesame Street, then Punky Brewster, then Saved By the Bell. Canadian kids had Mr. Dressup and The Littlest Hobo and Degrassi. But for now grown-up kids of a certain age on both sides of the border, there’s a point of convergence: the scrappy CTV sketch comedy You Can’t Do That On Television!
SKETCHING IT OUT
You Can’t Do That on Television! began production in 1979 at Ottawa’s CJOH-TV, and quickly became a local sensation with its blend of juvenile Laugh-In setups and bargain-basement Monty Python-style surrealism, performed by an all-child cast with a single adult foil, veteran comedian Les Lye. But its strange second life began when it was licensed to the fledgling U.S. cable network Nickelodeon in 1981.
In those days, Nick was not the zillion-dollar multi-platform behemoth it is today; indeed, as a start-up channel it was a perpetual money-loser. In its early days, Nickelodeon was only on the air for 12 hours a day, and was perpetually scrambling for inexpensive programming to fill those hours—most of that was an Ohio-based puppet show called Pinwheel, as well as children’s educational programming imported from the U.K. and Canada.
But You Can’t Do That on Television! was pretty much the only game in town for kids on weekday afternoons—Saturday morning cartoons and a couple of kids’ shows in the mornings on public television was all that was available at the time. You Can’t Do That on Television! had a captive Stateside audience for its after-school time slot. In short order, the show had become Nick’s first hit and most-watched show.
A survey in 1995 reported that 38% of Canadian women preferred chocolate to making love.
American audiences latched on to host Christine “Moose” McGlade’s deadpan comic timing, the comic grotesquerie of Les Lye’s adult characters, the broad humor of the sketches, and the kid-friendly one-liners. Some highlights:
• Anytime a cast member said “water,” a bucket of water fell on their heads, as if by magic, humiliating them.
• Anytime a cast member said “I don’t know,” a bucket of bright-green slime fell on their heads, as if by magic, humiliating them.
• “Don’t encourage him!” became a popular catchphrase, usually said by one adult to another about a kid acting up.
• Among the most popular recurring sketches was “Barth Burger,” the world’s most disgusting fast-food restaurant.
• Another recurring—and dark—sketch: a cast member tied up to a post, about to be executed, trying to worm their way out of their inevitable fate. (“Wait a minute, wait a minute! Stop the execution!”)
• The kid and teen cast members portrayed “themselves,” and were always addressed by each other’s first name. Lye, however, portrayed Ross, the permanently exasperated, crafty, and vaguely child-hating stage manager.
• Lifted from Laugh-In: a wall of lockers, from which the cast members pop out and sell silly jokes.
SLIME TIME
Production on You Can’t Do That on Television! ended in 1990, with Nick continuing to air reruns until 1994. Lye passed away in 2009; McGlade is now a communications and media executive. (Some person named “Alanis Morissette” was a cast member for a while, too.) But though the show is long gone, many of the running gags have become an enduring part of Nickelodeon lore. The infamous green slime has become a Nick trademark—literally. A trademark injunction was filed to name the stuff “Nickelodeon Slime”), and a highlight of the annual Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards is the sliming of a popular celebrity.
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