Some unusual epitaphs and tombstone rhymes from Canada, sent in by our crew of wandering BRI tombstone-ologists.
Weep not for me,
Weep for me never
For I’m going to do
Nothing for ever & ever
(Okotoks, AB)
Here lies the body of Jonathan
Blake. Stepped on the gas
instead of the brake.
(Niagra Falls, ON)
It’s not that I am always right
It’s just that I am never wrong
(Barryvale, ON)
He did his bit.
(Moose Jaw, SK)
Died February 31, 1860
(Picton, ON)
To be continued.
(Red Deer, AB)
Here lies all that remains of
Charlotte. Born a virgin, died
a harlot. For 16 years she kept
her virginity, a marvelous
thing for this vicinity
(Welland, ON)
This wasn’t my idea
(Salmon Arm, BC)
I told you I was sick.
(Pleasant Home, MB)
Here lies
Petter D. Brodair
In his last and best bedroom
(Pictou, NS)
She loved, was loved, and died.
(Vernon, B.C.)
A victim of fast women and
slow horses.
(Kirkland Lake, ON)
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The good die young.
(East Dalhousie, NS)
Here lies the body of Ephraim
Wise. Safely tucked between
his two wives. One was Tillie
and the other Sue. Both were
faithful, loyal, and true. By his
request in ground that’s hilly,
his coffin is set tilted
toward Tillie.
(Niagra Falls, ON)
Let ‘er rip.
—Leslie Nielsen’s tombstone
In 1995, Sean Shannon of Canada recited the “To be or not to be” soliloquy in 23.8 seconds.