I’m not sure how many times I come to before I finally wake up for longer than a minute but I have vague memories of Ryder’s face in an ambulance and then Mom and Dad crying over my bed.
Tyler and Emily’s faces flash through my mind but I can’t be sure when I saw them last.
My mind feels groggy and my body feels heavy.
When my eyes open and actually stay open, the room I am in is covered in darkness.
I take a moment to look around the hospital room and the events of that night come flooding back to me.
That man who said he was my granddad.
His attack.
Feeling helpless.
Weak.
Vulnerable.
Alone.
And then there was Ryder.
His face.
His voice.
His smell.
I have vague memories of Douglas getting shot.
Of bullet wounds puncturing his skin and rivers of blood pouring from his body onto mine.
Then Ryder.
Was he the one to save me?
My mind is a jumbled mess but as I lie still in the darkness, the fog starts to clear.
Moving my eyes slowly, I take in the form of someone sleeping on a chair near my bed.
I start to talk but have to stop as my throat feels like it’s been ripped open by sandpaper.
The small noise I managed to make is enough to rouse the person sleeping next to me.
When his face becomes clear, I instantly relax.
Ryder.
He’s here.
I didn’t imagine him.
The moment he notices my eyes are open, he breathes a sigh of relief and moves his chair closer to the bed.
He carefully places his hand over mine and lowers his head so it rests on my arm, kissing it so tenderly that I can barely feel it.
I try to speak again but he stops me, “Shhh Liv, don’t speak. Your windpipe has been damaged, I don’t want you to push it tonight. I’m just glad I finally get to see your eyes. You have no idea how worried I was about you.”
I open my mouth but think better of it, just the action alone of staying awake seems impossible.
He stands and positions himself carefully on the edge of my bed, brushing his fingers tenderly against the edge of my face. “Just let me talk okay Liv. I’m not sure when I’m going to get the chance to come back. It’s Tyler’s turn to stay with you but he let me sneak in for a few hours. They are only letting family in at the moment.”
Tyler?
I definitely owe him one for this.
Waking up and seeing Ryder’s face is exactly what I needed.
“You’ve been here for a couple of days already but they are keeping you sedated as your injuries are severe.” His body is wracked with a shudder and tears form in his eyes. “Fuck Liv, I’ve never been so scared before. Seeing you like that, it’s so different from-”
He cuts himself off and looks away.
It’s clear that he wants to say more but he’s holding back.
I can’t believe that I’ve been here for a few days already.
It feels like only hours ago that Bentley lured me into that apartment building.
Thinking of Bentley and his betrayal stirs a fire inside my belly.
When I recover, he’s the first person that I’m going to track down.
“There’s things I need to tell you Liv. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of since I met you but they were only to keep you safe. I never contemplated the idea of falling for you but that’s exactly what happened. I fell for you Liv, I’ve fallen hard but you might not be able to forgive me once I tell you the truth.”
Confused by his words, I open my mouth but he gently places one finger to my lips.
“Not tonight. When you’re better, I’ll tell you everything, I promise. I just…I need you to know one thing before you find out the truth. One thing before you may never want to speak to me again.”
What is he talking about?
How could I never want to speak to him again?
He’s the one I want sleeping by my side every night.
Not Tyler. Not Mom. Not Dad. Not Emily.
Ryder.
He’s the one who found me.
He might have even been the one to save me.
I don’t know how but right now, I don’t care.
I’m alive and I have Ryder.
That’s all that matters.
There’s nothing that he could say to me that could make me change my mind about how I feel towards him.
He’s my everything.
Ryder fights back the tears in his eyes, “Liv, I hope one day you can forgive me but I need you to know that not everything was a lie. How I feel for you is real. The things I’ve told you about my past are real. My love for you is real.”
My sharp intake of breath gives him pause.
He loves me?
Is that what he’s saying?
That he’s in love with me?
I’m not sure what he means about not everything was a lie but my brain seems to be fixating on the word love.
My heart monitor increases and Ryder smiles softly at me. “I love you Liv. I’m so deeply and utterly in love with you but I’m not sure if it will be enough.”
The tears that were building in his eyes, start dripping down his cheeks. His face has transformed completely and it looks like he is in physical pain but how can that be right?
Ryder loves me and I love him back.
Holy shit.
I love him.
I love Ryder.
How was I so blind before?
Of course I love him.
I’ve loved him for a long time now but didn’t want to admit it in case my love wasn’t returned.
Needing to tell him how I feel, I open my mouth, “I-”
“Shhh,” he leans down and brushes the most tender, gentle kiss across my lips. “Sleep Liv. It will help you recover. Just…please remember what I said tonight.”
He brushes hair off my face with a featherlight touch and stands from the bed.
Taking a step backwards, he utters, “I love you Liv. With all my heart.”
Tears are streaming down his face but I start to panic when he leaves the room.
What is he doing?
Where is he going?
The door opens, bathing the room in light and I have to close my eyes.
When the light disappears, I open my eyes but Ryder is no longer here.
He’s gone.
I make out Tyler by the door and he walks over to me slowly.
Leaning down, he brushes a gentle kiss against my forehead, “It’s good to see you awake.”
He rubs his tired face and sits down in the seat Ryder was sleeping in earlier. His expression is pained, “Go to sleep Olivia. We can talk in the morning.”
Pulling a blanket up over himself, he closes his eyes.
What the hell just happened?
Ryder said that Tyler snuck him in for a few hours but surely he could have stayed longer?
How could he tell me he loved me and then leave like that?
It takes a while for my racing heart to settle down but my body can no longer fight to keep my eyes open.
Giving in and closing my eyes, I block out all the bad and focus on the good.
Ryder.
Ryder loves me.
And I love him back.
With all my heart.