“What the fuck was that with Maddy, Tyler?” Laura looks like she wants to cut my head off but after being in this hospital for the past week, I can’t muster the energy to care.
“It was nothing,” I whisper.
Except it was everything.
Regret churns deep in my gut when I think of some of our last moments together in Italy.
I could have had her.
I could have had everything I’ve ever wanted.
All I had to do was say yes.
Face my fears and tell Uncle Jayden that I was in love with his daughter.
That I have been my entire life and I wanted to be with her.
I wanted to take care of her.
Cherish her like only she deserved.
But I didn’t do any of that.
When push came to shove, I choked.
I fucking choked and as a result, I lost her for good.
Her time in Italy has changed her.
Made her stronger.
Being with Blake has been good for her.
She looks stunning.
Fucking beautiful and she took my breath away the moment I laid eyes on her.
But most of all she looks happy.
Blake has given her what I couldn’t.
If I’m honest with myself, it’s why I hated him so much when I first met him.
I knew he would be the one to steal her away for good.
It was bound to happen eventually.
Someone like Matty doesn’t stay off the market forever.
She’s too perfect to be alone for long.
Fear is the only thing that held me back that day.
It’s the same thing that holds me back every time I’m with her.
Fear that I’m not good enough.
Her being with Blake has only proved my point.
She never looked that happy when she was with me.
Fuck…I’ve seen the photos.
I’m such a glutton for punishment that I stalk her Instagram account on a daily basis.
She shines in every single image.
Being in Italy suits her.
It’s where she belongs.
With Blake.
She never belonged with me.
I would be an utter bastard if I turned around now and told her that I made a mistake.
That I wanted to be with her.
Matty deserves better than me.
I’ve done nothing but hurt her.
Blake on the other hand…he literally saved her life.
I mean, how do I compete with someone like that?
Letting Matty go permanently is the best thing for her.
I need to stop holding her back from living her life.
From constantly hurting her.
“It wasn’t fucking nothing Tyler. Is something going on with you two?” Laura has been suspicious of Matty ever since I came back from Italy.
I haven’t been the same since then and she knows it.
“No.” Not anymore at least.
“Tyler,” she grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. “I know you’re stressed with Olivia still being in the hospital but I want to be the one to help you through it. Why do you always turn to her?”
“I don’t always turn to her.”
“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it,” she snaps.
Looking around the busy hallway we are standing in, I notice a few odd stares. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Surely this conversation could wait until we were somewhere a little more private.
“The truth Tyler. For once I want you to tell me the truth.”
Fuck.
She’s right.
She does deserve the truth.
She’s questioned my relationship with Matty since the very first time I introduced them but I have always brushed off her concerns. “Okay. What do you want to know?”
“Has something happened between you two?” Taking a deep breath, she braces herself for the answer she already knows is coming.
“Yes.”
Starting to shake slightly, her voice comes across confident. “Do you love her?”
“Yes,” I say simply.
There’s no point trying to deny it anymore.
Tears pool in her eyes but she quickly blinks them away. “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” Which is the honest truth.
I do love Laura.
Not in the same way that I love Matty, as no one will ever come close to being her but my feelings for Laura are genuine.
Holding her hands out, she looks utterly defeated. “So what now?”
“That’s up to you.”
Her eyebrows draw together in confusion, “What do you mean?”
“If you want to break up with me, I get it. I’d dump me too.” Even Laura deserves better than me.
I’m better off being alone.
“I don’t want to break up with you Tyler.”
She doesn’t? Then why bring up Matty now, after all this time? “What do you want then?”
“I want you to stay away from her,” she angrily points in the direction we came from. “I want you to commit to me. Give me a future. Marriage. Children.”
Fuck.
The marriage conversation again.
I’ve been avoiding it for as long as I could because I didn’t know what to say but there’s no avoiding it now.
When I was younger, I used to dream about Matty in a white dress, walking towards me with a stunning smile plastered over her face but that dream crashed and burned when her dad pulled me aside that very first time.
It didn’t occur to me that he might not be okay with my feelings towards Matty and I was crushed that he was so harsh with me.
From then on, I started hiding my feelings towards her and when the jokes from my other uncles about Matty and I kept getting worse, it only seemed to enrage Uncle Jayden further.
Growing up, I had always looked up to and admired Uncle Jayden so at his insistence, I kept things friendly with Matty.
After that, dreams of the two of us getting married slowly started to vanish.
If I can’t have Matty then I should at least be with someone who makes me happy.
Laura could be that someone for me.
She can help pull me out of this hole I’ve been in since I left Italy.
Doing the right thing by Matty and letting her live a full and happy life doesn’t mean that I have to be miserable. “Okay, I want that too, just… let’s wait until Olivia is out of the hospital.”
Relief shines in her eyes, “You mean it Tyler?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Wrapping her arms around me, she buries her face in my chest. “Can you promise me one thing?”
“Sure,” I say even though I know what’s coming next.
“Promise me that you’ll stay away from her.” Pulling back, she tilts her head up so she can look straight into my eyes. “Promise me that you’ll stop trying to contact her. I want her out of our lives Tyler, for good.”
Is that something that I can promise?
I’m willing to let Matty go so she can have the future she deserves but I never thought that future would cut me out entirely.
In some ways it would be easier.
Once Olivia is better, Matty will go back to Italy.
Back to Blake.
Eventually they will get married and have kids.
I don’t want to torture myself by looking at her children and wondering what ours would have looked like.
Hoping this is one decision regarding Matty that I won’t regret, I utter two words that change the course of my life forever. “I promise.”