BY THE TIME lunch was over the next day, Rachel was so tired of hearing Holly say she was bored that she was ready to take desperate measures. The only trouble was that she couldn’t think of any that would have an effect on the child. If either of her younger brothers had ever said such a thing, Rachel would have given them a list of jobs to do. But they’d known better.
Besides which, farm children, and especially Amish farm children, didn’t have time to be bored. There was always something to do on a farm. Unfortunately she didn’t have the authority to make Holly do anything.
How much of her bad mood was really boredom and how much the short lecture Ms. Geraldine had delivered the previous day, when she’d said something about what her mother hadn’t taught her? It had been mild as corrections went, but she’d already seen that Holly was very sensitive when it came to her mother.
Ms. Geraldine came into the kitchen wearing a frown. “We must do something about Holly. She’s unbearable today.” She paused and then shook her head. “No, I’m the one who should do something. It’s hardly your concern. But I don’t know what to do.”
How often in her privileged life had Ms. Geraldine had to admit such a thing? Not often, she’d guess. But it wasn’t fair to put all the burden on her.
“I volunteered to help with Holly, so I am involved. But I’m not sure either.” She thought again of her own family. “I can’t very well tell her to clean out the stalls or feed the chickens.”
A smile cracked Ms. Geraldine’s face. “You sound like your mother saying that. She always said, when my nephews were unusually trying, that what they needed was some hard work.” She considered. “She was probably right at that. It might have made a difference in how they turned out.”
Just about anything she said would be likely to come out like a criticism of Ms. Geraldine’s family, so it was probably best not to.
“I was thinking about going down into town to pick up some groceries. In the buggy, that is. Maybe Holly would find that a welcome distraction. She’s probably never ridden in a buggy before.”
“The grocer delivers, so you don’t need to do that. And if there’s something you want that we didn’t get, it makes more sense for me to take the car and go shopping. You don’t have to do that along with everything else you’re doing.”
Rachel could think of a dozen reasons why that wasn’t the best answer, but she couldn’t mention Ms. Geraldine’s difficulty in getting around. It came and went, probably according to the weather, but she didn’t ever admit it. She’d resent it and more than likely insist on doing too much just to prove she was fine.
“I thought taking the buggy would be unique enough to interest her. I might even let her take the reins a little on our way back up the hill. Not down on Main Street where there’s traffic, of course.”
She didn’t push, just waited for Ms. Geraldine’s decision. She was far too determined to stay in control to welcome anyone, including Rachel, telling her what was best. But as Jacob had pointed out, she would listen and sometimes agree.
Finally Ms. Geraldine sank into a chair at the kitchen table. “I suppose you’re right.” Her face relaxed a little. “Holly would probably like the novelty of going in the buggy. And I’d rather take a little rest this afternoon instead of walking around the grocery store. You can tell Hal Winters to put it on my bill. He’ll expect that.”
She glanced up at the ceiling, probably picturing her great-niece shut in her room busy with her phone. “Go ahead and call her.”
Registering the silent hope that Holly would respond to her idea, Rachel opened the door to the back stairs and called up to them, “Holly? Holly?”
“What?”
Rachel hung on to her patience for a moment. “Come down here, please.”
She heard footsteps, and then Holly appeared at the head of the steps. “What do you want?”
Controlling herself, Rachel waited, looking at her. Finally Holly gave an elaborate sigh and trudged down the steps, making more noise than ten girls her age, Rachel would think.
When they reached the kitchen, Ms. Geraldine had gone. Rachel could hardly blame her. It was asking a lot to expect a woman her age to cope with an annoying preteen girl.
Rachel picked up the grocery list she’d been keeping. “I’m going to take the buggy and drive downtown to get some things at the grocery store that I like to pick out myself. I thought you might like to come with me.”
And get yourself out of your great-aunt’s sight and hearing for a while, she added silently.
Rachel thought she saw a spark of interest in Holly’s eyes, but she still wore the pout. “Why would I want to do that?”
“You could ride in a buggy. I don’t suppose any of your friends have done that. And it’ll give you a chance to look around town. You haven’t really seen it yet.”
She held the pout for a moment longer, and then it dissolved and she nodded. “Can I pick out some soda?”
Rachel weighed the benefits of interesting her against the empty calories of soda and finally nodded. She’d have to ration it, that was all.
“Okay.” Holly darted to the stairs. “I’ll be ready by the time you bring the buggy up.”
No hint that she might consider helping, but Rachel had already seen how little seemed to be expected of her. She could imagine Jacob’s reaction if she spoke that way to him. On second thought, she didn’t want to imagine it.
After telling Ms. Geraldine they were leaving, Rachel hurried out the back door. They’d best get going if she were to be back in time to start the chicken potpie she’d planned for supper. She headed for the stable, realizing she hoped Jacob wasn’t there. She hadn’t seen him to talk to since yesterday, and she still didn’t know how to respond after what had happened between them. Well, maybe he was working upstairs.
He wasn’t. As soon as she entered the stable, she saw him at the workbench, bending over the length of baseboard he was creating to match the rest of it in the room. He straightened and looked at her without speaking.
Nodding, she headed for the mare’s stall. Bessie tossed her head and whickered, obviously happy to see her and even happier when Rachel led her to the buggy and backed her between the poles.
“You want to go somewhere, don’t you, sweet girl? You must be as bored as Holly is.”
“Is that what’s wrong with her?” Jacob took the other side of the harness and helped lower it into place. “I’d give her something to keep her busy.”
“You sound as if you’ve had a go-around with her already today.” She carefully didn’t meet his eyes while they worked in tandem buckling the mare into the harness.
“She tried following me around asking silly questions.” He looked so irritable that she immediately thought it was because of what had happened between them. But she didn’t know what to do about it. “I put an end to that, saying I’d make her sweep the workshop if she didn’t get out of here.”
She understood. When Jacob was occupied with his work, he didn’t have time for anyone. Still, she could have wished he’d be a little more patient.
“Couldn’t you have told her a little about what you were doing?”
His frown was intimidating. “That’s not what I’m being paid for.”
“A little kindness doesn’t cost you anything,” she pointed out, wondering again what had happened to the sweet boy she’d known. He might have been exasperated at such a thing, but he’d have made an effort to help.
“I suppose not,” he grumbled.
She climbed up to the buggy seat without waiting for him to help her. She didn’t think she wanted to feel his touch right now.
Frowning, he reached toward her hand. “Rachel—”
“I have to get going,” she said quickly and slapped the lines, glad when Bessie moved out obediently. She’d never been nervous of Jacob’s reaction in her life, but this seemed different, and she didn’t want to cope with it right now.
RACHEL PAUSED IN the grocery store aisle to double-check her list. The store wasn’t crowded at this time of day, since most folks did their shopping early or stopped by after work. Winters’ Market was popular with older people in town because it was easy to walk to, and with the Amish because they liked to deal with people they knew.
Hal Winters was the third generation to have a market on Main Street, and he didn’t seem worried about competition from the giant supermarket on the edge of town. He knew his customers too well to fear losing them.
Satisfied she had everything she needed, Rachel looked about for Holly. She’d agreed that Holly could browse around town on her own as long as she was back at 3:30 p.m. It was that now, but there was no sign of her. Perhaps she was waiting outside.
She smiled, thinking of Holly’s fascination with the horse and buggy. She’d spent the short time to the store asking so many questions about buggies and horses and driving that Rachel felt dizzy. She began to understand Jacob’s exasperation with Holly’s questioning.
Still, how else did anyone learn? Holly’s insatiable curiosity was a good thing, she’d think. After all, she’d never experienced this kind of life before. It was better for her to be interested than bored, anyway. Jacob, of course, was silent by nature. But that didn’t mean he should be impatient with the child.
Fifteen minutes later, Rachel was the one who was impatient. Holly was late. Moreover, she wasn’t in sight anywhere along the street, and Rachel’s groceries were beginning to react to the warmth of the day. Shaking her head, Rachel went back inside and asked Hal to set her bags in the refrigerator, finding it necessary to explain that she’d have to go look for her charge. Hal, always sympathetic to valued customers like Ms. Geraldine, nodded, offering to deliver the groceries once he’d closed if she wanted.
Rachel appreciated the offer, but certainly hoped it wouldn’t be necessary. With Hal’s offer to keep an eye out for the girl if she showed up, Rachel set off to find her. She tried to control her exasperation. Holly would turn up soon, that was certain sure.
Rachel walked quickly down Main Street, eliminating possibilities as she went. Holly would hardly be in the bank or the Building and Loan Association. In fact, she couldn’t think of many businesses that would attract an eleven-year-old who was probably used to upscale malls.
The coffee shop was nearly empty, but a few teens stood talking in front of the ice cream shop. Remembering Holly’s affection for ice cream, she felt sure that was where she’d be, but the shop was nearly empty. Rachel talked with the teenager behind the counter, describing Holly’s appearance as best she could. Nothing. She had the feeling the boy was only waiting for his shift to end, and a few questions weren’t worth bothering about.
She’d stepped outside when one of the cluster of teens spoke to her. “Did I hear you asking about a kid with her hair in a ponytail, by herself?”
“Yah, I did. Have you seen her?”
The boy had a grin and freckles that reminded her of one of her cousins. “I think I saw the kid you want, going into Twin Screen. I noticed because she looked like my little sister.”
“Thank you so much.” She smiled her thanks and hurried across the street.
The small movie theater was nearly deserted this afternoon. From what she’d heard, people went to the big cinema center over toward Fisherdale if they wanted that sort of entertainment.
The teenage boy in the ticket booth had to be lured away from his cell phone to answer her questions. Yes, he’d seen a girl who was probably the one she described. Yes, he guessed she could go in to look for her, so long as she didn’t sit down and watch the movie.
That was an easy answer. Judging by the posters, it wasn’t something she’d ever consider watching even if the Amish did go to the movies, which they didn’t, at least not once they were past rumspringa. She couldn’t vouch for anything some of the more daring teens might try if they thought they could get away with it.
The inside of the theater was dark, and most of the seats were empty. She moved down the aisle, avoiding a glance at the screen, and paused to have a look at each silhouette. She earned a glare from one couple and an invitation to sit down from an elderly man.
Holly sat near the front, staring fixedly at the screen. She jumped when Rachel touched her arm. “What?”
Rachel suppressed a number of things she’d like to say. “It’s past time to leave. We have to get the groceries home. Come along.”
“I want to see the end. Can’t you wait till it’s over?”
“No.” Her grip tightened on Holly’s arm “Komm. Now.” Tugging her along, she led her to the aisle and out of the theater, not letting go until they were on the street.
“I don’t see what the fuss is about.” Holly rubbed her arm pointedly while keeping up with Rachel’s quick strides. “I was just watching a movie.”
Where to begin? She made an extra effort to hold on to her exasperation. “You were supposed to meet me at 3:30. You were not supposed to go into a movie theater, or ignore the time, or watch something I’m quite sure wasn’t suitable.”
“My mother would have let me.” The pout was back in full force. “She says I can decide for myself what movies I want to see.”
Rachel could hardly believe that even from Julianne, but now was not the time to get into an argument about what Julianne would or wouldn’t allow. “Your mother isn’t here, is she? You were in my care this afternoon. I didn’t give you permission to go to the movie.”
That didn’t end it as far as Holly was concerned, of course. She continued to grumble the entire time they picked up the groceries and loaded them. Aware of interested stares, Rachel tried to keep her embarrassment under control as she thanked Hal. But she didn’t feel her flush subsiding until they were loaded up and on their way back.
It wasn’t a long trip home, although the mare naturally went more slowly going up the hill. Holly complained most of the time. But even Holly eventually found it difficult to go on moaning to someone who didn’t answer. She finally ran out of things to say, and a sidelong glance told Rachel that she was staring morosely at Bessie’s flickering tail.
They turned into the driveway at last, and Holly stirred. “Aren’t you ever going to say anything?”
“What do you want me to say?”
Rachel had by this time progressed through annoyance with Holly, to regret that she’d suggested this trip, to the desire to give Julianne what her Mamm would have called a good talking-to, to pity for a child who didn’t seem to belong anywhere.
But expressing that pity wouldn’t get them anywhere, and if she had to look after the child for another week or the rest of the summer, they had to find a way to make this work.
“You could yell at me.” Holly’s voice had become small.
“I don’t want to yell.” Not now, anyway. “I’d just like you to understand.” She took a breath, searching for the right words. “I thought we were becoming friends, so I trusted you. But I don’t know how to be friends with someone I can’t trust.”
Silence. When Holly finally spoke, the words were barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
She waited until she’d pulled up at the back porch and looked at the woebegone figure next to her. “All right. We’ll start again. Now let’s get the groceries inside.”
Her experiment might have failed in a way, but Rachel felt something might also have been gained. At least Holly seemed to have some inkling that what she did affected other people. That would be a step forward.
JACOB HAD BEEN about ready to go looking for Rachel and Holly when he saw Rachel’s buggy turn into the driveway. It was about time. She was plenty later than anticipated, making him sure something had gone wrong. Ms. Geraldine must think so, as well, because she’d been looking out the window for the past half hour.
Rachel passed the parking area by the front and pulled up at the back door, and they both got down. He had a good look at their faces, and it confirmed what he’d anticipated. Holly had done something wrong—something to make her look both mutinous and dejected and to give Rachel’s sweet face an unusual amount of stiffness.
He took a step forward, thinking he’d offer to take Bessie to the stable, but then stopped. If he did that, he wouldn’t have a chance to talk to Rachel, and he needed to. He’d tried before she left, but she hadn’t given him the chance. That might have been just because she was in a rush, but he didn’t think so.
Maybe it was just as well, though he hated to admit it. He hadn’t known what he should say. Those moments when they’d looked at each other, he’d been caught by the feelings in Rachel’s eyes. He’d been sure something had shown in his eyes, too. But what? He didn’t know.
He leaned against the stable door, watching as Rachel and Holly unloaded groceries and carried them into the kitchen. Once they’d apparently taken everything in, all was quiet. Bessie stood, cropping at the grass along the edge of the drive. Jacob observed, seeing movement beyond the windows, wondering what was being said. He’d no doubt at all that Ms. Geraldine wanted answers. Rachel wouldn’t reappear until she’d given them.
In any event, the conference didn’t last as long as he’d expected. Rachel came out, hurrying a little, swung herself up and drove Bessie toward the stable. Bessie, he was sure, would have come on her own—she knew where her feed bag was.
As they neared him, Jacob moved forward, catching the headstall and leading Bessie to the spot where the two buggies, his and hers, were stored. Rachel nodded and slid down, then began to remove the harness without saying anything. Jacob let the silence stand for a few moments before he spoke.
“Well?”
Rachel looked at him reluctantly. “Well, what?”
“You know what I mean. What did Holly do now to get into trouble?”
Her lips tightened. “What makes you think Holly did something? I could have been delayed for any number of reasons.”
“Wasn’t it Holly?” He raised his eyebrows in a question, still certain sure of the answer.
“Yah. But it wasn’t anything big. We just...we must have misunderstood what time we were supposed...” She let that trail off.
“She disappeared on you, ain’t so?” He lifted the harness off Bessie’s back and carried it to the hook. “You were upset.” He glanced at her. “You still are.”
Rachel led the mare to her stall and poured oats into the feed bag. “Not now.” She seemed to make up her mind to talk to him. “You know how scary it is when you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on someone and you lose them. As I recall, your little bruders were good at that.”
“Yah, they were. Especially the time Joey climbed out of his crib and got out of his room.” He couldn’t help smiling, but he shook his head. “Joey was two. Holly is what? Thirteen?”
“Eleven,” she corrected. “But still old enough to know better. I suppose I shouldn’t have let her go off on her own, but there wouldn’t have been much sense in taking her to town if I didn’t let her see anything.” She was arguing with herself as she leaned against the stall, looking tired, and that just increased his annoyance with Holly. “I should have realized...”
“Don’t go blaming yourself for what’s not your fault.” A wave of tenderness swept over him at the expression on her face, and he longed to comfort her. Carefully he put his hand over hers where it rested on the stall bar, ready to withdraw if she showed signs it wasn’t welcome.
But Rachel didn’t move. If anything, she seemed to relax a little. “I thought we were really getting along well. Goodness knows that child needs a friend, especially with a mother who runs away from responsibility.”
“And you run toward it.” He stopped, suspecting he’d just said the wrong thing.
“You know what I mean.” At least she didn’t flare up at him. “I offered to take Holly with me to town. I thought she’d probably just walk down Main Street and back while I shopped, maybe look into a store or two or buy an ice cream.”
“What did she do?” It must have been something bad for Rachel to look the way she did.
“I found her in the movie theater.”
He had to suppress a laugh. Rachel looked as if she were confessing she’d found the kid in a tavern.
“That’s nothing to look so upset about.” He squeezed her fingers. “We don’t go to movies. At least...” A few rumspringa incidents of pushing the boundaries passed through his mind. “But she’s Englisch. For all you know, she might go to the movies every week.”
“Not a movie like that,” she muttered. “Not that I looked at the screen, but I couldn’t help seeing the posters. And hearing some of the language.”
Again he had trouble keeping a straight face. What Holly had done wasn’t funny, but Rachel had led a sheltered life, even for an Amish girl. More, a restricted life, with her mamm dying when she did and all the responsibility shifting to Rachel’s young shoulders. She hadn’t had the time or the opportunity to explore even as much as most kids did during their rumspringa. By the time she was fifteen, her Mammi was sick, and Rachel both couldn’t and wouldn’t leave her.
“What did Holly say when you got her out of there? I don’t suppose she admitted she was wrong?”
“She insisted her mother would have let her watch that. I couldn’t imagine, but for all I know, that might be true, poor child. I don’t think Julianne pays much attention to her. Certainly not enough for a girl starting to grow into a young woman.”
“I guess not.”
He knew that expression. He’d seen it on Rachel’s face before, when her sympathy was caught by someone or something and she’d had to hurry to help. It had been true when she was six or seven, and it had never changed. The realization made him wonder why he’d ever expected anything different when her mother passed away.
Rachel patted Bessie and turned away. “I should get supper started.”
“Wait a minute.” He stopped her with a hand on her wrist. “I want to know what’s being done about it. Ms. Geraldine ought to realize that you and she can’t deal with a child like that. It’s not fair to expect it of you or of herself.”
Rachel yanked her hand free, eyes flashing. “I can so. I did.”
“Did you scold her, at least?”
“No.” She glared at him. “Did you ever change what you did because of being scolded?”
“Maybe not, but if that happened, Daad took a hand, and I couldn’t sit down for a couple of days.”
“I can’t do that to Holly, and neither can Ms. Geraldine, even if we wanted to. Which we don’t. So we have to find another way of dealing with her.”
“Maybe so, but you shouldn’t be dealing with her at all. Julianne shouldn’t have left her here, and Ms. Geraldine should have told her so. And you certain sure shouldn’t have said you’d help. If you had any sense—” He stopped, knowing he was going too far.
“You know exactly what everyone should do, ain’t so, Jacob? You always did think so. If you hadn’t been so bossy about what I should do back then—” Now it was her turn to stop abruptly, cutting off the words that he could see hovering on her lips.
“Are you blaming me? I wasn’t the one who called off our wedding. Or don’t you remember that?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“You gave me a choice, remember? I could either go with you and build a home of our own, or you didn’t want to get married at all.”
He wanted to deny it. It didn’t sound very good when it was put in such bald terms. “That was what I thought marriage was supposed to be. Didn’t you?”
“Did you ever try to find another solution? Or talk it over? No, you just decided you knew what was right and everybody else was wrong.”
“And you were so obsessed with doing what your daad told you was your duty that you didn’t give us a chance. You put him first.”
The color came up in her face. “It wasn’t just him. It was the boys, too. He said I couldn’t desert them after they’d lost Mammi, and he was right. I couldn’t.”
That stung, demanding his attention, but he was too worked up to stop and think about whether it was true or not.
“You think you’re independent now, don’t you? But you just traded doing what your daad said for doing what Miss Geraldine says. Being independent means making up your own mind what’s right.”
“Don’t you mean accepting your opinion as to what’s right? You’re just as stubborn and convinced you’re right as you ever were.” She spun and headed for the door. “If being independent means doing what I think is right, then that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
She stalked off toward the house, leaving him staring after her and convinced he’d said every single wrong thing anyone could think of to say.