March, 2011 - Lauren
Lauren gripped the arm of the couch, trying to get some kind of stability for what she was sure had yet to come. It had been a quiet night until Mark began to complain of chest pains.
She'd sat with him while Cassie was having dinner and showering. Between them, they'd vowed to make sure someone stayed with him while not neglecting their own needs. Somehow they were managing to hold it together.
There had been a change in him the last couple of days. His breathing had become more laboured, and everything seemed like so much more effort.
"Lauren," he whispered.
She leaned over to stroke his face with the palm of her hand. "Right here, big brother."
"Take care of yourself, sweetheart. Always remember I love you."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "Don't you dare talk like that. You said you'd look after me. Remember?"
He laughed. "It was always the other way around. You took much better care of me."
"No, no, no." She shook her head, resting it on his chest so she could hear his heart beating. "You're not just my brother, Mark, you were my dad, my whole world."
She felt his hand rest on her shoulder. "I love you so much. Leaving you is just as hard as leaving Cassie. I know she'll be okay though; she has Patrick. You need to find someone. Someone good, someone who will take care of you."
Now the tears flowed as she took in his words. "I've spent my whole life looking for someone. You're the best brother I could have had."
"We were pretty crap, you know. Especially in those early days."
Lauren laughed. "We were terrible."
"Hey." He pushed her shoulder to get her to sit up.
She looked into his eyes. They were full of tears too, and the love he had for her was on display. Mark had always been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve.
"Love you."
Lauren wiped her nose with her sleeve. "I love you too."
He closed his eyes. Every time he did that, she felt like her heart stopped. Soon enough he would close his eyes and never open them again.
"I'm not feeling too good, love. Can you get Cassie?"
"Mark?"
"Just get Cassie for me."
Lauren ran from the room, finding Cassie in the kitchen. "Cass, you need to come. Mark's asking for you and I don't think it's good."
Cassie went white, running back to the bedroom to find Mark clutching at his chest.
"Mark? What's going on."
"My chest hurts. Like something's grabbing hold of it."
Lauren had already grabbed the phone when Cassie turned to get it.
"The ambulance will be here soon. We'll get you into hospital. They'll take care of you there."
Now Lauren sat in the living room. Cassie had gone to hospital in the ambulance. Sophie had called Patrick before Lauren even thought about it. Cassie set him up on speed dial, they’d called him so often over the previous few weeks. He had arrived at the hospital, calling to let them know they were waiting for news.
"Lauren? Are you alright?" Sophie asked.
"I just want to know what's going on. It seems so long since Patrick called. If we don't hear soon, we'll get in my car and go to the hospital ourselves."
The front door opened with a click, and Patrick stood in the doorway. His face told them everything. He closed his eyes, shaking his head as he spoke. "Sorry, love. Mark's gone."
Lauren grabbed Sophie, holding her tight as she started to cry.
"If you want to grab your things, I'll take you to the hospital to see him," Patrick said.
There was that numb feeling again. "Okay. I'll just grab my purse. Sophie, get a jacket."
It felt as if the drive was the longest she'd ever been on. Lauren bunched her hands into fists, her nails scratching at the palm of her hand as if she wanted to rip the pain away.
Cassie sat beside the bed, Mark's hand in hers. Her face was calm, but Lauren knew the inner turmoil her brother's partner was feeling. She felt it too.
She watched as Sophie went to her mother, hugging her until Cassie let go of Mark's hand. Lauren stepped forward, kissing her brother's forehead.
"He looks so peaceful."
"He knows how much you all loved him," Patrick said.
Lauren stared at Mark, taking in every facial feature. She'd looked at his face a thousand times before, but never seen him so still. So many times she’d just wanted him to shut up. Now, the sound of his voice would never be heard again, and the pain of that gripped her heart.
"Just tell me you love me," she whispered. There was nothing.
Behind her Patrick hugged Cassie and Sophie. There was nothing more that Lauren wanted to do than join them, feel like part of their family. Instead, numbness washed over her. The pain subsided as she looked at his face and made herself feel nothing.
When they finally got back to Cassie's place, she sat on the couch with her and Sophie. The tears flowed as they swapped stories before going to bed. Sophie had gone to bed with her mother, so Lauren slept in Sophie's room. Patrick had inhabited the spare room off and on while Mark was ill, and there was nowhere else any of them wanted him tonight.
Sophie’s room had Mark's touch. Sophie was his little princess, and the decor in her room showed it. He had doted on Cassie and her daughter; the three of them were so close-knit, and she'd envied them that closeness. Now, she shared their misery at his loss.
She lay on the bed, looking at the pink ceiling.
Never again would she hear his dulcet tones telling her off for something impulsive. It was in her nature, and she had no idea how she would cope with whatever crisis she faced next.
"Why did you have to leave me?" she whispered. "You promised you would take care of me."
The urge to go to the next room and cuddle up to Cassie was strong, but she sat up to go the other way and cuddle up to Patrick. He was everything she could have hoped for, but completely besotted with Cassie. She still had that tiny bit of hope he might become interested, but that was all it was. This was not the night to make any type of move, though.
I really need a drink.
In the back of her head she could hear Mark. "You don't need that, Lauren. You're strong, baby girl. You've been through worse." Wouldn't be the first time he had said that to her.
Despite the age difference between them, he had been her best friend for so long. He'd always taken care of her. Life would be hard without him.