June, 2012 - Lauren
Lauren sat, looking at the phone as if she willed it to make the call by itself. Chewing her bottom lip, she slowly picked it up, turning it in her hand.
You need to do this for Cassie, she thought.
She dialled the numbers slowly, taking a deep breath before holding the phone to her ear. It rang a few times before Patrick answered, and she closed her eyes at the sound of his voice.
Maybe I have a crush on you, but you belong to Cassie.
"Hey Lauren," he said.
"Hi."
"What's up?"
"Why don't you come down for a barbecue this weekend?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
Oh, he thinks I'm asking him out. Good one, Lauren.
"It's been months, and Cassie misses you more than she'll let on. She's proud, and needs a bit of a push."
"I told her I would be back when she was ready. She needs to tell me she's ready."
"There's no harm in coming down for a bit of a party, and then who knows what might happen. You can stay the night at my place so she doesn't feel too much pressure."
There was the silence again.
"When do you want me down there?"
"Saturday afternoon. I thought we could have dinner, so come around two. Cassie will be here at three."
"I don't want to piss her off."
"Patrick, she'll be pissed off. She needs to move on with her life, though."
"You're a good friend to her. I hope that she realises."
"I'm sure she does. After all, I'm giving up the chase so she can nab you."
At that, he laughed. "I hope you find someone, I really do."
"Preferably before my eggs dry up."
She wanted to poke her tongue out at him, but that didn't really work over the phone.
"Goodbye, Lauren." The smile on his face was evident in his tone.
"See you on the weekend, Patrick."
She put down the phone, looking at it for a moment. Lauren was joking, but only half joking. Being alone was getting harder and harder, and the time to have a family was running out, whichever way she looked at it.
Biology is a bitch.
A drink was in order.
Saturday came far too fast, and Lauren kept herself busy preparing for the dinner. She'd worked harder on her cooking skills over the year, and it was Mark she thought of as she made potato salad and marinated meat for the barbecue. A lot of things reminded her of him, but after the way they had learnt to cook together, this made her smile.
I miss you.
She closed her eyes as the memories of him came to the surface. The good times they’d had in this house, and the bad. From the morning he told her their parents had died, right up until he put on the puppy eyes and told her he was moving out to be with Cassie.
So grown up and yet not grown up at all. Reckless and impulsive summed them both up. Mark had found his rock in Cassie. Where was her rock?
"Knock, knock," Patrick's voice came from the door, and Lauren grinned as she ran towards him, throwing her arms around his neck.
"It's good to see you," she said.
"Thanks," he said, hugging her back.
"She's coming in an hour, and she has no clue that you'll be here. I hope I'm doing the right thing."
"I hope so too, or she won't talk to either of us."
"You really love her, don't you?" She chewed her bottom lip again, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear it for herself.
"With all my heart. She was my first love. I want her to be happy."
"So do I. That's why I organised today."
He grinned. "Thanks. I really appreciate it. It's been so hard. She wanted me to wait and I have, but not hearing from her is driving me crazy."
"To be honest, she's isolated herself to a certain extent. She has Sophie to look after, but she's been quiet even as far as seeing me. Though I'm sure it's because I'm a reminder of what she's lost. She hasn't been to visit me since the day we put the headstone in. This was where she got together with Mark."
He nodded. "Understood. It would be nice to resolve things today, but if not I'll go home again and wait some more."
"I'm always available if you want some company."
Patrick laughed. "If I were available, I might just take you up on that offer."
Lauren turned, bouncing back to the kitchen counter. "If you want a drink, help yourself. There are plenty of things in the fridge."
"Do you need help with anything?"
He was standing right behind her, and his accidental breath on the back of her neck made her neck hairs stand on end. Any other man and she would have tried harder to make a move, but this was for Cassie.
"No, I'm nearly done. Just getting everything ready so we can throw it all on the barbecue and let it cook itself."
"I can't wait. It's been a while since I've taken time out to do anything social. I should have brought my friend Ethan with me. You'd like him. He's a really nice guy, and he's alone too."
She turned towards him. "So because he's alone, I'd like him?"
He went red. "I didn't mean it that way."
Lauren rolled her eyes.
"I just meant that you're both nice people. I think that you'd hit it off, that's all."
He grabbed a juice from the fridge, sitting down at the dining table while she finished her dinner preparation.
"Have you got anyone else coming tonight?" he asked.
"Nope. Just you, Cassie, and Sophie. I wanted it to be family."
He grinned. "I'm glad you think of me that way. After all we went through with Mark. I know you must miss him, so if there's anything I can ever do standing in for him, let me know."
She moved the food from the bench to the fridge.
"I don't know. Give me away at my wedding? As if that will ever happen."
"You shouldn't be so down on yourself."
She shrugged, taking a juice from the fridge and sitting at the table beside him.
"I know. It's just hard not to. When I haven't scared men away, I've pushed them. I have no attention span for anything more than a meaningless fling. It would take someone amazing to change that."
Patrick sighed, shaking his head. "That's the thing, Lauren," he said softly. "You are amazing. The right man will see that and it'll work. I promise."
"I'm going to take you at your word, you know."
He laughed. "You do that. Good things come to those who wait, or something like that."
She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever."
Cassie appeared in the doorway a short time after. Sophie came in first, running at Patrick to hug him. It was hard to read the expression on Cassie’s face as she saw him.
"Hey, Cassie," Lauren said warmly, moving to hug her.
Cassie didn't answer, and Lauren knew she was watching Sophie and Patrick over her shoulder.
I am the biggest idiot.
Now wasn't the time to say it, but as she let go of Cassie, she looked the other woman in the face. There was no doubt about it, and Lauren didn't understand why it had never occurred to her.
Patrick is Sophie's father.
Cassie gave her a little smile before shifting her gaze back to Patrick. She moved closer to the pair. Sophie was wrapped around his neck, and he looked at Cassie with so much love, Lauren wanted to scream what she’d just realised.
"I didn't realise you were here."
"It's nice to see you too," he replied, leaning over with Sophie still hanging around his neck, to kiss Cassie on the cheek.
"Sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. It's a surprise."
"A nice one, I hope?"
She nodded, smiling at him. Lauren saw Patrick's reaction. He was looking at Cassie's eyes, and he didn't like what he saw. She’d looked flat for a long time. The light had gone out in her with Mark's death, and although months had passed, nothing had as yet ignited it again.
"Well, someone's happy to see me anyway," he said, kissing Sophie on the nose.
"It's been ages. I kept asking Mum to invite you to come and stay with us," Sophie said.
"Oh, did you now?"
"It never seemed like the right time," Cassie said.
"We're all here now, so let's have a good time, shall we?" He smiled at her, glancing at Lauren with a look that thanked her for bringing him here.
There was an uncomfortable silence as they all looked at each other.
Lauren smiled. "How about we all get a drink? Sophie, there's juice and lemonade in the fridge. There's also wine and beer for the adults. No shortage of food, either, though I don't know who is going to cook yet."
"I can do it," said Patrick.
Sophie put her hand up, jumping up and down. "I'll help."
"Well, that's the cooks sorted. Cassie, do you want a drink?"
Cassie nodded. She sat down at the chair Lauren had left vacant. Sophie kept talking at Patrick, telling him what she’d been doing, but it was clear he was barely listening. He watched Cassie while Sophie spoke while Cassie looked at the floor, only smiling when Lauren took her the drink.
"How about we get the barbecue heated up and ready to start cooking?" Lauren asked.
"It's a little early," Cassie said.
"There's a few things that will take a while to cook," Lauren replied.
Patrick stood, offering his arm to Sophie. She giggled, taking it and bouncing along beside him as they went out the back to the deck area.
Cassie followed behind, passing Lauren who grabbed her hand, squeezing it.
"I've missed you. We haven't seen each other for a while."
"I know, life is just a bit crazy. We're still adjusting to it just being the two of us."
They walked out to the deck, sitting by the barbecue while Sophie and Patrick started it up. Sophie was still chatting wildly, telling Patrick about school. They were like old friends.
Cassie leaned on the table, resting her head in her hands, just watching. Smoke began to drift away from the barbecue, floating through the air as it reached the right heat.
"I'll grab the first lot of food," Lauren said.
Patrick nodded. "We're ready when you are." He turned, beaming at Cassie, who gave him a thin smile in return. Lauren shook her head, rolling her eyes as she turned her back to go inside the house. Cassie wasn't going to give him an inch.
She took the first plate of food out, struggling to remember what Cassie had said in the past about Sophie's father. Nothing too useful, obviously. Short of banging their heads together, she couldn't think of any way to speed things up.
Mark would know what to do.
"Lauren, what a stupid thing to think," she said to herself. If Mark were still around, this whole stupid situation wouldn't exist. He would be out there having talked her into cooking, with his arm around Cassie. As they spoke, he would be nuzzling her neck, leaving no one guessing what he would want to do when they got home.
For five years, Cassie had had that love, that affection. No wonder she was struggling to find her feet, but it was also clear that buried beneath that strong front was a heart that belonged to Patrick now. Lauren could see it; Patrick knew it. The only person not admitting it was Cassie.
How do I make you see that?
She took the food back out, handing it to Sophie before sitting back down. Patrick was telling jokes, really bad ones, but Sophie was enchanted, her youthful laughter echoing across the backyard.
You know, somehow you know.
Switching her focus to Cassie, she placed her hand over Cassie's, which now rested on the table.
"Are you alright?" Lauren asked.
"I think you already have the answer to that."
"I have no idea what your problem is. He's gorgeous, smart and a doctor. You can't ask for better than that, Cassie, and he adores you. If it wasn't for that, I'd go for him."
"I have so many emotions to work through."
"I know that, but I also know you miss him. Mark wanted you to be happy."
She frowned. "I don't know if I can give myself to him fully, and that's as unfair to Patrick as it is to me."
"Spend some time with him this evening, then. I've told him he can crash here so there's no pressure on you to put him up. If you're not going to do it for yourself, then do it for me?"
Cassie laughed at that. "Do it for you?"
"I used to live vicariously through you and Mark. How else do I get my happy ever after?"
"Oh, Lauren." Cassie hugged her. "You'll find your own, I swear. It's just a matter of finding the right man."
"So how unfair is it that you found two?" Lauren poked her tongue out at Cassie and that made the other woman laugh louder.
"Just give me time."
"I will bet anything that you miss the sex. Come on, I would. You did tell me how amazing it was."
Cassie blushed scarlet, glancing at Patrick as she laughed.
"Of course I do," she whispered. "I miss the intimacy of having someone to share my life with. I'm terrified. It's why I don't even dare call him. What happened between us last time scares the hell out of me. We were so young, and I was so hurt. I want to give him another chance because he's been there for me, and he's not backed away from any of it, not even the tough stuff."
"Cassie, for what it's worth, I think you should give it a go. If he wasn't serious, he would have cut ties long ago, but he's here to see you, not me."
Cassie nodded. "I know. It's just so much to process. I have to make sure Sophie is okay with it too."
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Look at those two. Sophie will be fine. Stop making excuses rather than just being happy. It's okay." Lauren stood up. "Want another drink?"
"Another juice would be nice."
Walking back into the house, she opened the fridge to pour two orange juices. She paused as she went to pick up the glasses, grabbing the vodka bottle on the sideboard and pouring some in to hers. Might as well have a good night.