The knocking in Lauren's head grew louder, and she rubbed her temples before opening her eyes. This would be one spectacular hangover.
She could still hear it, realising with a start that it was the front door. "What the hell," she said, pushing herself off the couch to stand. The curtains were open, and she could see from the darkness outside that it was still night.
"It's the middle of the night, this had better be important," she yelled as she pulled open the door. She found herself facing Ethan.
"Thank God you're alright," he said, pulling her to him and holding her tight.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I couldn't sleep. You sounded so miserable on the phone, and I was terrified that you were going to try something."
"Well, I mixed some more drinks after I hung up. Does that count?"
"Stop it. You can try all you like to push me away, but I care. I'm not leaving until I know you are okay."
Lauren pulled away from him. “This is a waste of time. I told you, I'm no good for you. I'm no good for anyone."
"I don't believe that for a second. Give me a chance. We've already shared so much."
"That's my problem. I share way too much."
"Then just share with me. I'll be there when you need me. You don't think you're worth it, but I'm telling you that you are. You're so worth it."
She stared at him for a moment, tears welling in her eyes.
"I really want to give us a go, and I'm prepared for anything," he said.
"Are you really sure?" she asked.
"It's been a very long time since I felt anything remotely like this. When things went bad with my wife, I shut myself off to any thoughts of finding happiness again. You make me feel like a new man. I never should have let that note get to me. I should have come straight after you."
"I don't know if I'm crying because I'm so happy, or because I have such a pounding headache."
He laughed. "How about we get some water into you? I'm sure if you take some painkillers and lie down, it'll get better. Come on, sweetheart."
Ethan took her by the hand, leading her to the couch. "Now, lie down. I'll go and get a glass of water and find something to help the headache."
"Thank you," Lauren whispered.
"That's what I'm here for. You don't need to deal with this alone. You know that."
He turned towards the kitchen. Lauren grabbed his arm. “You don't have to do this."
"Someone has to look after you. I don't care after all of this. We're going to be together, and that's final. I love you and you love me. You're coming back home with me for now."
She watched as he entered the kitchen, unable to believe the depth of her feeling. Mark had cared for her, as had Cassie. Even Patrick in his own way, though he had always been in love with Cassie. Ethan was hers, even though she’d hurt him. He was more determined than she’d thought he would be.
"What are you doing with your eyes open?" he asked as he returned, glass of water in one hand, tablets in the other.
"I just … it's nice to have you taking care of me."
Ethan sat on the couch. "Sit up then and take these."
Obediently, she took the water, swallowing the tablets before finishing the glass.
"There's my good girl."
"You're very good to me," she said, looking up at him. There was nothing but love for her in his eyes, no judgement.
"I'm in love with you, Lauren. Now, you have to live with it."
"I think I can live with that."
"Good. Now lie down and get some more sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
She smiled. "You had better be."
"I promise."
The dream was back.
Endlessly, she fell. Always seeing the ground, but never hitting it. Just falling. She cried out for Mark, but he wasn't there.
"Damn you," she screamed. The ground was so close. Surely any minute she would hit it.
The world came back into focus as she sat up. Her heart pounded as she shook the falling sensation. There were arms around her, a hand stroking her hair.
"Ethan," she whispered.
"I'm right here, baby. You're safe."
"I just … there's this dream I have sometimes. It scares me, and I'm so glad you're here."
He tilted her face towards him. "What's the dream about?"
"I had it before my parents died, and before Mark …" She swallowed down the last word, the pain of it still hurting after all this time. "I'm falling, and I can see the ground. I just know I'm going to hit it and it'll be all over, but I never do."
"I'll always catch you."
"That's what Mark said."
He smiled, kissing her softly. "I will be here to catch you. You don't need to be scared."
She could feel her body relax as her anxiety levels fell. Everything was right in her world again. Ethan was with her.
"Can we promise never to fight again?" she asked, hugging him tightly.
"I don't know about that, but I do know I never want to let you go again. You're stuck with me now."
Lauren laughed. "I wouldn't have it any other way. I was so miserable without you."
"As I was without you. Now, go back to sleep, and no bad dreams this time."
She grinned. "No, Sir."
When she woke, he was seated in the chair opposite, reading a magazine.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey, beautiful."
"I doubt it. I still feel like crap."
“Whatever you think, I think you're gorgeous. Now, you go and have a shower and I'll start dinner. I found enough things in the freezer to make a meal."
She nodded. "Dinner? Have I been asleep that long?"
"I had a nap earlier, you've slept the whole time. It's nearly six."
As she passed him, he slapped her on the bottom. "I would join you, but I don't think you'll be in the mood for what I want."
Lauren laughed. "Maybe later."
"I'll look forward to it."
She stood under the warm water until it ran cold. It had woken her up, and she thought of the man who had fussed over her, and was now cooking her dinner. That was enough to keep her warm. He really did love her.
"Feeling better?" he asked as she entered the kitchen. He'd managed to concoct some amazing dinner out of practically nothing.
"Much better. Looking forward to going to bed tonight, but at least I feel semi-human."
Ethan leaned over to kiss her. "I'm looking forward to going to bed too. If I'm invited."
She laughed, slapping his arm. "Are you kidding? After all that fuss at the door, you had better bring your A-game tonight, Mister."
"I don't know about that, but I could do with loving you some more. We'll have to leave pretty early. My schedule is full tomorrow."
"You still came for me?"
“I told you. You're worth the effort. I'll do whatever it takes."
"I can't believe anyone would do that."
"I love you. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'll be there when you need me."
She kissed him. This man was special, and he was hers.
"I feel the same way.” she said. She bit her lip, smiling shyly. "Can we skip dinner and get to the bed part?"
Ethan squeezed her hand. "Not after the effort I put in. Maybe afterwards."
"Well, you can't wash the dishes. There's no hot water left."
"You didn't leave any for me?"
Lauren draped her arms over Ethan's shoulders. "No. You should have joined me."
"Next time, beautiful."
Lying in bed after making love, she rested her head on his chest, stroking the light sprinkling of hair. "Earth to Lauren."
Lauren laughed. "Sorry, I was just thinking about how I need to find a job."
"You don't have to at first. It'll be easier to find something when you're there."
"This house has so many memories, but I think it's time to make new ones elsewhere."
She raised her head. He looked at her with so much love it was almost scary. "Ethan, I want to be with you, but I'm scared."
"I know. I'm scared too. This is the first time I've felt like this about anyone since my wife. I haven't regretted any of this with you. This battle you're having, we need to be together to win it."
"You know, I used to say to Cassie that I wanted what she had with my brother. They just had this need to be together, and they were good for each other. I need to find myself. If you can put up with my craziness, then I will come with you."
His pale-blue eyes sparkled. "I think I could live with a little craziness."
Lauren called in sick on the way to Auckland.
"Aren't you going to call your boss and let him know you're not coming back?"
"Not yet. I need to sit and think about everything."
"On the weekend, we'll go home and you can pack. I just need you where I can keep an eye on you right now. No more running."
She shook her head.
As they pulled up to the house, she burst into tears. "Hey. Are you alright?"
"It's just so good to be back here. I'm so sorry I ran from you. It wasn't what I wanted to do. I just felt trapped."
"Well, if you feel that way again, talk to me. It's not going to be easy. I know that. The reason I want you to come here is that you'll be with me, and away from your old routines. That's the only way we can beat this. I'll find some professional help for you."
He led her into the house, making her a coffee before kissing her cheek. "I have to get going. I'll be home as soon as I can. There's no alcohol in the house, and I'll call around when I get a chance to find a programme. The sooner we get onto this, the sooner we can beat it."
Lauren hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Ethan."
"No need to thank me, sweetheart. To be honest, when you left I wanted to come straight after you. It was only my pride that stopped me. When my wife left, she didn't want me any more. When you left, I knew you still cared about me. Enough that I didn't want to let go."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Now, I have to get going. Go and get some more sleep if you need to. The fridge is full of food if you get hungry. Just behave. Call Cassie if you feel like it. I'm sure she would love to see you."
"I haven't been entirely honest with her about how bad things have been. I know I should have, but I don't want to tell her everything. She doesn't need the extra stress, and she's such a sweetheart, it will worry her."
He nodded. "I think you need to have as much support as possible, but I know Patrick feels the same way. He worked out what was going on with you. If this hadn't happened I suspect you would have had him on your doorstep sometime in the next week or two anyway."
He kissed her tenderly. "Tonight we'll sit down and work out our next step. If you're going to be with me, we need ground rules, and you have to stick to them."
Lauren nodded.
"Have a good day, baby. Call my mobile if you need anything."
She wandered around the house for a while before sitting in the living room. "You're more than I deserve," she said to a photo of Ethan on the wall. It was one of him and his girls, and she teared up at the thought of being part of a family.
"Don't fuck this up," she whispered to herself as she stroked the image of his face.
Lauren picked up the phone to call Cassie.