Lauren picked at her fingernails, avoiding the counsellor’s eye. Ethan had set up the appointment, and she wanted to do whatever it took to stay away from drink. For herself, and for him.
"Tell me about yourself," he said.
"There's really not much to tell."
"How about we start with why you're here."
"I like drinking. Just a little too much."
He nodded. "So, what I think we need to do is to get to the bottom of what keeps you going back to it. I'm not here to lecture, I'm here to listen. We'll talk. You can tell me whatever you want."
She fiddled with her bracelet, rubbing her thumb across the fob. Her new nervous habit.
"I don't know what you want to know. My parents died in a car crash when I was ten. It was my father driving drunk that killed them. I've had a fucked-up relationship with alcohol ever since. Just about anything bad that's ever happened to me has been because I've been drinking, then it's been made better by drinking. It's just really hard to break the habit."
"What makes you happy?"
Lauren looked up. "I thought we were going to talk about the stuff that makes me drink."
"Of course, but we also have to look at what you have in your life that's worth holding onto. The little things that are going to help you through this."
"Ethan makes me happy." She smiled thinking of him. He would be waiting at home when she got there, and even though she didn't have to, she would probably tell him everything she talked about here.
"Anything else?"
"I love being near my family again. My brother's partner lives here with her daughter and new husband."
"Where's your brother?"
She frowned. "Mark died. A couple of years ago."
"So, if your parents died when you were ten, who raised you?"
"Mark did."
She closed her eyes. Things had been much worse after Mark died. Mark would have stepped in to save her from herself. Life without Mark had been hard, maybe even harder than she’d realised.
"We had our moments, we used to drink together and then dry out together. Mark used to stop me, tell me off if I went too far. We set each other off, but I used to try so hard to impress him. He became my dad when our father died. When I lost him, I didn't know what to do. He hadn't lived with me for five years, but I still missed him more than anything."
She looked at the counsellor. He was smiling at her as if to say she was off to a good start. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
Lauren watched from the kitchen door. Ethan was oblivious to her presence as he put everything together for dinner. These were the times she felt spoilt. No one had ever taken the time to cook for her, do all the little things that made her feel cared for. It made her want to cry.
"Hey, baby," she said.
He turned, the smile lighting up his face as he laid eyes on her.
He's always happy to see me.
"Lauren. I'm just getting this cooking, and I'm all yours. How did your day go?"
She moved towards him, kissing him tenderly before looking at the stove to see what was cooking.
"It was good. I went to see the counsellor."
Ethan put down the spoon in his hand, pulling her into a gentle hug.
"I'm glad to hear it. I hope it went well."
"Don't you want to know what we talked about?"
She didn't know whether to be hurt or not. Surely after he had decided to support her through this and set up the appointment he would want to know all the details.
“What you say in your appointments is between you and the counsellor. If you want to tell me, that's fine, but I'm not going to harass you to tell me. I just want my girl to be well and happy."
His girl.
She nodded. "I want to tell you. There's nothing that I want to keep from you. I think if I hide things then it might make things worse."
"Well, how about we have dinner and then we'll sit and talk. If you are going to tell me, then tell me what you want to. If there are things you want private, you're allowed that too."
Lauren shrugged. "I just figured you would want to know, as you're paying for it."
"That doesn't mean you're not entitled to privacy. I love you, and I want you better."
"Today made me feel a lot better. It made me realise how much I've had to cope with over the years."
She kissed him on the cheek, squeezing him tight before letting go. "I'm going upstairs to have a shower and get changed. Be back soon."
As she turned, he swatted her on the backside. "You go do that, then."
Lauren laughed. "Oh, Doctor Stone. It's like that is it?"
Ethan grinned. "It can be anything you want, Lauren Burrows."
"Kinky."
She flicked her hair over her shoulder, giving him that look, the one that would leave him in no doubt as to what she wanted. Bending slightly, she offered her backside up to slap before giggling and turning back to look at him.
Ethan just looked amused, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"Love you, beautiful," he said.
Lauren smiled. "Love you too."
After dinner, she curled up on the couch with him. Being in his arms was reassuring, safe.
"We talked a lot about Mark. We both had such a screwed-up relationship with alcohol, you know. Dad being a drunk driver should have put us off, but it didn't. Mark tried his best to keep me away from it, but I realised today that I just didn't cope with anything well, and as hard as he tried, he wasn't my parent."
Ethan stroked her neck, nodding at her words. "You were so young. Both of you. It's a lot of responsibility to take on at that age."
She nodded. "He and I were so much alike, and I know he tried his best. Did I ever tell you he beat up the first guy I slept with?"
"No." Ethan had this weird look on his face, as if he didn't know whether to smile at that.
"I went to a party and caved when it came to drinking. Mark set the rules and I broke them. I had a few beers, and Connor and I had sex in the back of his car. Then he announced he was leaving town to study. I felt like a slut. Mark made him apologise."
The smile broke out on Ethan's face. "I don't agree with his methods, but it's certainly clear that he loved you very much. To be honest, I can relate to his struggle. Bethany in particular was hard to manage. She did what she wanted, and sometimes I regret the choices I made."
He stroked her hair, running his fingers through it. Lauren smiled at the familiar gesture; it was something else she found reassuring. No one had ever known her intimately enough to do anything like that. He knew she liked it, and it seemed to give him a sense of closeness with her.
Lauren reached for his lap, finding the button for his pants, unzipping the rest.
"Lauren," he said softly.
She stroked him until he was hard, pulling back his underwear to release him.
Moving back, she lowered herself, taking him in her mouth. He shuddered at her touch, and she smiled as she felt him relax.
Ethan gripped her hair, not pushing her, just letting her move as she flicked her tongue over his length. He let go with a groan as she owned his orgasm.
"Damn it, Lauren. Every time I think I know what's coming with you, and every time you surprise me."
She studied his face almost expecting to see he was annoyed from his tone. Ethan grinned, stroking her hair again as she sat back up.
Lauren laughed. "Isn't that part of why you like me so much? That random, unexpected side of me?"
"I love you, no matter what," he said. "You amaze me more and more as time goes on."
He stood, tidying himself up before extending his hand. "Let's go to bed and watch TV. I could do with a snuggle after that."
This was something else she loved about him. He would cuddle with her, no expectations. Men usually just wanted sex, and there were times when she was only too happy to provide. Ethan was content to hold her in his arms and just be.
This was worth fighting for.