Chapter 14
After they returned to the room, an uncharacteristic shyness filled Pilar again. Being in the small space made her all the more aware of him, leaving her unsure where to settle her eyes even though he was all she could see. “I should probably wash off the salt and sand before we venture out again,” she told him.
“Shall I have water brought up?”
“If it isn’t too much trouble.”
He exited and she let out an unconsciously held breath. Just like last night his caresses today on the beach left her body shimmering. Her lips were kiss swollen, her nipples yearning for more, and no matter how much she tried to ignore her response, the sensual power he wielded would not let her be. He’d awakened something inside herself that now hungered to be fed and she was left wondering how to make it cease. Surely well brought up women didn’t let their husbands bare them in public and not care about being seen. Yet she’d done both and that secretive, awakened portion of herself eagerly anticipated further encounters. Shocked by the thoughts, she cast the yearnings aside and prayed the old, disciplined Pilar Banderas would somehow stand up and reassert herself. This new Pilar Yates was a woman she didn’t know, recognize, or seemingly control.
He returned with a servant girl bearing water. Once the buckets were set inside the screen, the girl departed.
“I’ll wait out on the verandah to give you some privacy.”
“Thank you.”
Once she finished and put on fresh clothing, she joined him on the verandah.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Good. Give me a moment to clean up and I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?”
“If I tell you it won’t be much of a surprise now, will it?”
“No, I suppose not,” she said eyeing him with a bit of skepticism.
“It will be something you will enjoy, I promise.”
While she waited, she wondered about the surprise, but decided she’d know soon enough, so she reviewed the day. She thought he’d taken the information she’d shared about her family’s background as well as could be expected. After all it wasn’t every day that a person from a family as esteemed as his found themselves married to someone like her. But as she’d stated, she’d never steal so much as a pea off a plate from his family, and she hoped he believed her. She was still dazzled by his kisses, but no matter the attraction, there would have to be more to their marriage. What would become of her when they reached California? There’d be no call for rebels, and certainly no reason to be smuggling guns. What role was she expected to play in his life, and more important, in her own? She doubted she’d be content to spend her days shopping and ordering the servants around like her aunt Simona. So what would she do? It was a subject she needed to discuss with him and it was her hope he’d have an answer she could embrace.
She heard movement inside the room and went to investigate. The sight of a strange man and woman setting a table with dishes from a stacked cart stopped her in her tracks. When she looked over at Noah he smiled. “Your surprise.”
Once the woman left, he gestured. “Shall we dine?”
She sat, he helped her with her chair, and took a seat opposite her.
When he began removing the covers from the food she was truly surprised. Cuban food!
“Where’d this come from?” she asked eagerly, eyeing the familiar sights and savoring the heady aromas.
“When I went down to make arrangements for the water, I asked Mrs. Fitzhugh if she knew anyone who did good Cuban food, and the answer was yes. She has a good friend who owns a boardinghouse close by and the cook there is from your country.”
“I love her!”
The appetizer was still warm chatinas, and she munched the fried green plantains with glee. The main dish, pollo asado, a Cuban version of roast chicken highlighted by a sweet tomato sauce known as salsa crillo, was so good and tasted so much like her grandmother’s it brought tears to her eyes. Along with the chicken was Moros y Cristianos, a side dish of black beans and rice.
“‘Moors and Christians’?” he asked, doing the translation.
She nodded. “The black beans are the Moors, the white rice is the Christians. In Cuba though, it’s the Africans and the Spanish.”
Dessert was flan Cubano, a rich caramel delight made with milk and eggs. Once she finished her serving, Pilar was so stuffed she couldn’t eat another bite. “Thank you, Noah. Everything was outstanding.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I wish we could take the cook with us on our journey to your home,” she said. “Although it might be a challenge to prepare flan Cubano while traveling with goats and pigs.”
“True. I’m glad you enjoyed your surprise.”
“I did. You have my permission to surprise me anytime.”
“I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”
Something passed between them and she wondered why this man affected her so.
“Is your mother a good cook?” he asked.
“Not really, she grew up with servants when she was young, so when she married my father she didn’t even know how to boil beans. But my grandmother—she could cook a wooden crate and we’d all line up for more.”
“And you?”
“I did most of the cooking at home, when I was there. Your mother’s Spanish—weren’t you raised on food like this?”
“No. There are flans for special occasions but we eat mostly American food—steaks, potatoes, some rice.”
“Belt leather pork?”
He chuckled. “Yes, lots and lots of bacon.”
She made a face. “Do you think your mother would mind if I cooked every now and then?”
“She has a cook. An Irishwoman named Bonnie, but I doubt she’d mind, especially if this is what you’ll be putting on the table. Once we get our own place, you can cook as often as you want.”
“Good. What’s your mother like?”
“Fearless, stubborn, and when I left home last, very much in love.” He went on to explain about his mother’s newly wedded status and the story that went with it.
“Have you ever been in love?” she asked.
“No.”
“Neither have I but my mother truly loved my father. Doneta wants that kind of love, too.”
“And you?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Being with someone who doesn’t mind that I smuggled guns and began stealing almost as soon as I could walk is enough for me. It doesn’t have to be a love match.”
He met her eyes.
“I don’t expect you to love me, Noah.”
“Suppose we do wind up loving each other?”
She scoffed, “Don’t be silly.”
“Why is that silly?”
“Because it just is. Can I ask you something serious?” She wanted to change the subject.
He didn’t call her out about it though. He sipped at his wine and said, “Of course.”
“What will I do as your wife? Do your brothers’ wives work at anything?”
“Logan’s wife, Mariah, is a seamstress, not sure what Drew’s wife, Billie, does. What would you like to do?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know but I’d like to do something. Do you have people who take care of your animals?”
On his side of the table, Noah almost laughed but realized she was serious. “Yes, the ranch employs men to do that.” He couldn’t believe she was asking to be a ranch hand. “My mother does some charity work through her church. Maybe you’d like to help with that.”
“Maybe. I’m good with a machete. Do you have brush that needs to be cut back or trees to clear?”
“Pilar, you’re not going to be a field hand.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re my wife.”
“So I’m not supposed to earn my place.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It isn’t necessary.”
“Does money grow on trees in California?”
“Of course not.”
“Then I need to contribute.”
He sensed he was not going to win this, so he said, “How about we discuss this again when we get home?”
“Fine, but I’m not going to sit around like a hothouse flower while others wait on me.”
“Understood.”
“Good.”
She was the most driven, unbelievable woman he’d ever met. “Would you like more wine?”
“Yes, please.”
He poured more into her glass. She could also hold her spirits, he noted. They’d consumed most of the bottle he’d had brought in with their meal, but then her roots were Spanish, too, and she had probably been drinking wine as a matter of course her entire life, just as he had. He raised his glass to her. “To the future.”
She lifted hers in response. “To the future.”
Dusk was falling and the wind could be heard in the trees. “Would you like to take your wine outside? We could sit for a while before bed.”
“I’d enjoy that.”
They stood, but instead of moving to the door, he held his position before her and she found herself captured once more by his commanding presence. All evening, she’d managed to set aside the heat being with him caused, and now that they were alone in the close confines of the room, her gaze quickly fled lest her desire resurrect the woman she couldn’t control.
“What’s wrong?”
She debated telling him the truth. She didn’t wish to be laughed at or thought weak or evoke any other reaction from him that might make her feel silly or naïve by revealing her inner feelings, but she desperately wanted to go back to being who she’d been before he entered her life. “Since I was a little girl, my father and grandfather instilled in me the importance of discipline, and those lessons have served me well throughout my life. It helped me be an efficient thief and gave me the strength I needed to be with the Mambi Army. Now?”
He gave her a ghost of a smile.
“This isn’t funny.”
“I’m not laughing at you, querida, just watching you fight against something there’s no known antidote for.”
Certain he had no idea what she was referencing, she challenged, “And that is what?”
“Desire. Passion. Need. Want. Whatever you wish to call it.”
“How could you possibly know that’s what I’m feeling?”
“Weren’t you the woman on my lap at the beach?”
Not wishing to answer, she said instead, “I shouldn’t be wanting you to . . .” Her words faded.
“Wanting me to what?” he coaxed gently.
She faltered for a moment, then plunged ahead. “Kiss me—or touch me.”
“Why not?”
Her mind scrambled for a reply. “Because it can’t be proper.”
“No one can judge what’s proper between a wife and her husband except the man and woman involved.”
“Then how does one make it cease or go away, for saints’ sake?”
“You can’t. I mean there are ways to attain temporary relief but once it settles in there’s no way to make it cease permanently.”
He used the tip of his finger to draw a soft line down her cheek. “As your husband I find your desire very thrilling, Pilar, there’s nothing wrong with it. No man wants a wife who responds like a rock.”
“I don’t like feeling rudderless.”
“If it’s any consolation you play havoc with my rudder as well.”
Once again she had no way of measuring the truthfulness of his words.
“Do you want me to offer you a measure of relief?”
Pilar sensed that agreeing would change her life but the alternative was to walk around with this unquenched heat inside herself and being ruled by it. “Yes,” she replied firmly.
“My fearless warrior queen.” He placed his lips against her brow. “All right, relief it shall be, but it may make things worse—just so you’ll know.”
Her eyes narrowed.
His smile was indulgent as he loosely draped his arms around her waist.
“You’re teasing me,” she stated.
“No, Pilar. I am not.” He kissed her gently, letting her become accustomed to him once again, then eased her closer when the intensity rose to ensnare them both.
“I want to have our wedding night,” she stated, whispered while she fought to hold on to herself.
“Do you?” he husked out against her ear and trailed his kisses down the edge of her throat.
“Yes.” She wanted to know.
“Are you certain?” He nibbled her bottom lip, then teased it with the tip of his tongue.
She trembled in response. “Yes.”
And soon, because he was so skillful and masterful, Pilar was without rudder or anything else to guide her course. His kisses became her stars, his warm exploring hands her sails. Her sighs were soft as moonlight and her heightened senses roiled like storm-tossed seas. While the current of desire threatened to sweep her away, he anchored her, steered her, and splendidly showed her just how powerful a son of the Haitian goddess Yemaya—the mother of all waters—could be.
Her dress was unbuttoned to her waist, her shift unbuttoned as well, and his lips on her breasts seared her flesh like sensual lightning. When he bit her gently, she sucked in a breath. A yearning took hold between her thighs and her hips moved unconsciously to an ancient rhythmic drumbeat.
“Let’s get you out of this dress.”
Through the haze shimmering around her, she mindlessly stepped out of it, and stood pulsing in the fading light wearing her drawers, stockings, and opened shift while he placed it neatly over a chair. His return brought more kisses and slow tours of his hands until she thought she might melt from the heat. His touch inside her drawers made her startle and then croon as his expert fingers played in the damp darkness hidden there. The sensations sent her spiraling so high, her hand went to her mouth to keep her cry of delight contained. She was certain she was destined for hell for indulging in such decadent pleasure but she greedily wanted more and shamelessly widened her stance.
Watching her body rise to his play as she flowed over his fingers almost made Noah come then and there. Damn, he was hard and he wished she weren’t an innocent so he could love her as fiercely as he craved. The tension had him strung tight as a bow but he held on. He could tell by the increased cadence of her breathing and the sultry movements of her hips that she was almost ready to peak and the male in him wanted to watch her explode from his pleasuring. Seconds later the orgasm shattered her, making her shudder and cry out hoarsely while he feasted with glowing eyes and kept up his play. She was slick and wet; her body bowed and he leaned down and licked a pebble-hard nipple before closing his mouth around it and tugging at it with lust gentled teeth.
“Oh, stop!” she begged and quickly backed away.
The tiger enjoyed his mate’s beautiful distress but he was so engorged he found it difficult to breathe. If she couldn’t handle more he’d abide by her decision but he prayed she’d agree to see the act through because he hadn’t gotten nearly enough of her lushness, and truly needed the sweet relief only she could provide. “You wanted the wedding night, querida. Shall we continue?”
He sensed she was having second thoughts but knew the desire flaring inside was making it difficult for her usually sharp mind to hold sway. Much to his delight, she finally whispered, “Yes.” He held out a hand and led her to the bed.
Once there he prepared with all the care necessary for such a precious moment, taking time to bring her to the heights again, savoring her gasps of passion and the moans of delight that slipped from her parted lips. She was twisting and wet and open when the time came to join their bodies, so he pushed in gently. “The first time may be painful, querida, forgive me.”
She was so tight and warm, he wanted to storm his way through.
“Oh, wait, please Noah.”
He forced himself to comply. Holding himself above her he closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath while he throbbed within her sheath.
He could feel how tense she’d become. Desire had been replaced by apprehension and undoubtedly a measure of fear. He kissed her reassuringly. The last thing he wanted was for her to rue this night and be put off lovemaking for the rest of their married life. “I’ll go slow. I promise.” He sensed her nod, and so fitting actions to words, advanced as gently as he could, then pulled out and slowly repeated the move again and again until she began to return the rhythm. A few moments later, they were moving as one. His tight hold on his discipline broke and he increased the pace, hoping he wasn’t being too rough, but unable to stop if a gun was put to his head. She cried out as the orgasm grabbed her, and he roared as his own tore him apart and flung him up to the stars.
Later, he came back to life holding her in his arms. He could almost see her face in the darkness. “Did I hurt you?”
“At first, but then, I enjoyed it.”
He chuckled softly. “That’s good to know. I enjoyed it as well, so much so that were you more seasoned, I’d start again.”
“Again?”
“Until sunrise.”
He sensed her shock and traced a finger over her parted lips. “You’re a very passionate woman, querida. I’m looking forward to many more nights like this, but in the morning you’ll probably be sore, so let’s get some sleep. We’ve a ferry to the mainland to catch at dawn.”
“I suppose we won’t be able to do this amongst the pigs and chickens.”
“No, we won’t.”
“A pity.”
He laughed and eased her closer.
Later, as they slept, his nightmare returned. In the dream it was once again his first night on the island and the Englishman Barton Felix and his henchmen had come for him. Upon realizing what Felix was after, Noah and Kingston fought like demons, but were outnumbered and easily overpowered. A crowd gathered and cheered as both men were forced onto their stomachs, held down, and their trousers stripped away. As always, his own screams tore him from the dream and he was thrust back into the present, covered with fear-fed sweat and trembling. Only this time, Pilar was beside him.
“Noah, you’re shaking. Were you having a bad—”
He thrust her hand away and left the bed. “Go back to sleep.”
Her stunned silence was like a cut through his heart, but he walked out onto the verandah and drank in the night air until he regained a measure of calm. Dios, he hated the memories. Since that horrid night they’d plagued every step of his life and seemed intent upon accompanying him to his grave. How naïve he’d been to think a mere slip of woman could rid him of the degradation and yes, the shame. While with her, he’d somehow been able to keep his demons at bay, only to have them return as they always did when he was most vulnerable. By not offering Pilar an explanation for his rude behavior, he could only imagine what might be going through her mind. They’d had a perfect time together, made love, and now? How did one explain such a vile experience, especially to one’s innocent wife? He closed his eyes to rid himself of the lingering visions in his head.
“Noah?”
He didn’t move. “My apologies for being so callous, but please go back to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
For a moment there was silence before she quietly responded, “As you wish.”
He heard the sounds of her whispered retreat and slammed his fist on the iron railing. He would’ve howled like a beast had he thought it would help. Instead, he looked out into the night and waited for the sunrise.