CHAPTER SEVEN

Jake rested at the top of the falls and gazed at the cold, clear water cascading to the pool below. He’d been hiking for a couple of hours and had ended up on his favorite boulder. The climb had proven to be challenging, but the spectacular view was worth the extra effort. On this glorious day, many had trooped to the base of the falls, but he’d been the only one to brave the steep trail to the top.

Half hidden in the mist, Jake was close to invisible in his lofty seat above the dozen or so people below. He stretched out on the warm rock and soaked in the peacefulness of nature. With a sigh of resignation, he opened his Bible, flipped to the familiar Psalm 77, and read from beginning to end.

As Jake mulled over the verses, phrases such as “my soul refused to be comforted” and “I was too troubled to speak” jumped out at him. He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding and lifted his head to the sky. Now he understood the stream of emotions that had spurred King David to pour his heart out to God. In anguish and despair, the forlorn poet had “cried out” and questioned if God’s “unfailing love had vanished forever.” Had “God forgotten to be merciful?”

How often had Jake also wondered if God had turned against him? Had God’s love vanished forever? As he read over the passage, the troubling words were a confirmation he was not alone. The psalmist depicted an honest and very real conversation between a man like himself and his Lord.

As he stared at the slow-moving clouds above, he let his mind drift with them. He wanted to let go of the ache, but how? Flipping back to the psalm, he read a few verses again.

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds

Your ways, O God, are holy

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles

The poetry instilled new hope, soothed his soul, and calmed his spirit. Alone in his aerie, Jake allowed a tear to slip down his cheek and onto his shirt. He supposed it was some sort of macho thing, but he hated to cry.

High atop his gray boulder, Jake grasped that he’d been fighting with God just like King David. He faced the fact that life must be accepted on its own terms. Events had transpired that were beyond his control, but now he had a choice. He could either continue to make himself miserable, as he labored to change the unchangeable, or learn the art of acceptance. Today, he chose to accept. His God performed miracles, and he could ask for his own.

With his head in his hands, Jake closed his eyes and prayed with a humble heart. “God, I’m still angry with You, but even now You are my God, and I’ll try my best to trust You. I know You didn’t take my Victoria away, but I still miss her. I’m lonely, God, and I need Your guidance. Please, Lord, help me know where to go from here. Amen.”

As he surrendered his will to God, the frost in Jake’s soul began to melt. This prayer had been heard. And without a shadow of a doubt, he was indeed loved.

* * *

After Jake left Cascade Falls, he headed for Higher Ground Coffee. As the heavy glass door closed behind him, he spied his best friend serving up overpriced fare to the masses. Surprised, he lifted a hand in greeting. “Hey there, Drew. I had no idea you had a second job.”

Jake grinned at his pudgy friend from college. At just over five-and-a-half-feet tall, with thick glasses and orange hair that stuck up in unusual places, Drew had never been a Don Juan. Jake had always been amazed that, even with his heart of gold and a rapier wit, his friend had managed to land his tall, dark-haired beauty of a wife, Donna.

“I started last week, but I only work on Friday nights and Saturdays to make some extra money.” Drew’s beaming smile was welcoming as he ran a wet cloth across the counter, cleaning up a spill. “Are you here to bask in my presence, or are you going to spring for a menu item?”

“I’m assuming someone in management showed you how to make a decent cup of coffee, so I’ll take a large dark chocolate mocha. And don’t be stingy on the chocolate syrup.”

“I’ll do my best, since you asked nicely.” Drew bowed theatrically. “But really, Jake, this job is a godsend. With Donna expecting in June, we can use all the extra cash we can get.”

A small stab of loss needled his gut. He and Victoria had often discussed parenting in general, and he’d been keen to have tiny people of his own. Jake forced a grin in support of his buddy’s abundant joy. “Ah, that’s right. June’s just around the corner. And I hear rug rats are expensive.”

“You have no idea. Since this is our first and it’s going to be a boy, Donna wants to do the baby’s room up right. We’re going with the ever-popular dinosaur theme.” Drew handed Jake his coffee.

Several ladies moseyed in and ordered drinks and assorted baked goods. While Jake waited for Drew to finish dealing with customers, he drifted to the door and propped it open. A warm spring breeze lazily pushed clouds across the sky. The world ground to a halt as he drank in the view.

When everyone had cleared out, Jake slid into his seat at the bar. “Dinosaur, huh? Good to know. Now I know what to get you and Donna for a baby shower gift. You know that twenty-foot blow-up T-Rex at Larry’s Motors? I could get a group of guys together at midnight and…”

Laughing, Drew threw an empty takeout cup at Jake. “You wouldn’t dare. Donna would kill us both if she found a gigantic green dinosaur in the backyard. And believe me, she’d know in a heartbeat that the ‘gift’ was from you.”

Jake hurled the paper cup back at his friend. “Okay, I won’t blow it up in the back yard. So what else is going on with you?”

“You doin’ anything tomorrow night?”

“That depends.”

“Depends on what? Do you think I’d ask you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”

Jake lifted a brow. “Without a doubt.” What was Drew trying to get him into now?

Drew clutched his chest. “I’m hurt. Really hurt. But anyway, if you don’t have anything else to do, I could use your help at church. I have to set up four hundred chairs and grill mounds of meat for a youth rally.”

Well, why not? He wasn’t busy, and he adored kids. Some of his middle school students might be there. “I guess I could do that.”

“Great. You’ll save me an aching back, and Donna would appreciate it if you monitored my hotdog consumption.” Drew ran another towel across the counter. “If I remember correctly, you grill a tasty hotdog, even if you do tend to burn a few.”

“I like to think of them as ‘well done,’ but I’d be happy to help. To be honest, in case you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t been to church much lately. I guess maybe I’ve been missing it.” Jake sipped his coffee, swirling the dregs left in the cup.

Drew nodded as a couple of teenagers burst through the door. “I know. Sometimes it’s hard to make yourself go, but I’m always glad I do. Plus, Donna gives me that look when I grouse.”

Jake recalled some of Victoria’s fixed stares. She’d had a particularly demoralizing glare that could freeze boiling water. He was pleased to note the memory didn’t hurt at all. To be able to think of her and not feel sad was freeing.

While Drew served the kids smoothies and snacks, Jake scanned the coffee shop. The place had a friendly, pleasant atmosphere. Always the eagle eye, he soon spotted the double chocolate chunk brownies in the bakery case.

When Drew was free again, Jake pointed at the sweets. “Could I have one of those to go with my coffee?”

“Sure thing, buddy. I’m keeping a running tab. You’re up to $6.26, and that’s with the friends and family discount.”

Now, at a little after three in the afternoon, the store finally quieted. Jake and Drew caught up on each other’s lives, the latest on sports, jobs, South Park, The Simpsons, and other guy stuff. When Drew asked how Jake was doing with “the Victoria thing,” Jake decided to be candid.

“You know, when I first lost Victoria, everyone tried their best to be kind. Cards and letters came pouring in, and tons of people called with condolences. I know they were well-meaning, and I appreciated their thoughts, really I did, but the sympathy they offered didn’t seem to help.”

Drew’s forehead wrinkled. “It’s hard for people to know how to handle something so horrendous.”

“I know.” Jake pushed his empty latte cup toward Drew. “More, please?”

“Sure. The same?”

“You bet. I’m not blaming anyone, especially if they haven’t been through it. The average person couldn’t possibly know how it feels, but the worst of the lines came from some of the church leaders. It sounds terrible, but the platitudes they fed me made me mad.”

“People can be stupid.” Drew expertly operated the espresso machine and handed over a fresh cup.

In a low voice, Jake intoned, “‘Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.’ And then there’s always, ‘Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.’ Lotta help that is when you’re knee-deep in grief.”

Drew joined in. “Don’t forget the old favorite, ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.’”

“Can’t forget that one, can we?” Jake sighed deeply. “I’m telling you, Drew, don’t ever say that to someone who’s recently lost the love of their life. I came close to taking a swing at the chairman of the church board, and he’s a fine Christian man.”

“I’ll say it again. People can be stupid.” Drew thoroughly cleaned the espresso machine. “I wish I knew how to help you, Jake. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if Donna died. I’d want to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.”

“Yeah, I’ve been in that hole for a year now. Did you know today would have been Victoria’s thirtieth birthday? She was in my thoughts all day. But this morning when I woke up, for the first time, I wanted to move forward. I put her picture away, Drew. Yesterday it would have seemed disrespectful, but today it was the right thing to do.”

Drew punched him on the shoulder, a loopy grin on his face. “Whoa, Jake. That’s a huge step. I’m happy for you.”

“Today, I drove up to Cascade Falls. I needed to find a quiet place to think things through, and I figured there wouldn’t be many people there this early in the season.”

“Did it help?” Drew handed Jake a chocolate chip cookie. “On the house.”

“Thanks.” Jake sipped his mocha latte and chewed a bite of the cookie. “I should have known the place would be mobbed on the first warm day of spring, but I think it did help. I brought my Bible with me, and while I was reading, something in me sort of thawed.”

“Thawed, eh? It’s like on that episode of South Park.” Drew ran a hand through his carrot-colored hair and grinned like a jack o’ lantern. “Remember when they found that ‘ice man’ they thought was a centuries-old cave man, but it was discovered he’d only been frozen for three years? You know, the one where they sent Gorak to Des Moines to reassimilate into society? Apparently, Iowa is three years behind the rest of the country, so he’ll feel more comfortable there.”

“Leave it to you to think of a South Park reference, but it was something like that. I defrosted, but please don’t call me ‘Gorak.’” Jake shook his head. “But anyway, there I was at the top of the falls crying like a little girl. Like a freakin’ little baby. I’d have been mortified if anyone had seen me, but mercifully, no one else was adventurous enough to scale the falls.”

“The last time I cried was a few years ago at my dad’s funeral.” Drew’s forehead puckered. “I’m sorry, man. Don’t think Donna and I haven’t noticed. You’ve been one gloomy guy for a long time now. Just yesterday, we were saying how much we’ve missed seeing you.”

“I know I’ve been a hermit. I’ve been hurt and angry since she died. People don’t seem to understand. I know I’ve haven’t been coming to church lately, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. It would have been hypocritical. I hated God. I mean, I hated Him. How could He do that to me? I felt so…lost.”

Just as Drew opened his mouth, his cell rang. “Hang on a sec. It’s Donna.” He turned away to take the call. “Hi, Sweetie. Yeah, I’m good, and you’ll never guess who’s here.” He faced Jake and winked. “No, good guess, but who were we talking about last night? Bingo. Gorak.” Drew grinned and nodded. “No, Gorak, uh, Jake. You remember that South Park episode where Cartman…” Drew wandered toward the other end of the counter.

As Drew talked, Jake eyed the plate of chocolate chip cookies. He reached out his hand to grab another one when Drew called out. “Hey, Jake? Donna says to tell you it’s been way too long since she’s seen you, and you’re invited to dinner a week from Saturday if you’re free. She also said to tell you she won’t take no for an answer unless you already have a hot date, in which case, you’re excused.”

Pleased at the invitation, Jake examined his mental calendar. No, he didn’t have any plans, and it would be nice to be with friends. “Tell Donna I’d love to come. No hot date. And I’ll bring the dessert.”

When Drew hung up the phone, Jake asked, “Does Donna like chocolate chip cookies?”

“Sure. Who doesn’t? Why?”

“I thought I’d stop by here on the way to your house and pick up a dozen cookies.” Jake swiped another one from the “For Sale” plate and took a big bite.

An impish grin spread all over Drew’s face. “I think that’s a great idea. I’m sure Donna will be delighted.”

As the two continued to talk in the coffeehouse, Jake did his best to explain the sense of peace that had come upon him today and the psalm that had meant so much to him. “It’s like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.”

“Good to have you back among the living, Gorak.” Drew smirked.

“Stop calling me Gorak. Don’t you remember halfway through the show they discovered his real name was Larry? Now, do you want to hear how I ‘happened’ to show up on your doorstep today?” Jake sat back on his stool and tried to appear mysterious.

“I’m all ears, Larry.”

“You’re not going to believe this, but as I was getting up to leave the falls, a piece of paper fell to the ground. It must have fallen out of my Bible, but I swear I don’t remember how it got there.”

Jake yanked the flyer out of his pocket and read in a loud, booming voice:

“Thirsty? Come to Higher Ground for Heavenly Coffee.

You’ll Find What You’re Looking For.”

“So here I am. Apparently, God wanted me to come see you. Any suggestions, Drew, ol’ buddy? Where I should go from here?”