CHAPTER EIGHT
Exhausted from her long talk with Pat, Didi trudged up the steps to her duplex. She loved coming home to her two-bedroom, one-bath apartment—just the right size for one person and one ten-pound cat. On the short drive home through the pretty town of Airy Ridge, her hunched shoulders relaxed and she breathed deeply for the first time in what seemed like hours. God was going to get her through this.
Maisie met her at the door and wound around her legs, exuding sweetness and light. Abruptly, it occurred to Didi her cat was being extra affectionate. Good gravy, she’d forgotten to feed her this morning. She’d never done that before. “Oh, Maisie, I’m so sorry. It’s all that awful Kevin’s fault for messing with my head.”
Her lunch with Pat had taken longer than expected, and it was nearing four thirty. Her sweet pea had been waiting and waiting. Dashing to the pantry, Didi selected Maisie’s favorite flavor—shredded turkey and cheese in a light, fragrant gravy sauce. The calico stood on her hind legs and pawed the air with anticipatory glee. As soon as the gooey meal landed in her smiley-face bowl, the famished feline slurped in earnest.
With that important task completed, Didi got down to business. She needed to call her best friend, Suzy. She would understand and offer a caring shoulder to lean on. Although married, she was one of the lucky ones with a sweetheart of a husband. Didi had often wished Kevin were more like Michel.
She dialed Suzy’s phone, hoping she’d pick up. With three young kids, her friend was often up to her neck in Legos and Play Dough. A lilting voice came on the line. “I was just wondering why I hadn’t heard from you in days. Is everything all right?” Suzy had the uncanny ability of sensing Didi’s mood even over the phone.
“I have lots to tell you, but it’s too much to go over right now. Can we get together after church tomorrow, and I’ll fill you in?”
“Sure, girlfriend. Maybe we could go out to lunch? Chinese? Abundant Garden? It’s been a while since we’ve been there. In fact, it’s been ages since we’ve been anywhere, but I’m sure Michel can hold down the fort for a couple of hours.”
“Chinese sounds delicious.” Didi grew hungry, visions of spring rolls dancing in her head.
“You could get that hot and sour soup you like so much, and I might indulge myself and order the PuPu platter. We’ll skip dessert though, okay? I’ve been ‘indulging’ a little too much lately, and my jeans are getting snug.” Pausing a moment, Suzy added, “Hey, Didi? I hate to ask, but is Kevin joining us?”
“No, he most certainly will not be joining us.” Didi sighed and tapped a finger on the table. “That is, he will only be joining us as the topic of discussion.”
“Uh-oh. Sounds serious.” Suzy managed to ooze sympathy through the phone line.
“Serious it is. I’ll tell you everything you want to know tomorrow.”
That task completed, Didi yawned and shut her eyes. While she’d been sitting on the couch talking to Suzy, Maisie had curled up on her lap. Warm cat in lap was a very nice thing, but her legs were falling asleep, and when she stretched, she pitched poor Miss Maisie to the floor.
“So sorry, baby girl. Why don’t we go take a nap on a real bed? You and I can barely keep our eyes open.”
With that, Didi scooped up the ball of fur and carried her to the bedroom. They settled under the covers, Maisie snuggled underneath her chin, and within seconds, Didi was fast asleep.
When Didi awoke, it was seven o’clock. She’d slept so soundly that at first she was disoriented. But there it came again, an insistent knocking on her front door. Flinging the blanket off, Didi was glad she’d opted to sleep in her clothes. Groggily, she called out, “Hold on a minute.” She plodded on unsteady feet to the door.
When Didi peeked through the peephole, her heart thudded. Kevin. And he looked ticked. She was totally unprepared for this. What was she going to say? Her spirit trembled, and her brain fogged, but a small piece of her ached to see him. She stood there a moment in front of the door and tried to collect herself.
“Didi, are you in there?” called Kevin through the door. “Where you been, baby? Why didn’t you call me back?”
Oh, no. She still hadn’t retrieved her messages, the messages she’d avoided since last night. How many had he left? She supposed it was good he was worried, even if he’d been the one to upset her in the first place. Quivering slightly, she wasn’t ready to talk to Kevin yet. She hadn’t fully processed how she felt, and she had no idea what to say to him.
Taking a mouthful of air, she said in a cool, firm voice, “I’m fine, Kevin, and I’m sorry if you worried. Thanks for checking on me, but I can’t talk to you right now.”
Didi was proud of herself. She managed to deliver the lines with barely a tremor in her voice.
“Well, good to hear you’re still alive, but I think we should talk. I’ve been calling and calling. I wanted to make sure you got home safe last night.” Now that she’d answered him, that familiar, silky tone was back in his voice.
Didi reached for the doorknob then jerked her hand away. She refused to back down. She wasn’t ready. He’d left her crying in the restaurant parking lot the night before. He couldn’t have been too worried about her.
“Thanks for your concern, but now’s not a good time. Please, go home. We’ll talk soon.”
Kevin pounded on the door, and Didi winced. Now she’d done it. She’d poked the rattler, and he was hissing, the silky voice turning angry and all traces of pseudo-concern gone. “Oh, come on! Let me in and stop being so childish.”
Kevin had a key. What if he decided to use it? She dug up some courage and said with all of the authority she could muster, “Go away. Please.” Quietly, she fastened the chain on the door just in case.
He muttered a few choice words that, mercifully, Didi couldn’t quite catch. “All right, but this isn’t that big a deal. You’re being foolish.”
“Goodnight, Kevin.” Didi straightened her spine and backed away from the door. Picking up the distressed cat cowering in the hall, Didi strode back toward the kitchen. Silence loomed on the other side of the door until footsteps stalked away. She tiptoed back to the peephole. Kevin’s stiff, broad back receded into the distance. Even from the rear, she could tell he yearned to strike back.
She hated it when he was mad at her, and after seeing his handsome face, something in her crumbled. She missed the way he used to hold her. Or at least, she missed what she thought they’d been. Was it so wrong to want it all back the way it was before last night? She wanted him to make everything right again…and she wanted to slap that handsome face with everything she had. Thankfully, she hadn’t caved. She’d left him standing on her doorstep. It was the right thing to do. Without a hitch in her step, she swept back into the kitchen.
Fixing herself a strong cup of tea, Didi sank into a kitchen chair and warmed her cold hands on the stoneware cup. Her mind whirled, flying over hill and dale and back again. To silence the commotion in her brain, she regrouped and started one of the homework projects Pat had given her. The assignment had been to pour out her thoughts in a journal, a story, or perhaps poetry. Any means needed to help her explore her past…and her future.
With her emotions pinging off the ceiling, now seemed like a good time. Didi focused on all of the changes she’d been through in the past twenty-four hours. Had it only been that long? With sentiments such as “betrayal,” “loss,” “anger,” and “confusion” weaving in her head, she toyed with the way the words sounded and launched into a poem. Her mother and grandmother wrote poetry, and Didi had taken a creative writing class in college. She’d written a few pieces she was pleased with, and her teacher had been encouraging.
Settling down with her laptop in front of her, she closed her eyes and let her psyche have free rein. She was gratified at how swiftly impressions rose to the surface, and thoughts poured out from her soul and onto the keyboard.
After an hour or so, she surveyed her work. Making a few final changes, she read her creation aloud to herself and Miss Maisie.
Unfaithful and untrustworthy
Deceit reflected in his eyes
Aloofness that invokes unease
His promises? They’ve turned to lies
He clearly thinks I’m not the one
He doesn’t know the pain I feel
His heart remote, unyielding, harsh
He cannot tell the false from real
He used to say he wouldn’t leave
That I would never need to fear
This man who’d given me his word
He’d promised me he’d love me dear
Will once again I lay awake
And hope to God the ache will fade?
I pray for clarity of mind
Forgotten were the vows he’d made
I was so sure I loved this man
With all my heart and strength and might
Now deep inside my soul is bruised
He threw my love away last night
Didi paused. Well, that sure sounds depressing. When she and Kevin had first met, their relationship had started out well.
On a windy night in November a year and a half ago, she’d stopped off at Barnes and Noble near closing time. She’d taken up residence on a comfy sofa in the café and been absorbed in a self-help book titled How to Find Mr. Right. With few people in the store so near closing time, she’d been enjoying the quiet bookish ambiance.
To her surprise, a tall, gorgeous man more or less her own age had sat on the couch next to her. “Excuse me, miss, but is this seat taken?” It was kind of funny because there was no one else around, and Didi hadn’t been sure how to react. This guy could have walked right out of chapter three, “Places to Meet Your Mr. Right.”
Taking a deep breath, Didi’d beamed at the handsome stranger. He’d been well-dressed in perfectly pressed khakis, a cashmere sweater, and Italian loafers, and she hadn’t wanted to waste this opportunity. How often did a great-looking man make a pass at her? Hiding the embarrassing book under her purse, she’d replied in her sweetest voice, “Well, no, I don’t believe anyone else has claimed that seat. You may consider it yours for the evening.”
And with that auspicious launch, Kevin had asked for her phone number, and they’d met a week later for dinner. Before she knew it, Didi’d been wined, dined, courted, and pursued. He’d held her hand in his and said she was special. She hadn’t really minded when Kevin had called all the shots. He was being chivalrous, wasn’t he? Old World? A man’s man? She’d been lucky to be with such a catch.
Didi pushed the chair back and searched the cabinets for something sweet. Dark chocolate would be nice. Any chocolate would be nice. Didn’t she have a single square in the house? She made do with a chocolate toaster tart and moved back into the living room. Restless, she turned on the TV and surfed for something interesting.
She stumbled upon an old Julia Roberts film, Sleeping With the Enemy, and curled her feet up on the couch. She quickly became absorbed in the plot and then wished she hadn’t bothered. Too close to home. She switched it off, but the movie had started her thinking again.
In her own relationship with Kevin, when the “constructive criticism” had begun, Didi had resolved to try harder. She’d wanted to please her sophisticated boyfriend and had worked to make small changes in herself so he’d be happy with her. Secretly, though, she couldn’t stand it when he was condescending, and she hated it when he disparaged her and made her feel inadequate and small.
She’d let her hair grow out the way he liked it, and her clothes had morphed into something demure and sedate, maybe even frumpy. He didn’t want other men to notice her. He didn’t like her friends. In most cases, he didn’t want to meet them. He wanted her all to himself. He’d made that abundantly clear. At first, it had seemed almost flattering. At first…
Now she was beginning to comprehend he was more than opinionated and domineering. He was a manipulative bully.
Rereading her poem, the tight knot in her stomach loosened. She’d sluiced out those toxic emotions in a coherent fashion. Didi patted herself on the back and prepared to hit “print.” Then a new thought sprang into her head, and quickly before she lost it, she wrote two more stanzas;
But as I lay me down to sleep
A spark of hope inside me flares
For is this such a tragedy?
To lose a man who hardly cares?
Is this a sign from God above?
Was this a tie not meant to be?
Is this relief, respite, reprieve?
A time for fishing in the sea?
She laughed. Her words wouldn’t win any prizes, but she was pleased with her efforts. She titled the poem “Time to Fish?” and printed out two copies. One went under a cat magnet on the fridge, and the other copy she folded and tucked in an envelope marked “Pat.”
She had an inkling her friend would be elated with her breakthrough. And thank God for friends like Pat. If they hadn’t talked today, Didi might have made the biggest mistake of her life. She might have opened the door and let Kevin in.
An inexplicable spark of hope had begun to glimmer, and there was a definite lightness in her spirit. She was on the mend.
* * *
Kevin drove around the block and rolled into the alley behind Didi’s house. Pounding the steering wheel, he shook. How dare she? How dare she turn him away like a flea-bitten mongrel?
He hadn’t expected her to have such nerve. Of course, that was why he was still interested in her. She was a challenge. He was already bored with little Mindy. It hadn’t taken much to get that easy chick into bed, and last week, he’d had to pluck her off like a leech after he was done with her. What a pain.
Didi’s shadow passed behind the blinds. Had he just heard a touch of fear in her voice? He hoped so.
For a year, he’d worked on that girl. She’d had the temerity to say no every time—some archaic idea concerning waiting until marriage. When he’d asked her to marry him, it was only to convince her to give in. The pricey diamond and a great deal of persistence had ultimately worn her down.
Of course, she wasn’t his usual type, but she had that sweet Christian vibe that would be good for his career at Bertram, Jennings, Smith, and Howell. His uncle, Chad Jennings, was pushing him to grow up and marry. If he was ever going to be in line for a partnership, he needed to get on with it.
Now, nothing was going right. His plan had backfired. He couldn’t believe it, but he missed Didi. Sure, he missed the sex, but he could get that anywhere. There was just something about Didi. He loved her hazel eyes. They reminded him of his mother’s.
He jiggled in his seat. He hated what she was making him do, but she’d really crossed the line. He was tempted to go back up those stairs, use his key, and teach her a lesson. Instead, he loitered in the dark until she switched her lights off for the night.
He struck the steering wheel with his fist and cursed as he pulled out of the alley.