CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Didi read books with a passion. She liked a good novel to calm her mind, soothe her soul, and give her a pleasant diversion before bed. Tonight, she needed a diversion. Pulling out one of her favorites, she dove into a mystery involving a Midwestern reporter and his two Siamese cats. As usual, the felines helped to solve the crime in their own catlike fashion, and her mind quieted as she read. The book was light and fluffy, but it captured the essence of “escape” and occupied her mind.

She read until the wee hours of the morning, trying to throw Kevin out of her head. Had that been him in the alley? Was he still watching her? She hoped with all her might that he’d ceased. She slapped her novel against the bedspread and slowly pulled the curtain back, peering between the slats in the blinds. Nothing. She inhaled and blew out a breath. In and out, in and out.

At least a dozen times during the night, she peeked out her bedroom window, but mercifully, she didn’t see him or that car again.

If it had been Kevin, then he’d most likely seen Jake leave. Was Jake in danger? Was she? Two weeks ago, Didi would have scoffed at the very idea. Tonight, she wasn’t so sure. She’d thought she knew the man she was going to marry. She’d thought he was the love of her life. She’d thought he would hold her close and keep her safe. Now he frightened her. How could she have been so wrong?

Saturday morning, Didi woke up late, sore and exhausted from a night of tossing and turning. She had a crick in her neck, and her back ached, not to mention her sluggish brain was functioning as if it was stuffed with cat fur. Aimlessly, she wandered around her apartment, the uneasiness growing. After last night’s terrific date with Jake, she should have been as high as the North Star. She should have been thinking about him, remembering the yearning in his eyes as he’d gazed at her. His look reflected her own, the longing to love and be loved. Jake made her feel wanted, and she hadn’t felt that way in a very long time.

They both had a great deal to give, and this time she was determined to share her life with someone exceptional. Was Jake that person? How could she know this soon? They’d only been out on a few dates, but it was as if she’d known him much longer.

Didi forced herself to get up and rummage through her refrigerator. She needed comfort food, and today calories didn’t count. An apple called to her. She ignored the healthy little voice and heated up some leftover macaroni and cheese. Not quite breakfast food, but it was warm and tasty. She ate in front of the TV and contemplated the merits of snuggle robes and pajama pants that could double as jeans.

Jake was picking her up at six. She should have been excited they were going out tonight. She loved being with him, loved talking to him, loved the warmth of his arms around her. Restless, she moped around. What was wrong with her? Kevin had made her anxious, and it ticked her off. He was still ruining her life.

With a shaking hand, Didi dialed Suzy’s number. When her friend didn’t pick up, she left a cryptic, pitiful message. Since it was the weekend, Michel and the kids were probably home, and Suzy was most likely busy. Her best friend wouldn’t mind if she stopped by, but Didi didn’t want to be a nuisance.

Maybe she should call Mom at the flower shop. Didi’s mother was a good one to talk to, but as delightful as it would be to tell her all about her date with Jake, her mom knew her too well. She’d know something was bothering her, and Didi didn’t want to divulge her fears concerning Kevin. Ellen O’Brien was a worrier, and Didi didn’t like to worry people.

Edgy, she perched on the couch and waited for Suzy to call back. Her head spinning, she considered some of the truths Pat had shared with her. Pat had told her that in almost every failed relationship, the failure didn’t belong to one person alone. She’d suggested that Didi figure out what had attracted her to a person who would cheat on her. Could part of the fault lie with her? Was she so desperate for attention that she’d allowed Kevin to hurt her? She didn’t want to be needy with Jake. She didn’t want her own forlorn search for a mate to cloud what could turn out to be real love.

Maisie hopped up in her lap and thrust her head under Didi’s hand. “Hi, pretty girl,” Didi whispered as she scratched her behind the ears. “Your mom has been a very stupid woman. Am I too hopeless for a first-rate guy like Jake? What do I do now?”

Her cell phone rang. Suzy to the rescue. Thank you, God. She answered on the first ring. “Hey, Suzy.”

“Didi, are you okay? Your message sounded pathetic.” Leave it to Suzy to cut to the chase.

“And pathetic is how I feel. Honestly, I’m a mess. I’m waking up, I think, in more ways than one, but my brain won’t stop whirling around.”

“Do you want to come over? Michel’s out buying new tiles for the bathroom renovation, so I’ll have the kids. I think I could persuade them to watch the latest Disney movie for the umpteenth time. That should give us an uninterrupted hour—minus bathroom and snack breaks.”

“Am I to understand being a mother is not all punch and popsicles?”

“Right you are, and some days are harder than others. Today’s not bad, though.”

“Percy all right?” Didi moved back to her bedroom to search for a clean pair of jeans. Past time to get out of her pajamas.

“Percy’s a great deal better. Thank you for asking. He’s back on normal food again and running around underfoot. He’ll be glad to see you.”

“Wonderful. Happiness is a warm, wiggly puppy. I’d love to come over.” Didi snatched a sweater out of the drawer. Taking a deep breath for the first time in hours, she swept her hair back from her face. Help was on the way, or to be more precise, she was on her way to the help.

“Come whenever. I’ll have the boys out of the tub in half an hour. They were playing Cowboys and Indians, and someone got the bright idea Greek yogurt would make wonderful face paint.”

Didi couldn’t help but laugh. “They are creative, aren’t they? See you soon.”

* * *

An hour later, Didi and Suzy sat on the brown leather couch in Suzy’s family room. It was a good place to unravel, unwind, and unburden. Didi started at the beginning and related the last chapter of the Kevin story to a patient, compassionate Suzy. This time, she didn’t make any excuses for the glaring holes in her ex-boyfriend’s character. She told her friend the truth.

As they sat together on the buttery-soft cowhide, Suzy glowered. “Kevin was in your house without your permission? And he broke your cat figurine? I’d be furious if anyone destroyed something so precious to me on purpose. Furious.”

“He scared Maisie, but she’s fine. I was shocked he could be so mean. I knew he had a temper, but I’d never seen him so angry.” Didi curled her legs under her and slumped on the pillows.

Suzy swiveled around to be sure that none of the kids were in the vicinity. “He told you that Mindy was better in bed? What a cruel thing to say.” Her voice lowered as her face clouded. “I didn’t realize you two had slept together. It must be terrible to break off an engagement, but to have been that intimate…that must make it doubly painful.”

Didi hunched her shoulders. “Sleeping with Kevin was a bad decision. I should have known better.”

“You must feel so deceived. You’ve been keeping all this to yourself?”

“Pat’s helping me think things through. It was stupid to let him use me, but I guess I was afraid he’d leave me if I didn’t give in. We were moving toward a wedding, and I thought he’d love me forever. Suzy, I’ve prayed, and I know in my head I’m forgiven, but my heart still aches.” Didi shot up from the couch and paced around the room. “Somehow, I missed all the signs he was cruel, uncaring, callous, and controlling. Were we ever the perfect couple I thought we were? Hardly. What did I do? I had sex with the man. I’ve been such an idiot. I can hardly stand myself.”

Suzy strode toward the stairs and raised a finger. “Hold that thought.”

Puzzled, Didi tumbled back down in her seat.

A moment later, Suzy returned with a sleeping dog. She handed Percy to Didi. “Here. This will make you feel better.”

Taking the pup in her arms, Didi burst out laughing. “Here I was expecting you to come up with a mini-sermon on the forgiveness of a loving God.”

Suzy grinned at her. “You’re about to get one. You see that puppy in your lap? Percy was a very wayward dog. He ate something bad for him, and as a result, he got sick. He was slumpy for days afterward.” Suzy leaned back on the couch cushions and ruffled Percy’s silky-smooth ears. “This little guy should be dead, but the vet saved his life. Do I still love him? Sure. Do I forgive him? Yes. I love him despite his willful puppy heart, and I forgive him because he’s mine.” Suzy stroked the dachshund’s sweet head.

“Yeah, I get that. But…?”

“Didi, you did something that you knew was wrong, but you’ve asked for forgiveness, and you have it. Believe it. You’re God’s child, and He loves you like crazy. If I can forgive an errant dog, don’t you think God can forgive you just as easily?”

A wide grin stole across Didi’s face. “I guess you’re right.”

“I am. That’s what mercy is all about. We don’t deserve it, but God freely gives it to us.”

Didi considered Suzy’s words. It sounded simple. God forgave her. “But what do I do now?”

“Forgive yourself, and grieve the loss of a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. Then heal, learn, and soldier on.” Suzy cocked an ear toward the living room. “Hold on while I check on the kids. I can hear the movie ending.”

Percy stretched and woke up. Didi had forgotten how hard baby animals slept. “You are a cute one.” She cradled the puppy in her arms and laughed as he licked her face. “No more chocolate, okay? It would break Suzy’s heart if you got sick again.”

While Didi breathed in the new puppy smell, Suzy made some snacks for the kids and shooed them back into the living room.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Thanks, but no. Believe it or not, I have another date with Jake tonight.” Didi couldn’t help but perk up at the thought. In fact, her outlook on life was a great deal sunnier since talking with Suzy.

“Man, oh, man. Two nights in a row?”

“Yep.”

“How’s that going? I like your new boyfriend.”

Boyfriend? Didi hadn’t thought of Jake like that before. “I guess you could call him my boyfriend. And we’re doing great. Surprisingly, Pat didn’t disapprove of my dating him. In fact, after finding out what a great person Jake is, Pat was hopeful he could turn out to be good for me. He got some extra points, by the way, for helping you and Percy.”

“Makes him a hero in my book. Michel wants to meet him sometime to say thank you. What else did Pat say about Jake?”

“She did have some serious cautions, of course. The key is to take it slow and make thoughtful decisions. She said if Jake didn’t work out, he would at least give me more dating practice.” Didi fervently hoped he “worked out.” Each time she saw him, he captured more of her heart.

“Well, tell Pat he has my vote.”

“Mine, too. I am going to take this slow.” I hope. “I don’t have any intention of rushing into anything.”

“Uh-huh.” Suzy gave her a sideways glance. “Don’t fall too fast, Didi. Even if he’s the greatest guy in the world, you need time.”

A loud crash sounded upstairs, and they both jumped.

Suzy clapped her hands. “Michel must be home. I hope that wasn’t the sound of my Moroccan Desert floor tile smashing to pieces.” She laughed and shook her head.

“Should we go check?”

“Nah. I would have heard a shout if he needed help. Bangs and clangs are the beautiful sounds of a good man at work. If that good man doesn’t get the bathroom fixed today, I’m calling a good plumber.” Suzy tapped a foot and crossed her arms.

“Now sounds like a good time to make my exit.” Didi raised her hands up over her head and stretched. “I have to get home and get ready for my date anyway.”

The two ambled to the door, and Suzy hauled her into a hug. “I’m sorry this is so hard, but you do know you’re blessed not to have married Kevin, right?”

“I know, and I’m immensely thankful. I’m also thankful for a chance with someone new…someone new like Jake.”

“See you tomorrow at church?”

“I’m planning on it. I’ll tell you everything then. We’re going to have dinner with some friends of his.”

“Really? He’s showing you off to his friends already? That has to be a good sign. See you tomorrow.” Suzy squashed her in another warm hug.

Didi breathed a huge sigh of relief. Life was much better now that she’d talked to a trusted friend. She headed for home.

As she drove through the streets of Airy Ridge, her spirits lifted. Maybe she wasn’t too messed up to be with someone. Maybe she was good enough for Jake. This morning, she’d questioned if she was good enough for anyone. For the first time, she considered, was Jake—or any future date—good enough for her?

She also pondered what Suzy had said regarding mercy. It had made sense this time. She’d truly been forgiven, and all she’d had to do was ask.

* * *

Didi rolled into her driveway, averting her gaze from the other side of the road. Kevin had been right across the street late last night. At least, she’d thought it was Kevin. Was it only a trick of the light? She could have been wrong…but deep down, she knew she wasn’t.

She’d wanted to tell Suzy what was happening with Kevin and her ominous suspicions, but she hadn’t known quite what to say. She hadn’t in reality been threatened, at least not lately. She should talk to Jake about it, but how would she explain her paranoid feelings? She debated the pros and cons and finally decided to tell him all about Kevin, maybe tonight. Jake would help her figure it out. But should she trust him so soon? Somehow, she already did, and it bothered her a little.

Men could be strange creatures that caused great pain. Or they could be strong and loving, like her dad. She’d have to be careful with her choices.