“How are you holding up?” Elise sends me a glance full of curiosity as we meander down my favorite path that winds along the cliffs. There isn’t a cloud in sight—not even threatening on the horizon. Despite the mild weather, a breeze stirs the cotton skirt around my legs.
“I’m okay,” I reply, relishing the clothing against my skin. It’s a decadent feeling I took for granted until now.
“I can’t believe he made you attend dinner naked.” Elise chews on her lip, and I sense the nervousness hovering underneath her outer calm, as if she’s preparing herself for a harrowing account of my time spent in the House of Virgo since the incident at dinner.
“Things started off rocky with Miles.” The breeze picks up, and I meet her baby blues as a tiny braid grazes my lashes. “But these last few days have been uneventful.”
Uneventful, boring, and frustrating. Each day, I resist Miles’ advances, and each day I watch another sunrise and sunset without spending a minute inside my studio.
“I’d rather talk about you,” I say, glancing at the subtle swell of her abdomen. “How’s the pregnancy going?”
She rests a hand on her stomach, and something about the gesture brings an ache to my throat. Despite living with the horrendous assault that created the life growing inside of her, she covers her belly with a protective hand.
“I think I felt him move yesterday.”
“Him?”
With a smile, she shrugs. “Just a feeling.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy.”
Her grin slips a little. “I am, for the most part.” She gives me a sheepish look. “I miss the honeymoon. We just got back, but Landon’s already left on a business trip.”
“He cares about you, Elise. I know it’s hard to be apart, but he’s devoted to you and the baby.”
A fist of melancholy constricts my heart. No matter what Sebastian says, a part of him will always belong to Lilith now. My expression must speak volumes, because Elise tilts her head, sympathy softening her features.
“Sebastian told us about Lilith.”
We walk for a full minute without saying a word, the sun at high noon shining on our companionable silence. I come to a halt and gaze at the sea. From this viewpoint, the waves almost appear calm—a gentle push and pull that’s incongruent with the powerful force of gravity. The setting is an illusion of serenity, because under the surface lies an undertow just waiting to yank the weak into chaos.
But I’m not weak. If I’ve learned anything from the past five months, it’s that I’m stronger than I ever imagined.
“When I first found out, I was shocked.” Brushing my hair out of my eyes, I meet Elise’s expectant gaze. “Then I was hurt and angry. I don’t know how he’s going to handle the situation, but after thinking about nothing else since I found out, I know I can’t stop loving him.”
She nods as if she knows what I’m talking about. “I’m pretty sure he feels the same.”
“I know he does,” I say, recalling how he teared up when it came time for me to leave his house. It’s only been days, but it feels longer.
“I’m glad you believe there’s hope for you two,” Elise says, looking over my shoulder. “Because he wants to talk to you.”
“What?” My eyes going wide, I whirl and find the subject of our conversation walking toward us on the path. I turn back to Elise, jaw clenched.
“Don’t be mad,” she pleads. “Landon thought the two of you should have some time to talk.”
“So today was just a ruse?” I wave my hand between her and me. “I needed a friend, Elise. Not a meddler.” As his footfalls near, shoes crunching over debris on the path, my former lady takes a step back.
“You need to talk to him. I’ll wait over there.” She points toward a bench several yards away. “Take all the time you need, my queen.”
“I’m not your queen,” I call after her, knowing the protest will dig under her skin. It’s petty, but so is the sense of betrayal rising in my throat, and I can hold back neither. After Elise is out of earshot, Sebastian halts at my side.
“You shouldn’t have come.” I fold my arms, averting my gaze from the tempting sight of him. It hurts too much to be this close without being allowed to touch him.
“No, I shouldn’t have let you go without having this conversation.”
I shoot him a surreptitious look, and that’s when I notice the yellowing bruises along his cheekbone. Forgetting my ire and my place, I reach for his face.
“Miles didn’t tell me he returned the punch.” As my fingers trace the bruises, he folds his hand around my wrist and gently pushes me away.
“I’m surprised he told you anything at all.”
“He’s told me more than you have,” I accuse, turning to face him so Elise’s chaperone of a gaze is at my back.
“Did he tell you we came to an understanding?”
“What kind of understanding?”
“If he doesn’t treat you with respect, I’ll put him in the hospital next time.”
That explains the change in Miles I witnessed the morning after dinner, and his subsequent call for a truce. Part of me grows warm at knowing Sebastian is protecting me, even now. The other part wants to slap him upside the head for demanding that another man show me respect without doing the same himself.
“Respect. Yes, let’s talk about that.” I hold his brilliant blue gaze, ignoring how his hair rustles in the breeze, begging for the comb of my fingers. “Did you figure it out yet?”
“Figure what out?”
“If your duty is to me or Lilith.”
“I already answered you, princess.” He grits his teeth, as if trying to temper his anger. “The morning you left, I made it clear where I stand.”
“You want me, yes, but you didn’t think it was important to share details, so what am I supposed to think or believe?”
With an exhale, he lets go of the anger. “I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came here to talk.”
“Then talk.”
“Opening up has never been easy for me, Novalee.”
“I understand that.” Without elaborating, I take a step back, my stance remaining firm. If he wants forgiveness, then he needs to spill the entire truth and his reasons for keeping it from me.
“Okay,” he says with a decisive nod. “Lilith has no interest in being a mother.”
I spin his words in my mind, studying them from every angle, but I still can’t make sense of them. “But you said she’s keeping the baby.”
“She’s continuing the pregnancy, but she doesn’t want to raise a child.”
I blink, completely thrown because his explanation is the last thing I expected. “So what does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to be a father.” He pauses, letting three heavy seconds pass. “And this baby is going to need a mother, Novalee.”
In a land where men rule, women are subservient, and children are used to propagate such a vicious cycle, I can’t help but wonder how Lilith is allowed to walk away from her own offspring. How can she do it when Sebastian can’t bring himself to do the same? The role reversal shakes the ground under my feet, because I feared he was like the rest of the men in the Brotherhood.
A liar.
A keeper of secrets.
A masterful architect of betrayal.
But he is different, taking responsibility when he doesn’t have to—when the law of the land doesn’t require him to.
“Are you telling me you want to raise this baby…with me?”
His lips twitch into a hint of a grin. “Who else would I want to raise a child with?”
“I thought…I feared this would come between us.”
“That was my fear, too.” He’s hesitant, taking a step toward me, narrowing the distance. “Landon accepted Elise’s child as his own without a second thought, and I didn’t understand how he did it so easily. I thought you wouldn’t want to do this with me, and I wanted to choose you so badly, but I can’t turn my back. I just…I can’t.”
“I want you, Sebastian, and anything that comes with you.” I’d give anything to take his face in my hands, to feel his lips on mine and his strength surrounding my body.
The urge is intense, but we’re out in the open where anyone can spot us. Blinking back tears, I retreat, my gaze glued to the waves several hundred feet below the cliffs.
“Jesus, princess. I’d hold you right now if I could.”
Biting my lip, I nod. “You can’t.”
Too much is at stake.
He brushes his hair back. “The rest of this year is going to be hell. That place is empty without you.” He nods in the direction of the tower. “The highlight of my fucking day is watching you walk.”
“You’ve been watching me?” While Miles spends his mornings pounding the pavement on the road winding down the hillside, I’m drawn to the cliffs. Or maybe, on some subconscious level, I knew Sebastian was looking down from those windows. It’s the only connection we’re allowed now that I’m no longer in his house.
“I lost count of the times I almost came down here to talk to you, but I…” With a sigh, he swings his attention to Elise. “I only have so much self-control, and it’s imperative I keep my goddamn hands off of you.”
Said hands fist at his sides, a visual of a desperate fight for control.
I suck in a breath, my heart skipping a beat. “I should go,” I say, taking a step toward Elise, seeking her presence as sanctuary against the temptation standing before me.
“Wait.”
“Sebastian—” The protest dies on my lips as he pulls me close, his hollow breaths fanning over my face.
Slowly, he lets go of my hand, but not before his warm fingers imprint on my own, leaving behind a phantom caress that tingles through my nerve-endings long after he withdraws his touch.
“That morning, before you left…” Swallowing hard, he tucks a braid behind my ear. “I meant what I said. There’s no one else. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”
His vow makes it difficult to find my voice, and when I do, it’s a choked sound of heartbreak. “I’ll be as loyal to you as I can.”
Guilt winds around my heart as I think of the nights I’ve shared a bed with someone else, naked and intimate, despite Miles never setting a finger on me. But eventually, he’ll get what he wants. They all will.
“Don’t let your mind drag you down, princess.” A tick goes off in his jaw. “I can’t say I’m not jealous as hell, but it’s not your fault.” Sticking his hands in his pockets, he backs away. “You should go before I kiss the shit out of you.”
There’s a note of vulnerability in his voice, a dangerous tone that threatens to weaken my resolve until I take what I want, consequences be damned. Before I make a mistake fatal to our future, I pivot and head toward Elise.
Walking away from Sebastian feels final this time, and as my eyes sting with fresh tears, I remind myself that seven months is nothing compared to a lifetime with him.
But right now, my fragile heart doesn’t know the difference.