CHAPTER 11

gray: ready position

If my life looked more like my Pinterest board, I’d be all set. I’d be a DIY queen (I’ve never done a DIY project in my life), have my house decorated to the nines for even the most secondary holidays (I can barely get my Christmas wreath up before December 15), and be able to bake a professional-looking wedding cake in an hour or less (I don’t even need to clarify this one). But my smoothie recipes? My smoothie recipes I referenced religiously.

Diana looked a little sleepy in the kitchen this morning, making one of the aforementioned Pinterest smoothies. “It’s Sunday,” I said. “I don’t think I can be clearer that you don’t have to work every day.”

She turned to me like I was dumb and said, “Maybe I want to see Wagner. And I’ll work more if I want to. Get over it.”

As Wagner walked into the kitchen, I said, “Okay! Prepare to be dominated.” I bounced up and down in mock ready position.

He rolled his eyes.

“Ah, there’s the eight-year-old I know.”

“I made you your favorite,” Diana whispered to Wagner.

He brightened. “The one that tastes like apple pie?”

She smiled like she was so proud and nodded. She sipped from her own straw and handed me a glass, saying, “You too.”

I took a sip, closed my eyes, and groaned. “Amazing.”

Diana looked the same, but I sensed that something was up with her. Something was a bit different. She seemed… lighter somehow.

“Y’all get out of here,” she said. “Don’t want to keep the tennis pro waiting.” She smiled at me slyly, and I tried not to laugh.

A few minutes later, I parked beside the row of tennis courts on the water. It was a hot day, but the breeze coming off the sound made it almost refreshing.

“Well, well, well,” Andrew said as Wagner stepped out of the car. “Decided to take me up on my little wager, huh?”

“Yeah!” Wagner said. “Me and Johnny are going to wipe the court with you! Look who I brought you to play with.” He pointed at me and snickered.

Andrew winked at me. “You never know. Maybe I like playing with your mom. Maybe she’s got moves you don’t know about.” I smirked, and he cleared his throat. “On the court.”

Wagner looked at me like I was a hairball on the carpet and said, “Yeah, right. Good luck, dude.” He took off running toward Johnny.

“Hey, guys, the old lady and I are going into my office to strategize a little bit.”

They were already ignoring us. Andrew pulled me into the tiny house that served as his pro shop, and I could feel the chill bumps on my arms as they hit the air-conditioning. “Holy hell,” he said, kissing me. “They might beat us because all I can think about is those legs in that skirt.”

I smiled. “This was not my idea, just so you know.”

He laughed and kissed my neck.

“You’re so cute with the boys,” I said. “Thanks for that. They need good role models.”

Andrew looked at me and said, “I think I love you.” Then his eyes got wide, and he put his hand over his mouth. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

I stood stock-still as if maybe if I didn’t move we could erase what had just happened.

Andrew filled the silence. “But I think I do. And I just can’t stop.”

The energy in the room changed in that instant, as I felt all the color drain from my face. My heart was racing as I turned and said, “Let’s go play now, okay?” and flew out the door.

It had only been a couple of months. It was too soon. Too soon with Andrew. Too soon for someone else to tell me he loved me. Too soon for me to admit that he was more than a summer fling.

“All right, amateurs.” Andrew pointed his racket at me. “I have the weakest player, and I’m going to play left-handed. I’m still going to destroy you!”

Wagner laughed. “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.”

“And you know what?” Andrew said. “Forget the spin. You choose whether you want to serve or receive, give you even more of an advantage.”

“Serve!” Wagner and Johnny said simultaneously.

They met in the middle of the court. Wagner was so happy.

“Which side you want?” Andrew asked me.

“I don’t know, lefty. Which is best for you?”

He tried not to grin, but he did, just a little, and, oh my gosh, I wanted to wrap him up and kiss him all over right then and there. I motioned with my finger for him to come closer.

“I’m sorry, Gray,” he said. “I really am. I know I shouldn’t have said that, so let’s not let it make things weird.”

I nodded, and I thought about how Andrew had been so supportive on those nights away from Wagner when I’d been so sad, how he always said and did exactly the right thing. “Look. What I’ve always said about us being a summer fling and all that, that still stands.”

“I know.”

“So don’t take this the wrong way.” My face hardened, and I could see his fall. “But I think I might love you a little too.”

He grinned, pointed his racket at me, and, backing toward his side, said, “I knew it, Gray Howard. I knew it was only a matter of time.”

Even in that happy moment, it made me sad to realize that I knew it too. He was adorable. But this wasn’t going anywhere. It was only a matter of time.

diana: north

I couldn’t figure out why I was trying to keep Frank out of the picture, why I’d told him I had to go to Gray’s that morning when I knew she wasn’t expecting me. It was like I woke up and everything I had dreamed of over the past twenty years had happened. It was exactly like I’d imagined it. Magical. Perfect. Hot. In a lot of ways, it was like no time had passed at all. Well, I mean, my boobs were a hell of a lot lower and my ass was kind of jiggly, but otherwise everything was the same.

As I was cleaning out the blender, I was mulling over what had me so panicked. All I’d thought about forever was him. I hated saying it even to myself, but Frank was the whole reason I never got married. Well, plus the fact that I had managed to attract every loser on the East Coast. I sprayed off the counter and took a real deep breath. It was time to go back. It was time to get that happiness I’d dreamed about all this time.

Frank was just sitting there at that cute kitchen table, and when I walked in, before I’d even got in the door good, he said, “Diana, we’ve spent too many years apart to play around like this now. I want our life together to start now. I want us to get to know each other again.”

I wanted it too, but something in me needed just a little time to get my bearings, like I’d been thrust out in the middle of the ocean and was trying to figure which way was north. I went over to make the bed and began tidying up before I turned to look at him. “But what if you don’t like the ‘old’ me?”

He smiled. “I don’t see anyone old in this room.”

I was spraying off the already clean countertops when Frank pulled me to him, the bottle and paper towels trapped between us. He kissed me, and, oh my Lord, how I had prayed for that kiss, how I had longed for it, pined for it, wished up and down for it to be mine again. I dropped that bottle to the floor and wrapped myself all around him. Frank hoisted me onto the counter, and I couldn’t help but feel like we were making up for lost time.

“Hey,” he whispered, “do we need to worry about, you know, protection?”

I shook my head, thinking that if he was worried about me getting pregnant today, maybe he should’ve thought about it a little bit last night too. “No,” I said. “I can’t get pregnant.”

I was so caught up in the moment that I only thought about it for a second. That day Robin had sped down the road with me half hallucinating in the passenger seat, my fever was so high. I don’t even really remember much, just that IV in my arm and finally starting to sweat the fever away and that doctor saying that I’d got some kind of infection, and I wouldn’t ever have any kids of my own. It had messed me up, sure. But, way deep down, I’d felt kind of relieved. I mean, my momma, she’d left all us kids to fend for ourselves, just left us like the garbage on the back porch. At least I’d never be that kind of momma.

I felt my hands unbuttoning his pants as if by memory, and, somehow, now that Frank was here, now that Frank was back, none of that mattered anymore. I wanted to be cautious. I wanted to take it slow. I wanted not to make a mistake. But I had spent years waiting for this man.

What seemed like hours later, I was kissing Frank good-bye at the bottom of the steps. “Diana, please,” he said, “I know you. Don’t go back up there and get all in your own head and decide you’re not sure. This is right. This is us. This is it. Just be sure, okay?”

I smiled. “Okay, Frank. I have to take a breath to think about it all. I can’t just rush into it again. I got my heart broke real bad last time.”

He kissed me and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. “But last time I didn’t know, Di. Last time we were kids. Last time we were making all our mistakes. I’m done with mistakes. I only want to make it right with us.”

Butterflies and sighs. I didn’t think of myself as one of those sappy women, but, damn. When a man talks to you like that, it’s hard not to feel kind of sucked in. He opened the door and walked outside.

I heard Gray’s voice say, “Oh, hi.”

I walked out real quick to introduce them, but Frank was already shaking her hand. “I’m a friend of Diana’s.”

She winked at me and said, “I’m a friend of Diana’s too. Nice to meet you.”

“I’ll call you later, Di,” he said as he walked to his car.

Gray and I stood in the driveway looking at each other, but as soon as the ignition cranked, she said, “Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? Who is that?”

“That,” I said, “is the one who got away.”

“Only now he’s come back.”

I nodded.

“So why are you not driving off into the sunset with him?”

I just shrugged—but when I really examined my reasons, I had to admit that it had more than a little something to do with her.