CHAPTER 23

gray: the very best year of your life

It was the day I had been dreading. Only, as the sun came up and the water gleamed outside the window and Andrew was beside me, I realized that maybe it wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought.

Diana came by early and handed me a cake. “Before you get all sassy, I am still perfectly capable of making cake. I’m pregnant, not on my deathbed.” She winked at me. Then she paused, her face changing. “This is bad timing,” she said, “but can we forget it’s your birthday for five minutes?”

I crossed my arms. “I’m trying to.”

“I lied to you.”

I could feel my heart racing. Diana had become one of my best friends in the world. More than that. She had become my protective big sister, the mother figure I had needed so desperately.

“Bill Marcus didn’t fire me because of you.”

Ohhhhh. I put on my most confident face and could feel myself blinking really fast. “Well, I’m disappointed that you felt you needed to lie to me, but I’m ready to move forward.”

She studied my face. “Oh. So you did know.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She nodded. “Okay, so that’s how you’re going to play it?”

“It is indeed.”

“Thank you, Gray. I’m grateful. Truly.”

I could feel myself welling up, mostly because I felt grateful. She’d made me feel like I had somebody again, like I had a person to count on no matter what, to turn to with anything. But I didn’t have to say it because I knew she knew. And now I knew I could trust her. I knew I could get what I had been thinking off my chest. “Di, you were right,” I said.

She smiled. “Aren’t I always?” She paused. “But why now?”

“I was so mad at my mom.”

She nodded.

“I felt so abandoned by her. But you changed all that for me. You made me see that my mom wasn’t choosing to leave me. That’s just how it ended up. You and your mom made me see that I had to move forward from those feelings, even if it was hard.”

And it was true. “Well, good. That’s something, right?” She got up and hugged me.

“You have helped my heart so much,” I said.

“Okay,” she said. “Enough. Birthday back on! Am I the first to tell you happy birthday?”

A scantily-clad-as-usual Andrew entered the room and said, “Oh, believe you me, Diana, I made sure this one had a very pleasant entrance into her thirty-fifth year.”

I grinned at him. I wanted to tell him that I was actually beginning my thirty-sixth year, but that made me feel even older, so I let it go.

Diana said, “Gross,” but I could tell she was amused.

The back door flung open and Price, Marcy, and Quinn trailed in with three bottles of champagne, singing, “Happy birthday to you…”

And, as a familiar figure came in on their heels, I squealed, “Trey!”

I leaned over on Andrew, who wrapped me up and planted a kiss on me. “Is this happening?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s happening,” he said. “But if it makes you feel any better, I think your ass is tighter now than it was at thirty-four.”

“That would make me feel better,” Marcy said.

Quinn popped a cork and said, “Yay for thirty-five-year-old asses!”

“Guys,” I said, “I love y’all. But it’s eight a.m. Could you come back at, like, noon?”

Price looked at me like I had lost my mind. “You’ll need to be well lubricated by noon to ensure that the thirty-five depression doesn’t set in.” He handed me a glass of champagne and gave Andrew the up-and-down. “Jesus,” he said. “I think I’m pretty much the most amazing thing ever, so to say I’m in a deep depression right now isn’t an understatement.”

I looked at him, confused.

“You left me for that?”

I examined Andrew’s perfectly defined abs and muscular arms, precious dimples, and that gorgeous face. Damn, he was hot. It never got old. “It’s not only because he looks like a model,” I said seriously.

“Yeah,” Andrew said, yawning. “She loves me for my brilliant mind.”

We all had glasses. Quinn raised hers and said, “To my sister, the most beautiful thirty-five-year-old I’ve ever known.”

We clinked glasses and drank. Well, Diana didn’t drink.

“To my best friend,” Marcy said. I braced myself for something raunchy or inappropriate, so it surprised me when she said, “Who is positively timeless.”

Diana raised her eyebrows at me, also surprised.

Price raised his glass. “To Gray, who put me in my place by dumping me for Mr. Universe.”

We all laughed. “Don’t forget he’s a professional athlete too,” Marcy said.

“Thanks, babe. That really helps ease the sting.”

Trey raised his glass. “To the woman who has taught me everything I know.”

I put my hand on my heart. “I didn’t,” I said.

He shook his head. “You did.”

Diana said, “Okay, I guess it’s me.” She sighed, tears welling up in her eyes. “To Gray, who took a woman off the street and gave her her life back. I’ll never forget it.”

I could feel the tears in my eyes too. I hugged her. “Diana, I didn’t give you your life back. You did that all on your own.” I wiped her tears and said, “And, truth be told, I feel like you’re the one who gave me my life back.”

“Couldn’t talk you out of dating a damn teenager,” she said.

“Hey,” Andrew said.

I walked back over to Andrew, and he said, “Mine is simple. To Gray, the woman who was meant for me. May you look back on this as the very best year of your life.”

“Hear! Hear!” Marcy shouted.

Eight sixteen. One glass of champagne down. Several batches of tears. Thirty-fifth birthday right on track.

I had the joyous pleasure of being treated to a lovely lunch by my precious son, my darling boyfriend… and my estranged husband and his fiancée. This was the new normal.

Late that afternoon, Andrew said, “You want to go over to the beach and go for a walk?”

I nodded. “Sure. I’m thirty-five now. Need to be getting those steps in.”

A few minutes later, I was slipping my shoes off and putting my toes in the sand. Andrew and I walked for a while in silence. I’m generally not much of a reflector, but it seemed like a good time to reflect, with the waves crashing on the shore. My first thirty-five years had been good to me. College. An amazing company. A first marriage that had been pretty good. The best kid on earth. Andrew swooping into my life. Next thirty-five, I said to myself, you have a lot to live up to.

Interrupting my thoughts, Andrew said, “Well, my love, I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m never sleeping with a woman in her early thirties again.”

I punched him lightly on the arm. “I’m grateful, you know. Like, on the one hand, I’m so grateful that I’m here, and I’m happy and alive and at this point in my life.” I could feel my breath catching in my throat as I said, “You know, my brother didn’t get this chance. So I’m thankful for every day.” I paused. “But still, it’s like the end of my youth or something.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I get it.”

He stopped walking and looked at me, squinting from the setting sun in his face. He kissed me. “Gray, I’m going to love you until you’re one hundred and fifteen. I swear I am.”

I wanted to argue with him, but why? It was my birthday, and it felt nice.

He brushed the hair out of my face and kissed me again, lightly this time, so sweetly it almost brought tears to my eyes. “Do you want to marry me?” he asked. “I mean, I know you don’t want to get married now. But ever?”

Looking at him with the last light of the day glowing on his face, I thought I did. But did I? Really? I wasn’t sure I wanted anyone to be that much a part of Wagner’s life. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to put myself in a position to be that close to someone again. So I said, very truthfully, “I don’t know. Maybe one day?”

He nodded and winked at me. “Girl, I got nothin’ but time.”

We both laughed.

He sat down on the sand and patted for me to sit down beside him. “I knew from the first minute I saw you at the tennis court that I was going to be with you for the rest of my life. It was just this moment, and I knew that you were it for me.” He grinned at me. “And you haven’t made it easy, Gray. But I swore in that moment that I would do anything I had to do, that I would fight for you.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder, the waves crashing to the shore making me feel so content. He handed me a rectangular box. Not a tiny one, thank God.

I smiled delightedly. “And what is this?”

“Just a little something,” he said.

I tore into the paper, and when I opened it, there was a key with a gold circle around it. I picked up the bracelet first. It was a gold bangle that matched my others, with the most beautiful white opals, my birthstone, instead of diamonds or rubies.

I gasped. “How did you…?”

“Let’s just say I had to go pay Greg a visit to find out who made your other ones, and if you’ve ever questioned my love for you, there’s no need to continue to do so.” He paused and helped me slide the bracelet on my wrist. “I thought it might help you remember that you have to take care of yourself sometimes too.”

I kissed him. “It is perfect. I’ve never loved anything more.”

Then I raised my eyebrow and held up the key.

“You know those condos on the beach beside the Straits Club?” I nodded. “I bought us one.”

I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but there was no way I was going to move in with him.

“I just thought,” he continued, “that with Greg and Brooke right next door, you might need a break sometimes. This way, you’ll have a place to go when you need to escape.” I didn’t say anything, so he kept talking. “I hope that you’ll marry me one day, and I figured we would live at your house, but in the meantime…”

I smiled at him. “There has never been a more thoughtful man. I love that you did this for me. It’s incredible.” Then I looked at him questioningly. “Are you growing pot in your basement?”

He laughed. “Let’s just say that I’ve been winning tournaments since I was eleven. My dad finally helped me invest some of my winnings.” He paused. “Speaking of, can we go to my parents’? They want to tell you happy birthday.”

I laughed at his enthusiasm. “Of course.” We were only a few houses away.

As I walked up the steps, feeling my way as the sun had all but set, I realized that the house looked dark. “I don’t think they’re home, sweetie.”

“Well, let’s just check.”

We were still holding hands as he opened the door and flicked on the lights.

It took me a minute to register that everyone I loved in the whole world was standing in that room shouting, “Surprise!” at me.

Wagner came running from the crowd, and I kissed him. He and Andrew high-fived. “Good work, little man,” Andrew said.

“Yeah, Mom,” Wagner said. “I was in charge of getting all the lights off and making everyone be quiet. Were you surprised?”

I looked at Andrew. “I have to say that everything about the last few hours has been a gigantic surprise. Yes.”

June came over and gave her son a huge hug and kiss, and Henry did the same for me. June held both of my cheeks in her hands as she said, “I told you he loved you.”

I eyed Price as he shook Andrew’s hand. “You got yourself a good one here,” Price said. He stood up very straight and added, “You know when she leaves me for you, she’s in love.”

We all laughed, and Price said in a shout-whisper to Marcy, “I can’t say it enough: I wish he had been a little shorter or a little less good-looking.”

I kissed my dad—and his new “companion,” as he called her. Mary had brought him a casserole, and that was that. I took a deep breath and told myself that I was a big girl and that I wanted him to be happy. But my subconscious still whispered hussy when I looked her way.

She took my hand in both of hers and kissed my cheek. “Happy birthday, dear,” she said. She smelled like Thymes Goldleaf. I loved that scent and had decided that it would most certainly be my fragrance of choice in my grandmother years.

I smiled tightly. “Thank you.”

She patted my hand and said, “I just want you to know that I think your dad is a fine man, but my Timmy was the love of my life, my one husband, same as your mother was for your father.”

I could feel my eyes welling, and I felt a little guilty for thinking she was a hussy.

“I know you’re a grown woman,” Mary said, “but I think even a grown woman needs to know that another woman is not trying to replace her mother—or be the new woman in her father’s life.”

I put my hand up. “You don’t have to—”

She smiled warmly. “But I do, dear. I do.”

And, well, she was right. I did feel better after that.

I would talk to them all that night. Dad and Quinn, Diana and Frank, Mary Ellen, Megan, and the rest of the girls. But as I kissed Andrew, to the delight of the onlooking surprisers, I realized that something my mom had told me all those years ago was true: it doesn’t have to look perfect to be perfect for you.

Probably the best part of the whole night was when my dad came up and whispered in my ear, “How did my little girl get to be thirty-five?” I squeezed his hand, and I knew that things between us might not ever be like they were between my mom and me. But we were trying. We were figuring it out. And, with family, I believe with my whole heart that that’s what counts.

Despite my shock at the party, it was actually Greg who gave me the biggest surprise of the night. “I have a gift for you,” he said, interrupting Dad. He put an envelope in my hand. I raised my eyebrow.

“I’ve accepted the terms of the settlement that, weirdly, Marcy negotiated.”

I gasped. “No! Are you serious? Don’t toy with me, Greg.”

He laughed. “I’m not. And I signed your damn noncompete.” He cleared his throat. “Brooke and I talked about it, and she helped me see that you’re right. It’s your company. You deserve it. I still want my money and—”

I shocked him silent by throwing my arms around him. It was like a million pounds had flown off my shoulders. No court date. No fighting. We could be finished. We could move on. “As a husband, you really sucked, but as an almost ex-husband, you’re pretty great.”

He was saying, “Um, thanks, I guess.…” as I turned to go tell Andrew.

Later that night, so late that it was actually early the next morning, Marcy, Quinn, Diana, and I were sitting in my kitchen. “You want a snack?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Diana said. “Always.”

“But since we’re getting a little”—Marcy dropped her voice and whispered, “older,” then grinned at me—“maybe we could make it something healthy.” I opened the sparse fridge, almost excited about taking Wagner to the grocery store the next day to fill it up. I was officially turning over a new cooking leaf. I took out a couple of apples and a jar of peanut butter.

“I can cut the apples,” Quinn said.

“No!” we all responded at once.

She rolled her eyes. “Y’all have to relax about that. It’s not like I’d stab you.”

Marcy examined the diamond on her left hand. As I’d suspected, she and Price had realized they were soul mates in short order. “So, should we have a double wedding?” she asked.

I laughed. “I’m not getting married, if you’ll remember.”

“Just a matter of time.” She grinned.

I shook my head. I had told Andrew on the beach that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married again. But with my past finally feeling like it might be in the past, I had to admit that it was a more tempting thought. “You are such a dork.”

“You know,” Diana said, “it might be real good for you to marry Andrew now. He’s young. He isn’t set in his ways.”

“Uh-oh,” Quinn said. “Is Frank a little set in his?”

Diana rolled her eyes. “Well, you know, he has to have everything a certain way.” She paused and smiled. “But he is still the love of my life.”

I felt a familiar sadness that I couldn’t name as I began to chop the apples, admiring the three bangles on my wrist. And then it hit me. “Wait. So when are you moving?” I asked.

“Moving?” Quinn asked. “I’m going to live in your guesthouse forever.”

“Obviously,” Diana said under her breath.

“Not you, Quinn. I’ve accepted that you’re going to be living with me until we’re ninety.” I paused. “P.S. You’re taking over Trey’s old position at ClickMarket.”

Quinn groaned, and I said, “It’s happening. Embrace it, sister.” Then I said, “Marcy, I meant you. Won’t you be moving to Raleigh with Price?”

She shook her head and opened the jar, dunking a spoon into the peanut butter. “Hell no. My parents are so excited I’m finally getting married that they gave us the house as a wedding gift.”

I raised my eyebrows. “No way! So we still get to be neighbors?”

“Of course!”

We both squealed, and I handed her an apple slice.

“Shouldn’t the pregnant woman get the food first?” Diana asked.

We each picked up an apple slice, touched them together as if we were toasting, and crunched.

“I knew all you needed was to find a man,” Marcy said. She paused. “But maybe I was wrong about that.”

“You were?”

“Yeah. I think you needed to find the man.”

“You think I found that?”

“Do you?”

I just smiled. Because with best friends, as with true loves, there are some questions that don’t need to be answered out loud.

It had been the scariest year of my life, no doubt about it. But I smiled anyway, looking at the three women who had defined these past few months for me. They had helped me in more ways than I could say. They had helped me move forward into my future. And I believed Marcy, Diana, and Quinn had moved forward into theirs too. We had given that to each other.

I thought back to two years ago, to a time when I thought my spreadsheets could keep me safe and my color-coded calendar could give me the life I had always wanted. I knew now that, when it came to happiness, there were certain things you simply could not plan.

And I realized that sometimes when you’re speeding through thin air, the brakes worn out and the engine shot, maybe it feels like you’re falling. But, in reality, that’s when you’re learning to fly.

diana: exactly where you started

If somebody’d told me that Frank’s mother would be the one zipping me into my dress that afternoon, I never would have believed it. But once she got on board, she got on board big. She was the one who’d bought me my wedding gown. My girls were kind of ill about that, but it was gorgeous. Plus I didn’t care one thing about the dress.

I realized pretty quick that night that I didn’t care about the rest of it either, not all the people and the tents and the flowers. I didn’t care that the food was the finest money could buy. I didn’t care if Frank carried me over the threshold of a single-wide and made love to me for the rest of my life on a pallet on the floor.

There will never be a moment that means as much to me as when he stood there, tears running down his face, and promised to love and cherish me for the rest of his life. I had waited for that day for what seemed like an eternity. And there it was. All those people, they may have been watching us, but up there, in that moment, it was like it was just the two of us.

Maybe my baby would be born, and I’d realize that that moment was even better, but it was going to be a close call. Because if it weren’t for this man and this love that we had shared for so very long, there wouldn’t be a baby in the first place. That baby would know every day that its momma and daddy loved each other to the ends of the earth.

I never got that, never saw it. I was okay with it that my own momma was sitting in a chair in the fourth row listening to me pour my heart out to the man of my dreams. But mostly because she got Phillip set up with her in a nice new apartment on the outskirts of town that Frank, man that he was, furnished. She was taking really good care of him. It was the one single thing she could have done to open a door between us, that could make me be a part of her life. Because I knew for damn sure I would be there every single day for my brother, so that he had everything he needed and, way more than that, that we were giving him every advantage so he could live the bright life he was capable of having. Because there was so much underneath the surface, so much more. I saw that already. That part of me was grateful that our momma came back, that she was spending every hour she wasn’t at work with Phillip, teaching him, bringing out the man we knew was inside.

Then it was my favorite part, where I slipped that plain gold band onto that beautiful finger and said, “With this ring, as a token of my love and affection, I thee wed.”

And I do. I do with all my heart.

He kissed me, and then he did the cutest thing a man had ever done at a wedding: he leaned down and kissed my belly. Everyone laughed and clapped, and I felt mascara running all down my face, and I didn’t care what Frank’s momma said. Because that was the happiest I’d ever been in my whole life. And, damn it, I deserved it.

We walked back down the aisle, and I realized that I didn’t even hardly notice the sun sparkling over the perfect water. Me and Frank, we could’ve got married inside one of them Pods Greg and Brooke had all over the yard while they were redoing that house next door.

They gave us a minute alone with each other before the photographer and the bridesmaids and everybody started running after us.

Frank wrapped me up in his arms and planted one on me like it might be the last. But really, I thought, it’s just the first.

“There has never been a more beautiful bride,” he said.

“Even though I’m all fat and pregnant?” I grinned at him. I was fishing for a compliment even though I’d never felt better.

“Diana Harrington, I am so in love with you that I can’t even see anybody else.”

I smiled. “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for all of this, for giving a poor girl this fancy day.”

He kissed me. “Hey, Diana, I got a secret to tell you.”

“What?”

“You aren’t a poor girl anymore.”

I guessed that was true, and I thought maybe it would feel weird, but it didn’t take me long to figure out that me and Frank, we were as good as the same person now. It was only money, and that way he looked at me, I knew he’d give me anything I could ever imagine for the rest of my life. Good thing for him that the only thing I wanted was him.

Mary Ellen, Gray’s party-planner friend who she’d hired as our wedding gift, came flitting in. “Okay, kids. People are gathered for your first dance.”

Frank grinned. “You know, I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

Mary Ellen looked from Frank to me and said, “Well, I’m assuming you don’t mean to consummate the marriage.” She chuckled nervously.

“No,” he said. “I’ve just got to know what this baby is.”

He grabbed my hand and took off toward the stage where the band was playing. The singer stopped abruptly and handed the groom the microphone. “Thanks, everybody, for being here,” Frank said. “I can tell you right now that this is the best day of my entire life. I have loved this woman for as long as I can remember, and it feels like today, right now, all my dreams are coming true.” Everybody whistled and hollered. “Now, I think it’s pretty clear that Diana and I don’t care a whole lot about the proper order of things.” He pointed at my belly, and everybody laughed. “We know we should be doing a dance or something right now, but we’ve waited too long to find out what this baby is, and we are as ready as can be. So what do you say we have us some cake?”

Everybody clapped, and there was this rush of bodies over to that beautiful, towering wedding cake that held a big secret we were dying to know.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” I asked.

“Are you?”

I nodded. “Definitely.”

Frank took the knife, held his hand over mine, and we cut right into that cake. As we slipped the slice out, I saw pink right away. “It’s a girl!” I shouted.

Everyone applauded, and Frank kissed me. “I hope she’s just like her momma,” he said.

We fed each other and kissed again. All these people were standing around us. And the band was playing and the wine was flowing and the laughter was nearly deafening. But I realized that, even amidst the hustle and bustle and craziness of a wedding, Frank looked at me like I was the only woman in the world.

As Frank and I ran out the door, birdseed flying, I waited until we were past everybody and then I threw my bouquet high in the air. Not so somebody’d catch it. Just to celebrate. It felt like a victory; we’d done it. The wedding was over. Life could begin. What I didn’t know was that Gray, she was running behind me to tell me good-bye. And she caught the darn thing. We both doubled over, our arms around each other, a big puddle of laughter. “I told you I’m not ready to get married,” she said between her gasps for breath. “Can’t you just let it go?” It was the perfect end to a perfect night.

We’d decided to take our honeymoon in a few weeks because tomorrow was one of the other biggest days of my life. The Barnacle was opening—just for family and friends. But it was happening. It was starting. Momma was going to bring Phillip down, and he and I had practiced how he’d fix the baskets and then I’d hand them out the window. I was going to have something that was all mine, and I was going to be with Phillip again every day, just like I’d always dreamed.

There was no fancy trip Frank and I could have taken that could ever be that good. So Frank drove us back to our house, to that same place where we had spent so much time together as kids. As we walked down to the beach, down to our sand dune, Frank said, “Diana, it took some time, but, damn, babe. We made it, didn’t we?”

He didn’t mean because he’d just bought me a new car or my diamond was pretty flashy or we had a nice house on the beach. He meant because we had this right-now moment with this beautiful baby girl in my belly and the two of us together and all this love. And we had this beach with its millions of grains of sand, and in the scheme of it, we were so small. So very, very small. Feeling small, that didn’t hurt me like it used to. Instead, it made me feel blessed.

I reached over and took his hand, the one that was outstretched to me, that had been outstretched to me for more time than I liked to think about if I would have just reached over and taken it. “We have, sweetie. We’ve made it.”

I’d had to be brave sometimes, and I’d had to be strong. My life, it hadn’t been easy, and that was the God’s honest truth. But right then, I realized that if I’d had it easy, I would never have known how good it could be. I would’ve taken all this for granted.

This same sand dune. This pink sunset. This gentle breeze. This loving man. We’re always trying to move forward and keep going and make progress toward the next thing. But sitting on this dune, I realized that maybe I’d been wrong about all that. If this life—this simple, beautiful life—had taught me anything, it’s this:

Sometimes we get right where we need to be by ending up exactly where we started.