Shane pulled Smart and Sassy to a stop in front of the McCabe homestead, the mood in the wagon on the trip home mighty grim. Jeremiah hadn’t much to say since leaving his grandparents yesterday and Dorie, well, she’d been deep in thought, glancing his way more times than not. Shane had all he could do to keep from staring into her pretty blue eyes, recalling the night they spent making love in all sorts of ways.
Dorie had been an eager lover, surprising him at every turn. She’d given him a night he’d never forget, his body still humming from their encounter.
But Shane hadn’t a good thing to say about himself. Guilt plagued him, weighing him down heavily for taking Dorie’s virginity. She’d wanted it so, but Shane should have resisted the temptation. He’d tried his damnedest and had succeeded for the past two weeks to put aside his yearnings for her. But last night, after Dorie made him realize they’d only have one chance together before both of their lives would change so drastically, Shane’s willpower had crumbled. He’d always been an honorable man, a man who knew to do the right thing, and last night had been wrong. Painfully wrong.
And the best night of his life.
“We’re here,” he said unnecessarily. Jeremiah had already jumped down from the wagon.
Shane did the same, coming around to Dorie’s side to help her down. He reached for her waist and lifted her. Once her feet hit the ground, he meant to release her, but he couldn’t quite manage it. He’d held her all through the night, becoming familiar with her body, and had a hard time reckoning the fact that this would be the very last time he might ever touch her. He held her tight and she wrapped her arms around his neck, setting her head on his shoulder.
“Jeremiah, grab Dorie’s things and bring them in the house,” he said. “I want to speak with your sister.”
“Sure, Shane.” Too wrapped up in his own thoughts, the boy hadn’t even noticed their embrace.
Once Jeremiah entered the house, Shane took hold of Dorie’s arms and lowered them down to hold her hands. “There’s nothing I can say to make this easier, honey. I’ll never forget last night, but I’m afraid everything has changed.”
Tears misted in her eyes and she nodded. “I know.”
“I think it best not to see each other anymore.”
Dorie bit down on her lower lip and stared into his eyes. When he thought she’d argue, instead she nodded in agreement. “If that’s what you want.”
“It’d be easier for us both that way,” he said firmly, trying to convince himself, as well as her.
Again, she nodded without qualm.
Shane released her hands and stepped away. He removed his hat and ran his hand through his hair several times. “Hell, it’s not what I want. But I have no choice. We both know that.”
“What do you want, Shane?” Dorie asked quietly, her voice a mere whisper.
You, he wanted to say. He wanted her. If he had a choice in the matter, he’d marry her and become a father to Jeremiah. And he knew he’d never live a moment of regret. That the crazy notion hadn’t shocked him down to his socks did surprise him. He’d been falling in love with Dorie these past two weeks, without even realizing it. After last night, he figured he’d never want any other woman but her. But Shane wasn’t getting what he wanted any more than Dorie was.
“I want this to be over,” he said regretfully.
“Then you’ll make Marilee your wife?” she asked, though both knew the answer. He’d never lied to Dorie about that. He had to marry Barkley’s daughter. He’d given her his word. Honor and blackmail tied his hands.
Shane nodded then a thought struck and he spoke aloud what he should have kept to himself. “Maybe old man Barkley won’t find her.”
Hope registered in her eyes. “I’ve been praying for that, Shane.”
Shane looked at Dorie and smiled sadly with regret. He shouldn’t have blurted out that notion. Barkley always got what he wanted. He’d find his daughter, if he hadn’t already. The look of hope on Dorie’s face right now was another crime he’d committed on her behalf. Shane couldn’t bear to hurt her any longer.
He stepped closer, took her into his arms and kissed her hard on the mouth. “I have to go.”
Dorie clung to him a moment, then let go. “Goodbye, Shane.”
“If you ever need me…”
Dorie smiled bravely and with a shake of her head, she said, “Jeremiah and I will be just fine.”
Shane climbed into the wagon, looking at Dorie one last time as wrenching pain seared through his heart.
Dorie wasn’t just fine. She was miserable. So miserable that she’d spent two sleepless nights, tossing and turning, trying to forget Shane and the incredible night they’d spent together. She’d been so sure she could make things right. She’d been certain she could help him find a way out of his dilemma. She’d been so sure the feelings they shared would be enough.
She’d been wrong.
On all accounts.
Her heart had broken into tiny pieces the other day watching Shane ride off her property. She’d been grateful to him. Jeremiah would remain with her because of his help. She should feel satisfied, but instead, she wanted more. She wanted Shane.
Dorie sat slumped in her kitchen chair, wearing her old baggy work clothes again, slowly mixing batter for her biscuits. She’d gone about her chores these past few days without any joy in her heart. All she knew now was a powerful ache that refused to go away. She kept thinking of what Mrs. Whitaker had said about true love.
“If you truly love someone then you put their needs above your own. I did that, Shane. I let you go.”
Dorie churned the batter again with languid movements. “But I never planned on it hurting so much.”
Dorie closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself thoughts of her time in Virginia City. She’d had a few days of pretending that Shane had been her husband. She’d always remember his soft touches, his sweet kisses on the cheek and the times he’d called her “sweetheart.” She’d remember their one night together, pressing those memories of making love with him into her memory for all eternity.
“You have to beat that dough harder if you want it to blend.”
Dorie looked up. Mrs. Whitaker stood beside her holding a basket in her arms. “Jeremiah let me in. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
Dorie straightened in her seat. “Oh, no. Not at all. I meant to visit you when I returned. But I just…”
Mrs. Whitaker waved off her explanation. “It’s all right.” She sat down and set the basket on the table. “I made you and Jeremiah supper for tonight. There’s chicken and potatoes and cornbread pudding.”
Dorie smiled. “Thank you. That’s very kind. And I did mean to come by to thank you for your help. I think our plan worked. I…I didn’t mess up…much. The Parkers left Virginia City without knowing the truth. And, well, as you can see, Jeremiah is still with me.”
“Yes, yes. That’s all wonderful news. So why do you look so sad, dear?”
Dorie shrugged, holding back tears. “No reason.”
“I see.”
“How is Mr. Whitaker?” Dorie asked to be polite.
“Fine. As ornery as ever. Some days I don’t know why I married that man.” Then she grinned. “Of course, I love him more than my next breath.”
Dorie glanced up to peer into Mrs. Whitaker’s eyes. They were soft, with the light of love shining through. Dorie didn’t think she’d ever have that look in her eyes. She loved Shane more than her next breath, too, but she wouldn’t have the happy ending Mrs. Whitaker had. “You’re lucky, Mrs. Whitaker.”
She appeared momentarily puzzled. “Why so?”
“You got to marry the ornery man you loved.”
“Ah, I see. You know, Shane stopped by yesterday. He looked about as unhappy as you.”
“He did?” she asked, unable not to inquire about him.
“Yes. He told me that the Parkers left Virginia City without worry about Jeremiah.”
Dorie nodded. “Did he say anything else?”
“Just that he was proud of the way you handled yourself with the Parkers. He said you were a woman to be admired.”
Tears she couldn’t hold back trickled down her cheek. She pursed her trembling lips and wiped them away.
“Dorie, what’s wrong? Did Shane do something to upset you?”
She shook her head adamantly. “He was…he was perfect. The perfect husband. Only now, I’m in love with him. For real.”
Mrs. Whitaker nodded her head in understanding. “I do see. Has he expressed his feelings for you?”
“No, but, oh it was wonderful being with him. And we…we…got closer than ever.”
Mrs. Whitaker sighed deeply. She remained silent a moment, her eyes softening with understanding. “He must care a great deal for you, Dorie.”
“He thinks it best that we don’t see each other anymore.”
“That might be wise,” she said carefully, “but not easy for either of you.”
“I keep recalling what you said about wanting what’s best for the one you love. I let Shane go so he wouldn’t lose his ranch to Mr. Barkley. But it just doesn’t feel like what’s best, Mrs. Whitaker. I miss him so much.”
“Dear girl, judging by the way Shane appeared yesterday, I’d say he misses you just as much. He seems to have no options in the matter. If he could change things, I’m sure he would.”
“Really?”
“Really.” She smiled giving Dorie a measure of hope. “It’s been my experience that things seem darkest just before the light. I’ll be praying for you, dear.” She patted her hand gently. “I know you’re a strong enough woman to endure whatever trials come your way. And I’ll be here, if ever you need me.”
Dorie cast her a small smile, though she wasn’t convinced she could endure losing Shane forever. “Thank you.”
Mrs. Whitaker rose and hugged Dorie’s shoulders, then bent to kiss her forehead. “Shane was right,” she said softly. “You are a woman to be admired.”
Dorie tossed and turned once again that night. Instead of lying in bed hoping to sleep for the third night in a row, she rose to do some late night mending in the parlor. She made sure to keep the lantern light low, so not to wake Jeremiah. Although usually her brother slept soundly, she’d sensed his own restlessness lately and didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Tonight, it seemed all was quiet.
She worked for several hours, until her eyes hurt and she’d exhausted her mind. She fell into bed well past midnight and when she awoke the next morning it was as if she hadn’t slept at all. She rose from the bed, dressed quickly, unmindful of the shabby clothes she’d donned, and ventured into the kitchen.
Dawning light broke, filtering early rays of sunshine through her window. Dorie squinted against the brightness and her grouchy mood worsened. She looked around her home with critical eyes, seeing all its shortcomings. Dorie had been too busy raising Jeremiah before to care about the appearance of her homestead, meager as it was.
Now, she did care.
She wanted better for Jeremiah. And for herself. And now that she had some ready cash from the sale of those gowns, she decided it was high time they worked on fixing up their home. She needed to keep busy, to distract herself and work so hard that she’d fall asleep the minute her head hit the pillow at night. Mostly, she had to try to forget about Shane.
When Jeremiah sat down at the kitchen table ten minutes later, she barked orders. “After breakfast, you’re going to fix the fences, Jeremiah. And after that, you’re going to fix the planks on the porch, nail them down but good and we’ll paint them. In fact, we’re going to paint the entire house. You and me.”
Jeremiah looked at her with baffled amazement. “We are?”
“Yes, it’s time we make this house a more respectable home.”
“It’s respectable enough for me.” He spooned up the oatmeal she’d set in front of him.
“Don’t sass me.”
Jeremiah thought better than to argue with her when she was in a mood, and she knew it. “While you’re outside fixing things, I’ll be out back ripping up weeds and tilling the soil. It’s time we had a real garden. We’ll grow corn and all sorts of other vegetables. And flowers. I always wanted a flower garden.”
“Okay,” Jeremiah said with no shred of enthusiasm.
Dorie had a plan to better their lives, but five hours later, with calluses on her hands and sweat beading on her forehead, she wondered if maybe her plan had been a bit too ambitious for the two of them. In truth, she wanted everything she’d never had and she wanted to accomplish it quickly. But the labor was difficult, not that she minded hard work. She’d worked hard the better part of her teen years, but it was tedious and exhausting and she still had all of her other chores to do.
Dorie wiped sweat from her forehead and headed into the house for a drink. She poured water into a glass and gulped down half of it immediately, the cool liquid helping to refresh her parched throat. She listened for any sound of Jeremiah working and when she was met with silence, she ventured to the front door, deciding to check on him.
She popped her head out and lifted the glass of water to her lips when she spotted her brother. Shock, dismay and dread jolted her system with terrifying force. The glass slipped from her fingers, crashing to the parlor floor. Dorie closed her eyes, wishing away the sight before her, but when she opened them again, her fears were confirmed.
Jeremiah stood in the shade of the oak tree by the barn with two other people.
Oliver and Helene Parker.