I’m on top of Laura Helanto and trying to make sure my actions are as efficient as possible. She is breathing heavily, we are in my apartment, in my bed. I try to focus as much as I can on what is happening right now because this is undoubtedly a unique moment. We started the evening by shaping a work of art together, then we drove to my place, ate dinner together, then took off our clothes in very quick succession before getting down to the business of finding the kind of positions and movements to produce optimal amounts of sensory pleasure. However, I don’t think I’m really in the moment, which I understand is an expression meaning the state of mind whereby one is doing one thing but thinking about three others all at once.
Laura Helanto is making the kind of noises that I think must be a good sign both in the short and long term. We are both covered in sweat, our skin is slippery, sticky to the touch, the air in the room seems to have turned thick and damp, the smell is a mixture of something sour, salty and sweet, something I’ve never smelt anywhere else. I know that at any other moment, on any other night, I would experience all this in a different way. In fact, I hazard to suggest that I would be swept away by the course of events with nothing left to hold me back.
But right now, all I can think of is Otto Härkä’s moustache.
In fact, Otto Härkä’s moustache isn’t the only thing I can think of; I’m thinking about Otto Härkä himself, and thereby also Toy of Finland, and thereby also Juhani and Kuisma Lohi, then Juhani again, and that brings me back to Laura Helanto – whose voice is now high and piercing yet still indistinct as she repeats a number of strictly vernacular nouns and verbs. I’m being careful to increase the rate and pace of events evenly and try to heighten the effect with variations in depth and length while keeping their respective frequency as regular as clockwork. I think it’s important to keep my actions cumulative and their effect on an upward trajectory, just like the value of good shares and investments over a long period: there can be small dips along the way, even a crash here and there, but when we look at the progression over a ten-year period, the curve leads inexorably upwards. A few minutes later, I begin to sense we are soon approaching the peak and a very generous pay-out. Laura Helanto shouts and grips my arms.
Fifteen seconds later, I conclude that there are certain matters I simply must bring up with her. I roll onto my back, see the sharp boundary between light and shadow dancing across the ceiling and prepare myself for my first question, when I hear Laura’s voice.
‘Have you ever thought about what it might be like if you moved in with us? You and Schopenhauer?’
I turn my head. The light is coming into the room from the kitchen on the other side of the apartment, and the streetlamps filter through the curtains in a variety of colours. Laura Helanto’s face is so close that everything looks distinctly enlarged. Most noticeable of all are her eyes. They are staring at me while at the same time looking somewhere deeper, somewhere further away, and suddenly I’m not thinking about Otto Härkä’s moustache anymore or anything else I was thinking about only a moment ago. What Laura has just said takes me completely by surprise. She is smiling at me in a way that’s hard to interpret, then I notice I am smiling too.
‘Based on what I know and feel right now,’ I begin, ‘I’d say I feel very positive about the idea. Drawing up a suitable timetable and making a public announcement about it is another matter. But I’m prepared to give a rough estimate right now, if we agree that doing so might be mutually beneficial.’
‘That must be the most romantic thing anyone has ever heard in these circumstances.’
‘I’d say it’s virtually impossible to assess that in any objective—’
‘Henri,’ says Laura Helanto and brings her face closer to mine. ‘Sometimes, a simple yes or no will do.’
‘As a general rule I—’
‘Yes or no?’
I realise something crucial. Laura Helanto has skipped a stage in the process, she has put analysis and the overall assessment of the situation to one side. She’s no longer asking about these things on a theoretical basis. Now she means business, real decisions, real actions.
At the same time, I feel as though every part of my life has intensified of its own accord, as though time itself were constantly becoming thicker and denser, as though a giant remote control were speeding everything up. There are places in the universe where this happens. At the edge of a black hole, even time itself changes form.
Naturally, I don’t imagine I’m literally about to be sucked into a black hole. Laura’s apartment isn’t that far away.
But in general I can safely say that my life is undergoing a powerful condensing and acceleration, a process it’s about as easy to control as the universe itself, black holes and everything. Every day is like the adventure park: ups, down, rollercoaster rides, collisions, sweat, surprises … so many surprises. So maybe Laura Helanto is right. Maybe I can simply say…
‘Yes.’
Laura’s hand touches my cheek.
‘It feels so good,’ she says, ‘to know that I can trust you.’